


Saving Souls

by Robronfan79



Series: Souls [1]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Healing, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Past Sexual Abuse, Suicidal Thoughts, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-09
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2018-06-01 03:22:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 51
Words: 121,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6498853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Robronfan79/pseuds/Robronfan79
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU - Robert returns in 2016, it has been a year sinse Aaron's dad was sent down for abusing him, but can both come to terms with their pasts and move on with their lives.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Returning Home

**Author's Note:**

> Had this idea when I was writing the here series, but thought it to dark for that so let me know what you think. Hope you all enjoy

Chapter 1 – Returning Home

 

The street lights where the only things to guide him down the street, recognising the familiar building as he pasted them, until he reached his destination. Looking up to the place he remembered so will, he thought about twelve years he had been away, how he left his home, his life afterwards, it sent a shiver down his spine when he went back there. He was a different person now, not the nasty piece of work he was then, all he hoped for was that they welcomed him back with open arms, two of them might, the other one probably not, but he would cross that bridge when he got to it. His car had broken down four miles away, so he had walked the rest, limped really, sitting down on the bench he circled his aching feet, it was five in the morning, the sun would be rising soon. Deciding to wait till people were up, he sat exhausted, his head in his hands, he had to figure out his next move, see those he wanted to see if they were still here that is, or wait for the garage to open and leave once his car was fixed, he could feel his eyes growing heavy. Curling up on the bench, they closed, pulling his coat over him to keep warm, the cold breeze hitting him making colder than he already was.

A shove on his shoulder awoke him, blinking he saw a pair of deep blue eyes staring at him, he couldn't tell if they were concerned or angry, 'you can't sleep here mate' the figure said, 'here have this and be on your way' he said handing him a hot cup to tea and a sandwich. He thanked the stranger, who huffed sitting next to him when he sat up, the tea was a welcomed warmth to his body, sipping it to make it last, 'we don't get many homeless around here' the man said to him, 'I'm not' he said 'I was coming here to see someone, just got here to early and fell asleep.' he told him. The man looked thoughtful ' who, I might know them' he said, he looked at the stranger, his eyes had become gentler now, ' they probably don't live here any more anyway,' he said in a low tone. The stranger took pity on him telling him to come and warm up, this not being something he would usually do, but there was something about the sleeping man when he saw him that told him that they were kindred souls somehow. They walked up to the door, the stranger letting him enter first, looking round he saw a picture hanging on the wall, a face he had not seen in a long time, in fact the last time he had it had been in anger, closing his eyes to try and stop the tears from forming in them. 'It's alright no one’s awake yet' the stranger said ' Aaron by the way' he said holding his hand out, 'Robert' he said shaking his hand giving him a small smile 'so why are you up at half six in the morning' he asked Aaron. He shrugged his shoulders 'couldn't sleep is all, thought about going for a run till I saw you' he said pointing the way to the back room telling Robert to have a seat before grabbing a blanket from upstairs placing it round his shoulders, Robert hugged the blanket saying, 'my car broke down about four miles out, don't suppose you know a good mechanic do you?' he asked, Aaron laughed saying he would drive him out later and have a look at it.

Robert must have fallen asleep again, he had been travelling since yesterday morning to get here, Aaron woke him up saying he could have a kip in his room if he wanted to, a bed Robert thought, a soft comfy bed it sounded like heaven. Aaron showed him the way up telling him to be quiet as not to wake the others up, the room was small, dark, but he didn't care about that he just wanted to sleep, climbed under the quilt fully clothed, Aaron saying help yourself to some fresh clothes when you wake up, he said thank you closing his eyes. Diane found Aaron asleep on the sofa when she got up at eight, he jumped when she called his name, 'Diane, what time is it?' Aaron asked rubbing his eyes, 'eight' she said, 'do you not have a bed to sleep in'. It was then he remembered that Robert was in his bed, don't get him wrong, he would have loved to share his bed with him, but not under these circumstances. 'Found some random asleep on the bench outside' he said yawning, 'turns out he broke down outside the village, let him sleep in my bed, going to take him back in a bit and take a look.' Diane gave him a warm smile, 'you've got a heart of gold, you know that' she told him picking up the cup, indicating did he want a brew, he nodded yawning again. 

Around ten o'clock Aaron opened his bed room door, Robert sleeping soundly in his bed, sitting on the edge of the bed he gave the sleeping man a nudge in the shoulder, Robert panicked seeing who it was, he had forgot where he was for a second. 'Grab a shower if you want,' Robert nodded still waking up, ' I'll get some clothes out for you, here's a towel, bathrooms across the hall.'. Robert stood slowly, his leg stiff, it did that when the cold got to it, limping his way to the door Aaron asked what he had done to his leg, he just answered it does that some times. Pulling off his dirty clothes he thought on, opening the bathroom door ajar he called to Aaron asking if he would pass him the clean clothes, he would get changed in here, Aaron didn't think much of it passing them over to him, had he glanced something on his arm when he did, he couldn't be sure. The hot water felt good, being clean felt good, he allowed it to drain over his face, grabbing the shower gel rubbing it into his body, washing off before stepping out switching it off. Once dry and dressed, he draped the towel over his right arm and went back to the small bedroom, Aaron sat on the bed with his feet up, pointing to a fresh brew on the side, 'thanks' Robert said trying to find his coat to put on, when the towel fell to the floor he moved his arm over his stomach to hide the long jagged scar, 'how did you get the scar?, you don't have to tell me, sorry wasn't thinking' Aaron said knowing how he felt about his own, the way he hid it should have told him not to ask. 'Car accident, years ago' Robert said not looking at him, 'is that what happened to your leg then', yeah Robert says. 'Ok' Aaron said nodding not convinced it was a whole truth, ' it's my day off so I'll run you out to your car and take a look at it', Robert drank the tea and quietly went out the back door seeing Aaron putting some tools in his car, climbing in the passenger seat he directed Aaron to his beat up old polo. Aaron could see probably all of Robert's worldly good in the back seat, was he going somewhere or running away from something Aaron thought, he didn't ask as Robert looked a little embarrassed by it. Half an hour later Aaron had got the polo working, saying it just needs some TLC, he looked at Robert thinking, 'why don't you come back with me, I'll get us a bite to eat and we'll see if we can find this friend of yours'. Robert pulled in behind Aaron, who said they'd get some food in the pub, Robert was apprehensive entering the pub, now people where actually in there.

Aaron walked straight to the bar, Diane was busy at the till, she asked what he would like, he said a pint and whatever Robert wanted. Diane's head shot up when she heard the voice order a pint, turning slowly, she shouted Victoria from the kitchen, who came running through as if there was a fire. 'Robert?' Diane asked, Robert smiled, 'hello Diane, Vic', Victoria started crying running round the bar to Robert, closely followed by Diane, both hugging him tight, Aaron looked on confused. 'Your home' Victoria said, 'I can't believe it', Robert was crying now too, 'I've missed you so much, both of you', Diane pulled back looking him over, he seemed skinny and tired, she turned to Aaron, 'is this who you found this morning?' she asked, Aaron said yes, 'oh, Aaron this is Robert', 'yeah got that already' Aaron said. 'No' Victoria said to him through her tears, ' this is my brother Robert'. Diane took hold of Robert's arm taking him through to the back room, Aaron followed only to go up to his room, coming back down he passed Robert a clean jumper giving him a nod, remembering the way reacted to the scar on his arm, blocked the view from the two woman so he could take his coat off and put it on, Aaron know all too well how it felt not wanting people to see your scars. 'Are you staying Robert?' Diane asked, 'if you'll have me, I'm in between places at the moment' he said looking at the floor, 'then you'll stay right here then' she looked at Aaron, 'you don't mind do you, Aaron?', Aaron said no giving him a smile, adding that his mum might not like it. 'Who's your mum?' Robert asked, ' Chas Dingle, she's on holiday with her boyfriend at the moment so you'll be safe for now, Diane, I'll make up the spare room' Aaron said leaving the room.

 

Aaron sat at the bar later that evening, turning to see Andy and Katie walk in laughing, they gave him a nod hello and ordered their drinks from Alicia, ' why you working tonight?' Katie asked Alicia, ' oh, you know, family reunion back their' she said pointing to the back. They looked at Aaron confused, 'well you live here, what's this about?' Andy asked him, taking a sip of his pint he point to where Alicia did,' your brothers in there, Robert, turned up this morning,' Aaron told them. Andy's face dropped turning to hatred, storming round the bar to the back to see Robert sat talking to Diane and his sister, Robert looked almost scared to see him, given their past, Andy never wanted to see him again, but his face changed when he did, he looked almost broken, weak. 'Robert' Andy said, 'Andy, how are you' he asked, 'I should be asking you that' Andy replied, Robert laughed, ' been better' he answered, Katie had the same look on her face when she saw him, Robert hated being pitied at the best of times, but it had been a couple of rough months and he probably did look bad, 'you staying?' Katie asked not sure if she felt hate or pity for him, Robert closed his eyes saying,' only if it's Ok with the two of you, if not then I'll leave', Andy and Katie looked at each other, Katie gave Andy a disapproving look, only for Andy to hold out his arms saying welcome home brother. Aaron tapped Katie on the shoulder making her jump, asking to get by he saw Robert and Andy hugging, Katie didn't look happy at all, he looked over to Vic telling Adam had just text saying he will be over in a bit for a pint and did they she want to join them, she gave him a look, 'just passing on the message Vic, no need for that' Aaron thought on, 'why don't you join us Robert?' . He thought at least it would get you away from Katie and her death stares, he gave Robert a reassuring smile to say it'll be Ok, so Robert said yes, he had only known Aaron for a few hours but the way he never asked to many questions and had gotten him a jumper earlier, even covering him from Vic and Diane had been kind, it was like he knew how he felt almost.

 

Vic bought over the plate stacked with food placing it on the table Adam said thanks babe, smacking his hand away she told him it wasn't for him, he looked to Aaron entering the bar followed by a tall blonde one, ' oh I see, my wife can feed you and your boyfriend but not me', Aaron shook his head as he picked the pints up that Diane had just poured them before sitting down, gesturing for Robert to sit next to him. 'Here you go' Vic said to Robert, 'how hungry do you think I am?' Robert asked her, not wanting to admit he was starving, Robert started eating and couldn't stop, the food tasted so good, he hadn't had a decent meal in a few days. 'So you going to introduce me then' Adam said to Aaron, Vic having to go back to the kitchen, 'Adam this is Robert, Vic's brother.', Adam stared at Robert for a second before saying hi, getting a wave back in return. Adam broke from his thoughts asking Aaron when his mum was back, he told him next week, 'so she won't be here on Monday, I can go with you if you want.', Aaron gave him a look saying 'what's the point in going, it not going to change anything' taking a sip of his drink he continued, 'plus I don't see why everyone is so bothered about it, I'm not.', Robert looked on confused, both men ignoring him, 'it doesn't matter, what do you mean, even after everything there must be a part of you tha....', Aaron cut him off, 'no there isn't, got it', seeing Aaron's response Adam let the subject drop. Turning the conversation to Robert, asking him what he's been up to since he left, Aaron could feel the nervousness growing in Robert so he asked how the food was, Robert calmed saying it was delicious and he must thank Vic for it.


	2. Suspicions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aarons having a bad day and Katie over hears a conversation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorter chapter this time, hope you enjoy

Chapter 2 – Suspicions 

 

The past few days Robert seemed to go unnoticed, Diane, Vic and Andy checking to see if he was Ok, and Katie acting suspiciously nice, Robert feeling uncomfortable in her presence the most. Sleep had not come to Robert on the Sunday night, he lay in bed listening to the sounds around him, Doug snoring, footsteps on the hall way, the toilet flushing then footsteps back to their room, but now he thought he heard crying and muffled calls. They had died down after a while so he pulled on his joggers and tip toed down stairs to get a drink, slipping his t-shirt over his head as he did, jumping out of his skin when he entered the back room to see Aaron in the kitchen, he hadn’t expected anyone to be in here, trying to hide the scar on his arm until he saw one on Aaron's arm, he thought about asking but went against it, ‘sorry’ Aaron said, eyes red and puffy looking down trying to hide them ‘ did I wake you?’ he asked quietly. Robert shook he head, nearing him he filled the kettle and switched it on, asking Aaron if he would like a brew who nodded in response, he placed the tea in front of Aaron saying he didn’t know if he took sugar but he looked like he needed it so had put some in, the pair sat in silence for a while before Aaron spoke. ’Look, I’m sorry for you know, …. waking you up’ he said staring into his cup, ‘I wasn’t asleep anyway, erm…..was that you I heard earlier……. you know….’ Robert wanted to say crying but felt unsure to say it, ‘bad dream’. Aaron nodded not wanting to talk about it he stood and left to go back to his room. The smell of coffee woke Robert, he must have fallen asleep on the sofa, Diane holding it to his face sent a wave of panic through him, shrinking his body into the material, recoiling when he saw her properly asking the time, he had slept for twenty minutes, must be a record of late. He winced as he sat up, shooting pains in his right leg when he moved it, which didn’t go unnoticed by Diane, ‘it’s just a bit stiff he told her before she could ask, drinking down the coffee before making his way upstairs, bracing as he took them a step at a time, it was getting worse by the day.

 

The water from the shower had relaxed his leg, feeling better he dressed and started down the stairs, hearing various voices in the back room he entered to see Aaron sat at the table, head in his hands, everyone fussing around him, Vic with a cup of tea, Diane had made him a full English which he played with, moving the food around the plate, Paddy saying he will go with him. Aaron stood quickly coursing them all to stop in their tracks, he looked at them all before walking off, Paddy asked where he was going, to work was all he said pushing past Robert and out the back door, Robert dared to ask what that was all about, only to get silence from the three of them until Diane said today was going to be a hard day for him is all. ‘Someone has to go, why did Chas have to go away now when he needs her?’, Diane couldn’t find an answer for him, giving him a look instead, Vic said she was off to work, giving Robert a sad smile as she left, he watches Diane and Paddy continue talking. Paddy saying, he will go and tell her later what happens after, she nodded, both leaving him more confused as they left through separate door.

 

Pulling his phone out his pocket, Robert scrolled down the contacts tapping on one and waited for an answer, ‘hi, it’s Robert Sugden’, he said down the phone listening to the voice on the other end. Katie heard him talking through the door and decided to listen in, she had never trusted Robert and was sure he was up to something, ‘I know……I know……. I’m sorry’ she heard, sorry for what, ‘yes, I just, I don’t…..’ he almost sounded scared she thought, ‘yes, and I need……’, what exactly need he need, a number of things running through her thoughts. There was a long pause, he breathing becoming heavy, ‘a couple of weeks, it’s just…….. arghhh’ she watched through the crack in the door, he was lowering himself onto a chair in pain, ‘it’s killing me, please I need them’, he was pleading now, this was getting better and better, he is defiantly up to something, ’I……’ he looked like he couldn’t find the words, rubbing his face, ‘been better’ taking a shallow breath as he said it. She saw him sit up straight, obviously hearing something he didn’t want to hear, ‘I’m fine, I’m fine, I’ve been doing a lot better………I just need the pills’, pills Katie thought, Robert’s doing drugs, ‘look I haven’t got a lot of money, I’ll try….’ She watched him get annoyed with the other person, ‘fine, fine…. but the pills first’. Katie pushed the door open more, letting him know she was there, he quickly ended the call saying he would do it today then hanging up, he looked at Katie wondering how much she had heard, ‘I was just looking for Diane, Vic said she was through here’ she said trying to sound as normal as possible, Robert told her she was upstairs, slumping in the chair as she left, Katie smiled slyly to herself as she did.

 

Robert counted out the money before him, shaking his head it wasn’t enough, maybe he could ask Diane, there was no chance of him driving today, thinking back to the phone call it had to be done today, he was brought out of his thoughts by the loud bang of a door. Looking up he saw Aaron storming in in a foul mood, swearing to himself as he reached the kitchen, Robert asked what was wrong quietly, almost afraid of the response he would get, ‘let’s see, shall we, firstly this lot fussing over me this morning, and then…… and then, Adam telling me I’m not needed at work, it’s my business as well, just because……’, Aaron sank into the sofa wearily, taking a deep breath then saying sorry to Robert for his outburst, who looked shocked the whole way through. ‘It’s fine, I was just on me into town so I’ll see you later.’ Robert said limping to pick up his car keys, deciding he would have to drive there, Aaron became concerned, ‘you can’t drive with that leg, I’ll drive you if you want, could do with getting out of here anyway’. The only things said between them was Robert giving him directions telling him to pull over here and he would go the rest of the way alone, Aaron passed him his mobile number saying call me when your done and I will pick you up. About an hour later Robert called Aaron, who said he was having a drink if he wanted to join him, hailing a taxi he told him the name, Aaron would pick somewhere with stairs, Robert slowly got down them peeking through the window to try to see where Aaron was sitting, the bar was busy for a Monday afternoon, it was a mixed crowd, mostly men inside. Opening the door, he edged round a corner, seeing Aaron nursing a beer he went over to him and sat down, a bottle slid his way and he nodded thanks, ’get everything sorted?’ Aaron asked, ‘got to go back in a bit, but yeah’. Robert was starting to feel panicked as the bar became busier, he didn’t like feeling crowded, especially in this bars, some of the men looking at him in a way he didn’t like, excusing himself to go to the toilet, Aaron watched as Robert came back towards him, he looked afraid as one man said something to him, quickening his pace as much as he could to get back to his seat. ‘I’m going to get the bus back after I’ve done what I need to do’ Robert said to Aaron, who gave him a puzzling look. ‘Is it the bar itself or the people who drink in it that’s the problem’ Aaron said angrily, surprising Robert with his words, a hand on his shoulder made him jump, the tall long hared gent bent and whispered in Robert’s ear, ‘no I don’t’ Robert spat at him watching the gent scurry off. ‘So you’re a homophobic prick, should have seen that one coming’ Aaron said as he stood up to walk out, telling Robert to make his own way back like he said he would, ‘no, Aaron’ Robert grabbed his arm, ‘I’m not, I just…. ‘Aaron shook his arm away saying yeah right and walked out. Robert tried to follow, his leg slowing him down, half way up the stairs he felt a hand on his back, causing him to freeze up. ‘long time, no see’ the voice said, Robert turned to see who was speaking to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know what you think


	3. Break Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Diane talk, only for a black dog to come

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who don't know what black dog is -  
>  Black Dog  
> n. (possibly of Irish origin): A bad mood, characterized by anger, depression, or a mixture of the two. Emotional malaise. An antisocial mood. Sometimes synonymous with a 'purple rain.'black dog'

Chapter 3 – Break Down

 

Katie made her way to the pub, in the distance she saw a Audi pull up outside, Robert getting out the passenger side, a brown haired man exiting the drivers side with a bag in his hand, they hugged, she couldn't tell if it was in friendship or anything else. The man passed Robert the bag saying don't forget this, saying thanks for the bag Robert told him he was a life saver, there was a pause between them until the stranger gave him a card saying 'it's been to long, when your ready ring me' Robert gave him a weary smile saying he will. Katie walked straight past them side glancing in their direction as she did, Robert noticing this quickly said goodbye and headed for the back of the pub. Entering he turned the tap, running the water into a glass, he was about to take the pills out of his bag when Andy came in, closing the bag he smiled a convincing smile at his brother, 'hi, Rob how's your day been?' Andy asked, 'Ok' Robert answered with a nod, 'have you seen Aaron about?' he wanted to apologise to him for early, clear the air in a way. 'Yeah, he's in the bar, don't think he's in the best mood though' Andy told him, 'Paddy tried to speak to him a moment ago and got an ear full, will with what's been going on today and everything', Robert wanted to know now what the significance of today now, what had wound him up so much, so he asked his brother, just as he was about to answer Katie came storming through. Telling her husband to come back to their drinks, giving Robert a dirty look, Andy asked if he wanted to join them, he would have said yes but the look he got from Katie told him not to, they both left leaving him alone to take the pills before taking them to his room and returning to the bar. He stood next to Aaron who was sat at the bar, more than a little tipsy, ordering himself a lemonade, Aaron gave him a strange look slurring out 'what's wrong with a pint, prick', Diane having over heard this came over asking if everything was alright, Robert said it was leaving to an empty table at the back. He sat there for a few minutes, he could feel Katie giving him evils, Aaron looked like he was about to hit him, quickly he stood taking his drink through to the back, it had become hard to breath in the bar, the feeling of being watched surrounding him, he felt like crying, all he wanted was a fresh start, forget the past and move on with his life. Diane followed him asking what's wrong, his tears escaped him, telling her that he would find some where else to live, away from the village, that all he wanted was to reconnect with his family but could see that that wasn't going to happen and he might as well be alone. Diane pulled him into her, wrapping her arms around him, 'Katie hates me, Aaron thinks am homophobic and I'm not, I........ I will miss you, Andy, and Vic but I can't stay, I just.....' he said through his sobs, Diane pulled out looking straight at him, 'you have every right to be here, Katie will get over it, and as for Aaron, give him time to get to know you, I............. I want to ask you something, is that alright?' she asked concerned, he nodded wiping his eyes, 'what happened to you while you where away, I know something did'. Robert broke down again into her arms saying too much.

 

Three days later, Robert hadn't come out of his room yet, Diane starting to really worry called, Vic, Andy and Katie over to discuss the problem, the four sat round the table listening to Diane tell them that she doesn't know why he is like this but they all had to be there for him and she didn't want him up and leaving in the state he is in. Katie said he should leave, why would you want someone like that living with you, Aaron walked in hearing her words asking what's happening, Andy told him it was family business, when he went to go Diane told him to stay, telling him Robert told her what he thought of him, and that he really isn't like that, that they should talk to each other and iron out their differences. Aaron asked when the last time anyone had seen him, when Vic said three days, he ran quickly up the stairs, Diane not realising he had seen them the other day when they had been talking, banging on the door calling Robert's name. Their had been something from the first time that they had met that screamed to him that something was wrong with him, but he hadn't been able to put his finger on it, they both hadn't been themselves the other day in bar west, he had been thinking about his own problems and not thought Robert may have his own too. With no answer from him hammering on the door again, he slammed his shoulder onto it forcing it open, Robert lay curled up in the covers, Aaron ran to his side, spotting the tablet bottles on the side table reading what they where he shook Robert asking if he had taken any of them, Robert looked at him with dead eyes shaking his head. Andy, Vic and Diane stumbled up after hearing the door break, Aaron saw the scared panic on Robert's face as he saw them, hiding the pills under the bed telling him it was alright, pulling him up he said he needed to get under the shower to wake himself up a bit, Robert resisted at first, but knew he had to do something to get out of this black dog. Allowing Aaron to help him stand, his family gasped seeing for the first time the lengthy scar down the back of his right thigh, Aaron looked to their stare, trying to cover it as the walked to the bathroom, closing the door behind them, Aaron sat him on the toilet seat and switched the shower on to heat up. 'I'll be fine on my own' Robert said 'but Aaron, thank you', Aaron said he wasn't going any where yet asking about the pills, telling him he knew what they where for and why he hasn't told them, 'how do you start to say that.....' he thought for a second, trying to catch a breath,'they'll think I'm weak'. 'No, no they won't, Andy's been through it, he'll understand..........., maybe we should get you to a hospital, get you checked properly.......', 'No' Robert shouted, lowering his voice to a whisper, 'no hospitals, not again, please' he was crying now a pleading in his voice, 'this isn't as bad as last time, I swear......I call my counsellor, get an appointment, just no hospitals, please' he said, his head in his hands swaying back and forth. Aaron crouched down in front of him promising no hospitals, Robert calmed some, only reacting when Aaron went to remove his t-shirt, jumping, pushing Aaron away from him, telling him that he had said that he would be fine on his own. Telling Robert that he had twenty minutes, and that he would be right outside the door, after that he was coming back in, Robert nodding asking if he could bring him some clean clothes before hand. Shutting the door behind him, Aaron told the worried looking others to go back down that will be down in a bit, going in he picked out some clothes, read the instructions on the pills taking out the correct amount out, gave them to Robert saying take them and that he would only be outside.

 

In the back room, Diane, Vic and Andy where shocked when Katie told them she had over heard Robert on the phone about pills and that she thought he was doing drugs, Andy said it was a load of nonsense, that he wouldn't do that. Then she told them about the man with the Audi, and he must be his dealer or something, Aaron and a very nervous Robert entered at this point, the other four suddenly became quiet, staring at the pair. Aaron placed the slightest touch on Robert's back, making him flinch so he removed it, instead telling him that it was going to be alright and that he had nothing to worry about, he may have only touched him for a second, but the skin beneath felt rough to the touch, what else wasn't Robert saying, no he thought to himself, if he wanted to tell them everything he would in his own time. 'I'm sorry' Robert said to his family, 'I......need to tell you.....'. He was cut off by a cheerful Chas coming through from the bar, going on about how great her holiday was, only to be quickly ushered out by Aaron, saying sorry as he did. 'How did you get the scar Rob?' Vic finally asked after a few moments, Robert looked down closing his eyes,'a car accident' he said, still not looking at them, 'what, when?' Diane said shocked, taking a deep breath he said it had happened five years ago, that's all he said on the subject. Katie put her two pence in stating that that was probably when he started on the drugs, Robert looked up at them now shocked by what he had heard, shouting that he would never take illegal drugs, she said she had over heard him the other day on the phone to his dealer, he snapped at her that he had been talking to his old doctor about getting some pain killers, that his leg had muscle and nerve damage form the accident. Andy turned to his wife saying she should get her facts straight before accusing people and that he wouldn't be home tonight, storming out Katie said that he was lying about something and she was going to find out what.

 

'I'm sorry I wasn't here on Monday love, I told you I could have changed it', Chas said to Aaron as they sat by the bar, Doug pouring them their drinks, 'mum, wants the point, it's not like it'll change anything anyway, it's happened' he said taking a sip of his pint, 'yes I was annoyed at everybody going on about it, I really have to say sorry to Paddy for biting his head off, I just.......'.  
'Don't believe a word that lying piece of shit says' Katie said to Aaron angrily as she huffed into the bar, Aaron looked at her confused, 'who?' Chas asked, 'Robert, that's who' Katie told her, Chas looked bewildered before saying, 'Robert's back', Aaron nodded his head, 'should have known he'd cause trouble as soon as he came back' she said to Aaron and Katie in an annoyed way. 'How long has it been, he's changed from what I've heard from his past,' he said to them, 'why can't you give him the benefit of the doubt.', Chas scoffed saying leopards never change their spots, 'I can't believe you mum, look at how I was, I've changed' he told her. 'But love, everything you went through with.....' she went to say your dad but remembered it was still a sore subject, 'you had your reasons, is what I mean, Robert's Robert, never trusted him and never will' she said nodding her head, straw in her mouth taking some of her drink, 'exactly' Katie said backing up Chas, 'your unbelievable, both of you' Aaron said leaving the two women alone walking round the bar to get away from them, he couldn't believe how closed minded they were being. From seeing the pills he was on, Aaron knew there was more to it, people had secrets, he should know he'd kept his for fifteen years before Gordon had come back, the thought of him still scared him even though he would never admit it to anyone now, he acted like he was fine, but inside the hurt was still there. So Robert's past was his past, if he wasn't ready to speak out then so be it, maybe one day he would, he could hear Andy talking as he entered saying how could Katie say those things asking Vic if he could stay at hers tonight. Apologising for the intrusion saying he was just passing through, seeing Robert sitting silently as the others spoke to him, asking detailed questions about the accident, from the look on Robert's face they where making him uncomfortable, so Aaron asked if anyone would like a brew to try and change the subject. Diane said yes, Vic looked like she was about to cry and Andy still angry at his wife, 'Robert' he asked picking up the cup, 'Robert' he said a little louder breaking his trail of thought, he shook his head, standing up saying he was going to the bathroom, leaving them all sitting quietly before they spoke after he left the room. 'What did she say, mum not to happy with him being here either' Aaron said looking at them, 'I tried to reason with her but, well it's my mum isn't it', it was Vic who went first, 'she accused him of being a druggie, over heard him on the phone', 'put two and two together and got five' Andy finished, Aaron handed Diane her drink saying, 'well I may have got the wrong end of the stick with him, think I'll have to say sorry for that later, I'll leave you all in peace'. Taking his tea to his room with him he saw the bathroom empty, he knocked on Robert bedroom door, opening it slightly seeing him sat on the edge of the bed staring into space, 'Robert' he said quietly sitting next to him, 'we all have scars......', Robert turned to him, 'is this where you tell me that not all of them are skin deep, well I've heard it all before, so don't' he told him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading


	4. Lost Souls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Robert need to talk, but will it be to eachother

Chapter 4 - Lost Souls

 

Aaron tossed and turned, sleep still not making an appearance for him, his thoughts were all over the place, from the way Robert reacted when he mentioned the hospital, he knew about being reluctant to talk to people, now watching someone else in the same situation tore at him, the accident he had been in must have been bad, he had thought about telling Robert about Jackson, maybe it may help him open up. Turning he saw the brown envelope on the bedside, Paddy had given it to him when he had said sorry to him for his outburst the other day, he hadn't deserved it, not one little bit, all Paddy said was that he understood and not to worry about it, the envelope contained the details, Aaron didn't know if he wanted to know, but Paddy said just in case he did, so he took them. Now it pulled at him to open it, read the words inside, he didn't know how they would make him feel, he was nervous, if they made him sad, why would he be and the other alternative was the sick thought that they would make him happy, he wasn't that person. Checking his phone for the time, half three in the morning, might as well get a drink he thought to himself, taking the paperwork with him, walking along to the stairs as quietly as he could, hearing the sound of heavy panicked breathing, turning to it's direction he tap on the door, Robert saying he was fine through the wood. Aaron whispered he was heading down for a drink if he wanted one, not getting an answer he started down, he sat at the table, envelope in front of him, drink forgotten about, staring at it, going to and fro on wither to see the con-tense inside, he'd pick it up only to put it down again so many times. 'Thought you where getting a drink' Aaron jumped seeing Robert come in heading to the kettle, 'sorry, didn't mean to frighten you' he said filling it with water, 'it's fine' Aaron said 'in a world of my own, is all', Robert asked if he wanted one, nodding he looked over to him, 'do you ever sleep?' he asked Robert, Robert actually laughed saying I could ask you the same thing. He watched as Robert stretched circling his shoulders, letting his gaze linger over his body as he did, seeing his t-shirt rise up, Aaron was glued to on stop in horror, tiring his eyes away from Robert's back before he could see him looking, he wasn't going to ask how, his imagination running away with him.

 

Robert put the cups on the table, losing his balance as he sat down, steadying himself his hand landed on Aaron's thigh, looking up quickly seeing Aaron looking at him, not in anger or anything like that, but his eyes were soft blue pools, his breath quickened, Robert lasting longer than he had realised, the touch was electric. He removed it saying sorry, picking up his cup sipping some trying to look away, think,think, he thought, 'what's in there?' Robert pointed to the envelope, Aaron broke his gaze now, but still wondering what had just happened, 'nothing, just paperwork' he said staring at it, 'nothing important' pushing it away from him. 'Look......... I'm sorry about the other day, ye know, what I said to you at the bar, I........' Robert shook his head, 'don't worry about it, we were both in a bad place from what I could tell', Aaron tried to say sorry again, that he didn't know about where Robert had been before that. 'Can I be honest with you?' Robert asked, Aaron nodded, Robert gave him a small smile, 'I haven't been in a good place for a while, the doctors had just told me I had had a relapse, I........... I was feeling panicked and there was so many people, I.......I thought I could handle it, but.....' Aaron cut him off, 'I get it , I do' he paused for a second, 'have you told Diane and that?' Robert shook his head before saying, 'I can't, I......I'm trying to figure out why I can talk to you, I've.........I've never been able to speak to anyone about it before, but you, I just feel I can,' he shook his head again, 'sorry, I'm putting all my troubles on you, from seeing how everyone with you, you must have your own stuff going on, I'll leave you to it'. He went to stand, Aaron stopped him,placing his hand on his arm, they looked at each other again both allowing their eyes to linger, Robert hadn't felt this way in a long time and it scared him, he didn't realise Aaron was thinking the same thing. Robert sat back down, their eyes not leaving one an other, Aaron's hand remained where it was, his fingers moving slowly across the skin. The gap between them grow closer, both their breathing becoming heavier, their faces so close they could feel the warmth of each others breath, lips inches apart, Aaron's eyes closed, 'I'm sorry I can't do this' a panicking Robert said rushing out of the room, leaving Aaron confused. 

 

Aaron rubbed his face, he was so tired, he'd just lay in bed thinking about their almost kiss, the way it felt when they touch each other, entering he saw Robert looking equally tired, it seemed neither of them had slept, he went to say something only to be interrupted by his mum popping her head around the kitchen counter asking what he wanted for breakfast. Robert left saying he needed to be some where, Chas sarcastically saying where, it's not like you have a job or anything as he left the room, 'mum, do you have to be so rude' Aaron stated to her, grabbing the cereal before sitting down, choosing to ignore her whilst they ate. Later at the scrapyard Vic had shown up with food for Adam, Aaron asking if she had seen her brother today like he was asking in passing, she looked at him oddly saying no, then asking both him and Adam if they wanted to join her for a drink after work, Aaron said he would think about it. She pulled her husband aside, asking how Aaron was doing, he said that he'd been quiet, but that was to be expected given everything, she gave Adam a weary smile, kissing him saying she would see them both later maybe. Adam and Aaron walked up to the pub door, Adam about to ask him how he was doing, Aaron saw the tail tail signs saying don't bother, 'pint then, I think we deserve it after all that hard work today' putting his arm around his best mate. They saw Vic sat in one of the booths, Aaron ordered their drinks then joined them, stopping when he saw Robert sat next to Vic, he nodded hello asking if he wanted anything noticing that Robert couldn't look at him. 'I think I'm going to give it a miss, Vic, I'm really tired' Aaron said picking up his pint taking it through to the back, not before glancing back, Robert sat in silence looking lost into his lemonade. Night time being the worst, both seemed not to sleep well, when Aaron came down, Robert shot back up before either could speak, the next day the same, Aaron was at a lose as to what to do about it. Now Vic had accused Robert of being homophobic as she had observed their avoidance of each other, telling her he was far from that and if that's what she thought then maybe they shouldn't talk to each other as well, walking off as he did, he crashed onto his bed, pulling out his phone dialling a number on it.

 

Rushing to the reception desk, Robert apologising for being late, he was told not to worry he wasn't that late and was shown to Mike's office, sitting he felt nervous looking round the neutrally decorated room, Mike introduced himself asking if Robert had any questions for him, he shook his head. 'I've read your file, is there anything in particular you would like to talk about today, the accident or....', 'none of that, not yet' Robert interrupted him, nodding he asked what he would like to start with.

 

Aaron sat with Jill, he'd been seeing her for over a year since all the stuff with Gordon came out, but today he didn't want to talk about that, 'I.....I nearly kissed someone the other night........and I think he wanted to kiss me too, but........ Oh, I don't know', Jill looked at him asking here did it feel when they nearly kissed. 'I' he gulped 'I've not felt like that since........ well since Jackson, it felt right'.

 

'I've met someone, that makes me feel like I've not felt like in a long time' Robert told Mike, he asked has anything happened between them, 'we nearly kissed, but......... I panicked, I...........I can't even look at him now, but I don't want to get too close, especially when he realises how screwed up I am, I don't know how he will react to this' he said banging his hands to his chest. 'Does that scare you, the feeling that you maybe rejected by him?', 'scare me, it terrifies me, and even if he doesn't I …...I don't know if......'.

 

'Do these feelings scare you Aaron?' , Jill asked, 'I never thought I'd feel them again, everything I went through with Jackson and ….....Gordon,.......the thought of being close to him, what if he rejects me because of it, I've tried to talk to him, but he doesn't want to talk to me. I'm feeling lost, I don't know what to do' he said playing with his sleeves. 'Does the thought of him seeing your scars put you off wanting to be with him?' Aaron bit his lip at the question, 'he has scars, from a car accident, he has a reason for them, what could I say to him, they weren't his fault, mine.......well mine..', 'there not your fault either Aaron, you have to remember that'.

 

'Are you afraid of him seeing your scars?' Robert's breathing became heavy, 'he has one on his arm, I've not asked how he got it...........and he as seen my arm and leg, I do feel a little uncomfortable with it, but he's never asked to many questions about them,.......maybe it's because he has one himself,....... on the first day I was there he saw how I reacted to the one on my arm, helped me cover it up before Diane and Vic saw it, like.......like he understood'. Mike nodded, 'have you thought about talking to him about them, you can tell him what you are comfortable telling him, till you know you can trust him completely', Robert looked to the floor,' but that's just the thing, I don't trust anyone, not completely, that part of me died a long time ago'.

 

'Do you trust him Aaron?' Aaron didn't know how to answer, he thought about it for a minute, 'my trust died along time ago, I've not trusted anyone completely, not since Gordon', he let his tears fall, he'd been trying not to cry the whole time.

 

'What would you say to him?', they were both asked by their counsellors, both answering, 'how do you tell someone that you feel like you've lost your soul and don't know how to get it back'. 

 

Robert left the office feeling a little less confused than before, deciding to get a coffee in a nearby Starbucks, ordering his Americana he sat thoughtfully, thinking that tonight he and Aaron would have a proper talk, that is if he would talk to him after the way he had been with him the last couple of days. Staring the drink, thinking about how to approach Aaron on the subject, he was woken from his thoughts by a familiar voice saying his name, looking up into a pair of deep blue eyes, they seemed red, had he been crying, Aaron he said


	5. Truth And Lies

Chapter 5 - Truth and Lies

 

'Hi' Aaron said, his head low, 'hi' it's all Robert could think off to reply, the silence between them seemed to last forever, one of them had to break it, 'I'm going to get a drink, may I join you...... if that's alright?' Aaron bit his lip waiting for the answer. Robert saying yes made him smile a little, dropping his bag on the floor he went to the counter, Robert watching his every move, thinking about what to say to him. 'What you doing in town?' Aaron asked hoping to start a conversation, 'had an appointment', was all Robert said, 'yeah, me too...... listen I was hoping' why was this so awkward Aaron thought, 'I want to thank you' Robert said quickly taking Aaron by surprise, 'for what?' he asked confused, Robert gave him a shy smile, 'for when you got me the jumper for......you know' he gestured to his arm, Aaron realising what he meant, 'you not have to thank me for that........I saw how you reacted to me with it, so I thought you may not like the others to see it'. 'It was kind of you that's all.....I've never really been comfortable with it, so' Robert looked down, playing with his cup, 'I know what you mean, and I'm not just saying that.......I really do', he held his hand out, nearly touching Robert's, retracting it before he did. Robert court it gently saying, 'I think we need to talk', he said, 'yeah we do' Aaron said, 'not here though'. They stayed for around an hour, neither knowing what to say at first, just sat drinking their drinks, 'so, Vic is very protective of you, you two must be close' Robert said finally, Aaron looked at him, a side smile forming, 'yeah, we've been friends for years, plus she's married to my best mate', Robert nodded saying Adam seems to be good for her, asking what he was like to work with, 'we have a laugh most of the time, setting up the business together was best thing we did' he paused, 'not been on my A game lately, need to start getting back to it, but....... things you know....' stopping himself from carrying on, thinking of something else to say, 'paperwork can be a bitch, we both hate it, don't suppose your any good at that stuff are you' Aaron said laughing. Giving it some though Robert said it sounds sad but he likes that sort of thing, keeps his mind busy, and that he used to work for a company doing just that, the way he said company made Aaron think that things hadn't gone to well there. 'So, what kind of company was it?' Aaron asked carefully, not sure of the response he would get, Robert played with his cup again saying, 'they sold trackers and farm equipment........' he could see the look he was getting from Aaron, 'had an argument with the owner, didn't end well.....but I've learnt from that to be a better person', not that it was my fault, he whispered under his breath, not making eye contact with Aaron. Realising it was not something Robert wanted to talk about, Aaron asked how he was getting back, Robert saying the bus, that he's been told not to drive at the moment, so Aaron offered him a lift, but he was headed to the scrape yard first.

 

Robert's phone bleeped as they got in the car, a text from Vic saying she was sorry for what she said, but Aaron had enough going on without anything else, he glanced at Aaron as he read it, noticing this Aaron said 'what'. 'Nothing' he said shacking his head, 'text off Vic', all Aaron did was pull a face as he started the car, it had been quiet most of the way back, Aaron could tell Robert had gone to say something a few times but had stopped himself, pulling up in a lay-by he turned the engine off turning to look at him. 'About the other night' he began, 'it was....' he bit his lip trying to find words, 'Aaron, if your going to say it was a mistake, then don't.......we both know it wasn't', he said locking his eyes onto Aaron's, 'but you....' Aaron started to say, 'I know...it's just....it's been a long time and I was.......' Robert took a breath,'I was scared' he said honestly. Aaron wondered what had made him scared, numerous thoughts flowing through his head, 'Scared of what?' Aaron asked, 'of me, I would never hurt you, never hurt anyone'. Robert shook his head, his eyes filling with tears, 'it's not you, it's me' he said, Aaron gave him a look in disbelief, 'who told you' he said moving his gaze to stare into the distance, 'it was Vic, wasn't it', Robert couldn't tell if he was upset or angry, maybe both. He reached over to hold Aaron's hand, reassure him, only to be pushed away, 'told me what Aaron, I don't understand', Aaron stared back at him now with pain filled eyes, 'no ones told me anything, and I haven't asked, it's no ones business but yours'. Tears run down Aaron's face silently, 'Gordon's been in prison for a year now, and he still can get to me, why?, I was scared the other night too. For the first time in a long long time it just felt.....', 'right' Robert finished the sentence, cupping Aaron's face wiping his tears away, all Aaron could do was nod. 'I'm here, whenever you need me,.......... I don't know what happened with this....Gordon, if you need to talk then find me, at any time', his own tears flowing now, 'he nearly died the other week' Aaron said slowly, 'sent me a visiting order to see him in the hospital' he gulped as he continued, 'he'd been attacked by two other prisoners, they'd said it had been bad,................ as much as I hate the man.....I ….oh, I don't know, he's my dad......and all I wanted to say to him was that they should have killed him', Robert was in shock, Gordon was his dad, if he was reading through the lines properly his dad is a monster. Putting his thoughts to the back of his head he asked, 'what did they do to him....... you don't have to answer, sorry' giving himself a mental kick when he thought about what he had just asked, from the sounds of it Aaron hated his dad. 'Everybody thinks he was beaten up,...... he was beaten, badly......but they had.........'Aaron sobbed heavily now, Robert pulled him to him, his arm round his back, 'ain't karma a bitch hey, he said it was my fault........... that just because he punished me like that didn't.....didn't mean that he deserved that too' Robert felt sick at Aaron's words. 'You went to see him?' he asked Aaron trying to keep his words calm, who nodded, 'I haven't told anyone else, please don't tell them', 'no Aaron, I won't....I promise', Robert paused for a second, 'I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry that that happened to you', Aaron looked up, not seeing pity in Roberts eyes but understanding.. They sat like that for a while, Aaron calming down before wiping his eyes on his sleeve, taking in deep breaths, both their tears had stopped, 'I'm sorry' Aaron said, 'I shouldn't beard-en you with my problems', Robert held his hand, giving it a squeeze, 'you have nothing to be sorry about', he says, 'forget work for now, how about a drink'. 'But you can't drink' Aaron says to him, Robert laughed saying then you will have to drink mine as well. Twenty minutes later they parked up at the back of the pub, both deep in thought, 'thank you' Aaron says, looking at Robert who nods at him, 'the same goes for you,........if you ever need to talk', Robert gulped avoiding eye contact saying he was fine.

 

Half an hour later Robert sat at the kitchen table, Aaron having gone to freshen himself up, seeing Robert when he came in with a six pack on the table saying he thought that he may not feel like going through to the bar, giving him a half smile Aaron sat next to him, playing with his sleeves. 'This ones yours' Aaron said opening the second can, Robert holding up his can of coke then drinking some, it was relaxed, they had moved to the sofa watching a film, not that it hadn't been interrupted, first by Diane, then Adam asking Aaron where he had been this afternoon, Aaron just saying he was having a bad day, now it was Chas's turn giving Robert a frosty stare as she asked Aaron if he was alright. Wiping his hand over his face, Aaron said, 'why can't people just leave me alone, I'm trying to chill out and not think about things', Chas looked at him saying how can you do that with him in here, 'at least he doesn't ask stupid questions every five minutes' he said to his mum, 'you know nothing about him', he turned to Robert, 'you wanna get out of here'. It wasn't a question, standing he pulled Robert up and walked out, hearing Chas say that she is just worried about him, they stood in the car park, Robert asking where they where going, Aaron shrugged his shoulders, walking away still holding on to Robert's arm, dragging him along, slowing his pace as they passed the pub. Finally reaching the scrape yard, pulling out his keys Aaron opened the port-a-cabin, turning on the light and kettle as he entered, Robert followed sitting on one side of the desk, 'their worried about you, that's all' he said to Aaron. He huffed as he handed a drink to Robert, holding his hands around his own cup, warming them up as he sat opposite looking at Robert, questions on his mind, 'what do you want to ask' Robert said to him reading his face, 'nothing, it's nothing' he said, 'it's just the other day when I mentioned going to the hospital.... well....... you, you scared me by the way you responded', he looked down then back to Robert, 'I meant what I said earlier, if you ever wanted a sounding board then just ask'. Robert became nervous, 'Aaron, it's not something I like to talk about', his mind wondering off to it's own world until he heard his name called out a few times, 'what' he said to Aaron who was more concerned now. 'Just making sure you are still with me' he says, 'I'm not going to push, just wanted you to know I'm here if you need me, like you were today for me', Robert nodded, sipping his tea then placing it on the desk.

 

What did he want to hear, how after a month in a coma, he'd woken up in agony, how the pain filled his body, or how even the slightest touch from anyone sent him into a panic that made him almost violent towards them all, or after the police came to see him, asked his name as he had no ID on him at the time of the accident, again becoming agitated when they had informed him of the three fatalities that he had caused. In the end the doctors injecting him to put him in an induced medical coma to allow his body to heal, no one still knowing his identity, how each time they tried to wake him he would become agitated again, ripping at his own skin, pulling out the IV in his hand thinking he just wanted to die. The final attempt he found himself restrained, screaming for them to take them off, begging and pleading them, tears streaming down his face the whole time, they had given him something to calm him down, not to make him sleep this time, his head feeling like it was floating, it wasn't the first time he had felt like this, the drugs not allowing him to show how panicked and afraid he felt. He could hear the doctors and polices words as they spoke to him about the injuries he had endured during the accident and the ones that had caused it, their was only himself, a police DS and the doctor when they told him the most horrible findings they had seen when he had been first brought in, Robert vomiting violently as they did, refusing to speak to them. All he could think was of the three who had died, how it was his fault, a mother and a son in one car and an elderly gent in another, he should have died that night not them, if only he hadn't gotten into that car, but then again he would have been dead then too. Pushing his mind not to go back there he shut down, couldn't talk, eat, sleep, just lay there staring into space, he could still hear people speaking to him and to one another, the doctor telling the DS that he had gone into a catatonic state, given what he had been through it may be a long time before he came out of it.

 

It was strange, numb, he could feel the staff touch him, flinching as they did, exercising his limbs, talking , telling him what they were doing as they did it, this went on for months, how many Robert didn't know. Having been moved to a psychiatric unit, they had a number of mental health people talk to him in the hope that he would come out of it, it was one of the nurses who managed it, her smile kind, Robert remembered, always trying different names to see if she could get a reaction from him, in the end becoming his primary carer when they saw him more calmed when she was there. She told him her name was Lisa, and she wasn't going to give up finding out his name, she'd talk to him about nothing and everything, read to him, she was the only one who could get him to eat, 'Ashley, no you don't look like an Ashley' she'd say, 'Blaine' she laughed saying she was joking and why would any parent call their child Blaine. 'Robert' Lisa had heard him whisper, his voice hoarse and low, not know if he was saying it aloud or in his head where all the other things he had wanted to say had been, 'Robert, I like that' she said with a smile. It was when the doctor came into his room with Lisa that reality had set in, asking how long he had been here, to be told he had first come to the hospital eight months ago. His breathing became tight, struggling to find air, the doctor placing his hands on his arms, only for Robert's breathing to become worse, Lisa took over from the doctor stroking lightly up and down his arm, telling him to breath like her, a deep breath in and out until he relaxed. A month later Robert was starting to walk with an aid, seeing a physiotherapist twice a week, his right leg having muscle and nerve damage, his counsellor seeing him everyday, still blaming himself for their deaths, he would curl up and cry as he spoke about the guilt he felt about it, it was baby steps really, always avoiding the questions of how he was the way he was when he had blacked out and crashed.

 

After three more months, Robert refusing to let them contact his family, explaining that they had had a major falling out, he couldn't trust anyone, not even family, truth be told he didn't want them to see him like that. Eventually he asked when he could leave, they said if he did he would have to go to an assisted living unit until they were happy with his progress, the police at this time had told him due to the nature of the accident, how he was found, that no further action would be taken. Spending the next six months as an out patient in the unit, they helped him with his physiotherapist appointments, building up his confidence to the point that he got himself a job, helped find a flat for him to live in, move on with his life essentially, was this what Aaron wanted to hear, how broken he was. Aaron had noticed Robert had zoned out again, calling his name he snapped out of it saying what, .'you were thinking about weren't you' he said to him, 'Aaron, it was an accident, it happened, there's nothing to tell' he lied.


	6. Both In Need

Chapter 6 - Both In Need

 

His phone went off, answering it Robert spoke quietly, smiling as the conversation went on, 'tomorrow' he said,'see you then', he had called them the other day hoping to see them again, Chas commenting on the good mood he was in didn't go unnoticed by Diane and Aaron, asking who was on the phone. 'An old friend, wants to come over tomorrow' he couldn't help but smile at the thought, even though he was a little scared, 'didn't know you had friends' Chas said walking to the bar. Why was he so nervous, Robert tapped his finger on the glass, Aaron and Adam came over after another hard day at work, asking if they could join him, he nodded his head, Adam sitting opposite, Aaron next to him asking how his day had gone, 'been stood up Robert' Chas laughed putting the pints down, 'mum' Aaron said with a warning tone. Robert ignored her seeing the door open, a tall figure walking in, he smiled and waved over to him, the man returning the wave, 'Robert' he said, seeing who he was sat next to, 'Aaron, how are you?', saying he was fine, Aaron continued drinking his pint. 'Ian this is my brother-in-law Adam, and it appears you already know Aaron' Robert said questioningly, Ian gave a little smile, Aaron too, getting himself a drink Ian sat by Adam, asking Robert what he had been up to in the seven years since they last saw each other, 'this and that you know, nothing exciting' he answered. Adam looked on trying to figure something out, 'so the two of you know each other' he pointed between Robert and Ian, 'and you two', moving his figure to Aaron and Ian, 'what are you saying Adam?' Aaron asked his best mate, he too wondering how the other two knew each other. Both men saying that they were friends before Robert moved away with some brunet, Robert changing the subject, 'I was thinking about what you said the other night Aaron' Aaron looked a little panicked, 'the paperwork thing, I could do it if you both agree, it would save to time to break things........... you wouldn't have to pay, say a couple of weeks trial', the two scrapers looked at each other nodding, making Robert smile.

 

That was three months ago, and Robert was still there, doing customer relations as well, he felt good having a job, his counsellor had commented on how he seemed brighter lately, maybe it was the job or was it Aaron, both showing an interest in the other, but afraid to do anything about it. A touch here, a look there, one of them had to break soon, Robert sat at his desk sorting invoices into piles, looking up hearing the door open, Aaron flopped into his chair looking exhausted. Pulling his wheelie chair over to the kettle, switching it on, asking if he wanted one, or would he rather have a beer, beer Aaron said, taking one out the fridge he held his arm out, Aaron standing to take it, their fingers brushing against each other. Robert watched Aaron move closer, putting the can on the desk, the urge to pull him in quicker surging through Robert, but not acting on it, breathing heavily he moved his hands to Aaron's thighs, the need to touch him great. Their eyes not leaving the others, Aaron slide down to his knees, cupping Robert's face with his hands, his hands on Aaron's chest now, the heat building between them, 'Aaron' he whispered, edging forward in his seat, their lips meeting, soft, gentle kisses making them both moan into them. Aaron broke the kiss, their noses touching, 'I've been wanting to do that all day' he said, 'longer if I'm honest', he want to carry on only for Robert to stop him by pulling him in kissing him, harder this time, licking across his teeth, Aaron opened their tongue tasting each other. The creaking of the door and footsteps pulling them apart, Aaron stood up, Robert turning to the kettle as Chas entered asking Aaron if she could speak to him in private. She had never liked the idea of him being there, giving him a look usually, but this time she looked serious, focused on only her son, she went out side and waited for Aaron, who smiled at Robert as he exited. Watching through the window, seeing their conversation becoming heated, Aaron came back in, grabbing his phone off his desk and sitting down dialling impatiently awaiting an answer, 'this is Aaron Dingle, you called my home number', Robert grew concerned, Aaron looked angry and sad at the same time, 'tell me' he fell silent, holding his head in his free hand, Chas came in equally as concerned as Robert. 'No. I do not, tell him next time to do it properly and do not, I repeat do not contact me about him again', hanging up he throw the phone against the wall screaming, 'Aaron, love' Chas said, 'get out' he told her,' just get out', he was shacking now, Robert sat in a stunned silence as Chas walked out, tears falling.

 

Aaron had sat shaking for a long time, not letting Robert touch him, all he could do was talk to him, telling him that everything was going to be ok, when they had finally gotten back to the pub Aaron went straight to his room, refusing to see anyone. Diane and Chas where in the back room, Robert saw Diane's arm around Chas when he entered, saying that Aaron will be fine, that all he needed was time to sort his head out, it was nearing eight o'clock when Robert said he was tired, making his way up stairs. Knocking on Aaron's door to check that he was alright, opening it slightly asking if he could come in, he could see Aaron sat on the edge of the bed not responding so he opened it wider, scanning the man who sat with his back to him in the dark. Turning the light on, the shine of the light on metal was the first thing to get his attention, Aaron held the razor blade in his right hand, staring at it like he was trying to talk himself out of using it, closing the door behind him he walked round, Robert saw tears falling down Aaron's face. Taking breath Robert was relieved that there was no blood on the blade, holding back his own fears of sharp objects he told Aaron he was going to sit down before doing so, asking him to give him the razor, holding on to his wrist to remove it safely, throwing into the corner. 'Why' he asked Aaron. 'why hurt yourself over him?', no answer came, had he done this before Robert thought, 'is this the first time you've thought about this?' Aaron looked at him now watery pain filled eyes, shaking his head, 'your arm, was that......' he nodded. Clearly Aaron didn't want to talk, so wrapping his arm around his shoulder Robert pulled him into him, holding him tightly, 'you tired' Robert asked him after a while, saying yes Aaron slid out of the arm and lay on the bed fully clothed, 'don't go' he said to Robert when went to leave. Coming back to the bed Aaron reached out, taking Robert's hand guiding him down to lay next to him, pulling his arm over his own chest, he could feel Robert's breath on the his neck, it felt comfortable and calming. 

 

Robert woke with a panicked scream, bolting up trying to catch a breath, a startled Aaron trying to holding him, telling him to take deep breaths, his top soaked in sweat he swung his legs off the bed, holding his head in his hands. Aaron knelt behind him, noticing how he flinched at any touch, telling him he was going to get his medication, he left returning quickly, Diane following, as she had been woken by the scream too, 'Aaron are you Ok' she asked rubbing her eyes, focusing to see Aaron reading the pill packets to find the right one. They had lowered the dose, but there was ones for panic attacks if needed, 'it's not me Diane, I'm fine' Aaron said to her as they went into his room, Robert was in the same position as before breathing heavily, having found the right one he placed it in Robert's hand, opening a bottle of water for him. Diane looked in shock, why was Robert taking such pills, and why was he in Aaron's room she thought, they watched Robert start to calm down, standing quickly he rushed to the bathroom, sounds of throwing up came from inside. 'Aaron what's going on?' she asked him, 'he's had a nightmare' he said, tapping on the door asking Robert if he was alright, 'why was he in your room?', he held the bridge of his nose, 'he ….he came to see how I was' taking a breath he continued, 'found me in a bad way,........ I didn't want to be on my own and we fell asleep' he said honestly to her. The bathroom door opened, Robert stood with a large towel around his shoulders covering his torso and back, his top in the other hand, saying he was sorry for waking them closing his bedroom door behind him, I need a drink Diane said going to the stairs, Aaron following. They sat holding their cups, Diane asking about Robert and the pills, all Aaron said was that she would have to speak to him about it and that it wasn't his place, they went silent when Robert came in, putting his top in the washing machine, having put a clean one on. Asking if he was Ok, Diane went to hold his hand, only for it to be rejected, Aaron saying he would go and leave them to talk, once alone she asked him about the pills, he looked at her then down knowing it was time, 'I have depression and anxiety' he said keeping his head down afraid to look at her. 'How long' the concern strong in her voice, 'since the accident, on and off' he was crying now, knowing he needed to tell her what she needed to hear he continued,'I was put back on them when I came back'. That was months ago, why couldn't he tell us, she thought, 'all this time, we could have helped you' she said to him, 'well you know now' he said defensively, 'it's my problem Diane, just leave it'.

 

'Leave him to sleep' Chas heard Aaron say through the door as she stretched her arms above her head, 'I'll square it with Adam', 'why didn't he tell us?...........how long have you known?' she heard Diane ask her son, known what she thought. 'I knew something wasn't right for a while, but when he didn't come out of his room for three days it confirmed it,......... that's when I saw the medication' he said, 'Diane I tried to get him to tell you, you have to believe me'. Chas chose that moment to walk in the room, both Aaron and Diane suddenly becoming quiet, 'had the weirdest dream last night, there was screaming and thought I heard someone being sick, strange really' she said pulling a face. The other two gave each other a look, 'if he's not up by ten, wake him up' Aaron said to Diane,'ring me if you need anything, and get him to call Mike', Diane looked confused, 'his counsellor' he whispered to her standing up grabbing his coat. Chas looked bemused at their interaction, Aaron turned to her saying sorry for yesterday, that he shouldn't have taken it out on her, she smiled at him nodding taking a sip of her tea before giving him a hug. 

 

Aaron opened the diary to today's date, July ninth, fuck they had a lot on today, a pick up in Robbesfield, a big one to, plus two cars to break down, on top of having no sleep last tight didn't help, he rubbed his face at the thought of it, he'd sat with Robert until six, leaving when he had gone to sleep. 'Whys my wife ringing me to talk to you?' Adam asked, 'cus I'm having an affair with her' he said sarcastically taking the phone off him, 'Vic.....Vic slow down' Adam watched his friends face becoming paler by the second looking worried. 'Put Diane on' he waited to hear the older woman's voice, checking his own phone to see the battery had died, 'what's happening?' he asked panicking, listening to the reason for the call, 'bedside draw, blue box, just one.......Diane make sure he does, I'm on my way back now', hanging up the phone he throw it back to Adam saying he had to go as he ran to his car.


	7. Hospital

Chapter 7 – Hospital

 

Earlier in the pub -

 

Diane checked the time, nearly ten, asking Doug to take over setting up the bar as she headed through seeing Chas with Tom, cuddling up on the sofa, reaching her destination she opened the door to see Robert laying on his bed staring into space. Not wanting to startle him she moved slowly saying it was time to get up, 'who says' he said not looking at her, 'well Aaron for one, he's really worried about you, so am I'. They sat in silence for a moment, not knowing quite what to say to him, she'd seen Andy go through this, but no two cases are the same, 'right, get up, get a shower and meet me down stairs' in an after thought she said, 'do you need to take yo......', I've taken them already' he said knowing what she was going to ask. Her mind went back to what Aaron had told her, 'you've got half an hour, if not then I'm coming back up here and dragging you up', he would have laughed, but he just wanted people to leave him alone, 'you sound like Aaron' he said, knowing she would do as she said he sat up slowly taking the towel from Diane. Chas watched Diane, she was constantly checking the time and looking at the door, 'are you timing how much water he's using, do you do that with all of us?' she asked her, her boyfriend giving Chas a look as he chopped some carrots, Diane didn't respond just kept looking to see if Robert was coming in. Five minutes, he's got five minutes, Diane thought to herself, neither she or Aaron had gotten any sleep last night and it was beginning to take it's toll, Chas kept going on to Tom about Robert like he was the devil, 'just shut up Chas' she shouted at her, shocking Chas as she did, this was not like Diane at all. 

 

A wave of relief went through Diane when Robert walked in, head low, hands in his pockets, beckoning him to the table telling him to sit down while she got him a drink, 'can't he get his own drink, lazy toe rag' Chas scoffed, again being ignored by Diane, 'this is what he wants Diane, everyone running after him, nothings changed,' she directed her comments to Robert now,'so you have a bad leg, some people have bigger problems, look at my Aaron, everything he's been through you don't see him acting like you', Robert felt his anger rising, gripping the table trying not to react to her outburst, 'you know nothing about me', he said quietly, gritting his teeth, 'well I know enough, you'll never change, your a.....',Robert stood quickly, throwing the table onto it's side, shocking everyone in the room, 'SHUT UP, YOU STUPID BITCH', he screamed pointing at Chas, Tom reacted now, 'don't you dare speak to her like that' he said angrily, stepping towards Robert, knife still in hand. Robert backed away, not looking at Tom, but he knife, fear consumed him, he had to get out of there, Tom continued to have a go at him, waving the knife in the air, stumbling back Robert hit the wall behind him. Sliding down it, clutching his arms around his legs, repeating 'this is not happening', over and over, Vic had heard the commotion and came running in, she looked at Diane who was on her phone not getting an answer, 'Vic ring Adam and get Aaron for me' she ordered her step-daughter, instantly she rang, hearing Adam's cheery voice, telling him to put Aaron on it went silent for a minute. 'Aaron, Diane asked me to call, it's...it's', she listened to him, passing the phone to Diane who told him what Robert was like, she looked at Vic repeating what Aaron had said to her, 'Robert's room, bedside draw, blue box, just one, go Vic' although she was confused by it all she ran up the stairs. 

 

Aaron bounded in the room, searching for Robert, 'he won't take it', Diane said close to tears, he noticed the state of the place asking if he had done it, Tom started again about he was so disrespectful towards his mum, not realising he still held the knife, Aaron watched as Robert jumped at the sight of it, went over at took it off him, telling both his mum and her boyfriend to get out. Now it was just the four of them, Vic refusing to leave her brother, Aaron knelt in front of him holding his hand out for Diane to give him the pill, 'Robert, Robert' he whispered, 'come on mate, take this for me' he holding the pill close to his mouth, it opened slightly allowing Aaron to put it in, then holding the glass to his mouth letting him take sips of it as he swallowed. He could see Robert's eyes frantically searching the room, 'it's gone, it's gone Robert, your safe Ok', he moved round asking if anyone had seen Roberts phone, Diane got it from his bedroom handing it to Aaron, who continued to reassure him in a low tone, then asking him for the code, 'birthday' Robert whispers, placing his hand on Robert's back, not having the energy to fight back he allowed it, rubbing circles on it, noticing the rough texture again he sat back pulling the top up, looking from his back to Robert's face, no wonder he had been so frightened. Dialling the number, he waited asking to speak to Mike when they answered, they spoke quietly, Aaron telling Robert that Mike wanted to call an ambulance to be on the safe side, 'no, no more hospitals please' he begged crying, 'just for a couple of days, so they can assess your medication, no longer then that', Aaron knew he maybe lying to him, but right now it was needed, giving in Robert nodded. Aaron saying that Diane and Vic will go with you, he became distressed again, grabbing Aaron's arm saying, 'no, you just you'. 

 

Aaron came in the family room, Vic and Diane had been joined by Andy and Adam, all worried, Adam's arms around his wife's shoulders, Diane pacing the floor being told by Andy to sit down, they stopped suddenly hearing the door open and stared at Aaron. 'Why you Aaron, why not any of us', Andy gestured to his family members, giving him an unsure look he said,'your brothers in there, in a bad way and your first thought is why not me', Andy looked down realising that he was right. He sat down the last two hours having been exhausting, Diane sat next to him asking how Robert was, blowing a breath he looked at her,'erm....not very talkative, the doctors going to come by soon, tell us more' he rubbed his eyes,'they've given him something to help him sleep, turns out he's not slept properly in two weeks', Vic looked from Aaron to Adam, asking Adam to get Aaron a coffee, that he looked like he needed it, nodding he left the room, then turned her attention to Aaron. 'How much do you know, the truth Aaron, all of it', moving his eyes to look up at her, noticing he had all of them concentrating on him now, biting his lip he said, 'the first day, I saw the limp, the scar on his arm', 'what scar' Diane said, Aaron continued, 'he had the same reaction that I have,.........so I helped him cover it up, thought he would tell you in his own time,.......... when I asked him, he said it was from a car accident, the limp too' this was really hard, he felt like he was betraying his trust, 'the first time I saw his leg was when you saw it, it was when I saw the medication, I tried to get him to tell you, I did but......... he thought you would think he was weak',. Adam passed him the drink, he nodded with a small smile of thanks, 'anyway he said ....',. The doctor entered saying his name was Dr. Stone and that Robert was now comfortable, that gave him something to help him sleep like Aaron had told them, he paused before continuing, 'I spoke to Robert when he was more settled, are you all aware of what day it is today?' he asked them, Aaron staying silent, Diane saying no, 'today is the date of the accident, Robert holds a lot of guilt over it'. Vic shook her head, 'guilt, it was an accident though', 'not for Robert, he feels guilty that he survived when others didn't' opening the file he continued, 'from his file from the last unit he was in....', 'last unit' Andy said, Dr. Stone nodded, 'it was after the accident, Robert became catatonic, having being found' he glanced at Aaron who shook his head, looking back at the file, 'found with no ID, no one knew his identity.' Diane stood now determined she was getting answers, 'how long was he there for?' she asked, tears forming at the thought of him going though that alone, 'a year in the unit, followed by six months in an assisted living unit', he closed the file saying he had to go and that they would be able to see Robert in two days after their assessment, turning one last time saying, 'you did the right thing bringing him here'. 

 

Vic pulled up, letting Diane, Andy and Aaron out at the pub, it was nine o'clock and they were all tired, their day had been a long one, making their way through the main entrance to find the bar heaving with people, Doug trying to serve on his own, Diane asked where Chas was, he pointed to the back. Aaron stormed into the room to see his mum curled up next to Tom, almost yelling at her, 'why aren't you helping Doug, have you seen ho busy it is'. She looked at him raising one eye brew, 'it's my day off, the only one this week', he looked at her in shock, 'I...', he was cut off by Katie's voice, 'so where is the lying bastard', she slurred, Andy who had just come in the other door launched at his wife, Aaron holding him back. Anger built up in Aaron, it's a Dingle rule never to hit a woman, but this time he really would, 'get out' he grunted through his teeth, Katie laughed, Chas joining in, 'and you can go too mum, leave before I make ye', it was Andy now calming Aaron down, 'I live here', Chas scorned, Diane ran in asking Andy to change a barrel, seeing Chas she stopped, 'get out, all of you....... how dare you speak about someone who's ill like that', Aaron said to the two women. 'Good actor isn't he, got you lot fouled' Chas said to them, Diane squared up to her, 'I know you live here, but you don't right now, get out and we'll talk tomorrow when your sober', Chas stumbled out with Katie and Tom slamming the door behind them. Andy sat next to Diane, Aaron and Doug after they had finished tiding the bar, Doug asking how Robert was, all three let out a sigh, Diane telling him about the forty-eight hour hold and from there we will have to see, he put his arm round her shoulder saying let's get you some sleep, you've had a long day. 

 

Chas came back the next day, with her tail between her legs so to speak, saying sorry to Diane, that she shouldn't have said and done what she did, Diane not taking her apology, but calling a truce between them. Aaron on the other hand refused to acknowledge her presence at all, he'd go to work, come home, speak to everyone but her, inside it was killing him, over the past year and a half she had been there for him, but the way she was towards someone else who needed help he wouldn't stand for that. Diane had rang the hospital a couple of times trying to get an up date on Robert, but had been told they could not give her any information, so she asked Aaron to try, he told her that he was comfortable and they were upping the dose on his medication, both wondering why Robert would only allow Aaron to get in contact. These two days had been the longest Diane had had to go through, not knowing what was happening, on the third day, she and Aaron went to the hospital, but again Aaron was the only one allowed to see him. 'Diane's worried about you, why won't you see her?' he asked Robert, he closed his eyes giving no answer, he sat up in the bed, playing with his sleeves, 'talk to me Robert', he said sitting in the chair. 'They'll see me different, they won't see me any more', Robert said as he began to cry, ' I killed them,......it was my fault, how do I live with that?', 'it never goes away, but........ you learn to live with it', Aaron said, he thought going back to Jackson, 'it hurts, I know, but with time and help you can get through this, I know you can', blinking his eyes to hold back his own tears. Dr. Stone entered saying good morning to them both, asking Robert how he was feeling this morning, wiping his tears he said he was fine, asking when he can he go home, nearly going for the doctor when he said not just yet, Aaron holding him back , the doctor explaining that he wanted the medication to settle first, a few more days at most. Robert calmed down, Aaron wanting ask him questions, but realising now wasn't the right time, Robert asked him if he would come back and see him, Aaron saying only if he allowed Diane to see him, leaning his head back on the pillow Robert agreed. Leaving the room Aaron court up with Dr. Stone, asking if he could have a word in private, they went into his office, when he left he was more confused than before, Robert had given permission for him to be told everything, yet didn't know why.

 

Robert came home a week later, Dr. Stone happy with his medication, he had to go to counselling twice a week now, during his time there he had opened up to Diane, it had felt like something of a release to him. It was decided that Diane and Aaron would take turns to take him to counselling, Chas kept quiet around him, Aaron having only just started speaking to her again, if only to warn her that if the carried on the way she has then he would never speak to her again, not giving her any information even though she had asked. On his second week back Diane was panicking, waking in the night to find him gone, relaxing when she found the note, written in Aaron's hand writing saying, gone for a walk.


	8. Getting Together, Breaking Apart

Chapter 8 – Getting Together, Breaking Apart

 

Shrugging his jacket off when they walked through the back door, Aaron glanced to Robert, who seemed more thoughtful than before, turning to go up stairs Robert took Aaron's hand saying thank you, he turned to see Robert's eyes, red from crying, they both had. 'It's Ok' Aaron said with a small smile, not wanting to break their connection, finding himself, gently moving his thumb over Robert's hand, nervously, Robert step closer, quickly kissing Aaron before backing off saying sorry, looking at him Aaron said 'don't be', his free hand lacing round Robert's neck kissing him back, neither noticing Diane standing at the door, she backed off so they hadn't known she had been there. The kiss, soft and gentle, filled both of them with warmth, breaking it Aaron said he had to be up soon, giving Robert a quick peck on the cheek, smiling saying good night, 'good morning' Robert corrected him smiling back his gaze following Aaron as he left him. He felt like he was floating, each step not touching the floor as he went to the kitchen, lost in his own happy world, 'kettles just boiled if your making a brew', Diane said making him jump, bursting his bubble. She sat on the sofa, a smile across her face, 'you gave me a heart attack, how long have you been there?' he asked holding his hand to his chest, she laughed saying for about an hour, how had he not seen her when he came in. Joining his step-mum on the sofa, his thoughts went back to his ans Aaron's conversation while they were out, 'it's nearly four in the morning, where did you two get to?', 'couldn't sleep, so we went for a walk', he said sipping his tea, he looked at Diane now saying, 'he really loved Jackson, didn't he?', she gave him a sad smile, 'yes, he did, always will in a way,' she thought about what she a witnessed by the stairs, 'but life moves on, he'll find that someone one day, what about you,........ anyone you like'. Robert looked nervously at the floor, still feeling their kiss on his lips, 'maybe, only time will tell', he said playing with the cup, 'good' she said patting his leg, 'as long as you don't hurt each other and give each other time to get to know one another', kissing his forehead as she got up, 'he's a lovely lad, you could do much worse', Robert looked at her in shock, she just smile as the left the room.

 

'Morning', Aaron said with a smile, seeing them all sat eating breakfast, glancing to Robert whilst having his own, when his mum left for the bar he spoke again, 'Diane, I've got a big pick up today, Rob would you mind if Diane took you in today, I don't know if I'll make it back in time'. Robert looked deflated, he had been looking forward spending the afternoon with him, Aaron seeing this squeezed his shoulder whispering they'll do something tonight instead, nodding Robert agreed. 'Fine' Diane said, 'what time?' she asked, she was told two o'clock, text Doug to cover the bar, 'Ok then, sorted', 'thanks' he said, smiling softly at Robert as he left for work. Later Aaron got in from work, went straight up to his room falling face down on the bed, exhaustion taking over, ten or so minutes on he found the energy to push himself up and head for a shower, the water rained over him, relaxing his aching muscles, moving to allow it to flow down his back, it felt so good. Dried off and went to get changed, he sat on the bed in only his boxers when the door opened, 'one se....' he began to say hurriedly trying to pull the top over his head, but it was to late, Robert stood staring, saying sorry he quickly left, Aaron calling him back but he never did. He dressed as fast as he could, running after Robert, finding him sat on the bottom stair he sat next to him, 'I should have knocked, sorry', Robert said in a whisper, 'stop saying sorry will you' he said with a sigh, pulling Robert's face round to look at him, 'I was going to show you tonight, …... thought you needed to see them, make up your mind if you wanted to be with me'. Robert didn't say anything, the silence between them deafening for a moment, 'of coarse I do, they don't change who you are...... but you may not want to be with me', he looked like he was about to cry, Aaron pulled him up saying let's go have a talk, guiding him to his bedroom. 

 

Robert didn't know what to say, they sat, a distance between them, it was Aaron who spoke first, 'I know' he said pointing, 'the hospital asked me if I knew how...', 'you....you..', Robert looked scared, 'anyone who has asked'. Aaron gave him a reassuring smile, tilting his head, 'that's your business Robert, you'll tell me in your own time, or never if you don't want to', Robert took a deep breath, 'there's more to it, if I tell you please don't judge the person I am now' Aaron nodded, he never interrupted him as he told his story, told him about his years away from the village, the numerous jobs he had had, it was when he reached the part of working for the big company that Aaron couldn't believe what he was hearing, the way they took advantage of him and others. 'Is that how?' he asked in shock, 'I'm not ready to talk about that, give me time Aaron, that's just to....' he gulped not being able to finish his sentence, 'but the owners got arrested didn't they', Robert shook his head, 'on going investigation, I gave them information towards it,........ that's why I as running back here, I was recognised ...' he nods raising his eyebrows, 'as far as they know I died, so I went back to Sugden,..... I'd changed it years before any of that'. He turned to face Aaron, reached out and held his hands, 'please don't judge me, I.......', 'none of it was your fault, you had no chose.....but, one thing.......how close were you to them to get what you did for the police?', Robert closed his eyes before saying, 'you could say that, I promise you I didn't know till it was to late', silent tears ran down his face, Aaron pulled him in whispering 'I do, come here, I do believe you, and I won't tell anyone'. Diane had been calling them for ages, shouting diner is ready, first she opened Robert's door, no one there, then Aaron's, she smiled seeing the two men asleep, fully clothed mind, their arms around each other like a protective blanket. 

 

Months had gone by, their conversation never spoken about, the first few days after had been tense, not knowing what to say to each other, eventually calming back to normal, they sat with Adam and Andy in a booth having a drink. Robert and Andy growing closer, the past put behind them, 'you fancy going into town tomorrow Rob', Andy asked, 'thought me, you, Vic and Diane you know, a family meal', giving it some thought Robert said yes, asking why don't you invite Katie so they could try to build some bridges, 'we not on speaking terms at the moment, when I suggested it to her she had a right go at me........ figured I'd let her cool down for a few days', they looked amongst themselves, Katie had tried every trick under the sun to discredit Robert, from saying he was sleeping with half the village to saying he was up to something, always making mysterious phone calls. 'Your invited of course Adam, being family and all', Andy said to his brother-in-law, Robert glanced at Aaron, their relationship now official to them, but hadn't told the others yet, both had agreed to hide it until they felt it was the right time, so he gave Aaron a questioning nod, understanding it's meaning Aaron nodded back, not holding back the smile that spread across his face. 'Can you add one more to that as well?' Robert asked, Andy looked puzzled saying fine who is she, 'you'll find out tomorrow', he said with a smile, 'I'm off to bed, first day back at work full time tomorrow', Aaron following a short while after. 'You sure about this?' Aaron asked laying back into the bed getting his breath back, their lovemaking was not without it's boundaries, never crossing a line until they were ready, Robert stroked his hand down his boyfriend's chest, he lay on his side saying each word with a kiss on Aaron's shoulder, 'Yes. I. Do, I. Want. Them . To. Know'.

 

'Did you save all this for me' Robert said lifting the pile of paper work up in front of him, 'call it it a well come back present, plus your good at all that stuff' Aaron brushed is hand over Robert's shoulder, but not enough for Adam to notice, smiling as he said it, Robert groaned his forehead hitting the pile of papers, the others laughing saying they will help him with it. 'So what time your big family meal then' Aaron asked them both, trying his hardest not to smile or look at Robert knowing he was trying also, 'seven thirty Andy said, some new place in town', Adam glancing over to Aaron answering, 'why you going to be lonely without us' pulling a pouty face as he said it, Robert burst out laughing, no longer able to hold it in, Aaron thought it was good to hear from him. 'No, I have a date tonight' he told Adam, 'mate, that's great, who's the lucky lad?', he was so happy for his best friend, 'not telling' Aaron said raising his eyebrows before leaving, 'it's about time he found someone, he deserves to be happy' Adam said thoughtfully, 'so what your date like then Robert, your being very cloak and dagger about her' asking really because Vic wanted him to pry for details, Robert shrugged his shoulders, 'like a normal human being really', was all he said.

 

  
They'd been sat in the restaurant for nearly fifteen minutes, Robert by Vic, Adam next to her, Andy sat next to Katie, who decided to come after hearing Robert was bring someone being the nosy cow she is, then Diane and an empty seat. 'So where's mystery woman Robert', Katie said amused, 'probably doesn't exist' she said under her breath to Andy, Diane moved one seat over by him whispering, 'what time he getting here', he smiled whispering back in about five minutes, just play along, nodding she moved back to her own seat. Vic stared at the bar, she was sure that was Aaron all dressed up, 'Aaron' she called over, he turned to her giving her his usual nod, she waved him over, when he got there asking what he was doing here as well, 'getting stood up by the looks of it' he glanced at Robert then at the empty chair, sitting down with a sigh. 'Erm...that's for Robert's date' Andy said, 'looks like your not the only one who's been stood up, maybe she's come to her senses', Katie scorned, 'Katie that's not very nice' Diane said her tone serious, 'why don't you join us Aaron pet, now your here' her voice softened, 'yeah if it's alright with everyone else, that'd be great', they all said yes, accept Katie who just smiled thinking about Robert imaginary girlfriend. The meal was lovely, conversation flowed between them, Katie spitting out remarks to Robert every so often, Andy beginning to lose patients with her telling her to stop it on more then one occasion, Aaron's hand on Robert's leg telling him it was going to alright without words, this was not going to plan. 'Is that the only reason you came tonight, to see who I'm seeing' Robert questioned Katie, she laughed saying since she's not real then no, he was starting to get angry now, this was meant to be a nice family meal not a Katie getting one over on Robert night, 'shall I tell you about them then, how kind, good hearted, caring and beautiful they are, the exact polar opposite of you' he directed the comment at Katie, who looked at her husband for back up. 'Don't look at me, your the one who's been having ago at him, your acting like a spoilt brat, I don't blame him for being defensive' he looked to Robert saying sorry, going to reply Robert was stopped by Aaron who held his hand giving it a gentle squeeze, sensing he needed the reassurance. 'So your date did turn up' Vic said to her brother, they all looked at her, 'yes, but we wanted to gauge how you would react first', Vic grinned from ear to ear saying she was happy for them, Diane saying 'I told you before, you could to much worse', Andy, Adam and Katie were still confused until Aaron spoke, 'so I'm beautiful am I, never been called that before' leaning in giving Robert a kiss on the cheek, both began to blush not knowing why, 'well what can I say, you are' making Aaron blush more. 'Oh my god, the two of you' Adam said in shock, Andy just saying good on you for being yourself, and Katie about to speak, but was stopped by Andy telling her to shut up.

 

They had prepared themselves for when they got back to the pub, having told Chas they were together earlier, she hadn't been happy about it but her relationship with Aaron still fragile she'd said as long as he was happy, warning Robert not to hurt him, only to get a stern look from her son. 'Are you ready for this?' Aaron asked Robert as they stood out side the pub, 'come here beautiful, emphasising the word, wrapping his arms around him, 'no more hiding, that's what Mike said, and he's right' kissing him, entering they heard Katie telling Chas, 'yeah, I know, what about it'. Diane came over asking what they would like to drink, on the house, they told her, she turn back to them saying, 'the two of you looked so sweet that night on the stairs, I was hoping it would be you Aaron', 'you...you' Aaron started to say, she gave him a wink and a smile. Katie angry that no one was taking any notice of her started off again, 'so now no one is giving you attention for your so called illness, you thought you'd use Aaron to get some' saying it very loudly, 'don't you talk to him like that, you know nothing about us' Aaron said trying to control himself. Before she could say another word, Andy pulled her round saying he was fed up of her attitude towards his brother, it had gone on to long, adding that this wasn't working, if she couldn't let it go then she could move out, 'you know what he's like, once a liar, always a liar' she said to him, 'I've had enough Katie, this marriage is over' taking off his ring, pushing it into her hand, 'get out' he told her, as she ran out the pub, everyone watched in shock, Vic went to Andy who stood silently, 'you want to stay at mine tonight', he nodded saying, 'she can't talk about our family like that'.


	9. Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can Robert face a fear and Aaron recieves news

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You will find out about Robert's past very soon, just in the middle of writing it.

Chapter 9 - Questions

 

'Talk to her, when you've both calmed down and she's had a chance to think about how she's behaved, she'll come back and say she's sorry' Robert said to his brother, they were sat in Vic's, Vic having given them the keys, 'no, you don't understand, she's been like this since you came back, it's.......it's like she's obsessed or something'. Diane and Vic entered quietly, both men looked round to see them, Andy's eyes red and puffy, Vic bent down hugging him, Diane sitting at the table, 'it's over, I can't keep defending her' he looked at Robert, 'the things she's said about you, first you were on drugs, then she basically called you a prostitute, saying you were involved in some dodgy business because your on the phone talking and now saying your not ill and your using Aaron, when we can all see your not. It has to stop'. Robert closed his eyes then looked up at the ceiling, 'this is not about me, it's you and Katie that are important here, do you love her?' wiping his eyes Andy said he did but her attitude had changed so much she wasn't his Katie any more.

 

Adam's silly grin was doing Aaron's head in, 'just ask what you want to ask' he said, Adam had to think, he had so many, 'you get two, pick them wisely' Aaron told him, 'how long?' he asked, 'well that's kinda personal isn't it' Aaron answered laughing, he had to laugh at something after everything with Katie. 'No, how long have the two of you been together, muppit' he said trying to hide his embarrassment from his mates comment, 'a couple of months properly', did he not trust me Adam thought, 'why didn't you tell me, you know I wouldn't say anything', Aaron gave him a look, 'lets see, hi Adam I'm seeing Vic's brother, please don't tell her' he said sarcastically, Adam smiled shaking his head, he had a point. 'so when....', 'you've had your two, so can we just drink now' Aaron told him, saying nothing they started a fresh pint, Chas as ever watching over decided to join them, sitting in front of her son, 'you alright kid?' she asked, Aaron just looked at her, over the past months she had always been on Katie's side when it came to Robert, for that he couldn't forgive her, 'fine' one word answers were Aaron's way of saying go away. 'Look, as long as your happy, then I'm happy you know that don't you' she said standing to return to the bar, turning saying, 'just be careful, you've both been through a lot and I don't want to see either of you take a step back from where you've gotten', her tone was sincere, Aaron smiled at her, the first proper smile she had seen him give her in a while.

 

Three months later

 

Vic was rushed off her feet, Marlon had gone on holiday, leaving her on her own, and it was busy, Charity to busy chatting to customers to notice as always, why Diane sold her half of the pub to her she didn't know, presenting the food to the customers, Robert caught her eye as he walked in, you busy she said, shaking his head he said no so he was dragged into the kitchen and told to chop the veg, going back out with more food as she did. He hesitated, fear spiking in him, it's just chopping veg he told himself, still his hand started to shake at the thought of it, he took several deep breaths in and out, he could do this, the bleep of his phone making him jump, a text from Aaron saying he was on his way back from a job and will see him soon, he felt like smiling but found he couldn't, sending back, Vic needs help in the kitchen, can't do this. 'You not started yet, I needed them like yesterday' pushing him aside picking up the knife and the veg, she was talking to him but he couldn't hear her, his gaze on the knife as panic set in, it was now that she saw the way he was, stopping she dropped the knife asking him to talk to her, he had been doing really well with everything and didn't want him to take a step backwards, 'I'm fine, I get like this after counselling sometimes is all', he lied, 'just need to....', not finishing he rushed out the door. 

 

Adam was lost in conversation with Aaron when he saw his pint was gone, looking round to find Vic downing half of it, she needed it after the day she had had, even if she wasn't a pint drinker, 'calm down babe' he said to her, moving aside to let her in the booth. She looked at Aaron asking how Robert was, he had scared her before, he'd gone white as a sheet, the last time she saw him like that he had ended up in hospital, 'he's having a sleep, what happened?' he asked her concerned, she shrugged her shoulders, 'all I did was ask him to chop some veg, and when I came back in he was pale and shaking', Aaron didn't know what to say to her, 'Andy, come join us' he said seeing him at the bar. He went over, his eyes sad as they were all the time now, when Katie left and didn't contact him for a week he'd rang the police he was that worried, they told him that since she had packed her own stuff and left then they couldn't treat it as a missing person, from that day he would send her a text every day in the hope of a reply, guilt eating away at him, but today he seemed lower than normal, confused even. He told them that he had gotten this, showing them the text message reading, 'I have a new life now, a good one, don't contact me again, give me love to R.', it didn't make sense, why would she send her love to Robert, unless she was in some sort of trouble, 'have you been to the police and shown them', Vic said holding her brothers hand, he nodded saying they don't see any relevance in it, there's nothing they can do.

 

Robert knocked on the door at Keepers cottage, it had been two days, he had to apologise to his sister, not only for that day in the kitchen but for avoiding her since, not knowing what to say to her, he smiled weakly at her when she opened the door, pulling him to a hug saying she's been so worried about him. They sat in the living room, 'you scared me, I thought....... well it was like that day.....when, you scared me, are you Ok?', he knew what she was trying to say reassuring her that he was fine, he'd just had a bit of a wobble, they talked for nearly an hour about anything, it was nice. When he got back to the scrap yard and started to look at the invoices in front of him, Aaron came in, giving him a quick kiss then sitting down, 'you Ok..... last night I mean', Robert asked, Aaron shrugged, he hadn't said much all morning, 'you could go and talk to him, tell him what you think of him...... tell him to shut up and let you speak', 'what' Aaron said half angry, half confused, Robert knelt in front of him, 'open your soul, let all that hurt and anger out', Aaron laughed, 'I have no soul, all I have is hatred and bitterness', Robert sighed placing his hands on Aaron's knees, 'then maybe after you've let all that out you'll find your soul again' he smiled at him, 'you are the most kind hearted person I have ever met, in here' he pointed to his chest, 'and the bravest in here' then pointing to his head. Aaron stayed quiet, thinking about Robert's words, it was worth a try, then saying, 'after, will you go with me, but not yet, we'll go after', leaning up Robert gave him a soft kiss saying of course he will. A week later they drove there, walking Robert held his hand until he said he had to go on his own now, saying Ok he watch Aaron walk on, 'now listen to me and shut up, your a coward who never deserved me or Liv, you hurt us both in different ways......., I hate you, I can't feel any love for you what so ever, what you did to me was evil and wrong.....you.....you ruined my life', tears falling as he spoke, 'no matter what I do in my life now your not going to be in here', he pointed to his head, 'no longer am I going to let you torture me, this is my life and you don't rule it any more' turning to walk away he looked back, 'bye Gordon' he said to his dads grave. Wiping his eyes with his sleeves he ran to the warm embrace of Robert's arms, 'I did it, I feel free', Robert held him tightly, 'how's that soul of yours' he whispered, he could feel Aaron smile, then the tender kiss on his neck.

 

Chas and Charity stood behind the bar when they walked through from the back room, Chas giving him a hug, not saying anything because she didn't know what to say, when they had been told the week earlier that Gordon had been killed in a fight in prison, Aaron had stopped speaking, all of them worrying that he may self-harm again, someone always staying with him or close by. Today he seemed brighter, saying I love you mum, their bond not broken but still in need of mending. 'Robert, do you remember a family that lived around here called Wilson?' he looked at Charity saying no it doesn't ring a bell why, 'it's nothing, some guy came in before asking, between you and me he looked well dodgy'. 'Wilson,Wilson' Robert repeated, 'no definitionally no families by that name that I remember' he said sitting on a stool at the bar, Aaron sitting next to him, 'two pints please Chas' Robert said, Aaron giving him a strange look, 'you can't drink' he said to his boyfriend, Robert had the biggest grin growing, 'as of yesterday, I can, I may be pissed after one but at least I'll enjoy it', they all smiled at him, Chas saying they where on the house. He thanked her telling Aaron he had to do something quickly, he went through to the back, 'shit' he said out loud to himself before dialling a number and waited for them to answer, going back to his first pint on a long time, he needed it.

 

'Where's Robert?' Aaron asked Adam as he closed the port-a-cabin door behind him, 'had an appointment he said' not looking up, 'be about a hour, I think', Aaron sighed thoughtfully, 'spill' Adam told him. Aaron fiddled about with his pen, 'do you think Robert's alright, he's been acting strangely the past couple of days', Adam laughed, 'it's probably he lowered alcohol level, man he as steaming after three, funny though', Aaron found himself laughing remembering Robert first started to slur his words, then getting up trying to dance in the pub, to no music, only to fall over, 'yeah, it was, just my imagination I guess, he said still laughing at the memory. 'It's good to see you laughing, you seem a lot better mate', Aaron couldn't help but smile, 'I am, it feels good to be free', his phone vibrating, Aaron looked at the caller ID, not recognising it, answering saying hello, he listened for a minute, 'he's what', he looked at Adam in shock, 'I'll be right there' he said hanging up. 'You Ok on your own, I've got to go get Robert', Adam looked worried, after the last time, 'is he alright', 'no', Aaron said impatiently, 'he's been arrested for assaulting a police officer'.  
'You going to tell me what happened?' Aaron asked, Robert sat in silence as they parked up, 'it's complicated', Robert muttered, Aaron looked angry now, 'complicated how?' he shouted, Robert said nothing and stared out the window.

 

1 month later -

 

Click,click,click, there was nothing on telly so Aaron decided to switch it off, not before Robert came in snatching the remote control turning it to the news, the reporter saying that the police had raided both business and personal residents of white enterprises, working simultaneously across the country at nine pm this evening. 'Why you watching the news' he asked, 'shhh' was all he got back, he listened to the reporter again, 'multiple arrests where made, including Lawrence White and his daughter Chrissie Mitchell', 'Mitchell' Robert said in shock, Aaron still didn't know what was happening or what to say. Andy ran in then in a panic, trying to say something out of breath, 'they....found …..Katie' me managed. Aaron got Andy some water telling him to calm down and tell them what they had said, 'she was arrested' a state of shock waved over them, 'what for' Robert asked, Andy didn't know how to tell them, how could Katie do such a thing,'just that it was some raid' he said, they looked at each other speak less, Robert looked at the telly then to Andy saying, 'oh my god'. Later Aaron found Robert lost in thought sat on the bed, 'talk to me', Robert wiped his eyes saying when I do, remember that I love you, 'your stuck with me no matter what', Aaron said, Robert looked up to ceiling and gulped. 'remember that big company I worked for?', Aaron nodded, 'well, I think', he paused looking at his boyfriend, 'no, I need to tell you'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments always welcomed, and thank you all for the kudos's


	10. From Heaven To Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert tells Aaron about his past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought about not making it the Whites, but felt it would be interesting to write them as being horrible people.

Chapter 10 – From Heaven To Hell

 

 

'Congratulations Mr. Wilson, here's to another successful job done', Robert had clinched the deal that afternoon, a massive win for his team at work, 'thank you Ian', he said, 'it's weird calling you that, why change it?', Robert sighed, 'Sugden's always caused me trouble, so why not make my own luck', his friend understood, from what he had heard of his past it hadn't been easy for him. Ian looked around the bar, there was a beautiful brunet staring at them, soft curves, a great rack he thought, she glanced in their direction, her gaze not on Ian but Robert, her confident smile beamed as she accidentally on purpose bumped into him, knocking the drink out of his hand, 'sorry, let me buy you a new one', she said wiping his clothes, slowing on his thighs.

 

'Who thought three months ago' she rasped out as she moved slowly, making Robert's pleasure senses explode, causing him to arch his back meeting each and every thrust as she rode him, her hands firmly on his shoulders, soft breasts moving with the flow. An exotic moan escaping his lips as she fastened the pace, 'I love it when you moan like that', she said, 'do it again', the sex was good, it always was, not that that was what attracted Robert to her, she was sweet, kind and her feelings for him strong, for the first time since he had left Emmerdale he had felt loved, like he belonged. Pulling himself up, he wrapped his arms around her back going deeper, harder, throwing her head back she let out a scream of pure delight, coming down to find his lips, aggressive lustful kisses mixed with groans as they both spent, sweat trickling down their bodies. 'I love you Chrissie' he said kissing her breasts as they lay facing each other, still calming from their last embrace, their third tonight. 'You know what I was thinking', she gasped as she said it, Robert's tongue licking as he sucked on her nipple, 'hmmm', he vibrated through her, 'you, me......arhhh...and someone else', he pulled away and looked at her, 'a threesome', he was smiling while he said it, 'would I get to pick her?' he asked seductively, she stroked at kissed his nose, the lust still wild in her eyes. 'I'd let you pick him', the look she received back was not one repulsiveness she had expected, but there was a glint in his eyes she had never seen before, it had been awhile since he had been with a man, the made his cock twitch, becoming hard again, ready for another round. 'And I'd get to pick', lowering his body to devour her inner thigh, 'what do I get out of it?', he asked, his tongue flickering her wet moist clit. 'Mmmmm.....I.........want.......want to watch......arhhh....as you take each other', she staggered out, gripping the bed sheets as she writhed, from tongue, kisses and sucks on her sensitive area, one hand moving to his hair, pushing him in harder, 'I take that is a yes then', he nodded his head, making her gasp loudly.

 

 

This had been the happiest he had ever been, within in eight months of being with Chrissie, they had moved in together in her family home, it was a grand house, ten bedrooms, eleven bathrooms, all that didn't matter to him, he had the love of this beautiful and strong woman. Within two months things had changed, no longer were they as close as they were before, he'd wake up on more than one occasion with a banging head ache, his body felt like it had gone ten rounds in a boxing match, especially around his groin and anal area, never remembering the night before, feeling sick to his stomach, when he tried to stand, his legs felt like jelly. 'You drank one to many again' she'd say to him, he blinked, not being able to focus, 'I only had one, I swear I did', she laughed saying 'don't worry Mr. Copper was very happy about your meeting', meeting, what meeting, he became dizzy and tired again, laying back on the bed he closed his eyes. Two weeks later Lawrence, her father had said there was a very important client coming to one of their many business parties, and he was interested in meeting Robert, Chrissie seemed excited about it saying this could be a money maker for them. When the evening arrived, Chrissie told Robert what to wear, down to his underwear, passing him a whiskey to relax him she said, an hour later he started to feel woozy, like he had no control of himself, he smiled at him, a smile that scared Robert, it was like a hunter catching it's prey almost. He was lead up the stairs to a vacant bedroom, he wanted to fight him off, turn and run but fund he couldn't, Chrissie stood by the door dressed to the nines, 'cash up front for this one' she said to the man, he handed her an envelope, smiling she said enjoy. Robert was pushed into the room, nearly falling to the floor, 'get over there' his demanding voice told him, he struggled over to the bed, he felt a hand grip the back of his neck, breath on his ear, 'your mine tonight, let's have some fun', he said throwing Robert onto the bed, stripping off his clothes before doing the same to Robert. The next morning, he curled himself up in a ball crying, the memories of the previous night on replay in his head, the smell, rough touch and pain of the man who had been inside him, Chrissie came bouncing into the room saying how well he had done and not to worry he will get used to it, she looked at him,'what's with you, you like sex with men', he began to shake, he wanted to leave and never come back, hard to do when your married to the person that's selling your body to other people.

 

One night he worked up the courage to say no, he didn't want to do it, he'd lost count over the past year of how many men had had him, 'no, no, you can't say no' she told him, 'you need to earn your keep, these clothes cost a lot of money you know', 'please, Chrissie, please I don't want to do this any more', he begged her, only to get a backhander across his face knocking him off balance, almost regaining it he received a punch to the ribs winding him, he lay on the floor , Chrissie's foot meeting his stomach hard. She lent in front of him, pulling his head up by his hair, 'I never married you for your brains, if you say no next time, this little side effect will be worse' she said, her tone harsh, dropping his head she left him laying on the floor coughing, locking the door behind her. It felt like days he had been in there, he couldn't tell, he curled himself into a corner when he heard the key turn in the lock, Chrissie walking to looking concerned, 'Robert, let's get you out of here, get you some food yeah' it was like nothing had happened, 'I'm sorry, but you made me do it, it was for the best, you have to learn you can't say no to my family, your family, my darling husband', she guided him to the back kitchen, the good one used for business. Lawrence sat eating a full english, he smiled at Robert sat before him, 'we have company tonight, your not going to play up again are you' it was more of a statement than a question, Robert shook his head, 'good' Lawrence said, 'now we don't need to help you along do we, yours likes theirs in full control of them selves', closing his eyes he shook his head, terrified at the thought of the night ahead.

 

It had been a year and a half in a marriage of hell, now only being spoken to when it came to business, he'd said no a number of time since the first beating, this last on had had him layed up for two weeks, Chrissie acted sweetly as she nursed his injuries, food was basic, being told you need to earn to eat well, when he could get up they put him to work in the office. He'd copy anything he could as evidence, hoping on day to use it against them, using their out post to send it to a friend with a note, hoping they still lived at that address. He was close to being court a couple of times, but hid it quickly enough, sex had become a chore now, get in, get done and leave, hating himself and Chrissie every single time, he'd scrub his skin raw in the shower afterwards, not wanting anything of the men on him, still he felt dirty and ashamed. Chrissie had approached him some nights saying she missed their raw animal sex, making Robert do what ever she wanted, after being locked in a small dark room with only a tiny bed in it, the walls would tighten around him, making it hard for him to breath, and he found it hard to get it up sometimes, Chrissie forcing him to drink something to help with the problem. Lawrence having been getting complaints about Robert, saying he just lays there, they had been told he was the best, but for Robert he had given up, took what they did to him, the spark that once shone in his eyes gone and Lawrence wasn't happy, he and his daughter yelled at each other about it, Lawrence saying it was time to cut loose, Chrissie saying no, this was his opportunity, he was getting ready for this evenings party when he asked her straight out, 'Chrissie I can't do this, let me leave and I will never tell anyone, I promise you, let me go', he didn't beg, that's what she wanted, she looked at him, her fathers words in her head, 'Ok, yes', she said.


	11. Being There For Others

Chapter 11 – Being There For Others

 

They sat, an indefinite silence between them, Robert hugging his legs, Aaron on the edge of the bed, he'd gone to speak a few times but nothing came out, he had wanted to say, what they did to you was horrible, but you'll get through this, I will always be here, still nothing when he opened his mouth. 'Say something, anything' Robert whispered out, still nothing, 'you hate me don't you, do I disgust you that much' he fought back his tears as he said it, Aaron turned to him shocked, 'no I don't, what they......what you had to......., you did what you did to survive', he grabbed Robert's hand, only for it to be recoiled, he couldn't look at him, 'look at me Robert, look at me, it wasn't your fault, none of it', he looked at him now. 'I trusted her Aaron, loved her...and....she...' he couldn't control his tears now, they fell freely, 'she was........, is my wife', 'you never got divorced' Aaron said closed eyed, shacking his head, Robert looked up then back to Aaron, 'no, I was, still am terrified of them, I........ I wasn't going to let them find me, not after.....', Aaron wiped his tears away as he continued, 'I had been recognised a year after the hospital, so I....I got in touch with Ian', Aaron gave him a questioning look, 'Ian, Ian', Robert nodded,'I'd sent him the documents, luckily he had taken my note seriously and kept them safe,........ and I took them to the police' he blow out a breath,' I was so scared, scared they wouldn't believe me........., they very nearly charged me until they found that the whites were already being investigated'. 'What,.... what did they do?' Aaron asked quietly, never taking his eyes off of him, 'put me in protective custody, helped me change my name back to Sugden, erased anything to do with that name, faked my death', it as now he reached out taking Aaron's hands in his own, 'I've been moved so many times, had nowhere to call home' he gulped, 'so the last time I was recognised, I ran and didn't stop until I got here,.......... believe me they weren't happy about me staying here, but I insisted'. It was all making sense now, 'all those phone calls, meeting, …..' Aaron thought on now, 'that man who was asking about a Wilson family, he was looking for you wasn't he?', Robert nodded saying, 'I don't why, I had never told Chrissie about this place or my family, she thought I didn't have any, I..........I don't know how they found out, unless.......' thoughts whirled round his head, it couldn't be could it, 'Katie' he finally said, 'if she's seen a picture or something then maybe, oh god'

 

Aaron carefully lifted himself off the bed, Robert now in a deep sleep, for Aaron sleep had not come, shutting the door quietly he headed down stairs, jumping out of his skin when he saw Charity on the sofa when he switched the light on. 'You scared the shit out of me, what you doing sitting in the dark?' Aaron asked her, walking over , getting a bottle of beer, 'couldn't sleep, I don't know what's worse, the two of you having sex or talking', 'sorry' he says in a hushed voice, 'wasn't tired anyway, so don't sweat it' she went back to her wine, noticing Aaron glance over at her every so often like he wanted to ask a question. 'What?' she asked annoyed, he shook his head saying nothing, looking at him she knew the wasn't, so she joined at the table, 'what's on your mind kid?' this time asking in concern, it was rare for him to talk to her about things, 'what was it,.......... I mean......... you know.......when you were.....' he was trying to think of a nice way to put it, 'Aaron, spit it out will ye, I don't have all night', she said to him, 'on the game, what was it like?'. She wondered why he would ask her that, 'your not thinking about....', 'oh god no' he injected, 'I was just thinking about Katie, thinking about how she ended up doing that' he told a half truth at least, she gave him a weary smile, 'I heard about that, poor cow, she was involved in that big raid wasn't she' she took a drink and carried on, 'see I wouldn't have gone in for the whole big company thing, not without knowing the ins and outs, so to speak. You see I knew someone who did when I was you know' Aaron nodded,'well we didn't here from her after that, and the next thing we knew her body had been found, you do not want to know in what state' she was waving her arm around now, 'but Katie, I couldn't see her going in willingly, they use other ways to entice you, well then basically force you, and once your in it's hard to get out, alive at least' she drank the last of her drink, then said she was going to bed and she would see him in the morning, 'yeah see you then' he said thoughtfully.

 

Stretching, Aaron circled his neck as he awoke, Robert's arm draped over his bare chest, turning onto his back carefully as not to wake his boyfriend he smiled seeing a peaceful look on his face as he slept. 'Mmmm, morning', Robert whispered eyes still closed, 'you alright?', Aaron asked stroking Robert's face remembering what they had talked about last night, opening his eyes Robert gave him a sad look saying he wasn't but will be. Aaron kissed him telling him that all that was in the past and they had their whole future together, Robert pulled him tight into their embrace, 'can we just stay like this forever, just you and me'. Finally making it down for breakfast, Charity gave Aaron a smile and a nod as she left to take Noah to school, Chas offered them a brew, both saying yes as they started eating their cereal, 'you look tired Charity', Chas said when she came back in, 'late night' was all she said side glancing Aaron, the look telling him she wouldn't say anything about their early hours conversation. 

 

Adam had suggested the pub for dinner, they got there at the same time as Robert coming back from seeing Mike, he looked exhausted, counselling always seemed to take out of him, Aaron knew today's would be hard on him after the night before. The three men sat at one of the middle tables tucking in to their food when Andy rushed in, he seemed angry, but lost at the same time, 'you alright mate?, Adam asked, 'no, can I stay at yours for a bit?' he was neither standing or sitting, couldn't decide what to do, Adam said of cause he could, then asking what's up. 'Katie, she had to give the police a permanent address, so she gave them mine' they all looked at him now, 'she'll be back this afternoon, I can't be there, not after...' he sounded upset more than angry. Adam took his keys out and passed them to Andy, 'you really should talk to her, get her side of it', he got a glare for his words, 'after she's sold herself to god knows how many men, why should I', Aaron could feel Robert starting to panic a little, he simply put his hand on his knee letting him know he was there, it calmed him giving him a thankful smile, 'after what she said to you Robert, after everything she called you, would you talk to her?' Robert was stuck in his own thoughts, he had heard his brothers words but they had become jumbled with his own thoughts, 'well?' Andy said to him. 'I'd...I'd want to hear her side, we don't know what happened after she left, maybe she got in trouble and couldn't get out of it' Robert said not making eye contact, he sat trying to regulate his breathing, his chest becoming tight, 'well you talk to her then because I want nothing to do with her' he yelled at his brother, getting Charity's attention from the bar. 'Now, now lads, keep it down will ye' she said calmly walking over, Andy turned to her, sparks of anger in his eyes, 'better idea, you talk to her, you could compare note's' the bitterness flow out at her, Aaron had had enough telling Andy to apologise to Charity, Charity saying no it's fine, a second later punching him in the face and telling him to get out. Robert tried to stand, only to fall back into the seat, Aaron held his hands as he talked him through his breathing, 'sorry, I just hate all this fighting', Aaron telling him it was alright, then telling Adam he would be back in a bit, taking Robert through to the back.

 

'Did you talk to Mike about..' Aaron asked Robert as they sat on the sofa, he said yes quietly, he was shaking trying to hold a glass of water, so Aaron took it off him and put it on the table, 'do you want to..' Robert shook his head before Aaron had finished. Charity came through holding a tea towel filled with ice on her knuckles, Chas right behind her telling her she can't go around hitting the customers, 'well I haven't done that in a while' Charity said laughing to her herself before answering her, 'sorry, but you would have done the same', they watched Robert stand saying he was going upstairs and leave the room, Aaron sighed loudly. 'He alright love?' Chas asked, they'd began to get along about a month after Katie left, well Aaron getting them to get to know each other anyway but it had seemed to have worked, he often found them in hushed conversation glancing over at him smiling, 'yeah, he saw Mike today, you know how he gets afterwards' she gave him a nod of understanding then went back to Charity, who turned her attention to Aaron. 'Thanks for defending me, but I can do that myself, sweet of you though' she said to him, he let out a laugh knowing she was right, 'what did he do?' Chas asked both of them, it was Charity who told her, her face dropped when she heard it, saying she was going to kill him.

 

Around three o'clock, Robert had plucked up the courage to go and see Katie, he had to know, so now he found himself standing in front of Andy's questioning if he should do this, no he had to, knocking on the door for her to open it, looking withdrawn and ashamed. Once in the living room they sat down, 'you Ok' he asked keeping his voice neutral, 'I don't know' she said, unshed tears in her eyes, 'it was horrible, the things they made me do, I tried to get out, but I'd heard stories, such horrible stories from the others', she looked at him now, 'I'm so sorry for everything I did and said to you, you never deserved it'. He just nodded, not ready to accept her apology, that would take time, 'when they caught you, were you.....you know?' he wasn't sure if he should be asking but needed to know, 'no, but I was in the house', they spoke for a while, Katie telling how she went for a job in the stables, then the parties started and before she knew it she was doing other stuff. 'You need to tell Andy this, make him understand like you have me' no where in their conversation did he let slip about himself, 'he won't talk to me' she began crying now, 'he hates me, thinks I'm nothing but a whore, can you.....', 'I've already tried' he interrupted her, 'but I'll give it another go, I don't want us all fighting again, and the fact you weren't you know....... they probably can't charge you right'. 'Robert, I know your doing this for Andy........ but please,please forgive me, I was wrong about you, you have changed' she wiped her face, 'I was so caught up in the past, I didn't see who you are now', he stayed silent for a minute or two, 'I'll think about it' he said standing he said he would try Andy tonight but he couldn't promise anything.

 

Aaron was asked by Andy to pick some things up for him, passing him his keys, he knew Andy was angry and upset earlier and he had apologised to Charity so he said yes, he quietly unlocked the front door. He was about to call Katie's name when he heard her on speaker phone in the kitchen, so he waited for her to finish, closing the door behind him loudly when she had, she ran round asking how long he had been there, odd question he thought. 'Now really, Andy asked me to pick stuff up' he said as he made his way upstairs, packing clothes and the other things on his list, 'is he alright, he won't speak to me' she said, he sighed, 'he's angry and hurt, give him time' he said as he left. Walking back he checked his phone as he reached keepers cottage, knocked, Robert answered saying hello. He'd come to talk to Andy about Katie, who still was hearing none of it, Aaron choosing not to say anything, as he knew how stubborn he was, plus he had his own reservations about how truthful she was being,just couldn't prove it yet.


	12. Suspicions

Chapter 12 - Suspicions

 

Four of them sat in the booth drinking pints, Aaron looked round at Adam, Robert and Andy asking if they wanted another, all saying yes, it had been a week since Katie had returned, Andy still not wanting to see her. Adam got up with Aaron to go the bar, they were chatting when Katie walked in, she looked shy and small, ashamed almost, when she reached Aaron she asked if Chas was in the back, he nodded saying he I'll ask her if she could go through. 'She's busy at the moment, said she'll call you' he told her walking through the bar, 'all I want is to talk to her, explain, please ask her again', so he did telling her to go through. Ten minutes later his phone bleeped, saying his battery was dying had went to put it on charge, pushing the door to the back room he saw Katie quickly flicking through today's post, removing some from the pile, before going to put them in her bag, 'you picked up the post, thanks, have I got any in there?' Aaron asked, causing her to replace the nearly stolen letters and handing them to him, going through them himself he took his and Robert's out, dropping the rest on the table. Chas came in then saying that she had to go out and would see her later, Katie left by the back door, he only then looked seeing that the letters she was taking had been Robert's, what was she up to, 'did you have a nice chat?' he asked his mum casually, 'yeah, but she's acting weird, might be what's going on, feel for her really' she gave him a smile and kissed his forehead, making him pull a face,' see you later kid' she told him as she left the same way as Katie. 

 

'Your thinking, that's dangerous' Aaron whispered, stroking one finger down Robert's neck, moving closer kissing him behind the ear, 'mmm' Robert moaned, shifting his position to lay on his back, 'just thinking about Katie.....' his thoughts disrupted by Aaron's hand snaking over his t-shirt clad chest, playing with one of his nipples, his mouth sucking on his earlobe, along his jawline, 'what about her' he asked between kisses. 'It's just, I've spoken to her a few times......arrrh...... and no two stories are....... mmmm.... the same...' Robert said breathlessly, Aaron turned his head to face him, 'I think you should forget about her right now', kissing him, their tongues tasting each other, Robert let out a moan as Aaron's hand slid under his boxer briefs, fingers encircling his cock. Rolling over to his side, Robert tightened one arm round Aaron's back, the other finding it's way his underwear, teasing Aaron over the fabric, his fingers tiptoeing along the length, working across the tip and back down before cupping it, fingers lightly tapping his balls. Aaron groaned at the sensation, their kiss deepening as each working the other at a slow, gentle pace, quickening when Robert freed Aaron of his underwear, taking hold, running his thumb over the slit causing Aaron to pull them closer together. 'I want you' Robert raspingly breathed into Aaron's ear, who rolled them over so Robert was on top, smiling he said, I'm yours, taking Robert's hand he sucked and licked his fingers, Robert working his tongue down his chest over the erect nipple, nipping it making his partner gasp. Ducking under the covers, his hand now realised from Aaron's mouth, Aaron bending his legs in, he felt fingers gently rubbing his hole, arching his back as one entered him slowly moving in circular patterns, a cry escaping his lips when a second went in, at the same time as Robert's mouth slid over his hard cock, his tongue hitting all the right spots.

 

'MUM' Aaron shouted in shock, Robert moved quickly to move back to the top of the bed, as Chas put the big light on as she stumbled through the door, both sat embarrassed, breathing rapidly, 'hi loove' she slurred, staggering over to fell on the end of the mattress, 'I need to tell you', 'mum, how much have you drunk?' he asked shifting his position to hide the hardness below, Robert doing the same. She giggled 'enough, but I..... I had to warn you Rob', they were confused now, 'she still got it in for you, even told me your married', she laughed as she said it, they looked at each other then back to Chas, 'I have never been married Chas' he said hoping she would believe him. She pulled a face, 'well I know that, your not the marrying type', she began to sway almost falling off the bed, 'unless you wanted to marry my Aaron, that would be Ok with me' grinning as she laughed, 'mum, go to bed we'll talk about this in the morning', she looked at them, saw how red their faces where, putting her hand to her mouth saying, 'sorry you were busy, sorry' then staggered to the door whispering sorry again as she closed it. Aaron looked to Robert saying well that killed the mood, reaching beneath the covers Robert said, 'let's see about that shall we', ducking back under.

 

The coffee cup banged loudly in front of Chas, who held her head in her hands groaning, Aaron looked down at her, 'got a hang over' he shouted on purpose, she just waved one hand at him before replacing it, he sat down now a little calmer. 'So, are you going to tell me what she said last night' he said looking at her, 'can we do this when my head doesn't hurt so much' her voice hushed as even it was too loud for her, he shook his head, 'look at me and tell me'. Begrudgingly lifting her head she looked at him,'just that he had a past, a married past, and that...', 'and what mum' it was a demand rather than a question, 'Aaron, she said that he used to sell his body, but not in such nice words as I have just used' picking up the cup she sipped the hot coffee,'I don't believe her mind, just think she's still got this vendetta against him'. Aaron didn't know what to say, 'to be fair she had more to drink than me, so it's a load of bollocks anyway', 'did she say anything else?', Robert asked from the doorway, neither Chas or Aaron had realised he was there. 'Yeah, if she didn't find out your not who you say you are then she's in danger from this Chrissie bitch, that they'll hurt her like they hurt who ever your supposed to be', Robert froze, looking to the floor, his mind some where else, eyes searching, Aaron went over to him breaking his thoughts, 'sit down I'll make you a brew', he said guiding him to the table, 'you alright Robert?' Chas asked seeing the look on his face. 'Yeah' he said, 'just a little embarrassed about you know', changing the subject, Chas went bright red then say she was so sorry and next time they should lock the door, making both men going red. They heard Charity coming down the stairs, all falling silent when she came in holding the post, dropping it on the kitchen table Robert picking it up, passing out the letters to their owners, until he read one of them, 'did a Livesy live here, that or they've got the wrong address', Chas, Charity and Aaron looked at each other, Aaron taking the letter from his boyfriend. Chas held his arm saying it might be important, he scoffed throwing it on on the counter saying he'll open it later, Robert looked confused, he was about to ask Aaron about it, but he had left the room quickly so he asked Chas, 'He changed to Dingle after the court case, Livesy was his da.... Gordon's name', still not being able to call him his dad. Charity gave Chas a knowing smile, 'let him be for a bit, he'll be down when he's ready',she said to them both, Robert's thoughts went back to when he found about to cut himself, saying he'll be right back he went up stairs ignoring the calls from the two women. Entering the bedroom, he saw Aaron staring out the window, 'I'm not going to do that, before you ask', he told Robert, who hugged him from behind, leaning his head on Aaron's shoulder, 'anyway, we've got bigger problems don't you think', Robert sighed hearing what his boyfriend had just said. 'I'll have to call them, let them know' he said moving to the bed and pulling out his phone, Aaron stopped him, 'before you do, there's something you should know' he took a deep breath, ' I caught Katie trying to steal you post, stopped her before she could', 'what, when?'Robert asked worried, panic rising in his voice, 'maybe I should talk to them as well' Aaron tone was calm, 'we can go together'. Aaron took a deep breath, this was not something he wanted to ask out right, 'what she said to mum, that they would do to her, what they...' Robert looked away, not wanting to hear the rest of it, but Aaron continued, 'what did they do Robert, is it' he nodded to Robert, although he had never seen him without a top on in all this time, he had been told by the doctors when Robert was in the hospital. Robert started to leave, 'please talk to me, I've never pushed before, I just....I just want to help Robert' he called to him, 'I don't want to talk about it' he shouted slamming the door behind him

 

Later that evening, both men had calmed down from each of their out bursts this morning, apologised to each other, Aaron saying he won't ask again, Robert stayed quiet, Charity came through to the back asking Aaron if he had opened that letter yet, picking it up he throw it at her saying if she wanted to read so badly then she could open it. Charity being Charity did, reading it to herself then looking at Aaron, deep down he had wanted to know what was inside but was to afraid to open it himself, 'it's about his will reading, it requested that you go' she spoke quietly, he gulped, 'no,no, I don't want anything from that bastard, no' he waved his arms in the air showing how serious he was. Robert held him, feeling the anger building in Aaron he whispered that it's alright to be angry, just breath the anger out, over their time together not only had they been to counselling separately but joint sessions also, using one of the techniques they had been taught to calm Aaron down, he breathing calmed. Chas hearing the shouting ran in, seeing the state of her son asked what happened, Charity passing her the letter she read it, looking up at Aaron she said she would go in his place, if that's what he wanted, he nodded saying, 'tell them I want nothing, I don't care what it is', she nodded looking again to see that it was in a weeks time.

Aaron sat in the port-a-cabin the next morning, Adam sat opposite on his laptop, noticing how quiet his friend had been since he got in, 'Aaron' he got nothing, 'Aaron' he said a little louder causing him to jump in his seat. 'What' he asked Adam, who shook his head and laughed, 'you alright mate?', he said he was, just things on his mind, 'you can talk to me whenever you know' he became concerned by the tone of his friends voice. Robert came in asking Aaron to come outside, once there he smile a worrying smile, 'they want to see us this afternoon at three, can you make it?' He asked Aaron, 'yeah, I'll tell Adam I'm seeing Jill', switch wasn't a lie, he still saw when he needed too. They left at two, Robert telling him where to go, which surprised Aaron when they pulled in by the counsellors office, entering Robert said he had an appointment with Mike, 'do you always do this here?' he asked Robert, he began to answer when they were called in. 'Aaron, how are you?' a familiar voice said, looking round he saw DS Wise standing there, 'erm, I'm fine thanks' he replied, Mike asked everyone to take a seat, introducing himself to Aaron as DS Parker, 'so are you a police officer or a counsellor?' Aaron asked, 'both' he said, when they were all ready, Robert asked them to tell Aaron where they were up to in the case, he listened carefully. 'Can you tell use wants been happening' Mike said, they told them about Katie trying to take Robert's post, what she had said to Chas, Aaron fidgeted, DS Wise having worked with him before and noticed asking him if there was anything else, 'yeah' he said quietly, 'I've been suspicious of her since she came back' he was asked why, pulling his phone out and unlocking it, 'I should have told you before, but I wanted to be sure' he said to Robert, pressing play on his phone. After they had listened to it, Mike and the DS looked at each other, then to Aaron, 'you did the right thing recording it', he nodded, Robert reached out and held his hand, their attention went to Robert then, DS Wise showed him some paperwork with his signature on them, 'did you sign these?' he asked, Robert actually laughed saying, 'have you seen the dates on these. He pointed to them, they nodded, 'I was either in a coma or a psychiatric unit, with no visitors, so no, I was catatonic, couldn't speak let alone sign these', he handed them back, Mike checked the dates with Robert's medical records saying he was correct. 'So what happens now?' Robert asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments welcomed


	13. Cracks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The cracks begin to show between Aaron and Robert

Chapter 13 - Cracks

 

Finding Aaron and Adam in the pub, walked, or rather limped over to them, his leg bothering him, Adam saw him first pulling out a chair, 'you alright, where have you been?' slowly Robert lowered himself to the seat getting his breath back, 'finishing the paper work for tomorrow, busy day ahead for you two'. Looking at each other, Adam and Aaron pulled a face, 'drink?' Aaron asked kissing Robert on the cheek, 'yeah, lemonade please' he said with a smile, I'll be back in a minute, just need to get some pain killers' he went to get up, only to be pushed down again, Aaron saying he will get them. Returning with two pills and his drink, swallowing them he hoped they would kick in soon, the shooting pains had steadily been getting worse over the last hour, the three where enjoying their drinks, chatting about their day when Katie came in, bold as brass like she had done nothing wrong, beside her was a tall, brown haired woman, they laughed as they got to the bar. The taller of the two said something to Katie, she looked at the three men who where staring at them, 'hi, lads' she said, all three looking away quickly, she had been back about a month and a half now, Andy still refusing to speak to her. 'How are you Katie, why don't you and your friend join us', Adam asked, Robert hitting his arm reminding him he was married to his sister, both laughing, Aaron sat back silent. 'This is Sam, my new house mate', she told them, 'Sam this is Adam, Vic's husband, Robert, my brother-in-law and Aaron his boyfriend', Sam shook their hands and sat at the table, 'since when do you need a house mate?' Robert asked, Katie looked down saying since she could afford the bills on her own, Robert hitting Adam again as he had started to laugh. Aaron coughed, 'so Sam what do you do?' he asked seriously, she smiled at him, 'I'm a physiotherapist ', she told them. They stayed like that for a while, conversation flowed between all bar Katie, making her look a little mad, Aaron saying she could speak to his boyfriend about doing his exercises properly, only to get a glare off him, so he shut up. Getting his phone out, having felt it vibrate, Aaron opened the text message, smiling he showed Robert and Adam, it was a picture of Liv holding up a school reward she had just got, then showing Katie and Sam, he felt like the proudest big brother ever, since moving to Ireland she had buckled down and done well in school. 'Come on shall we get back', Katie said to Sam when she saw Andy walk in, 'lets stay for a bit, introduce me to everyone' Sam said, nervously she said yes, both leaving the table heading over to speak to Nicola and Jimmy. Andy joining the lads asking how was with his wife, hurt and hatred in his voice, they told him, all he said was that at least it meant he wouldn't have to give her help with money.

 

Chas came through from the back, ever since going to the will reading she had tried to get Aaron to hear what was said, now another letter had been sent to him, she watched her son laughing along with the others, it'll keep she thought to herself. It wasn't until later when he found the letter that he asked her about it, 'are you ready to hear about it', she asked him, her hand on his arm, reluctantly he nodded, when she told him the amount he shook his head, the number repeating in his head. 'This could change your life love', Chas said, 'think about what you could do with it, expand the business, anything you want', he sat in silence for a moment thinking, he could do what his mum said and more, but knowing it was from him, knowing how spending it would make him feel, he couldn't,' no' he said finally, 'I can't mum, that money is dirty, I would feel like he's buying me if I took it'. She understood what he was saying, asking what he wanted her do then, he thought about it, 'tell them to donate it to the NSPCC, let the bastard help other children the way he never helped me', he walked off not saying another word for the rest of the night about it. Returning to the bar he rejoined Robert and Andy, Adam having gone home with Vic, Robert squeezing his arm as he sat next to him, kissing him before grabbing his drink. 

 

'This feels weird' Aaron said, it was Robert's monthly counselling session, he had asked Aaron to make it a joint one, 'how does it feel weird Aaron?', Mike asked, answering he said it was like talking to two different people, a counsellor and a police officer. Mike looked at them both with a reassuring look, 'today I'm a counsellor, anything said here is confidential, nothing will be said to anyone else', Aaron gave an uncertain smile, 'I promise you Aaron'. The three sat in silence for a moment, Robert looking to Aaron as to say it will be Ok, 'how have you been doing Robert?' Mike asked, 'truthfully, I've been worried' he sighed unsure how to say what he wanted to, 'worried about the case or is there something else', he looked at Mike when he asked it, 'the case yes, but' he held Aaron's hand, looking round to him, 'I've been worried about you.....since you got that letter, you haven't been yourself'. Aaron pulled away from him, staring at him he said, 'Robert, I've been busy at work, Liv coming over to visit soon, so yes I have been preoccupied' he could feel anger building up in him, taking a breath to try and calm it, 'it has nothing to do with that, do you want me to be truthful', Robert nodded, A little scared of what the reply would be, 'ok, you tell me, do I let her come over with everything that's going on?, Is it safe for her to visit, I don't want to put her in danger', he took another deep breath, 'I put mum in that situation with Gordon, he came to find me, instead he found her and threatened her........ I don't want to put Liv in that situation', he turned to Mike now, 'do you think I should let her visit?'. 'Are you asking me as Mike or DS Parker?' he asked, Aaron stood and started pacing, running his fingers through his hair, 'both' he shouted at him, Mike nodded and thought for a second, 'as Mike I would say it would be good for you to see your sister, spend time with her' Aaron had stopped pacing, he stood listening to Mike, 'as a police officer, I'd say that nothing has happened that I can see as threatening, so I feel she would be safe, but it down to you, do you feel she would be safe?', 'Aaron' Robert said getting his attention, 'if needs be I'll move out while she's here'. Sighing Aaron sat back down, his leaning back on the sofa, he looked over to Robert, giving him a gentle smile, 'I don't want you to have to leave, it's me, I'm nervous that's all.......... I don't feel safe without you there, I'm being stupid'. Letting him calm down a bit more Mike continued, 'are you nervous about her safety or her visit?' he asked, Aaron was taken aback, 'I...I' he hadn't thought about it like that before, 'I don't know, it well be the first time I've seen her since......' , 'Gordon died' Robert finished his sentence, Aaron nodded, 'what if Liv blames me for it, what if she hates me for it' he said playing with his sleeves, 'I couldn't handle that'. Robert grabbed his hands when he saw he was digging his nails into the flesh of his palms, 'Aaron' he said, his head snapped round to Robert, 'she loves you, she knows it's not your fault....... is this what your nightmares have been about lately?' his tone low and caring when he asked, Aaron nodded. 'Why didn't you tell me?' Robert asked him, 'you never tell me about the ones you have, and I don't ask Robert' Robert looked down closing his eyes, 'your right' Robert said.

'Do you trust each other?' Mike asked, 'to a point' they answered at the same time, neither knowing the both felt the same, looking between the two of them Mike said, 'trust is important in a relationship, maybe we should work on building that up'. Robert was the first to respond, 'I trust Aaron more than I trust anyone, even myself sometimes' he spoke to Aaron now, 'I do trust you, it's just......', 'your wife killed your trust' Aaron said, Robert nodded saying, 'like Gordon killed yours', Aaron knew he was right, he did trust Robert, he just felt that sometimes Robert held stuff back from him. They were also good at reading each others faces now as well, 'be patient with me Aaron, please'.

 

Robert shoot up straight, sweat pouring of him, his whole body shaking, it was now that he would usually have Aaron's arm's around him, speaking soft words to him, looking round he remembered where he was. Neither had said a word on the way home earlier that day, and it had continued into the night until they had a huge argument, each of their words hurting the other, Aaron's final words most of all, so he had slept on the sofa, when the shaking eased off he went to the kitchen to get a drink, seeing what was on the counter his nightmare came flooding back to his mind His stomach churned, knots tightening in it, bending over the sink throwing up violently, stopping when there was nothing left to come out, turning on the tap to wash it away as he filled a glass he sipped some of the liquid. Turning he slid down, sitting on the floor the tears started and would not stop, at this moment all he wanted, all he needed was Aaron, Aaron to hold him, tell him it's alright, that he's not on his own, that he was safe, but he was on his own. Maybe Mike was right, maybe he did need to learn to trust more, not just Aaron but his family too, looking round he stood up grabbing the bottle of whisky on the side, slumping back to the floor he opened it, downing as much as he could, hoping enough of it would send him into unconsciousness. Some how he found his way back to the sofa, pressing the bottle to his lips taking another drink, only for it to be pulled away from him, Chas looked down at him disappointedly, 'what's all this about Robert?' she asked concerned, she'd never seen like this,'what is so bad you have to down most of a bottle of whisky?' he looked at her trying to focus, 'tell him that I love him' he slurred, his eyes growing heavy and closing.

 

How did I get here, Robert thought, one eye slightly open seeing that he was in bed, god he his head was banging, 'water and pain killers on the side', Aaron said, he would have turned to face him but the feeling of being sick stopped him. 'I think I'm gonna be sick' he said quickly, Aaron passed him a washing up bowl as he sat up, taking it he lurched forward, Aaron rubbing circles on his back, Robert pulling out of the touch. Laying back down he asked how he got there, 'mum woke me up, took both of us to help you up, you'd been sick all over yourself' Aaron told him. It was then he noticed he had a different top on, 'who.....who....'he couldn't get his words out through the panic, Aaron reached to him, Robert pulled back he looked terrified, 'I did,' he said to Robert, who turned away not being able to look at him, 'is that what your nightmares are about?' Aaron asked carefully, his eyes filling with tears. Robert didn't reply, that was the one boundary that they had not crossed, he chest started to become tight, focusing on his breathing still not letting Aaron touch him, 'I'm tired' he finally said, 'think I'll try and get some sleep', turning to face the wall he heard Aaron leave the room. He woke hours later alone, getting up and dressed he picked up a bag, put some clothes in it and headed for the back door, he had decided to go to Diane's, who had brought Edna's cottage after her death, knocking Doug answered and called Diane, 'can I stay here?' his voice low and full of hurt. The coffee cup hot in his hands filling him with warmth, he just felt cold, he'd had ten text messages off of Aaron in the past hour, choosing to ignore them, 'had something happened between you and Aaron, pet' he hadn't said a word since he asked if he could stay, just stared into the distance. He watched Diane get up and answer the door, he hadn't even heard anyone knock, coming back in, Aaron rushing to him from behind her, 'I've been so worried' he said to Robert, placing his hands gently on his knees. 'Get off me' Robert said pushing him to the floor, the cup falling too, Aaron got to his knees, 'I'm so sorry, I should never had said what I did' his voice shaking, 'please just come back and we'll talk properly', Robert stood up anger and hurt in his eyes, pulled Aaron to his feet and dragged him to the front door opening it, 'please' Aaron said again, 'GET OUT', Robert yelled pushing him out, slamming the door behind him leaving Aaron crying in the street, himself leaning against the door the same.


	14. Divisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People take sides, not that Aaron's happy about that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING -Form of self harming and talk of past suicide attemp.

Chapter 14 – Divisions 

 

Looking round the pub Diane spotted Aaron sat on one of the back tables, he looked as bad as Robert, worse if she was honest, Adam sat next to him talking away, not that he was listening, his mind working overtime with worry, the worry of Robert's health, never mind what he might be thinking after their argument last week. They had both said things, hurtful things, the guilt of his own words eating away at him, he couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, he was running on empty. 'You drinking that mate?' Adam asked poking him on the shoulder, Aaron jumped, first looking at his friend then to the pint which had sat untouched for the last hour, 'sorry', he said thoughtfully taking the first sip, pulling a face because it was warm. A shadow hung over the table, both looking to see Diane, a worried smile as she said hello, Aaron turned not able to look at her, the sadness in her eyes to much for him, 'Aaron, could I get some of Robert's things?'. She asked quietly, he told her he would bring them round later, still avoiding her gaze, 'can we go through the back and talk', she said, he could tell by the way she had said it that something was wrong.

 

Aaron sat at the kitchen table, Diane joining him, Chas had gone to say something as they pasted, Aaron saying no with a look, he knew she was concerned for him, checking on him every so often, it was doing his head in. 'Well', he said, eyes closed pinching the bridge of his nose, 'I don't think seeing him will be the best idea Aaron' he sighed deeply, 'he's hardly spoken since he came to mine, not left the house, he flies off the handle every time I try and talk to him'. She could see the worry in Aaron's eyes now, 'wh...what do you mean he's not left the house, he had an appointment with Mike yesterday', he thought quickly, 'do he rearrange it or something?', he asked, Diane shrugged her shoulders before saying, 'I can see you still care for him, could you try to get him to speak to you or Mike, I know things aren't great between the two of you right now but'. He couldn't look at her, he was worried about Robert, really worried, but he wasn't the only one who had said hurtful things that night, Robert's words had dug deep, cutting into his heart, 'we both said things to hurt each other', he whispered, 'mine the worst, I don't don't think he'll want to see me, let alone speak to me', he did have one idea, 'I tell you what Diane, tell him I said if he wants his stuff, then he'll have to come and get them himself', she could see what he was doing, 'ok', she said, both leaving the room, Diane exiting the pub, Aaron rejoining Adam who was now sitting with his wife and Finn. 

 

'Trouble in paradise', Finn said nodding towards Aaron, not that it was directed to him, more pointed to Adam and Vic, Adam nodded not wanting to upset his friend any more than he already was, not that Aaron as taking notice, his pint seemed to be more of interest than the company he was keeping. 'What', he said after hearing his name, none of their other words had registered in his brain, he looked at the three blankly, 'we were saying that it's been a week, a week of you being miserable and Robert....', Vic stopped for a second seeing the tears form in Aaron's eyes, what had her brother said to invoke such a response in her friend, 'well ho knows what's going on in his head', Aaron looked away from her, away from them all. He was hearing them now, but his thoughts had gone to what Diane had said earlier, he could feel the concern building up in him again from just hearing his name, he breathed back the tears blinking as Vic continued. 'I told him ages ago that if he ever hurt you in any way, that I wouldn't speak to him', 'Christ Vic, you said what', Aaron hadn't meant to but the anger filtered out in his voice when he spoke, 'he's your brother Vic, have you even asked Diane how he's doing', he saw that she had been taken aback by his tone, Adam holing her hand as she tried to answer his question, 'no, is that your answer', he leant over the table to her, shaking off Finn's hand from his arm as he did. 'I have my reasons not to speak to him', his reasons being guilt and hurt, 'what's your excuse, your his sister and you know how things can affect him, so maybe you should start thinking about your own family before thinking about me......., the one thing I thought I didn't have to worry about was the fact that he'd have you looking out for him, well it looks like I was wrong wasn't I'. He had made her cry now, he couldn't bare to see what he had done to her, he ran through the side door to the toilets, punching the tiled wall with his fist, flexing his fingers to let more pain flow through him, allowing it override the hurt he felt inside, this not working he clenched his fist again hitting the wall harder. 

 

'Come on babe, don't cry', Adam said, Vic tucked into his side sobbing, 'he's not been himself all week, he didn't mean it', she pulled away from him to look into his eyes, 'yes he did', she said through her sobs, 'and he's right, I've been an awful sister.....I should have checked on Robert, instead I....', she broke down again, trying to run like Aaron did, only to be taught in Chas's arms. 'Hey, you Ok?' clearly she could see she wasn't but it was the first thing that came to mind, 'come on let's get you into the back' they walked through, Adam following, once settled Chas asked her her what happened, Adam answered, 'she and Aaron had words about Robert', Chas snapped her head up to look at Adam, he didn't see anger, more concern. 'Where is he now?' she asked knowing her sons mind, 'ran off to the bathroom, I think', Adam said, she gave him a look to say go check on him now, 'I'll be right back babe, stay here with Chas' he told his wife. She sat with Vic till she was calmer, 'tell me love, come on talk to me', she said, Vic gulped the water down from the glass, 'I'm as bad as Katie', Vic said, 'I presumed the worst about Robert, I didn't think about he was feeling,....I need to see him, make sure he's Ok'. 'Not while your in this state, maybe you should go tomorrow', Vic nodded knowing Chas was right.

 

'AARON', Adam shouted catching a hold of his arm, blood poured from his knuckle, bits of broken tile embedded in it, surveying the damage around the room, the hand drier hung off the wall, bits of tile lay on the floor, Aaron's blood ran down the wall where he had hit it he didn't know how many times. Aaron was shaking, 'why did I say those things to him, why Adam', the pain in his voice clear, both physical and emotional, 'after everything I went through and I go and say that', he legs began to feel heavy, Adam saw him about to fall so he lowered him down to the floor. 'Come on mate, lets take a look at your hand', Aaron winced as Adam tried to open his fist, 'I think it's going to need x-raying, always did think this room could do with redecorating anyway', he said causing Aaron to let out a little laugh before becoming serious again, 'you should have left me' Adam looked confused, opened his mouth to say something, but Aaron continued, 'if you had just left me, Jackson would be alive, my past would be buried, Robert......., I wouldn't have hurt him the way I did'. 'Don't you ever say that again Aaron Dingle', he held Aaron's shoulders, making him look at him, 'you've done nothing wrong, you hear me' they were both crying now, he felt like shaking Aaron, hugging him and hitting him at the same time, 'your my best mate, and I'm never going to lose you, and your never going to lose me'. 'But I've already lost me' Aaron said, Adam pulled him close, holding on tightly saying 'no you haven't, your still in there, and were going to get you back', Aaron clung onto Adams shirt as they rocked back and forth, 'we'll ring Jill in the morning, if you want but you have to talk to someone', Aaron nodded. Pushing away and wiping his eyes Adam said he was taking him to the hospital to have his hand looked at, he would have resisted but Aaron didn't have the energy to, they stood slowly and made their way out, Adam letting Chas know where they were going, but only saying about his hand, she had wanted to go with him, Aaron not allowing her too.

 

Chas was pissed, it had been a long time since she had this pissed off, picking up her pace as she quickly walked to Diane's, determined to get answers from Robert, Vic running behind her. Banging on the door, she barged in when Doug opened it demanding to know what she wanted in this time of night, pushing past him she saw Robert, 'WHAT DID YOU DO', she yelled at him, he looked at her, her tone scaring him, 'well', she spat out, Diane stood between them trying to defuse the situation, 'Chas calm down, we can talk about this calmly', but she wasn't having any of it continuing to have a go at him. 'Is he alright, what's happened' Robert said, his voice shaking, it was then he saw his sister who had clearly been crying, 'Vic, what's going on?' he asked her, knowing he wouldn't get answers out of Chas in the mood she was in, 'tell me, is Aaron Ok'. Robert listened as Vic told him what had happened at the pub, and that Adam had taken Aaron to the hospital, Chas glaring at him as he grabbed his coat and asked Diane to give him a left there, 'your going nowhere near him', Chas said to him, it was now he spoke to her, 'this needs sorting and now, so I'm going down there to do just that'.

 

'Argh', Aaron cried as the doctor carefully examined his hand replacing the cold compress after, they had been waiting for over an hour, and the fact that they had put him in a side room told him that they were going to send someone from the mental health unit to talk to him, or rather get him to talk to them if they could. 'Ok Mr. Dingle, first thing to do is take an x-ray', opening his notes, the young doctor looked to Aaron, 'can you tell me why you did this?', he asked, 'didn't like the décor', he answered sarcastically, Adam knocked his good arm, 'had a bad week', he said honestly, the doctor nodded and went to speak, 'I'm calling my counsellor tomorrow, so I don't need to see anyone'. It was another two hours before he had gone to x-ray, now they sat in the room waiting for the results, in that time they'd sent someone in to talk to Aaron, who told them to just see to his hand, when they said it was protocol he told them to do one. Adam had been quiet for some time now, wanting to ask Aaron things, but not knowing how to word it, 'quit staring will ye', Aaron told him, 'what did he say to you, to make you this upset?', he finally asked, Aaron becoming uncomfortable again, 'it doesn't matter, I said worse', the emotion rising in his voice. 'I'm not going to give up, so you may as well tell me', he said pushing his mate for an answer, 'you really want to know', Adam nodded, 'he said that at least he didn't scar himself', he looked at Aaron in shock and anger, anger towards Robert, 'but what I said........ why did I....', Aaron closed his eye, tears building behind them. Adam stood next to him, 'go on, how is what you said to him worse, after that..... I'll kill him for it, I'll......', 'I told him that it wasn't my fault what happened to me, that I was just a kid and I wasn't to blame', Aaron's tone was harsh, not towards Robert, but himself. It took Adam to think about what Aaron had just said, 'I shouldn't have said that', he looked at Adam panicking, 'please can you just forget it', tears ran down his face, Adam staring at the floor saying, 'Robert was ra......', 'please Adam, you can't say anything to anyone, he's not ready', Adam nodded saying yeah in shock. The doctor returned telling Aaron the x-rays where clear, the nurse then started to remove the fragments of tile, cleaning the wound, when the door opened, they looked up to see Robert standing there out of breath, 'what have you done to yourself' he said concerned, moving to Aaron's side, Adam not knowing what to say to Robert, excused himself, 'can you give us a minute?' Aaron asked the nurse, leaving she said she would be back in a bit to finish off. 'I'm sorry, I never meant any of it', Robert said, his eyes on Aaron, then inspecting the damaged hand, 'I certainly didn't mean for you to do this', 'this wasn't you, it was me, it wasn't your fault, any of it, not then and not this', Aaron spoke softly to him, 'got you out the house though', he said, Robert looking back at him. Robert glanced around the room, 'I've been thinking this past week', 'so have I', Aaron interrupted him, 'please, just let me get through this', Aaron said ok, so Robert continued, 'I've been thinking........about some of the things you said, …....it's time Aaron, and....... I understand with everything you went through with.........him, I'll tell them'. Aaron took his hand, 'you won't be alone, not now, not ever'.

 

He had never felt so nervous, he'd wished someone was with him now, DS Wise sat opposite him, explaining giving Robert's health issues a doctor would be present also, introducing Dr. Williams to him. Opening the file in front of him, he read out the medical report of the night of the accident, even after all this time it was hard to hear, Robert starting to cry, the memories flooding back all at once, 'Robert, can you tell us what happened before the crash?' DS Wise asked, Robert took a deep breath, 'she said it was one last job, then I would be free....', he sobbed as he began.


	15. One Last Job

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING - Contains violence, rape and torture. Please don't read if it could trigger anything
> 
> Flashback to what happened to Robert before the accident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was one of the first chapters I wrote for this story, I haven't altered it so let me know what you think.

Chapter 15 - One Last Job

 

Robert sat terrified waiting for the response from Chrissie, she walked behind the sofa he was sat on, stroking his neck slowly. Anyone else would love the sensation, but it sent fear running through him. She bent down kissing his neck, he cringed at the touch, 'Ok,yes' she said, 'if that's what you feel you need then I'll let you leave', she seated herself next to him after pouring some drinks, handing one to Robert, taking a sip of her own. His hands where shaking as she moved her hand down his shirt, 'there's one last job though, then I'll free you' she said, 'from everything?' He questioned, she looked at him thoughtfully, her hand now slipping beneath his trousers, he gasped as it started to work him. 'We'll talk about that afterwards' she said watching his body shift, her fingers tightening and slacking moving in different directions, 'drink your drink, you've got things to do soon', he did, downed it in one. Pulling his body towards her, she lowered him down, his head on her lap, he could feel himself getting hard even though he kept telling his body not to, not making a sound knowing that's what she wanted, only to let one escape. 'Shhh' Chrissie said softly stroking his hair with the other hand, 'with your brains you'll go far', Robert breathing became heavy, he couldn't focus on anything, blinking to see the table in front of him but it wasn't working, his head started to spin, Chrissie still speaking to him in soft tone, but he couldn't make the words out any more, they sounded muffled, finally his eyes grow heavy, fighting to keep them open, a fight he lost as everything turned to black.

 

Robert woke sharply as the ice cold water hit his face, 'perfect model' he heard a rough voice say 'are you not sure you want to keep this one', Robert turn his head to the direction of the voice realising he couldn't see, the knot of the blindfold tight on the back of his head. The dark haired man scanned Robert's naked body, 'you know I like spark down there when I create art' he said to Chrissie, 'give him this' she said passing him a bottle of water 'special ingredient, in an while you'll be happy' she sounded joyful almost. 'Chrissie' Robert said trying to gauge where she was, attempting to get up from the cold ground he found that he couldn't separate his wrists, tightened binds held them in place, 'what's going on' he screamed 'Chrissie please', Robert heard what sounded like a chain being pulled, yanking him up, his hands above his head, being told by the rough voice to get on his knees, fear gripped him as he did, his arms pulled tort above him, 'Chrissie, where are you?' pain scorched the left side of his face from a fist sending his head backwards,'no talking, I need use of your tongue first', a strong hand grabbed his hair pulling back his head, making him open his mouth, 'drink' Chrissie said 'your going to need all your energy'. The water poured into him quickly, making him gag, swallowing what he could, the rest flowing down his body, the flow stopped, his head released, he coughed out all he could, it had tasted strange, Robert was shivering all over only now realising he was naked, chattering he tried to say something only to be hit again and told play things don't talk by the man.

 

Panic set in, not knowing what was going on, where he was, the last thing he remembered was drinking a whiskey, she had drugged him, he heard Chrissie say I'll leave you to it and she'd heard he was good at some things, making the man laugh. 'Just you and me now' Robert felt a rough hand under his chin, another stroking his hair before pulling it, 'open wide, lets see if that slut mouth is worth it' Robert's breathing quickened hearing a zip open, the man groaned, 'now suck slut!' before Robert knew it the man's penis drove into his mouth cutting the air off, he had done this before so he tried to regulate his breathing, but the man picked up the pace slamming in harder, ' use that tongue of yours slut' the man barked at him, he did as told, the man's moans grew steadily, as Robert willed his own body not to react, his own penis becoming hard, why when this terrified him. 'Christ your good, drink it, every last drop' the man screamed, coming into Robert's mouth, pulling out Robert gasped for air, ' and your presentable now I see, beautiful thick cock, can't wait to get my hand on it' the man could see the panic on bound man's face.

 

Robert heard foot steps circling him, a clicking sound every so often, he screamed in pain, his wrists being pulled up, he tried to lift his legs to relieve the pressure on the but they had become stiff, it was then he felt the sharp blade on his throat, being told to stand, he struggled but made it, finding when the chain had stopped he was on tip toes. Again there was the foot steps and clicking sounds, could it be a camera, then they stopped, went silent for a good while, Robert using all his energy to stand, holding his breath when he felt the man's naked body leaning into his back. 'I'm paying a lot of money for you,' he whispered to Robert, pulling him into him, feeling the man's length rubbing against him, the blade lay across his chest where the man held him, 'shall we play then, I like toys, especially ones that scream'. Robert tried to hold the pain in as the blade cut across his chest, screaming in the end, the pain rushing through him, feeling the warm fluid roll down his skin, the man let go of him laughing pushing Robert to swing him forward, toes scraping along the cold floor. He fell into a free fall, the chain loosened dropping him to the ground, 'on your hands and knees slut!' the man commanded, Robert's head spun as he did, all his muscles ached, the cut stretching with each movement. Rough hands dug in to his hips lifting them till his legs where straight, he screamed again, the man penetrating him roughly, pounding into him over and over again with out a care, 'that's it, scream for me slut, scream for me, show me how much you love it' the man grunted out as he did, Robert's tears flowing as the it became excruciating ,the blade working across his back at the same time, he breathing shortened, he couldn't catch a breath, the man grunted as he came in Robert, throwing him onto the floor in a heap, saying he had a meeting to go to and would be back to play more later. Robert didn't know how long had past, he had lost all sense of time, pulling his body in tight to try and keep warm, the only sound was that of whistling but he couldn't make out where from,. He was trembling, making the cuts hurt even more, sobbing thinking he was going to die, and he was so tired but to afraid to sleep, afraid of what the man may do next, but his eyes betrayed him closing into an unwelcome slumber.

 

“Aaaaarghhh” Robert screamed, the man throwing him against something hard, his breathing becoming hard as the fist pounded into his side, coughing he slid down the coarse surface to the floor, feeling round with his still bound hands to regain balance his head swimming in pain. 'Please' Robert begged, his body twisted as he was dragged across the rough floor burning into he leg, being told again that toys only scream in this game, his body twisting again only to land on something soft this time. Robert's head force up, the blade at his throat, the gruff voice telling him what he was going to do to him, and it would be worse if he fought back, the blade removed he was told to drink, he did it had the same taste as the last one. Shivering from fright and cold Robert took everything the man did to him, new pains from other than the blade added, trying to walk when he was told to he was pushed on his front onto what he could only guess was a table, the restraints secured at the other side leaving him tort along it, legs hanging from the edge. He could feel the man's hand on him, down his legs, up his inner thigh, 'I want you to enjoy this as much as me' the man said, stroking Robert's dick . Pounding into him as he rubbed salt into the wounds on Robert's back making him cry out and sob through the pain, 'that's it come for me' he told Robert squeezing harder with each stroke, when he didn't more salt added to his back. Robert tried to focus on the last person slept with that he had wanted to, Ian, think about Ian, he thought about that night the way they longed for each other, made love to each other, remembering the pleasure he felt when Ian was in him, the orgasm that followed, then he felt it, coming over the man's hand. The man pulled out of him, his hand stroking Robert's face saying 'good toy, time to sleep', Robert felt a sharp scratch in his arm, his eyes heaved, closing thinking it would stop the pain for a bit at least.

 

A punch to his face woke Robert this time as his head hit the floor, how did he get on the floor, last he remembered he was tied to a higher level, 'last day' the man said, last day, how long had he been here for, he thought. A hand gripped his hair pulling him up, his legs shaking, there as no strength left in them, 'now what do with you today,' the man said thoughtfully, 'I know lets bring a friend in, he likes weak toys', terror filled Robert, everything the man had done to him was bad enough, now there was to be another. The blade played along his arm, not cutting, just working it's way down to his wrist, he heard it slicing into something, his bound wrists loosened as he was thrown to the floor again, wriggling out of them he rubbed each wrist, the slightest touch shooting pain through him. 'This him, the famous Robert Wilson' an unfamiliar voice said from a distance, the man laughed saying yes, the voice came closer lifting him under one shoulder, his legs wobbling to support himself. 'Hands and knees, slut!' the first man said, he complied as the grip on his shoulder let go, hearing a zip undo and the other man groan, pulling at his hair telling him to suck, pushing the large penis deep into his mouth, the thrusts became deeper, faster, then just stopped, still in his mouth. A stab sent through him as the first man entered him from behind, fingers digging into his hips, pushing him forward with each thrust moving his mouth on the other man. Robert fought for breath, felt nauseous wanting it to be over, the second man lightened the grip on his hair, playing softly saying 'good slut, you know what your worth now, a toy to be played with', the first man grunting 'fucking good slut toy' as he ploughed into him. Both men spent, they left him slump to the floor coughing and crying, they had taken their time enjoying his pain, the second man thanked the first saying he had never been allowed Robert Wilson before it was a good fuck, before leaving.

 

Robert hadn't moved for a while it had all gone quiet, was he alone or was the man watching, 'time for the last activity' the man said pulling him, Robert half walking, half being dragged and pushed on his front onto the higher surface again, arms placed face up above his head. Brightness hit him as the blindfold was ripped off, blinking to focus and stop the searing pain each time he tried to focus the scene became clear, he was in an old out building, dirty and damp. The man held his head up telling him he was going show him his art work and what was going to happen afterwards , putting the knife down he held up pictures, pictures of Robert from the first time he heard the clicks to the cuts on his back, one of them nearly making Robert vomit. Fighting that urge, he turned it to anger, finding all the energy he could, he picked up the knife turning feeling his hair ripping out, slicing the man's arm, coursing him to let go of him, he fought with the man, both of them holding the knife now it dug in moving down the back of Robert's thigh, pain filling him he pulled the knife up and out stabbing the man in the side, sending him to the floor. Robert scanned the table seeing car keys, grabbing them he limped out, the blood running down his leg, weakened he glanced behind to make sure that monster wasn't moving, the car parked just outside the building, willing himself to reach it, blood continuing to pour down his leg, his head becoming dizzy. Unlocking it, he tried to focus as he drove off, nearly there he thought, nearly to the road, blackness washed over him, the last thing he heard was the screeching of tyres.


	16. Ask Me A Question, I Will Tell You No Lie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING - Talk of past rape/suicidal thoughts

Chapter 16 – Ask Me A Question, I Will Tell You No Lie 

 

'Would you like another break?' DS Wise asked seeing how fragile Robert was at that moment, the next lot of questions could brake the man completely, he glanced over to Dr. Williams when Robert said no carry on, he shook his head at him, 'would you like a drink Robert?', he said no, legs held tightly to his chest, his eyes appeared empty as he stared at the floor. The first break in the interview had been of Robert's choosing, he had found it hard to breath, the memories in his mind making him feel the physical pain all over again, the next two where from the doctor, Robert clearly not coping in those moments, he had gone pale, shaking all over as he had told them the details of the incident. 'I think maybe that's enough for today', the doctor says to Robert, 'we'll arrange to continue tomorrow, around twelve O'clock' he looks to DS Wise who nods what he his saying, 'I'll bring Aaron through, give you some time, you can leave when your ready, and I will see you tomorrow,......... Aaron can sit in with you if that's what you wish'. 'Not after everything with his dad, I don't want to put him through that', Robert whispered not looking at him, DS Wise drops to his level, 'Aaron's stronger than you think, believe me, or is there anyone else you would like to be here with you' . 'No one else knows, only Aaron', Robert looks between the two men, Dr. William's sighs, 'how about I spoke to Aaron, explain your worries to him', he asks, Robert nodded his answer, leaving him with a PC, DS Wise explained Aaron's history as they went to see him. Soon after Aaron came in, he looked around the room, same sofa, same everything from what he remembered of it, reaching Robert he pulled him into him, 'I'll be here if you want me to, for as long as you want me to, all you have to do is ask me to go and I will', he could feel Robert's silent tears dampening his top, a simple nod to say yes, 'let's get you home', Aaron said lifting his face to look into the red puffy eyes before him, wiping the tears away, 'I can't', Robert sobbed, 'I can't let them see me like this'. Aaron held him close, after a time Robert pushed out of the embrace, 'I need to be on my own tonight, I'll go a a hotel or something' he could see Aaron about to speak, 'no Aaron, please I need to be by myself', 'fine' he said to Robert, 'but we'll get two rooms, if you need me I'll be close by'. DS Wise watched them leave, taking his phone he called the office, 'Jasper I need you to look into a couple of thing, I need them by the morning'.

 

Robert tossed and turned, he was so tired but sleep wasn't going to happen tonight, every time he closed his eyes images of the past coming to the forefront of his mind, he clutched his chest remembering the blade slicing across it, even with Aaron in the next room he didn't feel safe. It as near on four O'clock when he knocked on Aaron's door, it opened quickly, from the looks of it Aaron hadn't slept either, walking past him Robert sat on the edge of the bed, Aaron doing the same only keeping a distance between them, 'I've been thinking' he told Aaron, 'I need to do this myself, I don't want anyone in there with me'. He nodded at Robert, 'alright, but I will be right outside if you need me,.......... I know how hard it is in there', he nervously reached out, afraid his gesture would be rejected, surprised that Robert took his hand but still didn't look at him, 'I'm sorry Aaron, but I can't tell you yet, …..... I just............... please give me time' fighting back tears as he said it. Aaron flexed his fingers on his sore hand, grabbed some pain killers from the side and took them, 'can I ask one thing, I don't want to know details' he said, Robert gave him an unsure look before nodding, 'is this....is this how you got your scars?' Aaron asked quickly, closing his eyes as he didn't want to see Aaron's reaction Robert nodded, Aaron took a sharp breath in he couldn't imagine, didn't want to imagine what horrible things had been done to Robert, 'ok', he said, 'do you want to sleep here, I'll take the floor'. Robert curled up on the bed, still scared to close his eyes, he could hear Aaron make a make shift bed on the floor, telling him that he is there for him always, both went silent then, both still not able to sleep.

 

'Hello Robert, how are you today?' Dr. Williams asked, Robert jumped from being pulled out of his thoughts, 'fine,fine' he answered with a slight panic in his voice, he saw the DS behind the doctor, he smiled at him trying to put him at ease, 'did you think about what we said yesterday, about having someone with you?' he asked, Robert shook his head, 'I have to do this alone' he whispered. He listened as they recapped what was said the previous time, 'at any time did you hear the man called by name?', he shook his head, 'ok, can you talk us through what the man said he was going to do before you got away?' DS Wise saw Robert draw himself into the sofa, 'take your time'. Robert gulped, the man's words on replay in his head, 'he said.....he..... ' fresh tears fell, 'he said he was going to slit my wrists and make me watch till I fell unconscious, that.....that that was how you left the.......the company' he closed his eyes tight, feeling the fear he had felt that day, 'no one leaves it alive'. They gave him time to calm a bit before continuing, 'we need to show you some pictures, we found them on the White's computer', the doctor gave the DS an uneasy look, he wasn't sure Robert could take seeing them, 'we need you confirm that it is you in the pictures, that they are the ones that he shown you'. Robert braced himself, taking a few deep breaths before taking the file from him, his hands where shaking, he didn't want to but knew he had to look at them, opening the file the images haunted him, the first one was of him, his wrists bound, hooked to the chain stood on his tiptoes, slowly he made his way through them. 'Can you tell use what is happening in this one', he held up a picture of Robert on his knees, the whip hitting his back, it made him feel sick, 'he told me to...... to masturbate, to cum.........to cum for him' he repeated the deep breaths, 'and when I didn't cum fast enough for........ him, I felt the first blow on my back, he..... he told to...to say that... that it was for him' he clenched his fist to fight back the nauseous, 'I felt two more blows so I......I worked faster, I just wanted it over with' he looked around to find something, running to the bin he vomited, the doctor rushing over to check him, telling the DS they should take a break. Half an hour later, Robert having taking something from the doctor to calm him down they carried on, 'Robert, can you confirm that the person in the pictures are you', yes Robert said, 'Robert', his head jolted up to look at Dr.Williams, ripping him from the memories playing in his head, 'sorry' he said to him, 'you have more questions' his attention turned to DS Wise, he smiled thoughtfully at Robert. 'If you can, I like you to go through each picture and tell us what you remember of them', what he remembered, he remembered everything, every cut of the blade, crack of the whip, every violent penetration, each photo passed to him starting from the beginning, he told them what had happened in each, even through he had been blind folded he could remember how he felt physically and emotionally in each one. 'The accident occurred on the ninth of July, what was the last date you remember before that?', he was asked, the question was strange he wasn't sure why they were asking it, 'erm,...... it was night time,...on the sixth I think, why?', 'well you see', DS Wise sat forward, his arms on his knees, 'that ties in with dates on the photos, they are time stamped as the seventh and eighth of July 2011, which means....', 'three days, I was there for three days' he started shaking again, 'yes', the DS said, 'when you where admitted to the hospital they ran a tox screen, the results found a strong sedative in your system, that along with the injuries, some of which have been noted to have been a couple of days old all contributed to the accident, it wasn't your fault, they also ran a rape kit' he stopped seeing Robert becoming distressed, panic building in his eyes. He watched the doctor doing a breathing exercise with Robert to calm him, asked his he would was alright to continue he said yes, 'you said you stabbed the man, trying to get away' Robert nodded, 'we looked into any stabbing admittance in the local area on that day, we think we may have found him' Robert clenched his fist, he didn't know if he had lived or died, 'now I know you only got a glimpse of him, but we would like you to look at some more photos and see if he is one of them' Robert tilted his head to the ceiling, closing his eyes he nodded.

 

His knees where shaking, clamping his hands onto them in an aim to make them stop a shot of pain ran through his bandaged hand, Aaron now knew how his mum felt waiting for him to return from the interview suite not so long ago, 'Aaron' he turned to see DS Wise who sat next to him, 'were all finished, the doctors just talking to him to make sure he his medically alright'. Aaron scoffed, 'of course he's not alright, you've had him in there for hours', five to be exact, 'it's not the easiest thing to do', the DS placed his hand on Aaron's shoulder, 'how are you coping with all this', he knew Aaron, how self destructive he could become under pressure, lifting his hand Aaron said not brilliant. Just as Wise was about to speak again they were interrupted by Dr. Williams saying Robert was ready to go home, but he wanted to talk to Aaron first, Wise nodded telling Aaron to look after himself also before leaving, Williams joined him now, 'Robert been through a lot today, don't be surprised if he is not very talkative', Aaron's remembered sitting in the front seat of Cain's car staring out the window wanting to curl up and disappear, his mum asking question after question, he had been about to scream at her to shut up but Cain got there before him, saying leave him be, today's been hard for the lad, he would have smiled or nodded a thank you to his uncle, but he hadn't had the energy to, so he had gone back to looking out the window, scrunching up the ripped photo of himself as a child in his pocket. 'Aaron, can you hear me', the doctor asked, 'are you alright?', he could see Aaron's eyes welling up, Aaron blinked saying he was fine, just remembering something, Williams continued saying to keep an eye for warning signs from Robert, that the past two days have taken there toll on him. He was looking at him as he spoke, out the corner of his eye he swore he saw, no it's just his mind playing tricks on him he thought.

 

The drive back was quiet, not to Aaron's surprise, every so often he would glance to see how Robert seemed, he sat looking out the window, his hands in fists covered by his sleeves, Aaron had to push back the memory of when he had been in that position, he could tell Robert was nervous and scared to go home. Pulling into a near lay-by he turned off the engine, Robert turned suddenly when he realised they had stopped, 'we could turn round and to back to the hotel if you want', Aaron said in a soft tone, Robert shook his head, he just wanted to get back and hide away from the world, 'when we get back to the pub I'll sleep on the sofa, or the floor'. Robert looked at him, 'I'm going back to Diane's' his a whisper, Aaron wasn't sure how he felt about that, 'you shouldn't be on your own right now, I know Diane's there but she doesn't know, I can stay with you', 'no' Robert said, 'I'm grateful for you being here for me right now, but this doesn't change anything about last week', he looked at a very hurt Aaron, 'I need some space Aaron, to think about... about everything', Aaron looked like he could cry at any minute from his words, Aaron gulped, 'well you know where I am what ever time of day, just ring me, or text me if you need to talk or anything ok'. He didn't wait for Robert to respond, starting the car again they made their way back, once back he sent a text to Diane to keep an eye on him, but never said why.

 

'You doing that because it hurts or something else', Aaron gave Adam a glare from the sofa, continuing to straighten out his fingers and bend them back in, he had taken the bandage off, his knuckle cut, red and swollen, 'doctors orders', he said, although if he as honest he needed to feel the pain right now, Robert saying he needed to think about everything had hurt him deeply. 'So where's Robert?', Adam asked looking round, he noticed Aaron quicken up the movement of his fingers making him hiss in pain, so he changed the subject, 'drink', he said, it not being a question. Three pints later, Aaron sank back his head resting on the back of the sofa, having not wanting to go through to the bar, it was bad enough his mum had come in to check on him four times already, Adam was reading a text then looked to Aaron,'Aaron mate, Vic wants to know if you want to come to ours for tea, she's making shepherds pie tonight', he shook his head saying he wasn't in the mood, 'come on mate', Adam said hitting him on the arm, 'she made it especially for you, it's your favourite', he got a steely glare for that, 'no, it's Robert's favourite, not mine'. Adam became serious, 'so....erm...about Robert,.......how is.....', he stopped when Aaron suddenly surged up and went to the kitchen and lent on the work top, 'things not good between the two of you yet, I mean you did go away together didn't you', Aaron didn't answer, didn't look at hum, just buried his head in his hands, 'stupid question, sorry', he said to Aaron. There was silence between them, Adam's phone breaking it, he text his wife back, only to receive a reply from her, 'she says if you won't come to us, then she's brining it to you', Aaron scoffed saying tell her not to bother, but knowing Vic she would probably ignore it. 

 

Adam had questions for his friend, but wasn't sure to ask, he was concerned for both Robert and Aaron, after what he found out at the hospital he knew Robert wouldn't be in a good head space at the moment, but also didn't want Aaron going back to that bad place he had been in last year, hell the last fourteen years before that, but he had to know so he bit the bullet. 'Did...you talk,.....you and..', 'he did' Aaron said with a sigh, 'and you listened', Aaron shook his head, 'to the police', Adam opened his mouth to say something but Aaron continued, 'not to me,.... he couldn't face everyone afterwards so we stayed at a hotel'. Adam looked confused, so Aaron explained that the doctor had stopped the interview on the first day and they went back today, 'right', Adam said playing with the cup of tea Aaron had just made them both, 'so how are you doing with all this?', he asked trying to gauge his friends state of mind, Aaron let out a long sigh, 'well I guess I know how mum felt waiting for me now'. Adam took a sip of his drink as he moved to sit next to Aaron at the table,'has he told you anything about it?', he asked, placing the cup on the table, 'no, and I haven't asked, just like he's never asked me about.......', Adam held his hand giving him a supportive smile, 'you know if you ever want to talk about ….', 'talk about what?', Vic said walking in with a casserole dish in her hands, her smile faded when she saw how low Aaron was.

 

Robert lay motionless on the bed staring, he had ducked Diane and Doug when he got back, not wanting to hear the numerous questions they had for him about not telling them he was staying out over night, so he had headed straight for a shower. He didn't know how long he had stayed in it for, finishing when he finally felt clean, having scrubbed himself raw. He didn't know why he had put it there, something in his mind had told him to, so now he just stared at them, thoughts randomly popping into his head, maybe later he would find the energy, so he just stared at them, the row of medication and the razor blade.


	17. You Can Talk Or Listen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron goes to see Robert, but is he to late

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING - TALK OF PAST SUICIDE ATTEMPTS

Chapter 17 - You Can Talk Or Listen

 

'A customer came in the other day, really homophobic towards Aaron', Adam said quickly covering up his and Aaron's conversation, it killed him not being able to tell her the truth, she would be supportive of her brother, just as she had with Aaron. 'Oh, I'm really sorry Aaron, there are still some stupid people there, you shouldn't have to put up with that', she said giving him a sympathetic smile as she dished out the food for them all, 'was Robert there, because I've tried to talk to him you got back from the hospital, but he wasn't having any of it', she noticed both of them glance at each other nervously. 'have you two made up yet' she said, Aaron huffed a sigh looking at the full plate of food in front of him, trying not to offend Vic he ate a little bit of it, even though he didn't have an appetite. Adam polished off the last of his tea, Vic saw that Aaron had only eaten about a quarter of his at most, 'seriously Aaron, you need to eat some more, it can't be that bad can it', he put a folk full in his mouth and smiled at her, he had forgotten the last time he had eaten properly. 'If your not going to tell me what's going on, then I'll just have to get it out of my brother', 'no', Aaron said in a panic, 'we're working through it Ok, we need some space right now is all', he hoped she would buy it, hoped to himself that it was true. 'You go away for two days leaving Adam in the lurch at the scrap yard, and you need space', she didn't mean it to sound angry, but the way it had come out that way. This shook Aaron to the core, Vic never ever had shown this much anger before, 'I did ask him to come eat with us, but he told me to fuck off and put the phone down', Vic told them, 'at least he's answering to you', Aaron bit back bitterly, all his attempts had been rejected by Robert, all he wanted to know was if he was Ok, so he had text Diane, who had said that he seemed alright, a little quiet and sleepy, after the last two days Aaron wasn't surprised. 'And just how is space helping, your not eating again, from the looks of you your not sleeping, Aaron …' her voice became soft, 'are you hurting yourself again, because we will help both of you through this', Aaron's head snapped up saying no, 'well what about Robert, he's not talking to any of us, I don't want him back in their again, not again'. Adam grabbed Aaron's hand before he could squeeze the bandage on the other, 'I see this is you not hurting yourself', Vic said, 'is he in trouble with the police, what is it Aaron, were his family and we want to help him', Aaron pushed the plate away, shaking off Adam's hold, standing he walked and stood against the wall, she was right he knew that, but he couldn't tell her what he knew, closing his eyes he took deep breaths as she continued to ask question after question, were had they gone to?, why couldn't he tell them?, all the words blended into a jumbled mess in his head, a daze of fuzziness clouded his head, it was then he felt Adam's arms around his waist as he spoke to him but he couldn't make the words out guiding him to the sofa they sat in silence once he Adam had told Vic to leave them for a bit. Twenty minutes later Aaron's breathing having returned to normal, Vic returned to check on them, 'I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pushed', she spoke quietly, Aaron never responded, instead sipped the glass of water in his hand. 'You should go see Robert, make sure he's really Ok, just tell me how he is, he's got a lot on hi mind at the moment', 'will you be Ok on your own?' Adam asked him, he nodded and watched them leave.

 

Vic and Adam walked hand in hand towards Diane's, 'do you know anything Adam, I know there's something really bad wrong if Aaron's like this', she asked leaning her head on his shoulder, 'I know as much as you', he lied, reaching the front door they knocked on it. After talking to Diane and Doug for a time Vic headed up stairs leaving the three of them alone, 'I don't know what to do, I've tried to talk to him, but he won't speak, took him some sandwich's up, I don't know if he's eaten them', she told Adam the concern in her voice all to clear, 'Aaron's the same, Vic was asking him stuff and he had a major panic attack, what ever it is is affecting them both', Adam said. Once there Vic tapped on the door calling her brothers name, when he didn't reply she gently opened it, he lay curled up beneath the blankets, slowly she made her way over sitting on the other side, placing her hand on his shoulder she could feel his breathing, that's one good thing, she thought, 'I know you don't want to see anyone at the moment, and I don't know what's going on, but when your ready you come find me, no matter what time of day or night', she sighed, he hadn't moved from the position he was in, 'I love you Robert, you know that don't you, your my brother and I will always be there for you', with that she left him be closing the door behind her. A silent tear ran down Robert's cheek taking in her words, his gaze still on the bedside cabinet before him.

 

'Tea please Bob', Aaron said picking up his morning brew from the cafe, usually he would have it at home but the constant nagging from his mum had become to much for him, 'oh, to take out', he continued remembering he was running late for work, Adam would kill him if he was late again, they were already a man down. Thanking Bob as he paid, he turned to leave, stopping suddenly, 'Jesus Christ', he said, his tea almost falling to the floor as he jumped, Vic stood there in silence, 'you trying to gave me a heart attack', 'erm... I want to see Robert last night', beckoning him to some near by seats. 'I'm late for work, can we do this another time', Aaron said avoiding her gaze, 'I know', she replied, 'I told Adam to expect you in a bit hen I saw you come in here', this wasn't the place for this conversation so he suggested that they walk and talk, Vic nodded following him out away from Brenda's prying eyes. 'So when is Liv coming over, haven't seen her in ages', Vic asked hoping to start on a happy note, 'she's not, it's not a good time at the minute, we both have our own things to deal with', his eyes were sad as he said it, even though he had tried to hide it from her by closing them as he drank his tea, 'is this because of you and Robert, you shouldn't stop her just beca...', 'not everything is about that Vic', it was a half lie at least, every time he had spoken to his sister lately she wouldn't shut up about the money in her trust fund, money he didn't want anything to do with, that plus there was always a bitter tone in her voice when the subject of Gordon's death came up, like she blamed him for part of it, well that's how it felt to him anyway. 'Maybe you should sort things out face to face', Vic said pulling Aaron out of his thoughts, he gave her a sad smile thinking about the good times he had had with his sister, when she wasn't causing trouble anyway, 'so how was Robert?' he asked, changing the subject from a hard one to an even harder one. 'He was asleep when I saw him, at least I think he was, Diane said he hasn't been eating properly, sounds like someone else I know', she said poking him in the arm, causing him to roll his eyes, 'you should go see him yourself', he sighed, 'he doesn't want to see me, told me so himself', Vic linked his arm as they neared the scrap yard, 'well, what he says and what he needs are two different things aren't they', he gave her a look, 'I told Diane to ring me if it got really bad so...', 'nice of you to make it mate', Adam shouted as he continued to strip down the ford mondeo, 'blame your wife, she wanted a quickie before work', both men laughed while Vic went bright red, 'port-a-cabin free if the two of you want it', Adam said, earning himself a punch on the arm from his wife, who left soon after cursing them both. 

 

The morning passed quickly after that, neither of them up the events of the past few weeks until Adam looked up from the paper work on the desk in front of him, 'I hate paper work', he said with a sigh, 'well I don't think Robert's in the best frame of mind to concentrate on all this, do you', it came out sharp, 'sorry mate', Aaron said looking down at the pile before him. 'I didn't mean it like that Aaron', the whole time they had sat there he had noticed Aaron glancing over to Robert's desk every so often, 'from the looks of it, you can't concentrate either, I'll understand if you want to take some time off as well, I'll ask Ross to cover again', Adam waited for a response, instead all he got was a look of I don't need to, 'tell me truthfully, how much sleep have you had lately?', again just a look, Aaron did feel tired, more that tired, not just about what was going on with Robert, but his relationship with Liv also, sleep had become a distant memory, 'I'll think about it', he sighed, Adam gave him a thoughtful nod. Aaron spent the rest of the day on paper work, Adam's strict instructions, claiming that he didn't want Aaron hurting himself any more that he already was, but getting him injured too, Aaron had to admit his hand was killing him from the mornings work load, so he agreed, Robert had a strange system, it had taken him a while to figure it out, but he got there in the end. He was in the middle of writing an E-Mail when his phone rang, an unknown number on the screen, he thought about not answering it for a second, but went against that and pressed the talk button, 'hello', he listened to the person on the other end, 'I've not spoken or seen him since we got back, when do you need to see him?' he asked, when the answer was as soon as possible he became worried, 'I'll go right now, thanks for the call', putting the phone down he racked his brain for a cover story, not hat he needed one with Adam really, but wanted to avoid awkward questions, picking up a pile of papers he made his way out, telling Adam only what he needed to hear and asking if he could borrow his car.

 

Pulling up, he took his phone out and waited for an answer, 'Diane hi, are you home?', he asked trying not to sound panicked, 'I need to see Robert, work stuff and he probably won't answer the door, can I use your keys, I'll bring them back when I'm done', getting out the car he made his way over to the pub, finding Diane sat with Doug and Finn in the corner, 'I know it's work stuff pet, but can you see if he will talk to you, I was going to ring you tonight, I've run out of ideas to help him', Finn looked between us confused, 'I'll see what I can do', Aaron says ignoring Finns stare and his mums from behind the bar, 'thank you pet', she said passing him the keys. Opening the front door, Aaron scanned the living room then walked up stairs, knocking on Robert's door he waited a couple of seconds for an answer, when he didn't get one he entered going straight away to the window opening the cur-tons allowing day light to stream in, then opened the window to let some fresh air through, the smell of stale sweat heavy in the air. 'Robert', he whispered, 'Robert', he spoke louder walking round to see him, he looked like he hadn't moved in a while, when he tried to hold his hand he found the limb stiff, Robert lay there eyes open, as if he hadn't slept either. 'I need some help with the paper work', he followed Robert's line of sight as he talked, 'for the life of me I can't........... oh my god', he froze for a second seeing the pills and the blade, why had nobody else noticed them, taking a closer look at the blade a wave of relief swept over him seeing it was unused, still he picked up each arm making Robert cry out in pain, checking them for cuts. Robert tried but he was to weak to push him away, 'no you don't' Aaron shouted at him, 'get up now', he didn't,' GET UP ROBERT', that seemed to do the trick, putting his arm around him he pulled Robert up to a sitting position, then standing. Getting into the bathroom he stood under the shower with him, both fully clothed he turning it on, the water poured over them, Robert gasped at the coldness of it, 'Aaron, what are you doing', he said shivering, 'helping you, you idiot....... will you be alright if I let you go', he asked looking into his eyes, they looked lost, Robert nodded. Turning the shower to warm, Aaron stepped away slightly in case he needed to support him again, after a minute to stepped out of the shower stripping himself of his wet clothes and grabbing a towel to dry himself, 'you've got five minute then I want you back in your room', Robert nodded and started to remove his own wet clothes, 'clean clothes outside the door', Aaron said through the door, he heard a low thank you from inside.

 

Pulling up a pair of Robert's boxers Aaron sat on the end of the bed thinking about how to approach the next thing he needed to get Robert to talk about, finding an old medication box he put the razor blade inside it, not so long ago he would have used it on himself, the urge to do so still there, but with Jill's help he had learnt exercises to combat it, placing it on the window to dispose of later. Robert came in as he pulled on some joggers and slipped a t-shirt over his head, he sat on the end of the bed, Aaron moved to sit next to him, 'I've made an appointment with Mike for later today', he told him. 'what', Robert snapped standing up glaring at Aaron. 'It's not a request, DS Wise has been trying to contact you, I put your phone on charge by the way, he rang me when he couldn't........, anyway he wants you to see Mike before he talks to you, it's that or you can explain the razor blade and pills to me', there was a commanding force in his voice that Robert had never heard before, it softened now, 'I don't want to see you in hospital again, so please, talk to me'. Robert sat back down not saying a word, 'fine', Aaron says, 'then you'll sit there and listen', he glanced to see if he had Robert's attention.

 

'You know if it wasn't for Adam I wouldn't be alive now', Robert turned to face him, 'twice he's saved my life when I wanted to.......to end it all, the......... the first time was when I was eighteen, couldn't handle the thought of being gay, so I......... I tried,.....in the garage', Aaron gulped, 'sealed the doors and started the car,......... when Adam found me I was so close to death, but with help from my friends and family I got through it, you can too, but you have to let people in, you can't bottle things up', Aaron stopped the tears building up in his eyes. 'You said the first time', Robert whispered wiping his own eyes, Aaron gulped again closing his eyes letting out a slow long breath, 'everything was so fucked up when........HE came back, no one knew why I felt so much hate for him, mum, Diane..... even Cain', he took a deep breath, 'they all thought I was jealous of him, anyone who got close to my mum, believe me I had form for not liking them', Aaron let out a little chuckle not knowing why. 'But HIM....... GORDON', he said through gritted teeth, 'all I wanted to do was protect her from that monster,........ my head became full of so much fear and loathing, so I distanced myself from everybody and started..... I started cutting again and burning myself', he placed his hand to his chest, feeling the scars beneath. 'Cain caught me at on point, trying to burn myself on my birthday candles, I told him it was a blip, lied to him saying I was seeing my counsellor again', Aaron sniffed wiping the tears away that ran freely now, Robert hesitantly took Aaron's hand, 'you don't need to finish if....', 'no, I do, you have to understand', Robert nodded. 'I was careful after that, even left for months, the only reason I came back was because mum was so worried about me, I thought I'd sorted all the shit in my head out, how wrong was I, as soon as I saw IT again I could stop myself. Until one........ one day after work, it was a really bad day to start with, there was only...... only........', Robert could see Aaron reliving every moment in his mind, 'HIM there, I tried to get away, walk out, but he cornered me, pushed me against the wall, I just...... just froze, I was that terrified little boy again. He told me....' he said through sobs, 'told me that I had been naughty because of the way I had spoken to mum that morning and that now we were alone I'd get punished'. He wiped away the fresh tears away, 'I got so angry, I kneed him in the balls and punch him when he hit the floor,......... that's when mum came in, all she saw was me standing over him', Aaron shook his head, 'he made shit up, putting the blame on me, and she bought it'. 'I just ran, but not before grabbing all the pills I could find, pain killers, mums sleeping pills, anything to hand, I even stole a bottle of vodka on my way out', Robert gave his hand a gentle squeeze as he listened. 'It's funny', he said, 'but I can't even remember taking them, or texting Adam, a cry for help maybe, I don't know........., but next thing I remembered was Adam and Cain, Cain had his fingers down my throat making me throw up, after that it was the hospital, they said it had been lucky that I hadn't taken to many when they'd found me, and that as it turned out I had blood poisoning too form this', Aaron points to the scar on his arm, 'I just wanted the pain of the memories and how everybody saw me to go away'.

 

'Is that when you told them?', Aaron shook his head, 'mum was in shock about the self harming, kept going on and on at me, they thought it was to do with my text to Adam, 'what did it say?', Robert choked the words out as he said asked, never letting go of Aaron's hand. 'That I was sorry, and I wanted to be with Jackson', Aaron looked up taking in a deep breath, 'you see it was June seventh, the anniversary of his death, they found me at his grave,........ it was only Adam who saw that there was something more, he'd seen my reaction to him..... when he came to the hospital, over heard him saying that now I had really done done it, that my punishment was waiting for me'. He stopped for a second, composing himself, 'so when Adam asked what it meant, I wouldn't tell him at first, you know yourself Adam's a stubborn git' Aaron said smiling at Robert, 'he stayed the whole night, even though I told him not to, I had a nightmare that night, woke up screaming get off me dad, he hugged me telling me that I was safe, and that he was there for me,....that was the moment', Aaron looked at Robert,'the moment I broke down and told him everything, please, please, don't become how I was, there are more good people in this world than bad, talk to me, to Mike, to someone,................please, don't let it get to that point'.

 

Robert stood up, picking up one of the medication boxes, Aaron saw his eyes searching, 'It's gone', Aaron said, Robert's chest became lighter as he heard it, 'I don't know why I even picked it up, something in here told me to', he pointed to his head, 'I hate sharp objects, the scare the life out of me', Aaron wanted to say I know, but let him continue, 'I couldn't do it, they've sat there all this time, because I'm such a coward that I couldn't do it'. Aaron jumped up, cupping Robert's face wiping away the tears, 'your not a coward, it shows how brave you are, just the fact that you couldn't go through with it', he said with a weak smile, 'let's go to see Mike, yeah, I'll be with you every step of the way', Robert nodded saying Ok.


	18. Past Come Back

Chapter 18 – Past Come Back 

 

'I'm glad you came in', Mike said to Robert in his trade mark counsellor calmness, 'you've missed two appointments, can you tell me why?', Robert wasn't sure how to answer, that he was feeling so low that he wanted to kill himself, that after giving his statement to the police that the pull to do that was made stronger, he shrugged his shoulders not saying anything, looking between Mike and Aaron who sat next to him. 'How are you feeling?', Mike asked, not that he needed to he could see Robert was struggling in a low ebb, but needed him to acknowledge that himself, Robert looked to the ground then to Aaron, who gave him a reassuring nod, silently letting him know it was Ok to talk about his feelings. 'I don't know......I mean after', he glanced to Aaron, 'after our fight I felt numb and hurt at the same time........, oh, it doesn't make sense but....', 'it's perfectly normal to have conflicting emotions at once Robert, can you tell me what your fight was about?', when he asked he noticed both Aaron and Robert had become nervous about the question. Robert took a deep breath, 'it was after our last session, it was a stupid argument and we both said things, I regret what I said completely', he looked to Aaron, 'I'm so sorry I hurt you', he said, 'I'm sorry to, I shouldn't have said what I had either, it was insensitive', they both gave each other a little smile, Robert returned his focus to Mike. 'We didn't speak for about a week, I found it hard to leave the house, to see anyone other than Diane, I'd stay in the spare room when Doug was in', Aaron hadn't realised just how much he had cut himself off from people, 'Diane would try and get me to talk to her, I just snapped at her so in the end there was just silence between us'. He looked up, 'that was until Chas came in screaming at me with Vic,...... when Vic told me what happened I went straight to the hospital', he gulped, 'it was my fault he'd done it, hurt himself like that', 'no it wasn't Robert', Aaron says grabbing his hand, the bandage still damp from the shower, 'well, that's what it felt like,.............. like I drove you to it and I hated myself for it, still do'. 'How is your hand now Aaron?', Mike asked to allow Robert time to calm down, 'a bit stiff now and then, but I've done worse', Mike gave him a questioning look, 'broke my ankle once, hurt like hell...., that was an accident though'. A few minutes passed before Mike asked, 'Robert can you talk about what happened after the hospital', Robert seemed surprised by it, 'surely I don't need to......., I mean you've seen the statement haven't you', there was a slight panic building in his voice, 'I'm only a liaison between you and the case, they only tell me what is said when you meet here, I am your counsellor first and foremost', he saw Robert's hands start to shake, Aaron held on to both of them. 'It's alright Robert, we don't have to talk about that until your ready, I will how ever be recommending that DS Wise holds off speaking to you', Aaron looked confused and Mike saw this, 'I was asked to asses you Robert, they wish to see you about a sensitive subject, that's all I know'.

 

  
Mike upped Robert's sessions to twice a week, that as two months ago, in the third week Robert had finally opened up not only to Mike but Aaron also, insisting that he be there, afterwards Aaron didn't know what to say, he couldn't imagine the pain he had gone through. Two weeks ago Robert, who now felt a lot better, lighter almost had moved back into the pub, he was back at work, seeing his friends, although Adam was being strangely nicer to him, Vic had probably had a go at him or something. Being back with Aaron was calming for Robert, even if sex wasn't on the cards yet until he was ready, it had been Aaron who said he would wait for him, the past still haunting them both at times, at night they would lay in each others arms acting like a security blanket for him, Aaron some how making his mind quiet, in those moments he found he could sleep without nightmares some nights. The other thing was that the only time their pasts where brought up was if that person brought it up, DS Wise had spoken to Robert earlier in the week, telling him that a court date was due to be set and the prosecution wanted him to give evidence, that he wouldn't have to be there in person, it would be done over video link and all precautions would be taken for his safety.

 

That was then, now Robert's more relaxed, only showing his nerves about the trial to the one person that knew about it at all, Aaron. Right now they were enjoying a peaceful afternoon with friends, Finn and Robert talking about death pool again, Aaron left them to it while he , Adam and Sam had a chat, going over their working week, 'I've got this one patient who's a right nightmare, talks none stop about comics', Sam said, 'I've got a boyfriend like that', Aaron added, 'oi', Robert said, 'and it's graphic novels, not comics', Aaron laughed giving him a playful push. Sam had become a good mate to them both, plus she made house calls when Robert's leg was playing up, Katie of cause was none to pleased about this, but ever since they had found out about the trial she had started to become very pally with them both, asking to have drinks together and work out their problems, not that it would help her with Andy, he had moved away months ago, having gotten a decent job offer up north, still they are very much wary of her. Aaron jolted up, snapping his head around as a pair of unexpected arms wrapped around his neck, 'Charity, are you trying to give me a heart attack', she raised he eye brews, 'do you have any idea what's going on with your mother, I know she binned that waste of space, what ever his name was months ago', 'Tom', Aaron tells her, 'that's the one, but has she got a new one on the go, cus she's been awfully chipper lately', Aaron had noticed that, but he had promised never to involve himself in his mothers love life, the thought of her having sex made him cringe. 'Well if she has then good for her, come on Charity leave her alone, she seems happy', he told her, but it did get him thinking now, what nobody noticed as they were talking was someone slipping behind the bar and into the back. Chas walked in and instantly Aaron noticed her, hell everybody did, who couldn't with her smile that spread from ear to ear, 'what', she said in a giddy school girl way, Charity looked at her from behind the bar and then to Aaron with an I told you so look. 'Had a good day mum?', Aaron asked not trying to sound suspicious, she smiled again as she made her way to him and kissed him on the forehead, 'yeah, it was Ok', he pushed her away embarrassed , Robert giggled at his blushing boyfriend, 'well I'm off for a brew and a relax', Chas almost sang it as she went into the back. 'That was weird', Finn said looking at them all, 'how long has she been,..... you know?', he asked Aaron, who stared at him in horror, Adam grunted out a laugh, 'can we not.....', talk about my mothers sex life was what he was going to say, a shiver went through his spine making him shudder.

 

'Let's play a game', Sam said, 'we all ask a question each and we all answer', both Aaron and Robert became nervous about the idea, 'what if you don't want to answer', Aaron asked, Sam thought for a second, 'well since Robert doesn't drink, how about........ you have to kiss the next person to enter from what ever door', she said, 'if it's family or other half's then the one after that'. They all nodded in agreement, 'I'll start then, best childhood memory?, mine was when I used to swimming with my parents', Sam answered, 'Finn', they all looked at him, 'erm, messing around with Ross and Pete', he said with a smile. 'Dad always used to get us to have a family night, game boards and stuff like that', Adam fondly remembered, it was Robert's turn to answer, but he was lost in thought, 'Robert', Adam broke it, 'oh sorry, spending time with Sarah, my step-mum'. Aaron sat silently, looking up to see all eyes on him, 'getting kicked out and moving here', he said quietly, only Sam looked at him confused the rest gave him a reassuring nod, 'that's the best.......', Sam started to say, 'next question, favourite film?', Adam injected quickly, when they had all answered the first round , from silly things like favourite book to sex positions, that one making Finn rush over to Diane and kiss her smack on the lips, they were all in hysterics, it was Sam's turn again. 'First person you slept with?', Aaron's breathing became tight, Robert held his hand, looked straight into her eyes saying, 'the person you slept with', emphasising the you, still Aaron wasn't comfortable, Adam grinned with amusement already knowing his best mates answer, just then Vic came through from behind the bar having finishing her shift, standing Aaron planted her with a sloppy kiss and sat back down. 'Well we haven't done that in a while', Vic said in shock, Robert looked between them, 'hang on, you've kissed my sister', 'it was a long, long time ago, in a closet far, far away', Aaron said blushing, Adam burst out laughing. Pulling up a chair Vic sat by Adam looking confused, 'mine was Martin Taylor, at the school disco', Sam answered, 'Rachel Hughes from school, Adam said, 'Nicola King' Robert said in a whisper, the rest of the group stared at him, 'Finn', Robert said moving everyone along. Finn looked down and then to Aaron, 'I was your first, really', Aaron said to him, watching Finn go bright red, 'is that the question, Daz then', Vic said joining in, 'so why did he kiss me', she pointed to Aaron, 'because he doesn't want to answer', her brother told her, Vic was taken aback, 'it wasn't that bad was it', she said to Aaron, 'from what I remember we both enjoyed it'. Aaron wanted the earth to swallow him up, Adam was giggling know, stopping when he was hit by Vic, Sam looked even more confused and Finn and Robert just stared at them in shock not knowing what to say. Luckily his phone went off, reading the text he said he had to go see to something, thanking his mum for sending it, as he was leaving Robert finally found his voice, 'you slept with my sister', he said loudly causing Aaron to turn a shade of beetroot.

 

'Thank you mum, your a life saver', he said walking through the door, stopping when her saw the worried expression on her face, 'mum what's wrong, has something happened, is Cain ill again', she shook her head, 'I was just getting something from upstairs and...and your bedroom door was open', she said. That was odd, they always closed it, 'I've not gone in, but the place is a complete mess', 'what do you mean mum?', he asked, 'just go and look', she pointed to the stairs, he ran up to find every draw tipped open, clothes and paperwork every where, searching through what he could it was all related to Robert, a number of them missing. In a panic he pulled the chest of draws away from the wall, breathing a sigh of relief seeing the envelope still taped to it, ripping it off he tidied up and ran back down to his mum, 'put this in the safe, I need to check the scrap yard', he told her handing it over, 'and mum', 'yeah love', she said bemused, 'I've tidied up, not a word to Robert, tell him I'm running an errand for you', she grabbed his arm, 'what's this about, should I ring Cain', he shook his head saying not yet I'll text you if I need to, shooting out the back door to his car. Arriving at the yard, it was just as he suspected, the door had been kicked in, papers thrown all over the place, from the looks of it the safe had been crow bared, with no luck thank god, searching through like he did at home it didn't look like anything was taken. Going out side he had fixed padlock latch to the door when Cain pulled up, 'your mum rang me, what this about lad', he couldn't believe her, well he could really, 'look I can't get into it right now', Aaron said walking over to an old tool shed he told Adam never to scrap, opening it he lifted a panel off the floor,they were still there, Cain grabbed him by each arm, 'are you in trouble Aaron?', 'no, but I might be soon', he shouted shaking off his uncles grip, he climbed in his car and drove off, this gets sorted tonight, he thought.


	19. Lose

Chapter 19 - Lose

 

A painful groan escaped his lips as he tried to open his eyes, only the right doing so, the dimly lit room around him hummed with the steady bleep of his heart rate, where was he, he thought, weakly he lifted his left arm in pain to an IV in his hand. It was then he had a flash of memory, panic waved through him causing the machine to bleep faster, ripping the IV from his hand he moved his body of the bed, he had to find him. His legs wobbled beneath him each step he took, ignoring the constant stabbing pain in his stomach and shoulder, he was stopped suddenly by the wires attached to his chest, with everything he had he pulled at them once, twice, crying out as they tore from his skin, the high pitch alarm hurting his ears. The door opened quickly, 'where is ….', was all he managed to get out before his legs buckled under him, falling to the floor as the blackness surrounded him.

 

This time he heard low whispering voices as he stared, the bleeping still there, his stomach hurt like hell, he wanted to wrap his arms around it and curl into himself, only to find he couldn't move his arms very far, 'why can't I move?', he asked his voice scratchy and low, he didn't have the energy to lift his head to look, so turned it towards where the whispers had come from. Chas and Diane had rushed over to him both wearing concerned sad smiles, he tried his arms again, pain shooting through the left one making him cry out, 'don't try to move pet, I'll get the doctor', Diane said, he watched her leave the room, his left side blurry. 'Sip this', Chas said holding a glass of water with a straw in it, he did finding it hard to swallow at first, 'what happened, why am I here?', he asked her, seeing her bottom lip wobble, fresh tears in her already red eyes, 'lets get the doctor to see you first, then we'll talk', she said gulping taking hold of his hand. Looking down now he saw why he hadn't been able to to move them, the padded restraints held him firm, 'why.... why them', he cried, 'take them off of me', the agitation in his hoarse voice clear to the doctor that entered with Diane, he asked both ladies to leave them, pulling the curtain around the bed as they did. Outside Diane and Chas watched through the window even though they couldn't see or hear what was going on in there, 'how do we tell him,.... I mean he's so.... so..' Chas said starting to cry again, Diane wrapped her arms around her, her own silent tears falling down her face, 'everything they've been through, helping each other and now this', she sobbed, Diane tightened her hold saying, 'when he's calmed down, when the doctor thinks he can take it', she stroked Chas's back as she cried uncontrollably. They broke their embrace hearing screams coming from inside the room, screams of take them off of me over and over, and one of pain, then silence after a few minutes, the doctor exiting came over to them, 'I've given him something to calm him down, not sedate him this time, I'll come back in an hour and we'll see about taking the restraints off, we don't want him bursting hid stitches again', he said to them, 'what have you told him?', Diane asked holding onto Chas for support, he gave them a small smile, 'I've outlined his injuries, I know hat you asking and no I don't think he's ready yet', 'thank you', Chas whispered, then told Diane she would get them some coffee and recompose herself before going back in, 'Ok pet', she said re-entering the side room.

 

Chas came back ten minutes later, having washed her face and told herself to be strong, three coffees in hand, passing one to the police officer posted outside the door, he said thank you as he opened the door for her, giving Diane hers she watched him, he was staring at the ceiling, his head feeling like cotton wool as the drugs kicked in, he had tried to speak to Diane but his words had come out gobbledegook so had given up on that idea, instead he tried to remember why and how he got here, the fragments he could remember horrifying. Both women telling him it will all be Ok, how could it be when he couldn't remember, the doctor had told him that he had been badly beaten to the extent he had had to have emergency surgery when he was admitted for internal bleeding in his stomach, his left eye was swollen which explained why he couldn't open it properly and his sight was so blurry from it, and he had been shot in the left shoulder also. When he had asked about the others, he could remember who was there but not what happened for some reason, he was told to concentrate on getting better, that was when he had become agitated, wanting the restraints off so he could go find them, being told they could come off if he allowed the doctor to give him something to calm him, he was confused when the doctor told him he had woken up a couple of times, both becoming agitated and bursting the stitches in his stomach on one occasion so they had had to no option other than to sedate and restrain him for his own safety, again he couldn't remember it. Now he was in a cotton wool bubble, he could hear them talking to him, holding his hand, but it was like he was under water, their voices muffled and far away, he tried to speak again, 'how long', the words came out as a slur, looking at them blinking to focus with his good eye, 'three weeks', the voice said not fully knowing who had answered.

 

A week later he lay there, the same room, same bed, same fucking bleeping, he wanted it to shut up, still no one would tell him what exactly happened, though he hadn't told them either that now he could remember every last detail, knowing if he did there would be a barrage of endless questions thrown at him, the only thing he really wanted to know was what had happened to the others, were they Ok, but no one would tell him, he would have looked it up on his phone but it had been taken as evidence. Through the window he could see Diane and Chas talking to a man, his back turned to him, he was gently stroking Chas's arms, in what looked like it was in more then a supportive way, intimate almost, he must be seeing thing, the pain relief maybe. His body ached as he pulled himself up on the bed hen he heard the door open, DS Wise asking how he was as he sat down, sore was his answer, 'can you tell me what you remember?', he asked quietly, closing his eyes to stop from crying he said everything. 'Do you feel you can make a statement at this time, I know your still recovering', he nodded then asked, 'the others, are they... ', DS Wise interrupted him, telling him about them, when he had finished he asked if tomorrow would be Ok and the statement would be filmed', he nodded, not being able to answer, the tears running freely now. He had been alone for what felt like an age until Diane came in, Chas obviously not up to it, 'I'm so sorry pet, we didn't know how to tell you', she hugged him gently wiping away her tears, closing his eyes all he could see was the man he loves, loves more than anything laying on the floor and the blood that surrounded him, unable to speak,to move he just allowed Diane to comfort him, he felt numb.

 

He felt three sweet kisses on his neck, a hand slowly edging over his hip, 'mmmm, morning', he said moving his body back feeling the rock hard cock against him, the hand had worked it's way around his, stroking slowly, the thumb trailing over it's head making him moan in pleasure, 'one of them morning is it', he gasped as the hand continued to play, changing direction just the way he liked it. He moved his arm back feeling the smooth contours of the back and arse behind him, gently grinding his body over the other. That was when he woke up, automatically reaching over to the other side of the bed to feel the warm body there, his arm hit the mattress like it had done every morning since he had come home two weeks ago, silent tears falling as he grabbed the pillow, pulling it close in the hope that his scent would still be on it, but it had faded away just like the memory in his dream. Having stopped crying he looked over at the suit that they had hung up for him the night before, he couldn't go, it was to soon, the ache that he felt in his heart all day, everyday starting again, he just stared at it, he had already said yesterday that he wasn't going, Diane saying it may help, but nothing can help this feeling. Standing up to holding his stomach he headed to the bathroom, hoping to to see anyone, to late, Cain was on his way up the stairs, he'd shown he actually has a heart letting him take out his anger on him verbally then embracing him in a hug after telling him it will take time but he will get there, never bringing up any past loses. 'Chas said your not coming, it's up to you if you do or don't, I'll stay with you if you wish', he said sincerely, he shook his head, 'you go for me, I can't face it', wiping the tears away as he closed the bathroom door behind him, 'you've got your new phone, text me if you need me to come back', Cain said through the door before going back down. He looked into the mirror, the reflection looked like a lie, it looked alive when he felt dead inside, this was the biggest lie he had ever told them, and that killed him.

 

Chas looked on at Cain when he came through the door, she gave him a sad smile when he shook his head, she straightened out her suit taking a long breath out, her brother putting his arm around her, 'I know he's not....', she started to say, 'yeah, I know, he'll be Ok, give him time', her arms flung around him tightly as she sobbed, seeing someone in such pain and knowing there was nothing she could do to help them hurt more than her own sense of lose, Diane came in from the bar telling them the car had arrived. The whole village seemed to be there, lined up to the church, Chas, Cain and the rest of the Dingle's where joined by Diane, Adam, Vic and the Barton's as they walked behind it, he watched from the front bedroom window, his hand touching the glass saying his goodbyes.

 

The pub was full to the brim after, Adam saying he was going to check on him, walked away from his wife who held onto Andy, reaching the bedroom he knocked a couple of times and waited, then knocked again opening the door calling his name, he froze when he saw it, picking it up he read it and ran down to the bar, finding Chas and Diane talking about the good time they had had with him. Out of breath and panting he handed them the note, 'Cain', Chas shouted at the top of her voice, Diane leaning against the bar to keep herself from falling, the crowd broke apart letting Cain through, her hand started to shake as she passed him the note, reading it he ran up to his room, coming back down minutes later, 'there's clothes missing, his phone, keys and wallet though are still there, Diane, Chas I'm so sorry he's gone'.


	20. Searching

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A mother searchers for her son

Chapter 20 - Searching

 

Month 1 -

'He's gone', he said, Chas fell to the floor not saying a word, her whole body shaking, Cain and Moira lifted her to her foot and walked her through to the back room, quickly followed by Diane, they sat her down on the sofa where she demanded to see the note again.

Mum,  
I'm sorry, I can't stay here, I need time on my own, always know that I love you and that I will not hurt myself, I will come home when I'm ready.

 

Aaron.

 

Pulling out her phone she rang Jason, telling him he said he would come straight over, 'this can't be happening', she said aloud to no one in particular, Cain put a brew on the table for her, 'I think I need something stronger than that', she pointed out, 'not right now you don't', Moira said softly with her arm round her shoulders. Adam cam in, looking at them all, 'his cars still there, he couldn't gotten far', 'right get everyone together, we'll start searching the local area now', Cain instructed him, nodding Adam went to the bar to organise search parties. After hours of looking there hadn't been any luck, Chas reported him missing with Jason's help, stating his mental health issues would make him a priority and they wouldn't have to wait twenty-four hours to report it, but from reading the note he did point out that he said in it that he wouldn't hurt himself, also giving him the envelope Aaron had told her to put in the safe that day. For weeks Chas rang the station everyday to find out if they had any news or sightings of him, there was nothing, he was just gone, like he had dropped of the face of the earth.

 

Month 2 -

 

Diane called round to see Chas, who sat staring into space, 'how you doing today pet?, she asked the distance woman, 'nothing, there's nothing,......', she looked up to her friend, 'all the hospitals are on alert, police stations, Cain and the others are in Leeds again trying there, and all I can do is sit and hope for a phone call, anything that'll tell me where he is', her voice was low and sad. Diane had covered the bar a few times for her, she felt able to work until she knew her boy was safe. 'Sam came back last night, she said Katie's still in the coma, Vic and Adam said she could stay with her', Diane told her, Katie had been in a coma since the incident, they had been told she had been thrown against a wall, her head hitting it with some force, Andy not leaving her side for weeks after. 'So Sam living with them now, hows her leg?', Chas tried to sound concerned, deep down she was but she couldn't show it, she was here and her and Diane's sons weren't, 'better', Diane said, 'she'll be off work for a while but she'll get there', 'and Andy?', Diane sighed, 'when he's not at the hospital, he's looking for Aaron'. Vic ran through tears falling from her eyes, 'Vic love what is it?', Chas asked seeing the state of her, 'Katie', she sobbed, 'not another one', Diane said fighting back her tears, Chas sobbed into her hands. They held the funeral a week later, Andy saying he couldn't stay reminded them all of Aaron even more, when he left to go back up north he hugged Chas telling her son will come home one day, when he's ready. The following day the police broke Chas's heart saying they where closing his missing person's report as the note had never shown he was going to hurt himself and if he had wanted to get in contact he would have by now, after two months they had given up, Jason had tried to get them to keep it open but wasn't able to.

 

Month 3 - 

 

Andy walked around, his work had taken him to Glasgow for the week, wondering round the German market at St. Enoch's square he was glancing over on of the stalls looking for a present for Vic, he wasn't going to the village for Christmas so he was on the look out for something he could post. That's when, no it couldn't be, it's not possible he thought, he was the right build, height from the back, if he could just get a look at his face, following the crowd round the corner he lost him, must be my imagination, Aaron would never go blonde or kiss a woman, he laughed at himself for thinking it.

 

She'd just pulled a pint for Jimmy when Charity came behind the bar with the post, Chas had started back at work earlier this month, needing to keep busy and it was the run up to Christmas, idly being past her post as she got Jimmy's change for him, she told her to leave it on the back table, she would get it later. Jason stepped to the bar, leaning over giving Chas a kiss, when they had gone public everyone had been happy for them, with all she'd been through lately she deserved to be happy, not that she was she still missed Aaron and longed to hear from him everyday, but she had told herself that she needed to start living again, Cain's response had been a Dingle and a cop who would have thought it. They went into the back on her break, Charity saying don't do anything I wouldn't, picking up her post laughing at the comment, she stopped when she saw the hand writing on the envelope, sitting slowly she stared at it. 'Jason can you open it', she said with a gulp, he took it from her pulling the Christmas card out and opened it, he smiled at her nodding, taking a sharp breath she snatched it off him and read it to herself, then aloud, 'mum, I love you, I'm safe, Aaron', crying she pulled the card to her heart, he was alive. Jason folded his arms around her as Cain came in, 'he's alive', she shouted to her brother, Cain looked at the envelope, saying it was posted from London, he'd go and start looking after the new year, Chas nodded in happiness.

 

Month 4 -

 

Cain's search of London had come to a stop three weeks into January, all his contacts had dried up, there was just to many places to hid there, Chas said he was probably right, but still lived in hope he would come home. She was in the middle of eating her lunch when her phone rang, she was waiting for Cain to ring, it was his first trip south to search for Aaron glancing over to the envelope on the side, he voice on the end sounded nervous, 'hi, am I speaking to Chastity Dingle', they almost sounded upset, 'yeah', she said, 'my name is Joseph, I'm calling on behalf of......', she didn't here the rest of it, he sounded so much like him, 'M...Miss Dingle', it hurt her to hear any more, 'listen here wanker, I don't want what your selling so fuck off', putting the phone down she tried to calm down, the young man's voice haunted her for the rest of the day. 

 

Month 5 -

It was coming to the end of the trail against White Enterprises, Chas and Diane had gone everyday, if anything to represent Robert and Katie, who had lost their lives because of them, and Aaron who could no longer stay in the village after all the heart ache they had caused. Chas sat waiting for Diane to travel to court, her third coffee in hand, Jason kissed the top of her head, 'you look tired, why don't you give today a miss and rest up', she thought about it for a second then shook her head, 'no, I need to go for them, they can't rest until they go down, I can feel it', 'Ok, just the morning then, go in this afternoon', her phone bleeped before she could respond, reading the text she sighed, 'Diane's not going, she's finding hard to hear the things they've done to people and doesn't want to her about Katie, she'd rather not know'. Jason squeezed her hand, 'maybe she's right, do you think you can hear it, not just that, the fact Robert and Aaron had become caught up in the whole mess', closing her eyes she said, 'I honestly don't know,....... but I will give this morning a miss, go in after'. That afternoon Chas sat in the gallery, Jason and Diane might be right she thought as they were detailing more of the horrible thing the White's made people do, she closed her eyes tight and tried to listen a little longer, it was strange, it was like she could feel Aaron here with her, his scent, his warm breath behind her, like he was reaching out to her. Taking a deep breath she opened her eyes again and turned, apologising to the young woman who sat there, seeing the door to the gallery closing fully, it must be a sign, picking her jacket up from the back off the seat she left, she couldn't hear any more. Returning to the village, she saw Diane sat with Vic, their emotions close to the surface, they told her they had been to the grave yard to pay their respects, in the last seven months they had not only lost Robert, but Katie and now Andy had said he wasn't going to return home, that he had decided to stay where he was. Pulling off her jacket, she folded it to put it next her as she sat down with them, her pockets had been empty she was sure of it, now she felt something in one of them, puzzled she took out what ever it was, staring at the object in the palm of her hand, Diane asked her if she was alright, blinking she looked at her then back to her hand, running her finger over it she smiled, it was defiantly a sign, for what she didn't know, the small circular fossil Aaron had found that day on the beach sat in her palm.


	21. Five Months Earlier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last five months for Aaron

Chapter 21 – Five Months Earlier

 

Aaron -

 

Month 1 -

'The others, are they....', 'Aaron', Wise's said in a soft voice,'Sam was shot in the leg, she'll be fine', Aaron read his face, he could tell there was going to be bad news, 'just tell me, no well answer me when I ask', the anger showing in every word, 'Ok, but you need to prepare yourself', Aaron's breaths became short and sharp, holding his stomach from the pain it caused, 'Katie is in critical condition, she's in a coma and the the man who hurt you is dead', he didn't care about them right now, he need to know about Robert. 'Robert, what about Robert?', he said struggling with the all the emotions he was feeling, Wise looked down and then to Aaron, 'I'm sorry Aaron, there was nothing they could do', he couldn't breath now, staring wide eyed at the police officer, 'he's....he's....', 'I'm am sorry Aaron, he was pronounced at the scene', silence fell between them, he hadn't heard it right, he couldn't be dead. 'Aaron.......... Aaron', Wise repeated, slowly Aaron turned to look at him, tears flowing, 'we need to to take the stand, give evidence to what happened, but.......', 'but what?', Aaron whispered, his heart broken into a million pieces, 'we would like to place you protective custody,it will mean relocating you, a new identity' he explained, 'run and hide you mean' he spat at Wise, 'no, for your safety we feel it would be for the best'.

 

'So how do we do this?', Aaron asked, he was in Jill's office, him, Jill, Wise and two other officers, 'the doctors have said your well enough to travel, so we think we have a window of opportunity next week', one of the officers said, he had only been out of hospital a week, the only things keeping him up pain killers. 'Next week, but that's....', 'I know, I'm sorry but it's our best chance', Wise said sympathetically, Aaron shook his head in disbelief, 'so that's two boyfriend's I never got to bury'. For the rest of the week he watched everyone finish planing around him, he had decided to to speak at all unless he had to as not to let slip up, his mum hung up his suit the night before, he lay there staring at it, knowing he wouldn't be wearing it, his bag already packed and stashed under the bed, finally drifting off in the small hours. Now he stood at the window watching all the people he cared for, loves walk to the church to say goodbye to the man he loved and he couldn't be there, when they had all entered the church he gave the bag to an officer, wrote a note to his mum and left, laying across the back seat of the car covered by a blanket crying.

 

Month 2 -

 

The water washed over his face, looking in the mirror he ran his hand over his chin, it felt weird without a beard, and why he let them convince him to go blonde he didn't know, when he was stuck in this flat all day. Aaron spent his days watching DVD's, pacing back and forth out of shear boredom and watching people go by through the window, 'do I ever get to go out?', he asked Sean, the police officer with him, 'there's a few thing to clear first Joseph, then maybe', Joseph, his new name, Joseph Yates, it will take a while but he would remember to answer to it. Physically he was a lot better, his head still wondered back to thoughts that hurt, imagining his mum and family looking for him, worrying about his safety, the signature knock tapped on the door, Sean checking opened it, Grace his liaison officer came in telling him the police had called of his missing person's report and in a week or two he could go out, and they had lined up a job for him to keep up appearances, giving her a look when he found out it was in a call centre, the one job he wouldn't want to do ever.

 

Month 3 -

 

Logging off his computer, Aaron swung round on his chair, he'd lost count of how many people had put hung up on him, the ones that stayed on the line stringing him along, PPI was the most boring thing in the world. He had felt down all day, everyone talking about their plans for Christmas with their families making him think about his own even more, he missed them so much. 'Joseph', Sarah called from her cubicle, walking over when she didn't get an answer, 'Joseph', she said making him jump looking at her, 'earth to Joseph', waving her hand in front of Aaron's face, 'sorry, in a world of my own', he said shaking his head to clear his thoughts, 'what can I do for you Sarah', he smiled this time. 'You coming out for drinks, or is the ball-and-chain not going to let you play out again', laughing he grabbed his coat, 'sorry, Christmas shopping with the ball-and-chain', he said sarcastically, it hadn't gone unnoticed that Grace met him from work everyday, Simon once telling him it looked like an unhealthy relationship, if he only knew, he'd caught the ginger haired Scot staring at him more than once over the past month, so-much-so he had told Grace and she had run a background check on him that came back clean, still Aaron felt a little paranoid around him. Greeted by Grace, he gave her a kiss on the left check, their sign everything was Ok, a kiss on the right meant they needed to talk, plus keeping up appearances and all that, 'German market, find that present for your folks', he said casually, seeing Sarah behind him Grace nodded, taking his hand they walked towards St.Enoch's square. 'You Ok?', she asked as they made their way through the stalls, Sarah having walked the same way, stopping at one he whispered, 'yeah, keep seeing things I know mum would like, just wish I could reach out to her, let her know I'm Ok, you know what I mean', Grace sighed, 'you know you....', stopping when Aaron pulled her round the corner and kissed her on the lips, his eyes watching the figure walk past them looking round, braking it when they were out of sight, Grace's face in shock, 'we need to get back to the flat now', he insisted. Aaron paced across the living room, panic had set in, had he been seen, Grace came in ending the call on her phone, 'right', she said,'write out a Christmas card, it will be sent from another location down south'.

 

Month 4 -

The day had dragged, seemed like it had gone on forever, half way through people had stopped talking to Aaron as they would only be snapped at, he'd tried to put on a nice polite voice for the calls, but after that one his mood had worsened. They had been in the flat an hour now, Aaron refusing to call it home, Grace knocked on the bedroom door as she pushed it open, 'brought you a brew', she said quietly, Aaron ignoring her continued to stare out the window, 'works night out tonight isn't it', she tried again putting the cup down, 'not in the mood', he snapped. Sitting on the end of the bed she looked at him concerned, 'what happened today?', she asked, he sighed turning to her, his eyes angry and hurt, 'had to ring my mum', Aaron simply said, 'couldn't say no could I, couldn't say sorry that's my mum since they all think I had been orphaned at the age of two', his voice becoming bitter, Grace nodded with a sad smile, 'so, what happened?', he looked up and laughed at the memory, even though fresh unshed tears where building in his eyes. 'She called me a wanker and told me to fuck off', he looked down now, 'some birthday hey', wiping the tears away that had started to fall, 'I miss them so much,I'm worried she's not coping, I miss Robert too......., I've not even seen his grave'. Burying his head in his hands, the flood gates opened, trying to cry away all the pain and lose he had locked up inside himself.

 

  
Month 5 -

 

Breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out, Aaron clenched his fists each time trying to stop his body from shaking, the past twenty-four hours had been a blur, remembered Grace waking him up yesterday morning telling him it was time handing him a box of just for men, he'd stared at it for a second until he realised it was his natural colour. Now he sat in a hotel waiting to go to court, even though they had told him it would be over video link he was still nervous, 'ready to go', Grace said, nodding he closed his eyes. An hour had gone by, Grace having to stop Aaron from wearing a hole in the floor from his pacing, he sat quietly in the side room with the equipment all set up in the corner ready. He jumped when the door opened, DS Wise entered saying hello how are you, he didn't answer, didn't have to Wise seeing the worried look in his eyes he told him everything will go fine, 'mum, will she be...', he went to say there, 'no, she won't be attending until this afternoon', Aaron letting out a sigh of relief sat back down, they had told him that their families had been told the basics of that night, that there had been a shooting incident but no other details for their own good. 'They'll be calling you in about ten minutes', Wise said, 'I can stay with you, if you wish', Aaron nodded, 'please state your name for the court', the voice said, 'Aaron Dingle', taking a breath after, then the question he was dreading, 'Mr.Dingle, can you tell us of the events of.......', Closing his eyes, clenching his fists not listening to the rest of it, he didn't need reminding of that date, it was burnt on his brain now and forever, he began. He'd been asked question after question after he had finished, wiping his eyes through out, answering them all the best he could, when the red light on the camera faded and Wise told him he did well he slumped in the chair holding his head in his hands, all he wanted was for Robert to walk in the room and hug him, kiss him, but that was never going happen, Grace sliding her arm around him pulling him into her, he cried. 'When can I go home?', he asked wiping the tears again, 'lets get you to the hotel and we can talk later', Wise told him, who opened the door to check the corridor, Aaron gasped at the sight of his mum making her way to the gallery, she looked tired, he thought, the door closed quickly, Wise saying they will have to wait, all Aaron wanted to do was run to her. Playing with the fossil in his hand he had an idea, running it passed them Wise allowed it secretly knowing it would help Chas, Aaron ran his finger over it one last time, remembering the day they had found it, it had been the best and worst day all at once, he kissed it then passed it to Grace, who would do the rest. It wasn't until the next night the subject of him returning home came up, they had gone to a new hotel further away, locked in he felt like he was a prisoner, 'we have paper work to complete first, should be around week so we can be sure you'll be safe', Aaron gave him an annoyed look, 'you'll be there right, keeping me safe, or is it just my mum', it didn't mean to sound like it sounded, Wise stood back not knowing what to say, 'I saw the way you looked at her when we were at the court, and when I was in the hospital', nodding Wise said it was true, 'hurt her and you answer to me', that was the last he had to say about it, he wasn't mad, in fact he was happy for his mum, a Dingle and a cop he thought, 'so why so long on the paperwork?', he asked, turning to face them, 'what else haven't you told me'


	22. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron returns home, how will they respond to him and how will he cope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not warning you about the major character deaths, thought I had at the time

Chapter 22 - Home 

 

'Stay', the voice came from behind Aaron, low and sweet, pulling his jeans up he turned to him, his naked body now stretching on the bed, his long dark hair gathered around his shoulders, kneeling on the mattress Aaron leaned down giving him a soft kiss, 'can't, got work in the morning', he said wishing he could, standing to grab his coat he headed out the door. Grace waited for him on the corner as always, smiling at him when he got in the car, two weeks had turned into over three months, now in Liverpool and called Eric, but tomorrow that all changed, tomorrow he was going home, he should feel happy about it, and honestly he was, but scared at the same time. 'I can come with you if you....', Grace started, 'no, I need to go alone', he said quickly before he changed his mind again, his bag packed he got Grace to drop him off at the train station, two hours later he stepped off the bus at Emmerdale, taking a deep breath he started walking towards the pub, it was still early so they would be setting up the bar for the day, amazingly it was quiet, he saw Bob, but Bob didn't see him, busy with the cafe, so far so good he thought. 'Aaron' Diane said, shocked and relieved, running to him, she looked him up and down before pulling him into a hug, 'are you Ok, you had us scared', he gave her a small smile, 'I needed......, I'm sorry Diane', he said welling up,sobbing into her shoulder. Diane had text Tracey telling her to hold the fort at the B&B until Eric got there taking Aaron to hers, 'no ones home, Doug's away with Laural and the kids, Ashley's in a home now', she said bringing through a cup of tea she saw him holding a picture, stroking his finger down it, 'I remember that day, the two of you were so happy', she said with a sad smile, Aaron returning it. He and Robert stood in Vic's garden smiling at one an other, it had been taken without their knowledge a couple of days before everything happened, placing it back on the mantle he turned to Diane, 'could I grab a shower before I go see mum, I've been travelling most of the morning?', he asked quietly, Diane simply nodded, then asked, 'do you want me to get her here, give the two of you time on your own?', he thought about it, thought about the crowded pub, the stares he would get and said, 'yeah, please...but let me clean up first'.

 

Diane waited outside for Chas, Aaron asking her to tell his mum, prepare her to see him after so long, 'Diane', she said panicked, 'is it Vic, is she Ok?', Diane placed hands on Chas's arms, 'Vic's fine,....it's Aaron', she saw Chas's panic grow, 'calm down pet, he's inside, I thought you would need some time alone is all', 'h..he's....he's..', Chas stammered pointing to the front door, her legs turning to jelly. Diane told her how she'd seen him earlier and thought he wouldn't be able to cope with to many people at once, so she had brought him here and contacted her, Chas beamed a smile even though her concern for her son was high. Opening the door slowly, Chas stepped in, 'mum', she heard from the living room, rushing then to embrace her son, both of them crying, there was a prolonged silence between them before, 'we were so worried, where were you, how'd you get by?', the questions came thick and fast, Aaron couldn't keep up. 'Mum, mum', he said breaking their hold, bridging a gap between them, 'I stayed with a friend, I'm fine, just I...... needed time to sort stuff out, I know you were worried, but I let you know I was fine.....', 'over eight months, eight months and one Christmas card', she shouted at him, he tried to remain calm, 'I couldn't mum', he cried, 'I couldn't be here, not after......., after everything, my head was fucked, I needed some time......., time to.......', he started to cry again, 'I've lost two of the most important people in my life here, Jackson and............ Robert', he whispered his name, finding it hard to say, 'can we not, not yet mum, please'. Chas took in what he had just said nodding, 'come home, I'll make you some food, I kept your bedroom the same, if......if your staying there', she wished he would say yes, I want to be at home but didn't push it, wiping her eyes she looked at him waiting for an answer. When he said yes to food she picked his bag up and they headed out, Aaron felt uncomfortable with everyone staring at him, saying good to see you back, we've been worried, he wanted to get into the back and hide from them all, 'I'll ask Marlon to make something and bring it through' she told him. While she was gone Aaron sent Grace a text saying he was home, quickly replacing it into his pocket hearing footsteps from the stairs, Wise came in, all Aaron could do was glare at him, 'Aaron, I can explain', his mum said seeing the scene in front of her, going red, 'no need mum, it's quite clear', 'Aaron, don't be mad', Wise said, knowing all to well this wasn't why he was angry, 'Chas, can you give us a minute', she said yes and left them alone. Wise sat opposite Aaron who was still glaring at him, 'Aaron, please....', 'you lied to me, all that time, you lied', he said through gritted teeth, 'and now I have to lie to them, I don't know what to say to them', Wise leant back looking at Aaron, 'you know you can't, not yet', he said calmly. Aaron stood and started to pace the floor gripping his hair, 'what can I say then?', whispered in case of prying ears, sighing Wise thought about it, 'about the witness protection, just don't bring me into it, and as for the other thing, I didn't know until afterwards, when the case was over, you have to believe me Aaron'. 'Where you going?', Wise asked, 'to see Adam, tell mum I'll be back in a bit,........... and don't be here when I do', walking out slamming the door, Chas came in hearing the bang looking confused, carrying a plate of burger and chips, 'where is he?' asking panicked, Jason looked down then to her, 'he's gone to see Adam, I think it best I go, let him calm down', he said, 'there's some work I need to do anyway'.

 

Adam sat glancing from the paperwork to his rather annoyed wife, after last week he was taking any chances, so she came to work with him knowing she wouldn't rest up at home, with Sam away on a coarse their was no one to keep an eye on her, 'your staring again', she huffed, 'well if you....', their conversation cut short by an almighty smashing sound outside, Ross wasn't due back from his pick up yet so Adam ran to the window to see what it was. He froze on the stop, Vic asking him what was going on, 'Aaron', was all he said, forcing his feet to move he went out, Aaron was smashing a windscreen with a crowbar, the anger emanating from every part of his body, 'Aaron', he shouted, dropping the bar he turned, tears pouring down his face he fell to his knees at the sight of his best friend. He told Vic to put the kettle on as he ran over, kneeling beside him, lifting him up he smiled at him, his best mate had come home, they walked slowly to the port-a-cabin, entering Vic pulled the chair out for him, he looked at her in shock. 'You're......you're...', he pointed to her, 'yes, Aaron I'm having a baby', he smiled, the first honest happy one he had since getting back, then turned to Adam, 'congrats mate', hugging him, 'sorry bout that, needed to let off some steam', Adam laughed, 'at least it was a car and not you or someone else'. Adam could always relax him, not asking to many questions, Vic handed him the drink saying she would go, Adam giving her a look, 'I'm pregnant, I can walk, I'm not ill', Aaron noticed the tone as she said it. 'I never told her', Adam said when they were alone, Aaron gave a questioning look, 'about Robert', he saw Aaron close his eyes tight, 'sorry, I didn't mean to upset you', he shook his head., 'Ad, it's fine you can say his name, and thanks for not......., you know'. They changed the subject to funny goings on in the village while he was away, Kerry had tried to open a business doing mobile vejazzles, Ross was working there, it had started as part time, but as they got busier turned to full. 'Where were you?', he finally asked, 'here and there', Aaron said, making Adam laugh and shake his head, 'bit vague there mate', Aaron sighed making him promise not to say anything to anyone until he was ready, when he said yes Aaron began. 'Witness protection', Adam stared in shock, 'first I was moved round hotels, then a more permanent place', he was given a look, 'Andy rang once, said he saw someone who looked like you in Glasgow, but they were with their girlfriend', he laughed, Aaron joining in at the memory, 'it was you, wasn't it', he got a nod in reply. 'I was there until the trial, saw him and had to do something', he became serious again, 'after they said two weeks and I could come back, but they found me and tried to, ye know........., so they moved me again, letting me back when it was safe'. 'Sam never talks about it, the two of you are the only ones who know what really happened, we lost Robert, then Katie', Aaron clenched his fists, 'be happy you weren't', he didn't like this subject, 'Andy didn't cope after Katie, chose to go back up north, found it hard to be here', Aaron anger was resurfacing, 'do we have to talk about her', he spat out, Adam was taken aback. 

 

Returning to the pub an hour later, Adam having done to lighter conversations seeing Aaron discomfort, they went to the through the back door, Charity letting them in, giving him a massive hug, 'I missed you kid', she told him, 'I missed you all too', he said more relaxed than before. Chas sat at the table, Alicia covering the bar, 'mum, I had time to think while I was away', he sat next to her, Adam and Charity had gone to the bar, 'yeah', she looked at him, 'about the inheritance, is it to late to get it', he sighed, she really looked at him now to saying anything, 'mum, I can start anew, in the village', he said seeing her panic. 'I'll call the lawyer tomorrow love, what would you do with it?', she asked, 'buy one of the flats, I need to move on with my life', Chas was happy he was staying in the village, so that's what they did, when the money was cleared he made a quick transaction and within three weeks had moved in, staying on the sofa before that as he couldn't stay in his room for the memories in there. Two months had gone by, Aaron was back at work, putting money into it, the expansion had been good for them, living on his own was a little lonely but gave him space to work things out, not that there wasn't someone calling round each day, Vic had a girl, naming her Lily, so they kept Ross on while Adam took time off with his new family, Aaron being godfather. 'Andy's coming to visit', Vic said cheerfully one day, it was the moment Aaron was dreading, he knew the subject would come up, his mum had asked him in the past, learning to leave it alone with Jason's help, who Aaron still held some anger towards until he came to see him one day and made him smile.

 

Aaron went to the bar and ordered a pint, he could hear Vic and Andy behind him, 'I need to know Vic', his voice filled with sadness, Vic tried to to keep hers low, 'he doesn't want to talk about it yet, leave him alone', she begged him not wanting either of them to hurt, they saw Sam enter with an overnight bag and join Aaron. Their conversation low so no one would hear, Aaron dug in his pocket and passed her his keys and she left, 'what was that about?', Vic called over to him, it was now that he turned to them, 'Sam's staying at mine while Andy's here, give you some room', he said to her avoiding eye contact with Andy, then turned back to his drink feeling more than a little uncomfortable. Chas had watched the exchange quietly from behind the bar, playing with the object in her hand, she wanted answers like Andy, not because it had been her best friend and Aaron's partner, but because she know how her son became when he locked things up inside, and it worried her. Aaron narrowed his eyes trying to focus on what his mum was playing with, she saw him and put back in her pocket going over to him, 'you alright love?', she asked gesturing to the table behind him, 'yeah, I'll be fine', he said thoughtfully, 'what's that', he nodded to her pocket, she smiled at him pulling it out, not letting him see until she'd explained, 'I sat in that court room everyday, listening to the horrible things those people did, the White's', saying their name bitterly, 'I was so scared for you out there on your own, I'd almost given up hope of seeing you again', she said honestly, Aaron not taking his eyes off of her feeling bad, 'I'd missed court that morning, Jason told me to rest up having had not slept properly, Diane couldn't face going back' it was hard for her listening to them try and frame Robert', she paused checking he was Ok, he nodded for her to continue, 'saying he was this Wilson bloke, ye know, anyway I went that afternoon, I sat there, thinking about what Diane and Jason had said, I decided then to leave and not go back', she paused again and squeezed his hand,'I still wanted justice for what happened to the four of you, but it killed me to hear what they were saying, when I got back I found it in my pocket,..... I swear it hadn't been there before, it gave me hope of seeing you again'. She wiped the single tear that fell as she placed it in his hand, 'that was the best and worst day', he said scrolling his finger around the fossil, 'by the end of it I know you where there for me and that gave me hope, just like it did you,.........how'did it get there?', he asked, knowing exactly how, 'I don't know, but at that very moment it was what I needed not to give up', more tears building, 'you keep it', she said folding his fingers around it, 'and when your ready to talk, I'm ready to listen', he gave her a faint smile avoiding her gaze, not wanting her to see the pain in his eyes.

 

His chest hit the bar suddenly as he was pushed from behind, holding his chest he turned, Chas shouting don't you dare, Andy's sadness had turned to alcohol fuelled anger, 'I want to know......., I need to know how they...... died', Aaron closed his eyes not wanting to remember, Andy carried on, 'how did that monster kill my wife and brother Aaron', shouting now the whole pubs attention on them, Adam trying to calm and stop Andy from pushing him again. Eric and Diane stared from one corner, Rhona and Vanessa from the other, Aaron stood ignoring Andy and attempted to leave only to be pushed backwards into the bar this time, Sam running between them seeing the commotion when she returned, 'Andy, this is not the time or the place, Aaron doesn't need this', Diane said standing next to Andy now, speaking calmly, 'Vic take him home to sober up'. 'No', Andy screamed at them, 'the two of you know more than any of us', he pointed to Sam and Aaron who looked at each other, Chas had run round and was quietly pleaded with him to leave it, but he just carried on ignoring the others, 'that man killed Robert, killed Katie, nearly killed you, scared you enough to run away, hurt you Sam, so tell me how she was hurt so badly', he waited for an answer but got nothing, 'she would never hurt anyone'. Aaron blood was boiling, 'don't you ever speak her name to me, she was no saint, we wouldn't have been....... been there if wasn't for her', he was seeing red now, his body whole body shaking in Sam's arms, knowing he had said too much, they all fell silent at his words, Sam pulled him aside trying to reassure and calm him, but it wasn't working, he broke away from her and stood face to face with Andy, 'why are you so bothered anyway, your the one who washed your hands of her', he said aggressively, 'we all tried to get you to talk to her, especially Robert, but you just called her a whore', he saw the hurt in Andy's face knowing he had crossed a line but didn't care, 'she had had it in for Robert from the get go, that's way you split from her in the first place remember, that's why she left and started working for them, she was a whore and it was all your fault', gasps came form around them as he pointed at him, only to get punched in the stomach, 'Ok, I deserved that', he said wincing, 'but the man I love, your brother would be alive now if she hadn't stuck her venomous nose in, and that's the truth', angry tears flowing as Chas and Sam started to drag him through to the back, 'she killed him', he yelled as he disappeared.


	23. Should We Tell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Sam decide wither or not to tell the others what happened that fateful night

Chapter 23 – Should we tell

 

The glass of whisky shook as he sipped it, not looking up to the constant glare from his mum, 'that was a bit harsh wasn't it', she said, 'you both lost Robert and I understand your angry, but he lost Katie as well', Aaron stood sharply throwing the glass into a million pieces against the wall, his anger returning, 'you know nothing mum, you weren't there', he shouted, Chas backing up frightened by her sons reaction. Sam came back through having checked everyone had calmed down, they had in there at least, Diane taking over the bar until Alicia came to cover, Vic had taken Andy home, but Sam wasn't alone, Jason was with her. He spoke to Sam in the corner of the room seeing how upset Aaron was, she nodded and left through the back door, 'Aaron, calm down', he said in a low voice, now seeing the of his girlfriend and the broken glass, 'don't you tell me to calm down', it was an angry whisper, Aaron glaring at him, Jason stood close to Aaron, his eyes soft and calm, 'I hate lying to them', Aaron's voice lowered to a whisper, Jason nodded. 'Sam ran into someone', he spoke quietly so Chas wouldn't hear, 'your friends here from Liverpool is here, in your flat', Aaron's anger faded into shock and surprise as he sat down, Jason lowering himself to his level, 'she's gone to get them, but you need to calm down'. Their here, Aaron thought, 'I'm meant to go see them this weekend', he whispered, Chas trying to listen in but couldn't hear them, Jason smiled saying no need, 'ring her, tell them to stay there, this might not be the best place at the moment', Aaron said louder then he meant too, 'who?', Chas asked her voice shaky, they both looked round to her, 'er,...a friend from Liverpool, Grace', Aaron stuttered out nervously, she looked questioningly at them. 'It's complicated mum, I need to go', he left leaving Chas bewildered, wondering what it had to do with Jason.

 

Waking up Aaron wrapped the arm that draped over him around him, 'morning', a sleepy voice said, he tightened their embrace, last night pushed to the back of his mind, turning to face them he allowed their gaze to look at every feature on his face, 'morning', he said back. 'You going to tell me what happened in the pub?', he asked stroking his finger down Aaron's arm, who sighed, 'shh', he sounded not wanting to burst their bubble he kissed him feeling the soft lips on his, deepening it they moaned into each others mouths, their hands exploring each other. 'Christ, you have missed me', Aaron breathed wrapping his hand round the erect cock between them, pulling it gently, 'you too it seems', he gasped doing the same to Aaron's, 'fuck', Aaron groaned at the sound of the flats buzzer, 'ignore it, they'll go away', a husky voice whispered into his ear, they did until it sounded again. Breaking away, Aaron got dressed telling him not to move and went to answer the door, 'Andy', he said loudly, 'what do you want', Andy gestured if he could come in, opening the door wider and stepping aside, 'I'm.....I'm sorry', Andy said as he came in, 'it's been hard for all of us, but harder for you and I'm sorry, I've been so angry and hurt, no ones ever given us a straight answer and when I saw you,.......I shouldn't have taken it out on you, I'm sorry for what I said and punching you', he looked down at the floor. Aaron didn't know if he was expecting an apology, but it wasn't going to happen, 'Ok, thank you', he said neither of them looking at each other, 'is that all Andy, I've got things to do', Andy looked at him now, 'if your waiting for an apology you'll be waiting a long time', Aaron stayed as calm as he could, Andy stormed out slamming the door behind him. Aaron slumped onto the sofa holding his head in his hands, 'that went well', Sam said from the door of the spare room, 'you think', his voice muffled through his hands, she sigh sitting next to him putting her hand on his back as he breathed out a grunt. They stayed like that for a bit, Aaron regretting what he said last night now he thought about it, 'we need to sort this', she said, lifting his head he asked how, 'by telling them', the voice came from Aaron's room, both of them looking round, Aaron shook his head telling them the truth is worse than the lie, he hated lying but he didn't want them hurting more than they already were. 'He's right', Sam said, 'we have to Aaron', he looked up in shock, 'and just how much do we tell them,....how much can we?', both thought about what Aaron was asking, 'your the police officer here, you tell us', he stated. 'I'll have to call my superiors, and I know they will be angry when we tell them but.....' , 'angry, they'll be more than angry, try heart broken', they looked at Aaron, he sighed deep down knowing they were right, hesitantly nodding in agreement. 'I'll call and see if we can first', 'well do it fast before I crack up', Aaron hissed walking into the bathroom, the others sharing a worrying look.

 

Two days, two days and no word, two days of Aaron avoiding Andy's steely stares, Diane not knowing what to say and Vic blanking him, speaking of whom was handing Adam his lunch, 'Vic', he said, she carried on talking to her husband, 'Vic, please', she kissed Adam on the cheek saying she had to get back to work and left. Aaron banged his head on the desk a couple of times then put it in his hands, 'what do expect, after what you said', Adam said sternly, 'do you realise what they what though', 'what they went through, what about what I went through Adam', Aaron looked straight at him now, 'did Andy think about that when he started at me'. Adam's face softened knowing his friend was still hurting from whatever happened, 'listen mate, I'm not taking sides, but the things you said to Andy where, how can I put this...... cruel, and I know your having trouble working through it, but you won't talk to us. No matter what were all here for you, and Sam', biting his lip he took in what Adam was saying. They worked quietly for a good two hours, well Aaron trying to concentrate, Adam keeping an eye on him as he fidgeted every so often, sighing Adam went to speak but didn't get the chance, 'I do regret some of it, but the way he pushed me and his tone just brought back........, I snapped alright', Aaron tried to explain, 'you know what, I need to go brake something', he said walking out. Following a few minutes later he found Aaron ripping the inside of a car apart, throwing bits everywhere trying to regain control of his emotions, stopping to take deep breaths holding the bridge of his nose, seeing he needed a release Adam left him to it and went back inside watching through the window in case he went to far. They closed up around four, Aaron had apologised for earlier, Adam saying it wasn't him he had to apologise to, he was right and Aaron knew it, but saying it and doing it was two different things. 

 

Sitting at the bar, Diane said she didn't want any trouble, holding his hands up in surrender he told her there would be any then asked for a pint, she nodded with a smile getting his drink, from the corner of his eye he saw Andy stand then sit back down, whatever Adam had said stopping him. Taking a large gulp of the pint he then saw his mum come through from the back and head over, 'you alright mum?', he asked, 'shouldn't I be asking you that', she said glancing to Andy, he lowered his head closing his eyes then looked back up, 'I'm fine, it's busy in here today', changing the subject. Chas nodded then groaned as another big group walked in and a single body behind them, narrowing his eyes to focus through the crowd he smiled, getting up as she approached, Andy and Chas giving her a curious look like they had seen her before, but didn't know where from. They watched as she hugged Aaron and he hugged back, giving her a kiss on her right cheek, she said something and he nodded a direction, 'mum, is the back free?', he asked when they reached her, she pointed for them to go through, eyeing up the woman, where had she seen her before she thought. Chas had served customers, cleaned glass's, when it had quietened down twenty minutes later the woman with Aaron still niggled at her, determined to find out she went to open the door until she heard them talking inside, '…..you should', the woman said, she heard Aaron sigh, 'yeah, but I lost it, he was pushing and pushing and I.....', he sounded upset, 'we both knew it wouldn't be easy for you coming home', there was understanding in her voice, Chas leant against the wall listening more closely. 'I never thought it would be this hard, I swear mum thinks I'm going to do a runner at any moment', the sadness in his voice making her feel the same, 'she loves you, she's worried from what you've told me', it became obverses that the two of them were close, there was a long silence, Chas reached for the handle pulling back when Aaron spoke again. 'Anyway, why are you here?' he asked, ' can I not visit my boyfriend', she said mockingly, Chas's eyes widened, 'shut it' Aaron said laughing a genuine laugh, 'what can I say, I've missed your kisses', that's when Chas walked in, both them were laughing, the woman rubbing her arm asking what that was for. 'Mum', he said startled, jumping slightly, 'just making a brew, you want one, and your friend of coarse' asking them looking suspiciously at the woman next her son, Aaron laughed again, the look on his mums face amusing him, getting a slap on the arm for it, he pushed back playfully, 'mum, this is Grace, the friend I stayed with', he watched her relax a bit, 'Grace this is my mum, Chas'. Grace stood holding her hand out, Chas shaking it, 'so, how well do you know my Aaron?' there was a hint of intrigue in her voice, Aaron shook his head, smirking at her, 'have a good listen did you', it wasn't a question, 'no', Chas said straightening up, 'well maybe a little, slouching her shoulders because she had been found out. Grace told her that Aaron had saved her a few times from unwanted attention, she looked at him saying, 'perfect boyfriend this one', hoping Chas would buy it, seemed she did asking again about a brew, both saying no, Grace whispering something to Aaron, 'come on, you can stay at mine', he told Grace, saying goodbye they left through the bar getting odd looks from the locals as she held his hand to get through the busy bar.

 

'Where have you been, your meant to check in if your going to be late', the man said to Aaron as he made himself a coffee, 'Ok bossy, sorry, went to see how mum was', Aaron told him, 'next time...', he saw Grace behind him who went up and gave him a hug, 'long time no see', he said. Sam looked confused, 'Sam this is Grace, my liaison, protector, whatever you want to call her', Aaron said sarcastically, she shook her hand, 'want a drink, while I'm making one', the man asked, 'usual for me and coffee, two sugars milky this one' Aaron pointed to Grace. 'You remembered', she said smiling, 'how could I forget', he'd make her one every morning for her in the end, her posture become serious when they were all sat down, 'right, you have a green light, there are conditions though', they listened as she went through them. After asking when they planned on telling them, 'well first I think Aaron should at least apologise to Andy, otherwise he won't come', Sam started, 'then arrange for them to come here', the next day he did just that, biting his tongue when he told him he regretted everything he said.

 

Two days later Diane, Vic, Andy, Chas and Adam gathered at Aaron's, Lilly being looked after by Bernice, all unsure why they were there, Grace introduced herself to them as Sargent Harper, Aaron finally telling them about being in protective custody until the trail was over, shocking them all but Adam who stayed quiet, reassuring Chas that DS Wise know nothing about it until recently, that one of the conditions to keep his involvement out of it. Sam, Aaron and Grace looked at each other, Grace side glanced to Aaron's room knowing he wouldn't come out unless they said something they shouldn't, that was his condition, 'we brought you her today to tell you what we can, all Sam and Aaron ask is that you listen to them first, we'll answer any questions we can afterwards', they nodded in a agreement. Aaron began by saying, 'you may not like what you hear and for that we're sorry', they looked between them then back to him, taking a deep breath he began.


	24. That Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Sam tell the others what happened the night of the shooting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING - Voilence

Chapter 24 – That Night

 

Driving off Aaron lost sight of Cain in his rear view mirror as a cloud of dust formed behind him, slamming his hand hard on the steering wheel, things had been going so well lately, everyone seemed to be getting along, how could she do this and if it wasn't her she was involved somehow. Quickly braking out side the cottage, he got out fist clenched in fury as we hurried to the front door, stopping when he saw it ajar, hearing raised voices coming from inside, 'nothing, you found nothing', he heard Katie say, 'your the one who said you were sure it is him, looks like you were wrong, and you know the price for that, don't you', the males anger reverberating in each word. Aaron held his breath trying to to scream, wanting to hear more, 'I'll do better, anything, tell me what to do and I will do it', her voice shaking, the man laughed, it wasn't your average laugh, it sounded nasty and evil, 'seduce him then', he said, 'what!', Katie snapped back, 'come on, we both know your good at it, best bit you said', his tone slowed, alluring almost, 'you know what to look for'. Aaron had heard enough, pushing the door open shouting, 'what is this all about Katie, my home, my work place, what on earth have I done to you!', storming into the living room to only see Katie standing there smirking at him, the frightened woman he heard from outside gone, 'you know exactly Aaron, Robert, he's not who he's says he is, we did what we did to prove it', there was venom in her voice as she said it. 'We who?', Aaron wanted answers, 'and your going to help us get the truth', the male said, Aaron froze on the spot, fear filling him, as the feeling of the gun dig into the back of his head, it pushing in making Aaron step forward until he was in the middle off the room, 'Gary, we agreed no force', Katie cautiously looked to this Gary behind him, 'rules change', Gary yelled at her, Aaron sharp breaths slowed for a second when he couldn't feel the gun any more, only to be replace with a quick blow to his head, his vision blurred as he was hit from behind again, this time falling into nothingness.

 

Trying to push himself up, Aaron blinked his eyes open, he head pounding, focusing on why he was unable to balance with his hands, tight rope twisted around his wrists, he tried to pull them apart, the energy not to be found to do so. A heavy hand grabbed Aaron's shoulder pulling him into a sitting position saying, 'your awake then', Gary's voice mocked him, struggling to detach the hand from his shoulder only gained Aaron punch to the face, Gary's hand keeping him from falling, he stilled having learnt his lesson for now. It was now he saw his feet where tied up as well, swinging them round to sit up straight, Katie knelt in front of him, glass of water in hand, moving it closer to his mouth, telling him to drink, Aaron noticed this Gary person become agitated with her, asking what she was doing, 'he's no use to us unconscious or dead, think will you', Gary ran his fingers through his hair, pacing, from the looks of things their plan had gone wrong. He stopped by Aaron lightly kicking his feet to get his attention, 'now you going to text that boyfriend of yours, get him here now!', Gary instructed dropping Aaron's phone into his lap, who looked up definitely shaking his head refusing to speak, lifting his leg Gary stamped it down hitting Aaron's lower ribs and stomach, forces the air out of him, coughing he slid to one side legs curled into himself. Katie picked the phone up ordering him to tell her the pin, he tried to laugh sating no chance but it came out a painful whine, Gary's boot connecting in his stomach again with a swift sharp kick, yelling out as the pain shot through him for a second, thinking to himself, their not going to break me. This went on for a good ten minutes, each time he said no or told them to go fuck themselves receiving kicks to his legs and stomach along with punches to the face coursing him once again to fall unconscious. Aaron coughed as the cold water hit him, waking his whole body hurt as he tried to sit up, being pushed back down, the heavy boot pressed into his neck, 'leave him to me', Katie said, the boot removed Katie helped him to sit up, his phone still in her hand, 'send the text, he'll kill you if you don't', her voice was calm but her eyes pleaded with him, 'why him?', Aaron winced holding his stomach, 'just get him here Aaron', her tone harsh now, he nodded, taking the phone he sent the text carefully choosing his words, Katie read it asking why he had put it like that, Aaron flinched seeing Gary raise his leg again saying, 'he won't come otherwise, needs to think you want to make peace', thinking about it he was right, so let her doubt fade.

 

Gary paced the floor checking the time every few minutes, his patients wearing thin, Aaron watched him closely doing his best to ignore the constant throbs of pain that ran through his body, Katie seeming less of a threat. Putting the gun on a near by table Gary left the room, 'Katie, you don't have to do this, untie me, I won't tell anyone', Aaron said trying to hide just how frightened he was, 'no, Robert ruins life's, always has and always will', her voice determined, they heard Gary laugh entering again playing with the large kitchen knife in his hand. 'Where is he?', he demanded, panic raising in Aaron as he walked to him, 'his phone was on charge, might not have got it yet', the knife gliding over Aaron's throat, 'he'd better hurry up', Gary whispered to him, 'I'm getting bored, may need to play, and from what I've been told you have a personal relationship with blades'. Aaron gulped, the knife playing over his arms now. 'Do you think he'll own up if hurt Aaron any more', Gary looked sharp at Katie, then backed off, 'what do you think Robert has done?', Aaron ask , his voice shaky, Katie stepped to him, kneeling staring Aaron straight in the eyes, 'I told you Robert ruins life's, he's a pimp, did he tell you that', Aaron held his eyes with hers, 'started the whole business, not his Chrissie', she laughed, 'well that's what it looks like on paper, he'll go down and Chrissie and Lawrence will be free'. 'You....you've framed him haven't you, how did you do it?', He asked digging, two could play at this game, for months she had, now it was his turn hoping her over confidence would get the better of her, 'I wouldn't say framed as such, changed a few names and signatures here and there', she gloated with pride, 'his signature easy with practice', Gary added. 'Robert's a Sugden, not whoever it is your setting up, you stupid bitch, he's your family, how could you', he was yelling at her now, ignoring Gary he didn't notice his close proximity, feeling the punch before seeing it, again fading into blackness. Waking, this time he found himself gagged, mumbling words at them, 'it's been twenty minutes', Gary told him, 'what shall we do with you if he doesn't come', he said shining the metal of the knife in the light, just then the bleep of Aaron's phone cut Gary's thoughts off, 'he'll be here shortly', Katie said reading the message.

 

Gary pulled Aaron to his feet, leaning him against the table when they heard the knock on the door, Robert calling Aaron and Katie through it, Aaron wobbled. The strong grip of his captor keeping him up, the knife to his throat, all he wanted to do was slump back down to the floor, the pain now to much to bare, glancing round the room, his vision going from focused to blurry he noticed the gun was gone. Aaron heard Katie answer the door, her tone sweet and apologetic, he wanted to shout out, tell Robert to run, the gag stopping him, wriggling his eyes closed tight as another wave of agony went through him, causing him to almost double over, the blade digging in but not cutting as Gary tugged him back to standing. Robert entered first followed by Katie, 'sorry, I only just got your.......', Robert froze mid-sentence seeing the unknown man holding up his boyfriend up, Aaron clearly not able to even if his feet weren't tied together, bruising over his face and god knows where else, a knife at his throat. 'Time for answers Robert', Katie said behind him, walking him further into the room by pushing the gun into his back, Robert gulped, sending Aaron eye signals to see if he was Ok, Aaron eyes drooped every-so-often, snapping open again quickly to stay conscious. 'He needs help', Robert thought fast, 'get him some medical attention and I will tell you whatever you want to hear', trying to keep a calmness in his voice as not to spook the man, who laughed out loud mocking him, 'no need, your fudge packer here has already squealed, so all you have to do is wait to be picked up', there was an edge of danger in his tone, and a wanting to believe his bluff, Aaron's eyes screaming no I haven't to Robert. It was Robert's turn to laugh now, show no fear, he thought to himself, show no fear, Katie having moved in front of him, glaring with eyes full of hate and loathing, Robert smiled at her, then at the man, 'there's nothing to tell, so how could he', looking between them, then to Aaron, 'tell you what let him go...., you let him go and I'll be whoever you want me to be', he confidence making Katie nervous, had she got the right man, but in all honesty she didn't care, she hated Robert, she'd use anything to rid him from her life, the man not effected.

 

He held his stance twisting the knife as he stared at Robert, Aaron looking on the verge of collapsing, 'listen here Robert Wilson, I've had two amazing years with my wife', he let go of Aaron now, who fell with a thud to the floor, stepping closer to Robert, the fear starting to show as the blade neared him, 'only it turns out my Chrissie isn't my Chrissie is she, she's your wife not mine'. Robert looked at him, so this if Gary Mitchell, he put a look of confusion on his face, 'my name is Sugden not Wilson, and I have never been married, I'm sorry if I look like this Wilson bloke, but honestly I'm not him', he lied. Katie sat in a nearby chair, head down watching the two men, she knew from experience how good a liar Robert was, was felt for Aaron for believing him, she looked at him now, laying on his side his shouts muffled as he watched on, wishing she could let him go but it had gone too far now. 'You know as well as we do if we let him go, the police will get involved, so why don't you just tell the truth for once in your life', Katie told him sternly, 'we've already got enough on you so why lie', she moved between Gary and Robert now. There was silence as both Gary and Katie backed up, Robert stayed where he was, Gary moved closer to Aaron, suddenly kicking him again, a muffled scream coming from his weakened body, Robert heart sank not being able to run and help him, Katie giving out a small huffed laugh, 'talk Wilson....', stopping at the sound of a key turning in the front door. 'Only me', Sam's voice beamed, sounding a little tipsy, 'sorry. I'll be gone in a second, just need to....', she froze in the doorway surveying the scene in front of her, sobering up quickly, 'come in', Gary said, 'join the party', he gestured to her with the knife. 'Robert here was just about to tell us a story, about his days as a pimp', he turned his attention back to Robert, 'isn't that true Robert Wilson, a pimp and a whore. My how you must have enjoyed yourself', Robert's breathing quickened, keeping an eye on the knife and gun pointed at him, he didn't know which one scared him the most. 

 

'Why Katie', Robert said, 'why help them when they forced you into it', it came out with a sharp harshness, Sam was trying to get to Aaron, who was obviously in pain, 'don't even think about it', Gary hissed at her, halting when she heard him. Katie watch from the corner of her eye, then focused back on Robert, 'why, you ask why', she yelled at him, 'because you’re the scum of the earth Robert, everything you touch turns to shit, you can't even drive without killing people', she smiled at his reaction, 'and as for being forced, I went in with my eyes wide open', he looked at her in shock, he'd believed every word she'd said, 'I loved it, come on the sex was better than you or Andy any day'. Robert backed up not knowing what to think for a moment, 'but you love Andy, you always have, why....... why say that about him', he hissed, 'hate me all you like, but what happened between us wasn't a one sided thing, you were just as much to blame', Robert could feel his anger building with every second that went by, anger towards Katie and Gary Mitchell, angry that he couldn't help Aaron and that both he and Sam had been caught in the middle of this. He could see Katie reaching boiling point, stepped one step closer to her, 'put the gun down Katie, before you hurt someone', he tried to find a calmness in his voice but it wasn't happening, 'he's right Katie, put it down, there has to be a peaceful solution', Sam injected, making Katie even angrier, 'put the gun down' he yelled at her. Katie was shaking, she was furious, 'don't think so you lying bastard', she cried pulling the trigger three times, hitting him twice in the chest and once in the arm. Robert staggered back, falling into a heap on the floor, blood pouring from the wounds, Aaron screaming through the gag, tears running from his eyes seeing Robert's lifeless body. Gary tackled Katie, yelling at her, calling her a stupid bitch, as they turned the gun fired again hitting Sam in the leg and again hitting Aaron in the shoulder, Sam crawled to Robert, checking for a pulse she closed her eyes, lowering her head, her free hand putting pressure on her wounded leg. The gun dropped and slide near Sam and Robert, Gary pushing his arm back, sending Katie flying, her head making a cracking sound as it hit the fire place, her body slumped in a sitting position. Aaron's head felt dizzy, the brutal beating and bleeding gunshot wound taking there hold, the sight Robert and Katie haunting him, the last sound he heard was a gun going off again as unconsciousness hit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading, the kudos's and the messages, keep them coming


	25. Reactions

Chapter 25 - Reactions

 

 

A stunned and shock silence filled the room when Aaron and Sam had finished speaking, Grace watched on leaning against the wall, Sam going to touch Aaron's shoulder, only for it to be shrugged off as he stood quickly walking to the window at the other side of the room, staring out of it not wanted to see their reactions. Vic clung on to Diane crying, not able to find any words, Diane holding on to her for dear life whispering, 'she killed him', silent tears running down her face, Adam seeing the distress on Aaron's face went to him, from what he'd heard he now understood his hate for Katie, all this time he'd kept the painful memory, both he and Sam, hugging his friend all he got was a grunt, before being pushed away. Sam's hands where shaking, she took a deep breath this was not like her, normally she had full control of her emotions in any situation, but the pain and anguish in the air had got to her too, Grace sat next to her glancing over to Aaron as she did, he hadn't moved from the window, Adam finally having taken the hint had moved back to Vic kneeling by her, his arms around her, whispering something in her ear, Diane still repeating she killed him quietly, she took Sam's hand giving it a squeeze. 'We know this has been hard to hear, but it was a lot harder for them to tell you all', Grace said to the family members, and I know you'll have questions....', Andy glared at her, 'ask me and I will answer to the best of my ability', she told them, Andy flew up, his chair sliding across the floor hitting the wall with a bang. 'You've just told me that me.... wife....my Katie was a murderer, NO.....', he yelled, 'NO, I don't believe it, I....I won't believe it', he paces the floor, hands in his hair, 'Diane their covering something up, can't you see that, ......Diane, any of you, their hiding something', he got no response from the others, Aaron closed his eyes tight as he listened to him. Chas spoke up now, 'they wouldn't lie about something like this Andy, she was my best friend, but she'd changed in the end, …......changed into someone I didn't know, the thinks she asked about Robert, always hovering about listening into conversations, it all makes sense', she looked to Andy and then to her over to her son, 'if only we had seen it earlier, this may never have happened'. She looked at Grace questioningly, dried her tears, all she wanted was to hold Aaron, tell him he'd get through this, but knew right now he wouldn't let her, 'Cain came to me that day, said Aaron was in some sort of trouble', she gave Grace her full attention now, 'when we went to find him there were police here already, how?', it wasn't her only question, 'who shot Gary Mitchell?', Chas demanded. Grace took a second to answer, checking both Sam and Aaron first, 'Mr Mitchell was shot by a member of SO19, as for your first question', she paused noticing all eyes were on her, 'we had been monitoring the cottage for a while.......', stopping when Aaron flew past her saying he couldn't do this anymore, slamming bedroom door behind him, she jumped as it did. Sam went to the kitchen grabbing something from the fridge saying she was going to see if Aaron alright, Grace watched her her go stopping Chas from following, 'leave them be', she said to her, 'that's my son, I should be in there', Chas insisted, 'I know Miss Dingle, but right now I don't think it would help either of them, give them some space, I'll tell you what I can in the meantime', Chas sat back down clearly angry, Vic spoke for the first time, 'tell us then'.

 

Closing the door quietly, Sam said it's only me, the two men sat on the bed, Aaron tucked into the others body crying, kneeling in front of him she passed him the bottle of water, 'would have gotten you a beer but didn't think that would help right now', she said to Aaron, he shook his head declining it, 'they hate us don't they', he stated. Lifting his chin so he looked at her Sam shook her head, 'no they don't, they’re in shock and their angry, even I can see their concern for us, but were both strong, we can get through this together, .......with their help', she looked at them both, 'the three of us together, yeah', they all nodded in agreement.

 

‘Monitoring, you mean you bugged the cottage’, Andy cried, ‘how long…, how long where you spying on her?’, Diane gripped his arm tightly to stop him from pacing, his face flushed red with anger. ‘We suspected Mrs Sugden’s involvement with the White’s, no two statements where the same, so yes not long after Mrs Sugden returned surveillance was put in place’, Grace said calmly to them, not wanting Andy to erupt completely, ‘when the gun was mentioned SO19 were called in, other officers were already on route due to the threat to Aaron’. Adam still held on to Vic, who was crying still, ‘so what did you find out from your bugs?’, he asked keeping his emotions to himself, part of him wanting to run to his devastated friend in the other room, the thought of him locking everything up again, not being able to speak about what Katie did made him want to tell him that he would be there no matter the subject, but knowing Sam was with him made him feel a little better. Grace took a deep breath in, all eyes, even Andy’s settled on her, ‘you would have to speak to my superiors, I don’t know details of that part of the investigation’, they looked at her suspiciously like she knew more than she was letting on, ‘look, all I know is what you were told by Aaron and Sam……, and that the cottage was being monitored, from what they said Mrs Sugden was a willing partner in trying to frame Mr Sugden’. Standing up Diane got herself a glass of water, ‘I don’t get it, why would she do that, any of that, frame Robert when all he ever tried to do was get along with her, kill him, shoot Sam and Aaron’, her mind raced, ‘could of it been something to do with the court case, the pressure of it I mean’, Chas joined her thinking, ‘she told me once when she was drunk that if she didn’t prove that Robert wasn’t Wilson that’, she searched her mind for Katie’s words, ‘that what happened to him would happen to her, she was so scared, I see that now’. ‘So what did happen to this Robert Wilson?’, Vic asked wiping her eyes, her tears having subsided, she looked to Grace for answers, ‘we don’t know, he died some years ago from our records’, she lied, ‘I’m going to check on them, I’ll be back shortly’, Grace left them be, each coming up with reasons for Katie’s behaviour. Andy still not believing she could kill anyone, Chas saying it must have been out of being scared for her life, her son would never lie to her after Gordon it was a promise they made, Diane thought she must have been forced to do it like Chas said, it what Vic said that shut them up, all of them starring at her in horror, including Adam. ‘She knew what she was doing from the beginning’, she turned her attention to Andy, ‘everything Aaron said to you the other night was the truth, and I hope it hurts because now our brother is dead……. he tried to get you to listen to her, but no you had to be stubborn’, she shrugged off Adam’s hands as he tried to calm her down and carried on, ‘all this because of an affair years ago, which you blamed Robert for, it takes two you know, she was hardly innocent in that. So she made some wrong choices when she left, sold herself, probably out of desperation, and you wouldn’t listen to her, Robert did’, fresh tears started to fall down her face, Andy looked on shocked not knowing what to say to his sister, Vic couldn’t be here anymore as much as she felt for Aaron and Sam, she turned to her husband, ‘can you take me home please’, she asked putting her jacket on and walking to the door, Adam following her. 

 

Sam, Aaron and Grace re-joined the other moments later, Aaron calmer than he was before, asking where Vic and Adam had gone, they were told they needed to get back to Lily, none of them realising they had heard everything through the door. Andy was now sat in silence next to Diane, Chas had moved straight to Aaron hugging him, his stomach churning after what she had said when he hadn’t been there, Grace was the first to speak after that, ‘I have to go, but ring me if you need anything’, she said to Aaron, who gave her a nod, not long after Diane took a now confused Andy home, leaving only Chas who was insisting on staying the night, both Aaron and Sam saying she didn’t have to, that they would be fine, giving her son one more hug she left them alone. Sinking onto the sofa feeling utterly exhausted Aaron closed his eyes, the day taking its toll on him, rubbing his face to wake himself up about he called into the bedroom that they had gone and waited, ‘I hate lying to them’, he said as the strong arm wrapped itself around him, ‘not long now and we won’t have to, Grace said sentencing is Tuesday, so a couple more weeks and were home and dry’, Aaron was told. 

 

 

Aaron entered the pub for the first time since telling them, Sam ever present at his side, Chas giving him a little smile as he stood at the bar, he’d not been out in four days, Adam and Vic spotted him from their seats, a wriggling Lily in her arms. He took a gulp of the pint then made his way over to them, being told Andy had left a few days before, Aaron know he wouldn’t stay away too long, ‘have you heard this’, they heard Kerry say looking up from her phone to look at Dan, ‘Richard May has been sentenced to life’, ‘who?’, Dan asked her, ‘shut up and listen will you, sentenced to life imprisonment for the rape and torture of twenty individuals, and the murders of nineteen of them’. Adam gave Aaron a look to check he was alright hearing this, ‘I’m fine’, he told him listening intently to Kerry again, ‘my god, you should read some of the things he did, puts shivers down ye spine man’, she continued, ‘the only survivor cannot be named legal reasons, wonder why?’, she said pulling a face. Taking a deep breath Aaron swiftly gulping down the pint, quickly replacing it with another one, ‘how you doing?’, he asked Vic, ‘not sure, you?’, ‘getting there’, was all he answered, smiling inside. Returning home after another drink, he run into open arms, ‘I got this today’, he was told, opening the envelope Aaron read the forms inside, ‘does this mean?’, he said excitedly, ‘yes, it does, will you marry me Aaron?’, he replied with a kiss, one full of passion, ‘yes’ he said resuming the kiss walking him to the bedroom. 

 

Two weeks later Adam quizzed Aaron about who he was sneaking back into his the night before, ‘I saw you, who was he’, Aaron couldn’t stop smiling, ‘your scaring me Aaron’, Adam said. Later that night he lay in bed with his husband, who slept peacefully next to him, waking when his phone went off, ‘someone’s here to see you both’, Sam called through the door. Aaron didn’t recognise the man waiting for them, he handed them something, ‘congratulations, your officially alive Mr Sugden’, Robert smiled at him, ‘couldn’t change that to could you’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How could I have killed Robert, really. Thank you for the messages and kudos


	26. Rebirth Part 1 Aaron

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron remembers the first time he saw Robert alive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Robert's alive, for his rebirth as I'm calling it, I've put it into part, Aaron being first

Chapter 26 – Rebirth Part 1 Aaron

 

 

‘Mmm’, Aaron hummed as he awoke to soft sweet kisses on the back of his neck and shoulders, in the two weeks since Robert’s rebirth, if you wanted to call it that, this is how he’d wake up and each morning he’d reach round to feel him next to him, checking it wasn’t a dream like he used to have when he thought he was dead. His mind wondered back to a week before he had come home, when a knock on the door to the flat in Liverpool had startled him, he and Grace not expecting anyone, well they always called ahead with a password, a different one each time. Grace though hadn’t been surprised, she listened to the word and unique knock before opening it, behind it stood a tall man in a suit and another one, hood over his head looking to the floor as he fidgeted nervously. When they entered Aaron didn’t move from his seat, probably more paperwork, he thought to himself so he didn’t take any notice, the tall man spoke to Grace quietly for a few minutes, she looked confused and surprised by what she was being told, glancing over to Aaron concerned before speaking to her colleague again. He watched as Grace made her way over to him thoughtfully, like she was trying to find the right words to say, the hooded man’s hands shaking as the other spoke to him, Aaron sat forward, a million scenarios running though his head, had they found him again, could he not go home, did he have to be moved again with yet another name to remember, or had something happened to his mum, Cain or anyone else in the family, all these thoughts made him sick to his stomach. Crouching down beside him Grace placed her hand on his arm making him jump, ‘Aaron’, she said with a soft tone, Aaron stood quickly, he knew that look, ‘I can’t go home can I’, he shouted running his finger through his hair, ‘what this time, have they found me again, do I have to run and hide……, I can’t do this anymore Grace, I just can’t’, the tears started to flow, he began to pace in a panic, ‘I miss them, I want to go home, I wan……. Want…. Want to see Robert’s grave’, his voice lowered to a whisper, his heart ached, the last thing he remembered was Robert’s coffin travelling to the church, maybe seeing his grave would give him some closure, allow him to move on somehow. His thoughts went back to Jackson, how he had been unable to attend his funeral, again due to the police, only that time he was being charged with his murder, he’d sworn to himself that from now on he’d stay single, not get attached, it always ended badly, first there had been Jackson, then the incident with Ed that had drove them apart and now Robert, he’d watched two men that he’d loved, loves with all his heart die and he couldn’t go through that again, it would be the end of him. ‘Aaron’, Grace said again calmly stopping him in his tracks, looking straight into his eyes, ‘it’s nothing like that, you can go home, I promise you that’, she took a breath, he know there was a but, ‘but….’, Aaron interrupted her, ‘I knew it, I knew there was a but’, he said looking at her intensely, ‘Aaron’, she started again, ‘what were about to tell you, you can’t tell anyone, I wouldn’t have to if someone hadn’t demanded it’, she said glancing round to the two men by the door giving them a stern look, ‘I promise you I didn’t know about this until now, you know me Aaron, you know when I’m lying’. He did, he’d learnt her tells over their months together, just like she had his, he was calmed by her words, still he repeated one of his breathing exercises to control his hectic breath.

 

‘I’m DC Rutter’, the tall suited man said stepping into the middle of the room, Grace having given him the nod to go ahead, ‘I’m part of the team in this and another case that’s still ongoing, this…..’, he gestured to the hooded man, ‘is Mr Abbott, he requested’, he said begrudgingly, ‘to see you, against our wishes I might add’. Aaron looked at the DC as to say and what then sighed, ‘and what has this got to do with me…..’, the blood rushing from his face when the man removed the hood, his eyes, his mouth, the only difference was his dark hair, ‘your….. your….. d-dead, I w-watched you die’, he stumbled backwards falling onto one of the chairs shaking, ‘your coffin, I saw it…..’, he held his head in his shaking hands, ‘all that blood….., no this is not real, this is some kind of cruel joke, get a look-a-like to scare the shit out of me, WELL IT’S NOT FUNNY’, he yelled wanting answers. Aaron whipped his head up hearing rushed footsteps coming towards him, straightening his back and holding his arms out making them stop, ‘Aaron, it’s me, it’s Robert’, Robert said starting to move slowly towards him, ‘I’m so sorry, it had to look real’, ‘HAD TO LOOK REAL’, Aaron yelled standing up and pushing Robert away, who stumbled slightly as he stepped back, ‘do you have any idea what I went through, w-what we all went through, every night….., every night when I close my eyes all I see is you…..’, he went from screaming to a whisper, ‘your body lying there, and the blood, all that blood’, Aaron eyes wondered the floor, his breathing became laboured again, ‘you were dead’, he started to cry again, his legs feeling weak buckled beneath him. Robert caught him as he fell wrapping his arms around the weeping man, both fell to their knees, Aaron burying his head in Robert’s chest, ‘shh, shh, I’m here, I’m never leaving you again’, he said reassuring Aaron as he himself began to sob as well, they stayed like that for some time, Robert rocking Aaron back and forth, their touch meaning more than words, Grace lead Rutter out of the room leaving them alone.

 

Breaking their embrace, Aaron finally looked at Robert, silent tears now falling, searching his face for something, he didn’t know what, it felt like a dream, like he would wake up any minute alone, ‘you left me’, he whimpered, ‘you left me’, he repeated moving his hand to cup his face. ‘I am sorry Aaron, it was always a plan B, I wasn’t allowed to tell you’, he whispered wiping away Aaron’s tears, ‘Katie…’, Aaron started, ‘did she…’, he went to say did she know, Robert interrupting him, ‘no, that wasn’t planned, if she hadn’t then SO19 would have, they were getting to close and when I got your text, which was very well worded by the way’, he gave him a small smile, ‘they said it had to happen, I didn’t want to leave you but it was getting to dangerous, I mean look what happened to you, that was because of me and I can’t forgive myself for that, Chrissie was getting to close to the truth and you got hurt badly, I’m so sorry I got you in the middle of the whole thing, I should have just left when Katie got suspicious’, he gulped as he shivered at the thought of his wife, even if she was behind bars for a very long time, along with her father and other associates. ‘Don’t you ever say that, we in were in this together’, he thought for a second, shaking his head trying to get his head around it all, ‘so she shot you out of what….. malice’, Robert gave him a sad look and nodded, ‘I tried and tried to figure out what was going through her mind, you, me, Sam, why… why did she shoot us’, ‘I don’t know, don’t think we will ever find out either’, Robert replied helping Aaron up to sit on the sofa. There where so many questions, so many things he wanted to ask Robert, he didn’t know where to start, ‘but how….. I mean she shot you in the chest, I saw it with my own eyes’, Robert closed his eyes not sure how to answer, ‘a special bullet proof vest, with blood pouches in it, my arm hurt like a bitch though, Sam had to tell me not shout out and play dead’, he laughed a little at that, stopping when he saw the look on Aaron’s face, now realising he didn’t know about Sam, ‘I only found out that day, after I called them she found me and told me who she was’, Aaron still looked at him in shock. ‘Sam was undercover from the start’, he said it more to himself than to Robert trying to make sense of it, now he spoke to him, ‘and you only found out that day?’, he asked, again Robert nodded in reply, ‘was she there to keep an eye on us or Katie?’, Robert shrugged his shoulders, ‘I don’t know’, he answered. Robert saw Aaron’s eyes had softened, ‘tell me what you’re thinking Aaron’, ‘you’re alive’, he smiled only now realisation hitting him, ‘you’re alive’, ‘yes I am’, Robert whispered putting his forehead against Aaron’s, Aaron pulling him in kissing him with such passion that they had felt before, his moving around Robert’s back pulling him in closer, never wanting to let go.

 

Grace and Rutter re-entered moments later, the room charged with mixed emotions, both Robert and Aaron not noticing them as they continued to kiss afraid to let go of each other, Grace coughed to let them know they weren’t alone breaking their embrace, Aaron blushing like a naughty school boy. They watched gripping each others hands tightly as the other two sat down, Robert sighing knowing the subject of their net conversation, ‘now Aaron, like I said before you can’t tell anyone that Robert is alive, we kept him out of the White case, but he is involved in another one’, DC Rutter explained. He looked at Robert confused, ‘what case?’, ‘Richard May’, Robert breathed hating the name, Aaron still looked confused, ‘who?’, Robert looked to Rutter not wanting to answer, so he answered for him. ‘Richard May is the man who assaulted Robert, and nineteen others, Robert was the only survivor’, Aaron turned Robert’s face to him brushing his hand down his face, ‘they found him, I…..’, Robert stopped him from saying anything else about it, ‘ I have to give evidence, and I’m scared Aaron’, he took a sharp breath in, ‘I wanted to see you before you went home, let you know I’m coming back, but the others can’t know yet, not until I’m alive again at least’, tears fall once more thinking about what he had to do, they may have kept him out of the White case, using what they called an old witness statement taken before Robert Wilson’s death so he didn’t have to give evidence, using Sugden in this case to keep the link in the two broken. ‘I did wonder why they spoke about you in a past tense, now I know’, he thought about what Robert said to him, ‘why can’t I stay with you, we could go back together’. Robert shook his head, ‘your family, our families need to know you’re alright, just like I did, go back for me, look after them’, ‘Ok’, Aaron said, ‘but I get to see you before you come back for good don’t I’, he looked to Grace who smiled at him saying they would arrange something, even if they used her as a decoy. 

 

‘Hey, what you thinking about?’, Robert asked him seeing deep in thought as he turned to him, ‘nothing just making sure you’re real’, Aaron said, ‘I used to wake up dreaming that you were next to me, then I remembered you were dead’, he smiled a sad smile, Robert draw him in closer, ‘I told you when I came to see you, I’m never leaving you again’. Aaron kissed him saying you’d better hadn’t, it started soft, becoming more passionate within seconds, rolling over so Aaron straddled Robert deepening the kiss. They hadn’t left the flat for two weeks, Aaron calling it their honeymoon, ‘I had a thought about that’, Robert said becoming serious as they sat down to eat, ‘we’re not technically married, I mean when we did I was still dead’, Aaron realised he was right, ‘if they think your dead, then how come you’re not married to her any more, don’t you need a divorce’, ‘no, we were separated for a long time, and Robert Wilson is dead officially so that marriage ended when he died’, he explained. Aaron got down on one knee smiling, ‘will you marry me Jacob Harris?’, Robert laughed saying of course he will, but this time with their families there, ‘we have to tell them you’re alive first’, Aaron told him, ‘yeah I had a thought about that too’.


	27. Rebirth Part 2 Vic And Adam

Chapter 27 – Rebirth Part 2 Vic And Adam

 

Robert sat up in bed, putting his, well Aaron's dressing gown on he stood tying it, 'that'll be Sam back with the milk, want a brew?'. He asked Aaron who lay on top of the covers in his boxers, his smile answering the question, he'd never say no to a brew, his eyes staying on Robert as he left the room. Putting his head back on the pillow he sighed to himself, playing with his soon-to-be real wedding ring, his thoughts going back to two weeks ago, there was only him, Robert, Sam and DC Rutter, Denis had become close with Robert during their time together, it had been held in the police station of all places for security reasons but it had been perfect. They had both worn grey suits, similar but with subtle differences, Robert's hair tied back, still two toned blonde and black which is defiantly going to change, the service had been simple yet beautiful, full of emotion and love, not till a week ago when Denis told them that Robert's paperwork had finally been finished they had realised they hadn't really gotten married. Next time they would be with family and friends, Robert wanting Vic as his best man, Adam as Aaron's if they said yes, he couldn't wait for it, to be together as husbands properly. Especially after what both of them had gone through. A loud smashing sound and the shout of Robert's name breaking his trail of thought, pulling a t-shirt over his head as he rushed to see what had happened.

 

Robert edged into the kitchen area switching the kettle on not turning round he asked Sam if she wanted a drink, 'ROBERT', Vic shouted, the casserole dish she was carrying slipping out of her fingers smashing, glass and pie exploding across the floor. She stood in shock, mouth agape unable to speak, it wasn't possible, no she was seeing things, closing her eyes and shaking her head, he'd be gone when I open them, she thought to herself, opening them again to see he was still there. Aaron came running in seeing the two shocked siblings starring at each other now, neither saying a word, 'Vic', Aaron said slowly, holding her arms making her jump out of her skin, 'A-Aaron', she said still starring at her brother, 'h-he's...', her whole body shaking now, Aaron catching her guiding her to a near by chair, she looked at Aaron now, 'b-but...'. 'This must be a first, I've never seen you speechless sis', Robert said trying to keep his voice calm, but it wasn't happening, he stepped closer to her, all of a sudden she found her voice again, 'WHAT HE HELL IS GOING ON', she yelled at them both. 'I can explain Vic', Robert told her, taking her hands as he knelt down, she poked his arm to make sure he was real, Aaron saying he was going to get dressed and get some milk, thinking he'd take his time to let them talk, when he left Vic spoke again, 'get started then'.

 

Walking through the village lost in thought, Aaron worried about Robert and Vic, should he have left them alone, should he go back, only hearing his name when Adam put his arm around him, Lily sleeping in her pram, it had taken him an hour of aimless walking to get her down. 'You gave me a heart attack', Aaron said smacking his mate in the arm, he was shushed so he didn't wake the sleeping baby, 'fancy a drink mate?', Adam gestured to the pub, 'I do now', he answered holding his hand to his chest laughing, 'I was going to get some milk', he said aloud, suddenly remembering why he'd come out, Adam ruffled his hair, 'soft lad, the shops that way', he said to Aaron pointing behind them. Shaking his head head letting out a small laugh when he realised he'd gone straight past where he was meant to be going, Adam's face amused by his friends forgetfulness, Aaron played with his hands, nervous about what might be going on at home, stilling when he felt the ring on his left hand, in the rush to leave he'd forgotten to take it off. 'You coming or what', Adam watched as Aaron fiddled with his hand, turning away from him to continue walking, slipping the wedding band into his pocket Aaron hoped Adam hadn't noticed, he hadn't looked like he had, Aaron thought to himself, letting out a sigh of relief as they made their way to the pub. Sam beckoning them over when she saw them, 'Your back from your appointment?', she didn't let Aaron answer, 'lent Vic my keys, made us a pie, for some reason she thinks your not eating properly since you've been AWOL for weeks', she started to smile, stopping when she saw the look Aaron was giving her, 'didn't make it, slept in', he told her his tone serious, 'didn't see her though, went out for a walk and to get milk', all Sam could reply was, 'oh', Adam glanced between them confused, 'sorry it was my turn to buy wasn't it', nice recovery Aaron thought to himself, then told Adam he'd meet him inside.

 

When Adam was inside they looked at each other, 'well?', Sam asked eagerly, Aaron smiled widely, 'worked like a charm, although the pie is now spread across the floor', Sam couldn't help but laugh at the thought of the pie, but felt for Vic finding out her brother was alive like that but it was the only way if this was going to work, 'wasn't it a good idea to act like you where struggling', she said, Aaron shook his head, putting his hand on her shoulder, 'yeah,yeah you where right' he said before going to join Adam. Spotting him at the far table with two pints sat in it, he didn't even get half way, his mum pulling him into a hug asking how he was doing, he should have been more prepared for this since he hadn't been out of the flat or spoken to anybody outside of it for two weeks now, only coming out now due to Vic's surprise visit, they had arranged it for tomorrow knowing Andy had returned up north. From what Sam had said Andy was still physically and mentally distressed after hearing what Katie had done, calling both Sam and Aaron lier's, claiming they had made the whole thing up, they had lied to them but only about Robert dying, he had nearly become physical with Sam, Adam and Cain having to pull him away. Sam being good at her job had stayed calm, allowing him to verbally take it out his frustrations on her, not wanting Aaron to face it she'd advised he stay away until the situation had calmed down, which it hadn't, so when Andy left Sam told him he could go out if he wanted too, bit both knowing as soon as he found out the truth about Robert he'd be back which they would be prepared for. 'Mum,mum', he said pulling out of the hug to look at her, 'I'm fine, I needed to sort my head out is all', he saw how worried she was, 'I'm sorry I worried you, it's just...', 'no,no, it's Ok son, but a text would have been nice', she wasn't angry, she was concerned for him, 'go get your drink', she started, 'come round for your tea if you like, tonight maybe', Aaron told her about Vic's pie she had made him, leaving the part that it was ruined out and maybe they could do it tomorrow, she nodded and carried on with what she was doing. Sitting opposite Adam he continued to watch his mum, who glanced over every so often giving him a small smile each time, he responded in the same way, 'she's been worried about you, we all have', he focused on Adam now, listening to what he was saying, 'Vic sees you like a brother ye know, just as much as Robert was', he said watching Aaron take the first sip of his pint, his eyes looking downwards, lowering the glass before he spoke. 'I know, I couldn't face everyone after..., you know', Aaron said with a sigh, 'needed to sort my head out'. Adam simply nodded saying he understood, they talked for a bit about the business, it seemed to be going well and asked him when he was coming back, 'can you give me a couple of weeks, got some things to do', he answered only for Adam to ask what, he lowered his voice for the next part, 'started seeing Jill again, that's where I should have been earlier', it wasn't a lie over his time away he'd seen three counsellors and not really settled with them, seeing Jill might work out better for him, but his appointment wasn't until next week. Adam looked at him questioningly,'Ok', his next question surprising Aaron, 'so have you been on your honeymoon yet?', it was in a low whisper so that only Aaron could hear it, he looked at him in shock, Christ he saw the ring, not answering the question, only saying he needed the loo as he left the table quickly. Returning he downed the rest of his pint, telling Adam to do the same and come with him, this was not a conversation for the pub, 'I've not been on honeymoon because I'm not married', he said as they made their way to his flat, 'I saw the ring Aaron, and the bloke you snook in', he gave Aaron a look, 'it's complicated', he said with a sigh. Adam went to say something, stopping when they heard Sam's voice calling them from behind, trotting up with a two pinter of milk in her hands, 'wait up guys', she panted catching up with them, 'got the milk, but Vic still has my keys', she told Aaron, 'probably found the mess you made this morning and tidying it up knowing her', he couldn't believe how easy it had become to lie all the time, saying that he'd had plenty of practise over the past year. Unlocking the door Aaron entered first wanting to see how Vic was after her shock earlier, she was sat on the sofa alone with a glass of water, Robert nowhere to be seen, or should he say Jacob, that being his new name now, Jacob Robert Harris, soon to be Dingle, Vic looked up eyes red from crying, Adam instantly rushing over to her asking what was wrong. 'I dropped the pie', she said distantly, not sure what Adam knew yet, 'just finished cleaning it up', Aaron and Sam searched the room with their eyes, 'what are you looking for Aaron?', Adam asked annoyed at him for not making sure his wife was alright, Vic placing her hand on his arm to stop him from continuing. 'He's getting dressed', she told Aaron, a smile creeping over her face letting him know they were Ok with each other, Adam looked confused, glancing from Aaron to Vic, 'what did....', Aaron started, 'told me, showed me', Vic said tears welling up again at the thought of what her brother went through. Sam whispered something to Aaron and went to his room, 'he's here isn't he, your mystery man, you moved on and Vic had to find out like this', Adam said in anger, 'well', Vic told him to sit down, he did still starring at Aaron wanting answers, who sat opposite him, 'like I said it's complicated, his name is Jacob and yes we are together', Vic laughed angering Adam even more, 'Adam', she said, 'it's alright, trust me', her attention went to Aaron now, 'I well help you with what ever you decide to do', Aaron nodded a thanks.

 

Robert paced the floor, terrified how his sister would see him like now he'd told her about Richard May, he still couldn't believe he'd found the courage to show her his scars as well, Grace entered telling him Adam was here, 'I know, Aaron text me that he saw the ring', he continued to pace, 'you ready to see him?', Grace asked concerned, the plan had been for only Vic to find out at the moment. Robert took a deep breath, stopped pacing and looked at her, 'no, but it's going to happen anyway so lets do this', straightening his clothes he prepared himself for Adam's reaction, Grace opened the door, they could see Adam sat on the sofa next to Vic facing away from them talking to Aaron. Aaron looked at them, 'Adam', he said nervously, 'this is Jacob', he gestured to the bedroom door, turning Adam stared in shock, 'Robert', he said quietly, half an hour later after answering what questions they could that Adam had, Vic holding his hand saying she was still in shock, they had calmed down, 'so, fill me in on this plan then'. Grace told them out the idea they had had, both Adam and Vic nodding, saying they will help, 'what about Andy?', Vic asked, 'he thinks you lied to him', she said to the three of them, 'I understand you had no choice but he won't see it that way', Robert closed his eyes before answering, he could still see Katie shooting him, feel the bullets hit the vest and his arm, 'they never lied about that, she did shot me, that wasn't part of the plan', he said his voice sad, 'Aaron knew nothing about it, he only found out a while ago', he gave Aaron a little smile squeezing his hand, 'so I'll cross that bridge when I get to it'. Two hours later Robert sat with Lily in his arms, holding his niece for the first time, 'so are all sure we know what were doing', they all nodded, time for a party.


	28. Rebirth Part 3- Old Faces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one covers someone finding out about Robert, but also about their relationship with Aaron, really wanted to do something about them so melded the two together

Chapter 28 – Rebirth Part 3- Old Faces

 

It had been a week since they had agreed on the next steps to be taken, Aaron going out more even though he'd rather stay with Robert, Robert one day having to throw him out if this was going to work, he was having tea with his mum, Paddy joining them as he'd decided to return from Germany for good this time. 'So, how are things going?', Paddy asked giving Aaron the I'm here for you if you want to talk look, Aaron had gotten good at reading Paddy's unsaid words over the years, he carried on eating giving him the I know smile, Silence again claiming the room. Although they hadn't spoken for what felt lie an age there was a comfortable air about them, but then again it was always like that with them, Ok they'd had their problems in the past there was no denying that. Such as the time Aaron beat him to a pulp when Paddy had confronted him about being gay, he'd hurt Paddy, really hurt him but he never gave up on him, supported him through it. That was until he'd told his mum, Aaron had trashed the vets surgery out of pure frustration, feeling like he couldn't trust him any more, back then he thought that being gay meant doing what his dad had done to him and he couldn't be that way,. Paddy again telling him he loved him like a son and being gay wouldn't change that when he woke up in the hospital after his first suicide attempt, that still hadn't changed the way he'd felt about himself inside, keeping his inner most fears to himself, putting on a fake smile to everyone but Paddy, slowly opening up to him over time, even if it was half truths. Things had calmed down for a while, Aaron met Jackson and even with their rocky start, life had become good, until Jackson's accident, Paddy being the first person he'd called that night, needing his unconditional love and support of his dad, yes Paddy was his dad in his heart and always would be, although he never admitted it back then, he'd helped put Aaron back together after Jackson's death and the trial, he,his mum and Hazel being put through the mill when they'd learnt about Aaron's self-harming, they'd got him the help he'd needed. When it came to Gordon, Paddy tried to get Aaron to give it a chance, in Paddy's words, 'I'm your dad, but so is he, doesn't he deserve a chance', it turned Aaron's stomach when he'd heard his words, nothing on this earth would make that man his father, Paddy in the end accepting there was no love lost between the two and when truth had come out months later Paddy guilty about trying to reconnect them. Drawing him into an reluctant hug, Aaron jumping from the contact having just given his statement to the police, the memories painfully close to the surface, letting him know again that he would always be there for him, in that moment Aaron broke down saying thank you and I love you you dad, the last words surprising Paddy, Gordon of course had tried to manipulate the bond between them, feeding Paddy with lies, it almost worked once, but Paddy hit out punching Gordon so hard he fell to the floor, shocking everybody as he wasn't the violent type, the police where told by Gordon that he had just wanted to talk to Paddy about Aaron, to try and make peace, not knowing Paddy had recorded the whole thing, one point in the recording Gordon saying he needed to be put back into line and he would do it again having become angry that his tactics hadn't worked, plus with Paddy's clear history of not being violent had only received a caution, the tape being used as evidence in the court case.

 

So when Paddy went to Germany Aaron felt his lose the more than anyone, yes he still had his mum, Adam and the whole Dingle clan to fall back on, but it wasn't the same as having the father that he loved there to get him through the tough days. Paddy's contract had been for six months, but ended up being a lot longer especially when he'd found out Rhona had had an affair, he'd decided to stay on there, his return sending a wave of relief through Aaron. Their bear hug lasting longer than any they had had before, yet it wasn't long enough for either of them. They sat now, silence still lingering between them, Paddy knew Aaron so well and could tell he was hiding something, but knew not to push his son. Aaron, having found the strength to tell Paddy everything, this was Paddy after all, he opened his mouth to speak only for his mum to come in draining the strength he had found, he fell silent again, 'sorry that took longer to change than I thought', she said seeing both men had finished their food, it doesn't take nearly an hour to change a barrel, Aaron had thought, she'd blatantly done it on purpose to see if Paddy could get her son to open up about his feelings, she got a look off Paddy, Aaron laughing knowing what it meant.

 

Paddy suggested he and Aaron go for a walk, have a proper catch up, in translation, Aaron talks and Paddy listens, Aaron sighed seeing the eagerness and hope in his mothers eyes and reluctantly said yes. They'd been walking for a while, not really aiming for anywhere in particular, or so Aaron thought, he'd told him about what he could of his time in witness protection, how he and Grace had formed a close bond during their time together. Making Paddy laugh when he said about pretending to be in a relationship at one point, 'I'll have to meet her, the woman who turned Aaron Dingle straight, even if it wasn't real', he laughed again, Aaron poking his arm, coming to a holt when he realised where they where. 'Your mum says you've not come here since you've been back', Paddy said looking around the graveyard from the gate, he took a step inside gesturing to Aaron to follow, 'no', Aaron said frozen to the spot, 'I can't Paddy', he was shaking his head, he didn't want to see it knowing it was empty, knowing the pain they must have gone through putting the empty coffin in the ground, he'd felt it himself even though he hadn't been there not knowing what he did now. That and if he did he'd be too tempted to kick Katie's grave, he didn't want to be that person, so he'd stayed away, away from the pain and hatred he felt towards her, 'how much has she told you?', Aaron asked needing to know if he had to fill in the blanks, Paddy's eyes fell to the ground, 'everything then, she couldn't leave me to tell you myself, because I would have Paddy'. Paddy chose his words carefully seeing Aaron becoming angry, not with him but Chas, he didn't want them to fall out over this, 'she's worried about you, you were bottling it all up again', his ton became gentle, 'she did...', she did what she thought was best', Aaron finished his sentence with a sigh, he could see his point. Aaron's phone bleeped, taking it out he read the text and called them back, Paddy watching on curiously, 'hi, I'm with Paddy at the moment', he listened to Robert on the other end of the phone, 'Ok, will do, just bread and milk then', the reply being yes he looked at Paddy, he hated lying to him, 'I've been thinking', he said quietly not needing to say anything else, 'Ok, we'll see you soon', he smiled when Robert told him he loved him, 'me too', Paddy noticing the change in tone towards the end of the call. Walking over he lent against the all facing away from the graveyard and sighed sliding the phone back in his pocket, Paddy joining him, 'I know you Aaron, you and secrets never end well', Aaron laughed giving him a small smile. 'There's something I haven't told mum yet, only Vic, Adam and Sam know', he took a deep breath, willing the right words out, but all he could say was, 'I met someone....', he waited to see Paddy's reaction, he looked stunned and surprised. 'T-that was him on the phone. H-he's at yours?', he asked, Aaron nodding, 'would you like to meet him', he said biting his lip, 'but you can't tell anyone anything, not yet', Paddy nodded and they started off to the flat, nearing the shop reminding Aaron about his shopping, he'd forgotten lost in thought. Opening the door he he could hear Robert in the kitchen, pottering about, Paddy followed him in, 'Paddy, this is Jacob', he said nervously, Paddy stood in shock, 'we can explain', Robert said.

 

Nearly three hours later, Aaron and Paddy returned to the pub to the relief of Chas, she'd been so worried, they'd told Paddy Robert had been involved in a high powered court case but not which one and that his family would be informed shortly, Paddy seemed to take it well saying he wouldn't say anything. Getting their drinks they sat on one of the back tables, not before Paddy told Chas she had nothing to be worried about, Lisa made a be-line to them as soon as she entered the bar, 'Aaron love', he sighed, he loved his family, he truly did, but sometimes like today he felt suffocated by them , one of the cons of being part of a large family he supposed, 'we were thinking', this had come from his mum, he just knew it, 'we know you've been back for awhile..., but how about a family do'. He didn't know what to say to make it sound convincing, but from the looks of it Vic had done her part, planting the idea in his mum's head, 'I'll think about it Lisa, but thanks for the thought', she went back to the bar and started talking to Chas, who glanced over to them. 'Sounds like a good idea', Paddy said, Aaron rolled his eyes and whispered, 'can't do it till DC Rutter is available', Paddy put his hand over his mouth, removing it to say, 'this has been planned hasn't it', Aaron simply nodded picking up his drink.

 

 

A week later they got the nod from DC Rutter, Wednesday he'd said, it would be him and Grace, being they had been allowed to do it from the powers that be on their own time, it had been the first time Aaron had openly smiled as he went to the pub. All the other times he'd been nervous about the sympathetic, pitying looks he still got from the locals, he hated feeling like that. Seeing Charity behind the bar, he'd thought his mum was on duty today, asking where she was Charity pointed to the back telling him she'd had a late night last night with Jason and was nursing a hangover, without asking he went through, she lay on the sofa groaning, holding her head. 'That'll teach you to drink too much', he said making her jump, 'love, hey', she said groggy, 'how are you?', this made Aaron laugh, 'better than you it seems, can I make you a brew', she nodded yes, putting the mug in front of her, she sat up and took a sip, hissing from the temperature and the throb in her head. 'Lisa asked me something last week', he started, 'I've been thinking about it', Chas became serious all of a sudden, a little excited as well, 'yeah', she said, 'I was thinking Wednesday, it's a quiet night, but....', could it be family only, apart from Diane and Vic, their family to me too', she jumped up and hugged him, squeezing him as tightly as she could, he pulled out of it, 'I don't want a big fuss though, just drinks, not a huge affair', she nodded smiling widely, 'of course love', pulled out her phone to call everyone, Aaron smiled taking out his own, texting Vic to tell her they were on for Wednesday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of the next chapters will be like this, I wanted to explore Aaron's relationships with some of the others, couldn't really do it early on so this was the perfect oppertunity


	29. Rebith Part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The party starts but will it all go to plan

Chapter 29 - Rebirth Part 4 

 

From just drinks with family it had turned into a full blown party, not what Aaron wanted but he’d given up and let them do whatever, Vic running around like a headless chicken insisting on doing food, she was trying to hide her excitement, giddy with a smile she couldn’t remove, Aaron on the other hand was becoming anxious, fretting and worrying that it would all go wrong, that they wouldn’t respond will to Robert, blame him for everything, he couldn’t help but think that way with all the bad luck they’d had over the past year playing on loop in his head, the breathing exercises coming in handy today. Paddy dragging him out for some fresh air, reassuring him that it would be fine, he missed Robert already and he’d only been gone a matter of hours, something about a mishap in the paperwork, Sam sneaking him out before the rest of the village was even awake, hopefully a haircut too. The day had gone quickly and soon enough the whole Dingle clan, including the children, Diane, Doug, Vic, Adam and of course Paddy being an honouree Dingle congregated in the pub, Chas and Charity declaring an open bar for the occasion, Dingle’s and free booze was a bad idea. The free flow of alcohol loosening people up, greeting Aaron like he had just got back, even Cain had hugged him a number of times, Aaron just wanted to sink into a corner and hide, he hated the attention he was getting, he felt deflated the energy seeping away with every minute that pasted, Diane joined him, they were quiet for a while acknowledging each other with a nod. Diane finally breaking the silence, ‘you didn’t have to invite me you know’, she said with a sad smile, not wanting to bring the party down with thoughts of Robert, he looked at everyone having fun then at Diane and held her hand, ‘your family Diane, you always will be to me’, the first genuine smile of the night formed for her, relaxing now they chatted, not about anything serious, everyday life mainly. Marlon interrupts them, ‘now, why is it that were all having a good time’, he gestures to the others, and the man of the hour, that’s you by the way’, he points to Aaron who rolls his eyes, ‘is sat here looking miserable’, he looked at Aaron again wide eyed waiting for an answer, again Aaron rolls his eyes telling Diane he needs some air and leaves, Marlon left speechless.

 

Sat on one of the benches at the rear of the pub, his head skywards the fresh air swirling around him, clearing away the claustrophobia from his system, he’d managed to keep his nerves at bay at the start, but they had built and built over the hours, many commenting on how he was constantly checking the time, checking again it was ten-to-nine, he shouldn’t be too long now, he prayed he’d be here soon. He sat like that, head up, eyes closed, imagining the different possible reactions to Robert’s resurrection, shock was the first one that came to mind, seeing Diane faint, Cain and the others pulled into a stunned silence until one of them turned saying what the fuck, joy was the one he was hoping for, them clapping and hugging Robert, but he couldn’t see that one happening, the last was a mixture of shock and anger, shock that he was alive and anger that he’d known about it, Diane shouting at him and Vic for not telling her sooner. Footsteps from behind him brought out of his thoughts, turning he saw Grace, her face not showing the happiness he’d expected, she sat next to him before she spoke, ‘we’ve taken Diane to the backroom, we need you there too’, her voice was soft, so soft it scared him, ‘something’s wrong isn’t it, tell me Grace’, she just nodded in the direction of the pub saying come on. The quiet chatter came to a stop when they entered the bar, some confused and concerned eyes falling on them, watching as they walked behind the bar, Vic followed even though she had not been asked to, seeing Diane sat on the sofa wondering what was going on, Vic joined her glancing to Aaron who stayed standing asking Rutter questions with his eyes, Rutter’s not giving any answers, ‘Mrs Sugden, Mr Dingle, we need you to come with us’, was all he said. ‘What’s this about?’, Diane asked the police offices still confused, seeing the looks between Aaron and Grace, ‘do you know anything Aaron?’, she asked him, he shrugged his shoulders not knowing what to say to her, then turned to Rutter, ‘well’, it was more of a statement than a question. Grace replied to his inquest, sighing before she did, ‘there’s been an accident’, Aaron and Vic started to panic, ‘he’s fine, he requested that we bring you and Diane to him’, her soft tone reassuring them, but left Diane looking lost, ‘who?’, there was a long silence with glances between the others, Aaron nodding in answer to their silent conversation, ‘come with us, all will be explained when we get there’, he said to Diane, ‘you trust me right?’, he then asked her, she looked at him surprised saying, ‘you know I do’, he smiled at her holding his hand out to help her up, ‘come on then’, ‘I’m coming too’, Vic quickly interjected with an insistence in her voice, not taking no for an answer.

 

Vic joined them at them car, having sorted out someone to look after Lily, Adam being a little bit tipsy, it had taken longer than she had hoped having been asked what was going on by more than one person, telling them she didn’t know herself and left it at that, hurriedly climbed in in telling them to go. A bewildered Diane sat behind Grace who was driving, side glancing seeing the nervous looks between Vic and Aaron now and then, Vic taking his hand, giving it a squeeze, not a word was spoken until they pulled up at the hospital, Diane asking what they were doing here, Rutter responded by telling her there had been an accident and they had been requested to be brought in, leaving things vague, not really answering her question, The quiet resumed as they walked through the corridor and up the lift, along the next corridor to the ward, Rutter spoke to one of the nurses who pointed to a side room, Diane noting the name outside it, she didn’t recognise it so why was she here, ‘who’s Jacob?’, she asked confused. Aaron stood behind her about to answer, stopped by Grace, ‘Diane, I need you to prepare yourself, you may be in for a bit of a shock’, she said gently before opening the door, stepping in holding it open for them all to enter, Diane went first stumbling slightly at the site before her, Aaron catching her in case she fell, Vic asking if she was okay, well it was obvious that she wasn’t, she just starred unable to get her words out. She blinked once, twice, refocusing her eyes each time to make sure she wasn’t seeing things, it was Robert, his right leg elevated on a pillow with a tube-e-grip on his ankle, her eyes searched upwards for other injuries, none that she could tell, the sheet covered his chest arms folded keeping it in place. Vic rushed by her quickly going to her brother’s side, a second later joined by Aaron, they didn’t seem surprised or shocked to see him, they knew, she thought, ‘what have you done to yourself’, she heard Aaron say, still to stunned to speak she observed as Grace guided her to a chair she sat down, Robert’s gaze following her every move ignoring the others. ‘Could you give us a minute’, Robert says to Vic and Aaron, his eyes still on Diane, they look at each other for a second and nod saying we’ll see you soon, ‘Diane’, he says startling her from her thoughts, ‘please let me explain’, she moved to the chair next to the bed, her hand as she touched his, he felt real, this was not a dream, ‘you died’, her voice was shaking just like her hand, ‘you died and we…., Aaron was a mess, couldn’t cope, he. he…..’, ‘he left for everyone’s safety, just like I had too, please understand Diane, it was the only way’. She jerked her hand away standing quickly, ‘the only way…., the only way, people died Robert, Katie….’, there was a hint of anger but mainly concern in her tone, ‘Katie shot me, she shot me in cold blood’, it hadn’t meant to come out so sharp, he paused to control his emotions, ‘if she…’, his voice softened now, yet hatred seeped out as well, ‘if she hadn’t done what she did in the first place, spying on me, stealing my post, constantly pushing until Aaron got hurt, my Aaron got hurt….’, he’d flung his arms out halfway through without thinking, the sheet falling from his chest, Diane was now half listening to him, her eyes staring at the long scar across his chest. Realising this Robert throw the sheet over himself again and waited for her to say something, this wasn’t how he wanted to start this conversation, he was going to tell her everything, just not yet, she moved closer to him only for him to flinch away wincing as he did, ‘did…., did Katie….’, ‘no’, he said his eyes darting from the window, door, wall, anywhere but Diane not wanting to see the pity in her eyes, ‘no’, he repeated, ‘she didn’t, his words stumbling over each other, ‘it’s a long story’. She pulled the chair closer and sat back down again, ‘I have all the time in the world’, he looked at her now, she saw the sadness and pain in his eyes, they pleaded with her not to push, ‘okay’, she said softly, ‘when you’re ready’, she thought for a second, ‘so what happened here’, she gestured to his raised leg. He laughed a little, ‘yeah well’, he said shaking his head, ‘I was so eager after my hair cut to get to the party...’, ‘the party, Aaron’s party?’, he nodded then continued, ‘we, well planned it, to tell you first then everyone else, guess it’s not working out right, so as I was saying, I walked out the barbers and missed a step, twisted my ankle and knocked myself out for a few seconds so they bought me here’, she smiled in amusement, standing she hugged him, ‘it’s so good to see you’, she said tears building, ‘you too, I missed you’, he tightened the hug. A knock on the door pulled their attention from each other, calling for them to come in, Diane wiping the tears away it opened, Aaron going to the other side of the bed, Vic moved beside Diane, ‘Grace filled me in ye muppet’, Robert gabbed Aaron’s coat and pulled him close telling him to shut up before kissing him, their foreheads connecting when they broke apart, ‘love the hair by the way, long doesn’t suit you’, Aaron said smiling, Vic concurring saying, ‘damn right, at least you’re not two-toned now’, Robert just glared mockingly at her comment. Diane watched the three’s interaction, ‘how long have you known?’, they looked at her feeling more than a little guilty, ‘two weeks’, Vic whispered, ‘just before I came back’, Aaron answered carefully, now holding on to Robert’s hand not wanting to let go of his fiancé, ‘I couldn’t say anything until the trial was over’, the look he got from Robert told him to stop speaking. ‘The White’s, but I thought…’, Diane started, ‘not the White’s’, Robert said clearly, then went to a whisper, ‘the May case’, Diane racked her brain, she’d heard of that trial but couldn’t what it had been about, the only thing she remembered was a comment on the news that got her attention, about a possible connection to the White’s trial. A little later the doctor told Robert he could go home, they’d all been fussing over him, although Diane had been unusually quiet, must be learning he was alive he thought, Aaron nearly slipping up about their marriage that wasn’t a marriage a few times, making Vic suspicious so she approached the subject on their way back to the village, the last conversation before that clarifying a cover story to protect Robert from other people if the truth of the May trial came out. ‘So when did you two get hitched then?’, she asked like it was a normal everyday question, Aaron and Robert looked at each other, then at her trying not to look stunned, Diane whipped her head around in surprise from the front seat, ‘the two of you, married’, she said, both men unable to speak, Grace silently laughed shaking her head as she drove, ‘their not married’, she told Vic and Diane, allowing the men to relax, ‘not officially anyway’, ‘GRACE’, they both shouted. Vic sat next to Aaron, mouth agape, ‘what do you mean not officially?’, the question stumbled out, when she got no reply she punched Aaron in the arm causing him to cry out and rub the spot she hit, ‘we did, but…’, he started Robert finishing, ‘there had been a hick up with the paperwork, so I was still, you know…. Dead’, the last word whispered. They said yes when Diane asked if they were going to do it properly, she told them she was happy for them, but her look told Robert they had other things to talk about.

 

The rest of the journey was an awkward silence, Robert and Aaron gripping their hands together, almost afraid to let go, afraid of losing each other again, Diane side glancing Robert her thoughts lost in the words Robert had said in the hospital, she was happy don’t get her wrong, but she worried about the things she remembered about the trial, things she didn’t know about her imagination running away with her. Robert saw this but never reacted, not once meeting her eyes knowing his strong shield he had built up may shatter if he did, it wasn’t until they were just outside the village that Grace pulled into a lay-by and cut the engine, ‘so how do you want to play this?’, she asked them, they looked around at each other waiting for one of the to answer, Robert spoke a minute later, ‘drop Aaron and Vic at the pub, you both know what to say, then me and Diane at home’, Diane turned her attention to her step-son fully now, he looked down and simply nodded telling her they needed sometime on their own. Aaron gave him a quick kiss saying I’ll see you later and you’ll be fine knowing Robert had a harder conversation to have than he did, ‘text me if you need too’, he whispered as he got out, Vic rushing back in to give him a hug, when they moved off Diane asked where home was, getting the surprise of her life when they stopped at Aaron’s. Throwing the hood over his head Robert limped out, head hung low heading for the flat, he’d become so used to covering himself up, hiding had become second nature to him, there where packed bags on the sofa when they entered, Sam emerging from her room with another in her hand, ‘what’s all this?’, he asked her, she smiled at him and then Diane when she came into view, ‘time to move on, this assignment has come to an end’, her voice sad, she’d made some good friends during her time in Emmerdale but work was work and it was time to leave, ‘I was going to tell you both tonight, I’ll be leaving in the morning’, limping over Robert hugged her saying thank you for all she had done for them, then telling her Aaron was over at the pub about to tell them all about him, she said she’d go there in case anything kicked off, texting Aaron as she left. Diane helped Robert move the bags into the corner asking what she meant by assignment, Robert bit his lip, a habit he’d gotten from Aaron, as he sat down, elevating his leg slightly, Diane sat carefully next to him, ‘she’s in the same line of work as Grace’, she was speechless, how had she not spotted this. The remand quiet for some time, Robert not knowing where to start, he didn’t want to hide anything from her but finding the right words was difficult for him, ‘when you came back’, she spoke in a soft low tone unsure how to ask, asking straight out would make him clam up so she thought carefully, ‘I asked you what happened to you before you came home and you said too much’, he found he couldn’t look at her, instead he stared at his injured leg, ‘talk to me pet, you can tell me anything you know that right’, again he remand silent, a single tear running down his face, ‘why were you part of the May trial?’, she already thought she know but needed him to say it, closing his eyes the memories came flooding back, he could feel every cut, whiplash and penetration all over again, ‘he gave me the scars…..’, was how he began.


	30. Cold Sets In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Vic return to the pub, but how will their news be taken

Chapter 30 – Cold Sets In

 

They watched the car drive off the short distance to Aaron’s, god he wished he was there with him, he had never been good telling people stuff, everything with Gordon proved that, never been able to let his feeling out, that was until he’d met Robert, the lonely, looking man asleep on the bench, not till he’d opened his eyes he saw it, felt it, the damage and hurt that sat behind them, the same thing he saw every day when he looked in the mirror. He stared at that particular bench, remembering how he thanked him for the drink, shivering as he sipped it, it not just anyone he would give up his bed for, they had a connection even then, butterflies had fluttered in his stomach when he’d first seen the sleeping man properly. Vic saw him lost in thought, ‘hey’, she said pulling him away from them, his body tensed then, thinking about what they were about to do, would they believe them, accuse them of playing a practical joke just so he could get out of the party, no, he thought on, they know me, know I wouldn’t lie about this, Vic lead him to one of the tables, both sitting so not only Aaron but herself could compose themselves before heading in to face them all, ‘let’s go through this again’, she said, they talked through the cover story again so both were on the same page, so was just as nervous as him, they had to get this right, they both had to act shocked and surprised, act like they had just found out tonight. Checking the time, it had just turned half eleven, Chas must have stayed open, normally she’d of kicked everyone out already on a Wednesday, but the pub still sounded busy, neither noticed the figure walking towards them’, what happened, where did they take you?’, Cain asked in a stern focused tone, his dislike of the police evident, even though his words were stern his were soft, worried almost, the concern for his nephew present in them, what with all he’d been through over the past couple of years he felt extra protective of Aaron. ‘We…., it’s better we tell you all together’, Aaron said taking a deep breath, Cain looked around wondering, ‘where’s Diane?’, ‘she stayed there’, Vic told him with a shaky voice, they became distracted by Aaron’s phone bleeping, unlocking it he read the message aware that his uncle was staring at him now, ‘Cain please, go inside we’ll be in soon, I just need to think’, Cain retreated watching them until he was inside.

 

Aaron turned to see Sam sprinting over, slowing as she neared them, ‘have you been in there?’, he asked her, she nodded out of breath, ‘Debbie and Adam have taken the kid’s home, the rest have been waiting for you to return, clear to say their worried about you’, she panted, they told her the cover story, she nodded again saying she would play along, then said, ‘let’s get this show on the road then’, motivating them to go in, ‘we can do this’, he said to himself, Vic squeezed his arm as the entered the pub, Sam opening the door allowing them to go first. Chas instantly turned from her conversation with Cain, no surprising what that was about, rushing to him engulfing him with a hug, her way of reassuring him, letting him know he can say anything and it wouldn’t upset her, he hugged her back then pulled out of it, then they all started, question after question all on top of each other. Marlon just saying, ‘well’, Lisa asking where they took them, Charity wanting an explanation, his mum poured two pints, placing them on the bar staying when you’re ready, while Cain and Moira were trying to hush the others up so they could talk, but had no such luck. Vic downed her pint, calming her nerves, to the astonishment of Aaron who was half way through his, banging it on the bar yelling quiet, sending soundwaves across the room , they all stared at her stunned, including Aaron, she was the quiet one, ‘now we have your attention’, she says waving the empty glass at Chas who refilled it quickly, this must be bad if Vic was drinking like this, Chas thought, ‘the police took us to the hospital, Diane is still there’, puzzled looks spread through the room, ‘who’s in the hospital?’, Sam asks them. ‘it’s…., well…., I……’, the words stumbled from her lips, she glanced at Aaron who downed his second pint needing the courage just like Vic, ‘Robert, he’s alive’, he manages to say, stunned silence filled the room, mouths open in shock , he started shaking, reality kicking in, knowing this may take a while to settle down from the angry look on his mum’s face, trying to steady himself on the bar Paddy ran over holding his other side, guiding him to a nearby seat, why was she so angry, he thought. Charity passed him a whiskey, ‘what do you mean alive’, Chas says reaching high wrathful pitch, she was unable to register what she had just heard, Robert alive, why has he come back, to what make her son’s life more miserable, she remembered how broken he had been, how he had to leave because of the case, Katie dying, Robert would pay for hurting her son like that. Aaron’s voice brought her back, ‘as in not dead’, he spat back, ‘he’ll be home soon, and you’d better not go anywhere near him if this is your attitude’, his blood boiled, out of them all he never expected his mum to be the one to react like this, ‘don’t talk to your mum like that Aaron’, Cain barked, Aaron glared at him now, ‘I tell you what then as soon as we can we’ll leave and you won’t have to see us ever again’. Chas was panicking now at the thought of losing him yet again, ‘Aaron please, I’m worried about you, you know that, just tell us where he’s been’, she pleaded, he glowered at her not saying a word, ‘Chas’, Vic spoke up, ‘he’s been involved in a court case, just like Aaron, a fraud case from a place he worked at’, Chas sat now listening to her, the rest listening intently as well, ‘Katie was close to blowing his security so they did what they had to do’, she gave them time to allow it to sink in then continued, ‘there’s one more thing, they’ve changed his name’, ‘to what love?’, Lisa asked, Cain changed the subject, ‘so the night he died’, he said in inverted fingers, ‘Katie never shot him’, Aaron turned to his uncle, ‘Katie shot him, three times’, the others that never known this gasped, ‘anyway, that subject is closed for good from now on, you all hear me’, he made the point of looking at his mum when he said it, ‘now I have to get home and get ready for Jacob to come home’, ‘Jacob?’, Moira asked as Aaron stood to leave, ‘yeah, Jacob my boyfriend’s new name’, he said walking out hoping giving them some time to process the information may calm them down, he needed to calm down himself before seeing Robert.

 

His feet started walking, to where he didn't know he just followed them, quickening to a jog then a run, the heavy sharp slaps on the ground and the pace helping him make sense of what just happened, running had always allowed him to focus, understand in a way whatever mess was going on in his head, a coping mechanism you might say. The last time he'd done this he'd ran until his feet bled, tending to them afterwards then did the same the next day, but that hadn't been enough starting to run morning, noon and night, overdoing it until he was vomiting up his last meal, if he had eaten at all that was, but this wasn't like back then, he wasn't running away from his issues, he was trying to sort them from the jumbled mess, make sense of what to do about his mum. He couldn't go home in the frame of mind he was in, he needed to be strong for Robert in whatever they had to face, he says they, they were in this together through thick and thin, he didn't want to lose his mum, he loved her with all his heart, but he would if it came down to it. Okay she didn't want him to get hurt again, again, it would make him laugh if it wasn't so tragic, he'd lost count how many times hurt had set in, Jackson, Ed, his dad returning, Robert dying or not as the case was. His feet began to ache, shooting pains travelled from his soles upwards to his calf's, leaning on a nearby fence he slid down, sitting with his legs tightly to his chest forehead resting on them, he must have ignored the numerous times his phone had rung, not even looking at the caller ID, raising his head he looked across the fields realising where he was, how far he had ran, the distant lights of the village flickering like a candles. He imagined his mum in the pub bitching about how Robert was just going to hurt him, Robert at home talking to Diane, breaking her heart with the truth, hell he didn't even know all of it, one day, he thought, one day when he's ready, he'd been patient this long he could wait and not push Robert, he knew how it felt to be pushed and he wasn't going to do it to anyone else. His eyes felt heavy, the events of the day catching up with him, he should head home but he didn't want Robert seeing him like this, he knew he'd feel guilty about coming between a mum and her son and that stopped him, because that is exactly how Robert would feel when he found out how his mum had reacted, think, think, do I tell him or give mum some time to calm down and reflect on everything, his eyes began to close, his body becoming a weight sliding onto the soft grass beneath him.

 

The air filled with laughter and cheers, a banner ran over the bar saying congratulations Aaron and Jacob, Marlon and Vic running about sorting food, music playing in the background while most of the Dingles danced along. Chas was hugging the man he loved, his Robert, saying welcome to the family, Cain approached him, his smile wide and happy at first, then turning slowly to a frown, 'Aaron', he said, suddenly the temperature became cold, every muscle in his body shivering, his teeth chattering, there was only him and Cain now, in the cold, in the dark.

 

'Aaron', Cain shouted, shaking his shoulder, 'Aaron', he shouted louder feeling the icy cold skin of his nephew, who groaned as his eyes opened, blinking a couple of times, 'Cain', he said stammered out through the cold. 'Christ, how long have you been up here?', covering Aaron with his coat as he asked. Rubbing it against him to warm him up, 'w-what t-time is it?', Cain checked his watch telling him it was four in the morning, 'I must have fallen asleep', Aaron says trying but failing to sit up on his own, Cain's arm reached around him to help him, draping the coat around his shoulders rubbing his arms now. 'We've been worried about you', he dialled a number on his phone just saying got him and hung up, going back to Aaron. 'I went to yours and you weren't there, we've all been out looking for you', Aaron head shot up making him grimace in pain from his stiff neck on hearing his uncle's words, staring at him shakily. 'You went to mine',, he waited for Cain to have a go at him, he no doubt saw Robert, but he didn't, there was nothing but concern in his eyes, 'Sugden's waiting for you, or whatever his name is now, come on, can you stand', he held onto Cain using all the strength he could muster to get up and walk over to the car. Cain turned the heating up as they drove back to the village, 'how did you find me', Aaron asked quietly, he was happy he had, a few hours more and he could have frozen to death, Cain glanced at him saying he has his ways. Aaron wrapped the coat tighter around himself, the cold still spearing through him, exhaustion coming in waves each time forcing his eyes to remain open, his body began to shake violently suddenly making Cain pull over at the side of the road, ‘Aaron’, the softness of his voice calming and relaxing him as he fought his mind to keep his body still. ‘I’m calling an ambulance’, Cain said grabbing his phone, Aaron’s arm shooting out to stop him as the convulsion died down giving him a weak control again, ‘no more hospitals’, he said in a frail whisper, ‘home’, Cain watched as his breathing relaxed, only starting the engine when he felt Aaron was finally breathing as normally as he could, saying if it happened then he was going, giving Cain a faint nod Aaron closed his eyes too tired to fight it anymore.


	31. Warmimg Up

Chapter 31- Warming up

 

His eyes fluttered open, the warmth rippling through him becoming aware of just how naked he was and how naked the body next to him too, an arm and leg wrapped around him, lifting the arm he heard a familiar groan Robert always made when he was waking up. Trying to turn to face him he realised how tight the covers where around them, pushing on the to find they were in a sleeping bag with a duvet over that. He scanned their surroundings, this was not their bedroom, the last thing he remembered before this was Cain shouting at him in the cold, ‘where are we?’, he grunted sleepily rubbing his eyes whilst turning his head to look at Robert, stopping due to the stiffness in his neck, ‘in Cain and Moira’s, he was worried and here was closer to get to’, a now fully awake Robert answered, ‘how are you feeling?’, he asked pulling himself closer to him, Aaron wasn’t sure how he felt, physically he felt exhausted, stiff mainly, but emotionally betrayed by his mums reaction, others in the family hadn’t looked too happy either, ‘tired’, he answered holding on to Robert’s arm. Following its movements as it unzipped the sleeping bag, Robert then carefully climbing out zipping it back up and bundling the duvet around him, Aaron watched him limp across the floor to reach his clothes, the thick curved and straight edged scars on his back on full show. ‘Don’t get dressed on my… account’, Aaron uttered quietly as Robert pulled up his jeans then slid the top over his head, returning to Aaron he knelt down at the side of the bed seeing his eyes drifting back to sleep, ‘get some more sleep, I’ll close by’, Kissing Aaron’s forehead, stroking the back of his neck until he fell into a peaceful sleep. Hearing voices coming from the kitchen as he descends the stairs, they come to a stop when they see him, Moira, Cain, Chas and Sam sit around the table looking at him intently, he waited for one of them to speak first, apart from Sam this was the first time properly they’d seen him, last night had been a hurried meeting, all their concerns lay firmly on Aaron’s welfare, ‘how is he?’. Moira asked finally, Cain not able to look at him, Chas on the other hand staring intensely at him, he wasn’t sure if it was dislike or pure hate in her stare, either way it wasn’t good so he chose to ignore her, ‘he’s asleep’, he replied sitting down slowly, a slight painful moan escaping him, his leg becoming stiff from the close quarters he’d slept in on top his ankle. ‘I think we need a chat, don’t you’, Chas said trying to keep a soft tone but came out a bite, he looked at her now eyes hardened, ‘can I have a brew and some painkillers first’, his eyes still hard but voice gentle, Moira got up and with a genuine smile passed him some tablets after pouring the tea from the pot, thanking her he swallowed them returning his stare at Chas, seeing Cain glance over to him then look away, ‘now, who wants to tell me exactly why he ran off last night, then I’ll answer what I can’, Chas just huffed at him, Cain telling her to calm down and that it wasn’t his fault this time, his words reassuring yet hurting Robert, what did he mean this time.

 

 

Waking properly Aaron blinked remembering where Robert told him they were, his body aching as he stretched, the warmth of the bedding engulfing him, noticing the clock on the wall he panicked it was nearly four in the afternoon, sliding round he sat on the edge of the bed still in the sleeping bag, slowly standing allowing it to fall to the floor circling his feet. The room was warm too, it wasn’t like Cain to have the heating on at this time of day, suddenly remembering he was naked his eyes searched the room for his clothes, finding them washed and dried in a neat pile on a chair, taking smell steps to them, that was all he could manage at the moment he got dressed. Still feeling a slight chill he wrapped the duvet around himself and made his way down stairs, unlike when Robert had gone down there was only Cain there stoking the fire, refuelling it with wood, he patted the sofa, a silent instruction for Aaron to sit there, ‘you gave us a scare’, he said concentrating on the job at hand, ‘sit down and I’ll fetch you a brew, with extra sugar’, Cain thought on, ‘or would you like a hot chocolate like when you were a kid?’, Aaron smiled nodding his head, he hadn’t realised Cain had remembered that. The visits when he still lived with that thing he called a father, the nightmares he’d had while he was here, Cain’s cure was hot chocolate with a dash of whatever was in the house, whiskey usually, topped with whipped cream, Cain had become aware even back then that he didn’t like to be touched after a bad dream, he’d place it on the table in front of him asking what it had been about, Aaron lying, making up things like a horror film he’d seen or something, too ashamed to tell the truth, not only ashamed but scared of Gordon’s threats of it happening again if he’d told anyone, he’d never been close to his uncle but in those moments as a child he felt as close as he could feel towards anyone. Cain stopped half way to the kitchen, his gut turning realising what he had just said, how it might make Aaron feel or remember, ‘sorry’, he said without turning, ‘I never meant to…’, Aaron didn’t let him finish, ‘it’s fine, hot chocolate would be nice’, he voice hoarse and low, giving Cain an reassuring smile even though he couldn’t see it. As Cain busied himself making the drinks Aaron’s mind went back to the evening before, the intense look in his mum’s eyes and the manner she had spoken them, ‘what do you mean alive’, then what he said to her, it was a blind threat he knew that now, the panic that had filled her at the thought of him leaving again and never coming back, this was his home, Robert’s home with families that loved and cared for them, leaving wasn’t an option for them. Brought out of his thoughts by the cup being put on the coffee table he blinked a couple of times forcing his mind back to the here and now, ‘thanks’, he whispered picking up the cup, giving Cain a look, ‘sorry’, no cream in at the min’, Aaron nodded, ‘where’s Robert?’, he asked before taking a sip, ‘fuck’, he coughed, ‘how much did you put in this’, he coughed again the alcohol hitting the back of his throat. ‘Enough’, Cain laughed, ‘you’re not a kid anymore’, they finished their drinks in silence, after Aaron asking where Robert was again, Cain just answered saying busy, his gaze diverted away from his nephew to the corner of the room, ‘Cain’, Aaron spoke louder now, ‘busy doing what’, Cain gulped, not a lot made Cain nervous but somehow this did, ‘talking….., to Chas’, he still couldn't look at Aaron, couldn’t see the horror on his face, ‘WHAT’, he shouted, ‘after last night she has no right to even be in the same room as him’, his anger simmered to the top, mixed with worry for Robert knowing how his mum couldn’t hold back once she’d got started, ‘well they managed last night and today to be kind of civil, so there’s hope yet’, Cain started, ‘all she wants to do id protect you, and Robert can hold his own, believe me we found that out last night’, he told Aaron, aware of his nephew’s anger and patience beginning to boil over he decided to remain quiet for a while to let him cool down, only speaking when Aaron had calmed completely. ‘So…., how are you feeling Robert…., Jacob, oh whatever you want to call him now, ye know being alive’, keeping his tone soft as not to scare Aaron into silence, he shrugged his shoulders, ‘I don’t know, it was a shock at first, ye know, I thought I’d lost him…., had just about come to terms with his death, I was ready to move on with my life’, he sees the look Cain is giving him, ‘not like that…, I mean not in the sense of go out, find someone new…, but ready to accept he was gone and be on my own’, he sighs shaking his head, ‘does that make sense, I’m not sure it does but it’s how I felt’. Cain edged closer to him silently asking if he could touch him, Aaron moving to meet him in the middle, Cain’s arm around his shoulders as he rested his head on his uncles shoulder, this was the first time anyone had actually asked him how he felt about it, it somehow made apart of him relieved that the question was now out there, allowing him to speak those feeling he had sealed inside, they had been banging so loudly behind a locked door in his head for so long and Cain had unlocked that door, it creaked slowly open, silent tears began to fall from his eyes, another part wanting to barracked it shut. Wiping his eyes he asked, ‘where is Cain and what have you done with him?’, he sniffed, using his sleeve to rid him of more tears, ‘shut it you’, Cain whispered softly, smiling, Aaron gave out a quiet laugh as he pulled him in tighter to him, ‘and now?’, Cain asked, Aaron wasn’t sure what he meant, ‘and now what?’, he turned his head to look at his uncle through red eyes. Cain sighed, ‘and now how do you feel, now you know he’s alive?’, Aaron looked down again using Cain’s shoulder as a pillow, ‘I…, well…’, he went to say it had taken a while but now he was happy, no overjoyed about it, but remembered that to Cain he’d only just found out yesterday, ‘I’m not sure, it’s…, it’s hard to put into words’, he fell silent for a second thinking back to the days after Robert had turned up at the hotel those months ago, ‘it’s strange but it feels like a part of me was missing has become whole again and I never want to lose that , no matter what mum says’, he moved away from Cain, sitting up straight the duvet loosening its grip falling behind his shoulders. ‘do you get what I mean?’, he asked watching the flames flicker and dance to the crackle of the wood burning. Cain cleared his throat, Aaron could have sworn he was close to crying, he’d never seen him cry, not Cain Dingle head of the family, ‘I get it, I do and if our Chas can’t then I’ll have words with her, don’t you worry about that’, Cain wanted nothing but his family safe and together, and if that meant his sister had to put up and shut up then so be it, when Aaron asked his next question Cain became concerned about how he would respond to the answer. ‘How did you find me last night, I ran quite far out?’, gulping again Cain worded his answer carefully, ‘we looked for you everywhere we could think you would go, you can imagine my surprise when I hammered on your door only to Diane there, what happened to being truthful eh’, Aaron lowered his head feeling guilty, ‘well Robert must have heard me when I told Diane you’d ran off because he came straight back to the pub with me, you certainly have a knack of knowing how to scare us’, Aaron stares at Cain now, ‘you haven’t answered my question Cain’, ‘it was my last resort…’, Cain said not finishing, ‘what was’, Aaron said confused, ‘I…, well…, I tracked your phone’, when Aaron didn’t respond and just looked at him in shock he continued, ‘I know, I know, but I wanted to be sure you were safe at all times, no one else knew I did it…, it was the first time I’d used it because it had become late and that cold out, I’m glad I did though, given how I found you’. Aaron wanted to scream at him and thank him at the same time, furious that he was keeping tabs on him but thankful he’d found him when he had, any longer out there and who knew where he’d of ended up, in a hospital or a morgue, instead he swallowed his pride saying thank you and remove it from your phone you won’t be needing it anymore.

 

 

They spoke for a while, Aaron commenting on how Cain Dingle had turned into a softie showing his feelings, Cain telling him if tell anyone and I’ll de-nigh it, the flow after that ran smoothly, Cain saying Moira was looking after Lilly so Vic and Adam could spend time with Diane. A knock on the door interrupting them, answering it Cain stepped aside as Robert came in followed by a sheepish looking Chas, who was unsure how her son would react to her presence, steam coming from the contents of the bags she carried, the welcome smell of food filled the room, it was only then Aaron realised he hadn’t eaten all day, his stomach rumbling with hunger. ‘Got Chinese and Indian, wasn’t sure what you fancied so’, Chas said breaking the silence between them that had held for a few minutes, Aaron stared at her, Cain looking at him from behind his sister as to say give her a chance, Robert meanwhile placing the plates on the table that Cian had given him. ‘Well I fancy Chinese so I’ll take that bag’, Robert said taking one of the bags from Chas, giving her a smile before setting it on the table, ‘Chas what about you’, he asked her, her gaze still on her son, only breaking it when he moved towards the kitchen pulling the chair as close to Robert’s as he could, still she didn’t answer. ‘Curry for me’, Aaron said trying to sound happy, ‘mum’, she sat opposite him emptying the plastic bag of the containers, ‘think I’ll have the same’, she said with a warm smile towards him, Aaron not returning it, they ate in an uncomfortable silence, Aaron couldn’t help but notice the occasional glance from Cain to Robert, unable to look him in the eye when Robert would look back at him, quickly removing his glance when he did, after half an hour of this Aaron had had enough. ‘Right what’s going on’, he insisted looking to Robert then Cain, both shook their heads saying nothing, ‘I have a reason not to talk to her, but after what we talked about earlier, after what you said to me, why have you got a problem with him?’, he asked Cain directly, Robert’s hand reached under the table touching his leg, ‘leave it Aaron’, he said, who shook his head at him. ‘No I won’t, he said some really nice things and now he’s being like this, so no Robert, I won’t’, Cain and Robert gave each other a nervous look, Robert then gave Aaron a look he would understand, ‘we’ll talk about this later, okay’, Aaron read the look and nodded, Chas on the other hand was not happy with the unanswered question, insisting like Aaron had that they tell them. ‘Cain, you told me to give him a chance, so why can’t you’, before Cain could answer Aaron spat out, ‘oh, keep out of it you nosy cow’, Chas sat stunned, hurt by her son’s words, ‘you’re doing this because you’ve been told to, not because you want to so stay out of our business’, Robert tried to calm Aaron down but it wasn’t working, all the pent up resentment for his mother bubbling to the surface. Standing up he turned to Cain, ‘Cain if you can stand to have Robert in your car could you give us a lift home please’, he daren’t look at his mum as she began to cry silently knowing how much she had hurt him, unable to speak, to tell him they had sorted most of their problems, when she’d found her voice it was too late, Aaron had stormed out of the house, Robert saying sorry and he’d talk to him when he’d calmed down as he followed, Cain then picked up his car keys leaving a devastated Chas alone crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These are a bit heavy, but trust me thing will lighten up soon. xx


	32. Some Truths Are The Hardest To Say

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron talks to his mu, but what he has to say shocks her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING - Talk of self harm

Chapter 32 – Some Truths Are The Hardest To Say 

 

Sucking in two deep breaths Aaron braced himself for what awaited him behind the door before him, it had taken him longer to get here than he thought it would, the news of Robert’s resurrection spreading fast through the village. First he had bumped into Dan wanting to know how Robert/Jacob was, stumbling out the words as he asked, Aaron just saying he was fine, relieved that it had been over quickly, two steps later he collided with someone, both falling backwards to the ground, ‘sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going’, he said watching Leyla rub her foot as she gave him an sympathetic smile, it had been true he wasn’t looking where he was going his thoughts lay in reaching his destination without running into anyone else, and he just literally did. ‘It’s fine Aaron, suppose you’ve got a lot on your mind at the moment’, she winced as Aaron helped her up, struggling to put any weight on her foot, he walked her into David’s sitting her down on the closest chair to the door. Grabbing a bag of peas from the freezer Carly gave him a strange look from behind the counter, calling over to her that he’s going to pay for them and did she have a tea towel handy, Carly followed with the towel curious about what he needed it for. Taking the towel he wrapped it around the peas placing it carefully on Leyla’s now bare foot lowering both onto another chair in front, ‘Aaron’, Carly carefully said seeing the blood drip onto Leyla’s foot, ‘your bleeding’, he looked at his arm, the blood dropping from the cloth of his sleeve quickly covering it with his free hand applying pressure, coming back from the counter Carly passed him a first aid box. Leyla taking over the cold press on herself, Aaron moved to chair Carly had moved round for him, without thinking he pulled up his sleeve exposing the scar on his forearm, only those close to him knew about it so when the two women glanced it for a second then looked to each other, then him he told them it had been an accident at the scrapyard covering up it’s true nature as he checked the small cut just above his elbow pressing the gauze against it to stop the flow, then put a plaster on it. ‘Bet you had a bit of a shock the other night’, Carly said, he looked to the floor knowing this was going to be the conversation he’d be having a lot for a while, ‘a bit of one yeah’, he replied quietly, not wanting this to carry on he told them he needed to be somewhere, apologising to Leyla again he left the shop. As fast as he tried to move his feet they seemed to slow down with every step, feeling more and more anxious as he made his way up Main Street, worrying about the reception he would get from his mum and Charity, he imagined his mum would be upset, Charity on the other hand angry and defensive of Chas, not wanting her to be hurt more than she already was. He was doing his best to avoid people this time, taking a wide birth as he passed them, Bob giving him a friendly smile, Brenda a curious one from outside the café in the distance, putting his head down not wanting to converse with them, with anyone but his mum at the moment, what Robert told him last night still fresh on his mind. As much as he tried to via away Kerry came closer to him, ‘see lover boys alive’, he huffed walking straight passed her not making eye contact, ‘way to be rude man’, she shouted back to him carrying on on her way. 

 

 

So now here he was, standing in front of the pub, he had good and bad memories of his former home, fondly remembering all the Dingle get togethers, weddings and christening parties, they’d made him feel happy even when they sometimes made him a little claustrophobic when they spoke of his visits when he was younger, even the last time Jackson had been in, surrounded by friends and family, the last time he’d seen him truly smile, it had been bitter-sweet for him and Hazel but now he knew they’d done the right thing for Jackson, it was a memory close to his heart, his smiles of love for everybody there, especially him and Hazel. The next thoughts made him shudder, the moment his mum caught him with a blade in his hand as the blood running down his stomach, her eyes wide in shock and despair seeing not only the fresh cut but the older ones that had started to heal over, unable to speak out about the pain and guilt he felt inside over Jackson’s death, back then he’d dreamt of holding that glass full of drugs to his boyfriends lips, waking up crying, each time he’d have it the end would change to Jackson changing his mind, but it was too late, he died anyway. And the night he watched Robert cry as he rocked back and forth when he told him about his past, what his wife and her father had forced him to do, not being able to hold him for a time and when he could Robert not letting go, he still saw the pain in his eyes from that now every so often, all that had led to what May had done to him, even though he didn’t know all the details his scars told a story of their own. So sucking in those breaths he reluctantly went up the steps and pushed the door open.

 

 

Inside there was only Charity and Vic talking at the bar having just finished setting up for the day, he had been right about Charity she looked at him with anger, only there was concern there too, Vic on the other hand rushed over to him asking if her brother was alright then asking about him, he told her they were both fine, which made her relax a bit, but only a bit worried about how her brother was dealing with the news of him being alive having travelled so quickly through the village. ‘Is mum in?’, he asked Charity nervously, she gave him a new look that scared him, ‘in the back’, she said stonily as he made his way to the hatch, she stopped him when he got there, ‘careful how you go or you’ll be dealing with not only Cain but me as well’, he nodded with a slight fear of what she’d said, Cain was bad enough on his own but the two of them together was worse. Moving her arm he slide sideways past her slowly then hurried to the back room, knocking twice before entering without an invite he saw his mum sat at the kitchen table nursing a steaming cup of coffee, the bags under her showing her lack of sleep, looking up she gave him a weary half smile not sure of her son’s mood. They were quiet for some time, both waiting for the other to start talking, ‘mum’, he said gesturing to a chair asking for permission to stay, sitting down when she nodded, ‘I’m sorry, I…, I shouldn’t have taken it out on you’, he knew he needed to tell her the truth, well mostly, stalling to gauge her reaction before he continued, she smiled wearily again with sadness in her eyes, ‘it’s just…, it had been a really big shock when I went to the hospital and…, saw that he was alive and I…, well I was still figuring it all out myself and…,’ he stopped there remembering how he felt that night in the hotel when had found out Robert was alive, for he felt after when he was alone. Chas saw that her son was struggling to say what he needed to so decided to help him along, ‘and what love, you can talk to me you know that’, he couldn’t look at her now, but he had to tell someone and that someone wasn’t Robert he had his own worries, so he continued watching his hands as they played with each other, ‘well it’s…,’, he took a deep breath, it was now or never, ‘it’s…, if I didn’t take it out on someone else then I would have taken it out on myself and.., and I don’t know how far I would have gone and that scared me, I’m sorry it was you’, the last words a whisper as he started to cry remembering that night, the feel of the strokes he made against his thighs making new scars. If it hadn’t been for Grace slamming on the bathroom door open, breaking the lock then who knew if he’d be here now, she’d seen his vulnerable side but never in such depth of desperation, she’d carefully tendered to his cuts insisting on him going to hospital when one of them wouldn’t stop bleeding, he didn’t even flinch when they stitched it up, the pain releasing what he’d been feeling, there was only himself and Grace that knew about it which is why when he’d come home she’d stayed in contact to make sure he had someone to talk to when he felt like that, not that he’d told her why he’d done it, he wasn’t sure himself at the time. He knew now though it had been a mix of relief knowing Robert was alive but also the heart ache and pain he’d gone through thinking he’d lost someone he’d loved again was a lie, if they had told him from the beginning then the numerous new scars he’d accumulated may not be there, that was not the first time after he left Emmerdale he’d done it, being careful so no one cottoned on until then. He heard his mum sobbing, moving around until she was on her knees in front of him, pulling his upper body to her, she held him close, ‘I’m sorry, I’m so sorry’, she told him through her sobs, ‘I didn’t think about how all this was affecting you, and I made it worse’, she thought about how selfish she had been she’d wanted to protect him but had not thought what could be going on in her son’s mind at the time. They continued to cry in each other’s arms, ‘I nearly went for a blade, I’d…, I’d tried all the exercises Jill had taught me but none where working, so I ran instead, ran until my feet hurt so bad I could run anymore, and then the cold set in making it all feel numb’, he could feel the blade in his fingers, the way it scrapped across his skin, the need to cut deeper to release all the pent up emotions that he’d locked up inside, that urge he had locked up in a cage, rattling violently to get out until it had broken the lock, but he knew it would always be there pushing him to hurt himself somehow, he’d firmly double locked it now, yet it still rattles and bangs for release. It was a fight he had with his mind everyday with so much going on, a silent battle which was never won or lost, even if he didn’t hurt himself physically in the end he would do mentally, second guessing everything around him. ‘And now?’ Chas asked gently stroking Aaron’s hair feeling his breathing becoming more relaxed, ‘I’m fighting it mum’, he gulped as he wiped his face, ‘but it’s still there, everyday it’s pushing to get out…, and I don’t know what to do’, the last thing he wanted was for Robert to see him like this, he knew he had seen the new additions to his body but had never asked, waiting for Aaron to be ready to tell him, which he respected him for. ‘Maybe you should start to see Jill again, I know you’re the reluctant type but it might help’, she paused to let him mull it over for a minute, ‘or…, you could come to me, if not me then is there someone else you can turn to?’, he nodded thinking about it, ‘there is someone, but their working at the moment I’m not sure I can reach them’, he looked at her, went to continue but the sound of the door opening put a stop to that.

 

Cain stood there with a face like thunder, Charity rush to his side telling him to leave them alone, that she’d heard no shouting from the room so there was no need to be here, ‘I’ve just come from yours, he told me you’d be here’, he told Aaron who kept his back to his aunt and uncle, concentrating on his mum who was silently telling him everything would be okay before looking at her brother. ‘We’re fine Cain, I promise you’, she said to calm him down, it was now Aaron turned to him, his eyes red showing he didn’t want a confrontation, ‘okay’, Cain said willing to leave it for now, he turned to go, Aaron stopping him, ‘why were you at mine?’, Cain sighed, then turned back to his nephew, ‘went to see your other half, figured we’d better sort our shit out’. They all stared at him in shock, this was a first, Cain doing the running to fix a problem without violence, or had he, ‘you didn’t hurt him did you’, Aaron asked worried about what he might go home to, ‘no’, Cain said laughing, ‘we talked, nothing more….., mind you I think he’s keeping something from us, and I’d put money on it that you know more about it than you’re letting on’. It was Aaron’s turn to laugh now, covering his own back when he said, ‘what in this family, we don’t have secrets do we’, Cain gave him a suspicious look, Charity joining him, his mum just laughed at his sarcasm, ‘and why would you think that Cain?’, Chas asked, he didn’t answer, instead he ran his finger across his chest still looking at Aaron. Aaron’s face dropped following the line he was drawing, standing he told his mum thanks for listening and he’d think about what she’d said, when he reached Cain he just looked at him giving him a silent instruction and walked out the room, Cain following.


	33. We Live In The Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Robert make ways of moving on from the past

Chapter 33 – We Live In The Now

 

 

Hanging up the phone Aaron typed a text message to Robert to say he had to go somewhere and would be back home later, his talk with Cain leaving him feeling even lower having had to lie to his uncle, but it had been necessary. Getting into the car he drove off, parking half an hour later outside Jill’s office, she’d had a cancellation so he took it there and then, waiting to go in was the worst bit, part of him always felt like getting up and leaving but he remembered what Jill had said to him when he’d started to see her, asking for help is the first step to recovery, only how many times had he come back, he’d started to wonder if he would ever be in a good place with this, with himself, Robert, his family or the wanting to self-harm when he was stressed. He was startled by his name being called out, standing he walked over and entered the office, Jill saying hello as he did.

 

Leaving he felt a lot better, calmer with himself, his finger lingered over the contact for Robert, now Jacob, it stayed there for s few seconds before changing his mind, instead he scrolled up tapping on another one sending just two words, right kiss, jumping when his phone rang straight after it had been sent. ‘Hi’, he said answering the call, ‘I didn’t know if you could get in touch or not, sorry if it’s not a good time’, Grace told him it was fine, that she had just finished a case and was stuck with the paperwork then asked what was wrong, he sighed and told her everything that happened with his mum, not leaving anything out, she asked how he felt about telling her that he had thought about hurting himself even if it had been a half truth. He had to laugh at that, ‘you sound like Jill’, she asked him if he had seen her, he said yes that he had just left and was about to go home, that he just wanted to check in with her, that he couldn’t tell Jacob any of this. They spoke for a while longer, Grace then saying she had to go but text any time and she’d get back to him as soon as she could, they said their goodbyes as Aaron climbed in the car to head home, all he wanted now was to see Robert, spend time with him and move on from the issues they had had together in the past, like Jill says, the past is the past, we live in the now, move forward on to better things.

 

 

Opening the door and closing it as quietly as he could hearing Robert on the phone as not to disturb him, he stood watching him, the concentration on his face as he listened to whoever was on the other end, ‘yeah and you can sort that?’, Robert asked turning to see Aaron smiling at him waiting for him to finish the call, he smiled back, ‘okay, how long?’, Robert’s attention back to the phone, he mmmed a couple of times then, ‘I’ll start making plans then’, cheerily saying goodbye and thank you before hanging up and walking over to Aaron. ‘So’, he said giving him a quick kiss, running his hands down Aaron’s arms, ‘how was your day?’, Aaron knew that tone, he gazed into Robert’s sparkling eyes, ‘better now’, he answered pulling him into another kiss, deepening it showing Robert they were on the same page. Aaron walked Robert backwards towards the sofa pushing him down onto it, with a playful glint in his eyes as he studied Robert’s features carefully before straddling him, his hands gliding slowly through Robert’s hair as he kissed his neck, all thoughts drifting away apart from him and the beautiful man that lay beneath him. The sensation of Robert’s hands slipping under his top, tantalising fingertips working their way up over the smooth skin of his back driving him wild, he circled his tongue across Robert’s throat, angling upwards to his jawline along to his ear. ‘So’, Robert said through a whimpered moan, ‘did Cain catch up with you’, Aaron ignored the comment for a moment, ‘Do. You. Really. Want. To. Talk. About. That. Right. Now.’, he said in between kisses, then took his earlobe in his mouth gently pulling his teeth over it knowing how much Robert liked it. A sharp sexy gasp escaped Robert’s lips while his hips bucked up rubbing against Aaron’s groin, ‘well if you put it like that then….. oooh…… no’, their pleasure evident, trapped under their trousers slowly brushing together making both men moan in satisfaction. Robert arching his head back while Aaron shrouded his into Robert’s shoulder kissing through the material of his shirt, his hands gripping the sofa beneath them, Robert’s sliding down framing Aaron’s rear squeezing it as their hips played against each other, stimulating their senses making them want each other more. Both totally engrossed in their private bubble to her the turning of a key, the sound of footsteps entering through the door, ‘oh, my god’, Sam called out, ‘I’m so sorry, I’ll leave you to it’, she said blushing seeing the two men in the steamy embrace. They groaned in frustration, Aaron lifting his head to look at Robert saying later, Robert smiled back saying defiantly, sitting up they adjusted themselves accordingly, Robert placing a cushion on his lap, while Aaron crossed his legs covering them with his arms. Clearing their throats they beckoned Sam to come in from the kitchen where she had ran to, ‘what’s up Sam?’, Robert asked trying not to blush too much, turning to see Aaron who was beetroot, she sat down, she’d gone serious now, ‘yeah, well you see, I erm….., I handed my notice in today and….’, ‘what, but you love your job’, Aaron interrupted her, ‘yeah, I did, but my hearts not in it anymore, and I’ve been thinking about it for a while’, she paused for a second, ‘that wasn’t the first time I’ve been shot’, she saw their faces fill with panic and guilt, quickly she tried to reassure them, ‘it’s not your fault, either of you, it’s part of the job, I knew the risks, but three times is enough for me and I don’t want to be stuck on desk duty, I have been asked to do something before go’, the last bit directed at Robert, ‘I was wondering if I could stay here, just while I sort myself out, find a job, a place of my own, I’ve grown quite fond of the village’, her tone low and gentle like it always was. Aaron and Robert looked at each other already knowing the answer. ‘of cause you can’, Aaron said, Robert nodding in agreement, ‘we’ll talk later’, Robert told her leaving Aaron completely lost by what his fiancé had just said, Robert saw this, ‘it’s all good’, he said to Aaron, ‘there’s nothing to worry about’, that still didn’t fill Aaron with confidence, but he would leave it on the back burner for now.

 

 

They were still sat side by side a little while after Sam left, telling them she would stay the night at the b’n’b to give them some alone time, Robert’s breathing becoming shallow, his head against the back of the sofa as Aaron’s fingers tip-toed and stroked his jeans clad thigh, stretching out his own to reciprocate only for it to be battered away, Aaron wanting to give Robert all the attention he deserved. Relenting Robert lay his hands on the soft material on either side of him, fingers digging in slightly, Aaron stopping when he reached the top, for his thumb to begin sensually caress the growing bulge beneath. His other hand disentangling each button on Robert’s shirt, freeing the freckled skin underneath bit by bit, his tongue encircling each one, kissing them before moving to the next by-passing the long scar as his mouth cascaded down Robert’s chest, who rasped out Aaron’s name feeling every dance and play of the seductive lips and fingers on him, his mind melting into itself as the pleasure cells took over. ‘Shall we move this to the bedroom’, Robert rasped again, so zoned out he didn’t even know if he had said it out loud or not, ‘mmm…, we can take it where ever you want’, Aaron breathed onto his stomach then dipped his tongue into Robert’s belly button, causing him to arch his back with an elated moan, wanting more of Aaron’s touches. ‘Tonight I’m taking care of you’, Robert tried to reply only for a string of incoherent sounds to emerge, ‘bedroom then’, Aaron asked looking up seeing the shimmering lust in his partners eyes, hooded and wild they nodded a yes.

 

 

Robert awoke the next morning, a blissful smile formed from the memories of last night, he could still feel each caress, every touch of Aaron’s fingers, tongue as they opened him up, first with one finger, then two adding his tongue to the fingers as he writhed beneath him, always asking silent permission with soft eyes before each action. No words needed, only their gasps and moans of pleasure guiding them, how they’d gotten to the bed was a mystery after Aaron had slowly peeled off his jeans and underwear at the threshold of the room, he’d stayed on his knees kissing his inner thighs, held onto his hips when he took him in his mouth working slowly at first then setting a quicker pace, causing Robert to brace himself, anchoring his arms on the door frame when his knees began to buckle, his head becoming fluffy and light. Not able to hold on any longer he had slipped to the floor, Aaron never breaking contact, arching his back as Aaron swallowed all he had to give. That had been his first climax, the second coming untouched from Aaron’s fingers massaging his prostate, aloud groan elation as he’d gripped the bedding so tightly he had felt his fingernails in his palms, Aaron carrying on until he was hard again. He’d let out a whimper at the loss of Aaron’s touch when he’d lent over to get the lube and condom, he’d shaken his head, Aaron double checking he was sure about this, they were both clean having been tested a few weeks before, but had carried on using protection, Robert making the conscious decision, he wanted Aaron, just Aaron from now on. Aaron hovered above him checking again if this is what Robert wanted, his answer came in a kiss to match no other, hot and wet, Robert’s arms clamping around Aaron’s neck, pulling him down, deepening the kiss until they were skin on skin, chest to chest. Breaking the kiss when Aaron gently entered him, both grunting as their bodies moved as one, their eyes locked on each other’s, Robert’s hands moving down in a silky movement, shaping Aaron’s ass, giving it a squeeze, a silent instruction for him to go faster. They were able to read each other’s bodies, Aaron know they were both close, changing the pace too harder, deeper, his hand wrapping around Robert’s leaking member stroking it at the same rate as his thrusts, their foreheads touching, their eyes widened as they came in unison, full of love and release. A release that was the start of a new life together, void of their pasts. They smiled as they shared small, soft kisses, rolling over so they lay side by side, Robert wiping the beads of sweat from Aaron’s braw, still not a word said, none where needed, both feeling the everlasting connection of love for each other, falling asleep their arms and legs entangled, Aaron’s head on Robert’s chest.

 

Robert looked around to a peacefully sleeping Aaron, his smile widened, this was truly a new day, the giggled watching Aaron pull a face as he stretched his body, he’d seen his new scars before, thought about asking about them, but that was yesterday, the past. ‘Morning’, Aaron said in his gruff morning voice, husky and sexy to boot, he saw where Robert was looking, ‘they are the past’, he lifted his chin so he was looking at his face, ‘we live in the now, not then, not anymore’, his words soft, ‘we live in the now’, Robert repeated his words before pulling him into an embrace whispering, ‘I love you’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter, less drama and more of their connection starts here


	34. Steps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert begins his journey to reconnect to normal life

Chapter 34 - Steps

 

 

It had been a month since news of Robert’s return, the first few times he’d ventured out he’d been met with stares and whispers around him with the odd side glance as they did, making him feel uncomfortable, he’d turned tail and retreated back to the flat, hands shaking, breath short, Aaron rubbing circles on his back to reassure and calm him, the panic attacks eased each time he’d go out. This time he’d fared better, making all the way to David’s shop, entering he stayed close to Aaron nervously, the people inside falling silent at the sight of him, he wanted to run, but told himself not this time. Aaron held his hand ignoring them all, continuing to pick up the things they went in for, ‘alright lads, how’s it going?’, David asked breaking the silence, Aaron saying fine, Robert nodding his response, ‘it’s good to see you again Rober…, Jacob, sorry force of habit, I’ll have to get used to it’, Leyla said looking sheepish, Aaron squeezed his hand in support, ‘we’re going for a drink later, if you both wish to join us’, she said, her voice both upbeat and unsure at the same time, her focus solely on Robert, who said we’ll see, staring at the floor. After paying David, Aaron picked up the bag passing Vanessa and Rhone, Leo at her side saying, ‘Awon, Awon’, his arms up for a hug, Aaron reluctantly released his grip from Robert, kneeling down he squeezed his god son who let out a giggle when he tickled him, looking up at Rhona with a smile, she and Paddy were giving it another go and it seemed to be going well. He was surprised when Robert spoke, ‘Rhona, would you and Paddy like to have tea with us on night, at the pub maybe?’, Aaron looked around at his fiancé not sure if he should say something, Leo cheering at the thought of spending time with Aaron who gave him a cheeky smile. Suggesting tomorrow Rhone agreed to meet them at six, saying their goodbyes Robert ruffling Leo’s hair as they left. Aaron couldn’t help but smile, it was a step to combating Robert’s social anxiety as his counsellor would say, ‘I’m proud of you’, Aaron whispered putting his arm around his waist, ‘don’t know, got to get there first’, Robert said unsure of himself, ‘anyway they’ll find themselves something else to talk about soon enough I’m sure’, each step had been slow but he would get there, he assured himself.

 

 

They stood outside the pub the next night, the shades of oranges and reds of the sunset shining on them, Robert took a shaky breath, his anxiety building again, he’d not been here since the night Aaron went missing, remembering the chilly reception he’d gotten from Chas, if it hadn’t been for Diane and Vic being there he hadn’t of coped at all, but his concern for Aaron had outweighed all that. Chas had been round for tea a few times after that, her icy exterior had cracked a little, at least they were on speaking terms, her and Aaron were close again too, he was more open to talk to her about stuff, whatever happened between them must have been a major breakthrough Robert had thought. He felt a squeeze of his hand, tug of his arm, Aaron nodded as to say you ready, taking another breath they took the first step to the door, inside Sam sat at the bar having a drink as promised, she may have left the force but still looked out for them out of friendship, her previous role still oblivious to most. The regulars looked surprised to see them, normally it was only Aaron who came in claiming Jacob had meetings, which wasn’t a lie, he’d been really busy lately, had even been offered a job along with Sam in a new venture, one close to his heart, but he didn’t know how to tell Aaron yet so they’d kept it to themselves. Paddy saw them, they’d picked the booth by the hatch so either if either of them felt like running there was three escape routes, he waved his hand to get their attention, seeing this they made their way over slipping into the seats nodding hello. Robert didn’t really concentrate on any one, his chest tight as he tried to settle his breathing, scared that all around him was people staring and talking about him, looking down he focused on the most innocent one there, Leo looked up from what he was doing and beamed a smile at him, he smiled back feeling a little better. He heard someone call Jacob a couple of times, only then realising they were calling him, snapping his head up he saw Paddy gesturing if he wanted a drink, ‘orange…, orange juice, thanks’, his throat scratchy like it hadn’t been used for a while. It was a slow burn for the conversation to flow, Paddy and Rhona telling them how the vets practice was going, then asking Aaron how things were going at the scrapyard, Robert was unable to follow what was being said, his body was here, his mind had ran away long before, watching he could see their mouths move but it all sounded muffled, glancing around more than once, insecure about his surroundings. Jumping when Aaron’s shoulder brushed his as he talked to Leo, his mum and step-dad looking on concerned, maybe it was too soon, no he had to get past this, especially if he was considering taking a job, whatever Aaron was asking his godson he nodded pulling something out of his bag and slid it to him. ‘Hey’, Aaron said squeezing his hand to get his full attention, seeing the panic in his eyes he placed what Leo gave him in front of him, adding another item, ‘it’ll help you relax’, he whispered softly in Robert’s ear, seeing what was there he let out a small laugh, he’d done this as part of his therapy both times in the hospital, ‘it works for me’, Aaron added, nodding a thank you he began, the other adults watching not saying anything. By the time they were ready to order food Robert’s breathing had steadied, his body calmer and he conversing with Leo over what colours the spotty hippo in a sunhat was going to be, Leo winning of course, between them they had a purple hippo with green spots wearing a bright orange hay, on a blue grass plain with a red sky. ‘Perfect’, Robert said to the little boy, speaking for the first time properly, ‘now who is it?’, he asked holding the black pen ready to write, Leo signing daddy as he said it, daddy Paddy, the whole table laughed including Marlon who’d been admiring his son’s work and the interaction between the two, a grin from ear-to-ear. Too their amazement Robert signed back and for few minutes the two held a silent conversation of their own, both giggling at the end giving Aaron a smile, all but Aaron was smirking. ‘what’, Aaron said confused looking around the others, Paddy, Rhona and Marlon all starting to laugh then, ‘what’, he repeated, Rhona calmed her laughter trying to look serious, ‘Leo said your hair is like a pineapple’, ‘god I wish I knew that stuff’, he groaned feeling a little left out, Robert lent his chin on Aaron’s shoulder, ’I’ll teach you if you want’. 

 

 

They ordered their food, Aaron observed a group of women at the bar giggling amongst themselves, Kerry and Tracy with them, saying he was going to get another drink he stood next to Sam, who was now on her forth coke, ‘what’s that all about?’, he asked concerned it was to do with Robert, who’s head was in a good place right now and he didn’t want it to revert back to how it was when he came in. ‘Oh, their cooing over some builders from home farm, they came into Bob’s today from what they said’, she says shrugging her shoulders, ‘superhot Kerry thinks, but she hasn’t that greater taste if I’m honest, so how’s it with you two?’, he asked Charity for a pint wondering where his mum was he wanted to talk to her, ‘good, good’, continuing after a gulp of his drink, ‘never knew he could sign’, a gentle smile forming, ‘learn something new every day, eh’. She nodded towards Marlon carrying plates to his table, picking up his pint he headed over, tucking into their meals the subject went to Liv, Aaron saying he’d spoken to her the other day, any problems they’d had had been resolved and she was flying over soon for a visit in the summer holidays. Marlon popped his head round every now and then inquiring about his cooking, each time forcing himself not to stare at Robert wanting to say something but bottling it each time, this didn’t go unnoticed, Aaron ready the next time he did, ‘is mum in?’, he asked with a stern look, ‘no.., no, out with Jason, charity’s not too happy about it though, wanted the night off, so I would ask her if I was you’, ‘wouldn’t ask me what?’, Marlon jumped hearing the annoyed voice behind him, ‘nothing’, he said slipping back into the kitchen before he would get the wrath of Charity, who now stood in front of them sporting a somewhat fake smile. Her smile softened, the fake one for Marlon obviously, she turned her attention to Robert who’s apprehension ha spiked again thanks to the chief, she told him it was good to see him out and about, and that she was sorry for what she’d said, before going to serve Tracy and the others. Aaron rubbed his arm to get Robert in the here and now, seeing him falling back to wherever he hides in his head, looking at him bewildered, glancing down then to Aaron he said, ‘that was the past, this is the now’, hoping he’d understand it wasn’t something to be discussed, well unless absolutely necessary.

 

 

It felt like five minutes since Rhona took Leo home leaving Paddy with them, in reality it had been two hours, they’d flown by, there was not tension, no pressure, just three men enjoying a drink having a pint, Sam joining them towards the end. Robert and Aaron said their goodbyes and started to walk home, more of a stroll taking their time gazing at the stars above hand in hand. Turning so he was facing Robert, Aaron laid his free hand on his chest, ‘teach me’, he said to a puzzled Robert, ‘you know, to sign’, pulling away Robert said okay, he pointed to himself with his index finger, balling it into a fist he held it to his heart, removing it he pointed to Aaron, having watched carefully Aaron repeated it then asked what he’d just said, ‘you said what doesn’t need to be put into words, it’s in here’, he lay his hand over Aaron’s heart, then moved it to his head, ‘and in here, it’s what I see in your eyes everyday’. Aaron smiled leaning up to meet Robert’s lips, ‘it’s always good to hear though, I love you too’, kissing him once gently before they headed home again, this time arms around each other’s back, ‘you did well tonight’, Aaron said his head against Robert’s chest, Robert wearily smiled not sure that he had. Flopping on to the sofa, Robert pulled his shoes off, flexing his feet to relax, all the emotions and nervousness of the night exhausting him, Aaron fell next to him kicking off his own shoes, snuggling into him as he twisted to stretch his legs out along the sofa so Aaron could get comfortable moving one leg over Roberts, arm hugging his chest. Within ten minutes both men were asleep, waking in the early hours to find a blanket Sam had draped across them when she had come in, Aaron cuddled in tighter and closed his eyes again listening to the steady rhythm of the heart beat below, it had been one more step for Robert, a good step, he thought as he drifted back to sleep.


	35. Paying It Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert shows Aaron what he's been working on

35 - Paying It Forward

 

 

Two weeks had gone by since tea at the pub, Robert managing to go out again twice, the first to Bob’s where he sat in the corner close to the door, he’d panicked when Carly had started laughing pointing in their direction. He’d been unsteady on his feet when she started towards them, trying to make for the door, ‘oh, sorry boys’, she said with a smile before leaning over to remove something from the wall, ‘dad put this on upside down, I won’t be a minute and I’ll be out of your way’, turning the poster for seventies night in the village hall around and putting it back up. ‘You ok?’, she asked Robert who’s hands were shaking, ‘dad can you get me a glass of water please’, she called across the café, luckily they were the only ones there, Bob ran over with the glass observing Aaron whispering to Robert as he fought to breath, gently putting the water down Bob said to them to take their time, there was no rush. Touching Robert on the shoulder making him jump out of his skin, he’d stared at Bob through scared and panicked eyes, ‘sorry, sorry, we’ll leave you too it’, he directed it towards Aaron backing away slowly, taking his daughter with him. It had taken some time to calm Robert down, in the end Bob closed early, passing the keys to Aaron saying he’ll be in the pub and just to bring them in, an hour later having gotten Robert home and settled into a sleep he’d taken the keys back. Cringing when he heard his mums voice, ‘he doesn’t need everyone talking about him, so it goes no further, you hear me’, her tone domineering with an overwhelming hint of protectiveness to it, ‘mum, leave it’, he said nearing them, Carly stated they’d not told anyone, wouldn’t, Aaron gave her the keys and thanked them. ‘just look after him, he’ll get there’, Bob told him, Chas giving him evils, tilting his head he gave his mum a look making her stop, ‘I’d better get back’, Chas nodded understanding.

 

 

Robert fared better the second time, choosing the pub on a quiet night, it had been busier than the café, but escape was possible in the backroom if needed, lasting longer this time. Aaron had decided he wouldn’t drink either so they both had coke for the evening, the loud boom of laughter came from behind them, Aaron checking he was alright, even Charity glanced over to make sure, turning Aaron saw six blokes enjoying pints and chatting, one signalled to the bar, only willing to help, or snoop, Charity started pulling their drinks taking them over three at a time. Chas came through smirking at her cousin as she sat with the men, ‘so, you’ve been in a lot this week, live far?’, the taller, dark hared one looked her up and down with a grin, ‘were working up at home farm, living in as well’, he answered suggestively. Both Aaron and Robert listened in, ‘so what can you tell me about the new family?, I mean they can’t be as bad as the last two’, the dark haired one seemed to be the spokesman for the group, ‘don’t know, I just do as I’m told, the boss will be in in a minute you’ll have to ask him’, he told her. Before she could say anything else another man approached them, ’Phil, this lovely woman would like to know about who is paying us’, Charity’s attention turned to the new addition, a young man, short sandy hair stood before her, his appearance gaining a wolf whistle from Kerry at the bar, which he ignored, ‘love to tell ye, but it’s not worth my job, but here’s my business card if you ever need any work doing’, he passed her the card. Aaron squeezed past Robert saying he was going the loo, not paying attention to anybody anymore, until Charity read out the name on the card, he froze, it had to be a coincidence, ‘that’s not my name, kept the name in honour of a friend’, he said with a fond sadness, turning Aaron now saw the man, he was almost speechless. ‘Ph…, Phil’, he addressed him nervously. ‘Aaron’, Phil replied looking at him, ‘how you doing mate?’, he asked, the other builders wondering amongst themselves on how they knew each other. Robert now watched the two men talk until Aaron went to the bathroom, returning his face still damp from the water he must have splashed on it, Chas too was concerned, Charity having shown her the card, Aaron just nodded to her to say he was fine quietly sipping his drink. Robert asking if he wanted to go home Aaron held his hand saying no he would be ok, ‘Aaron…’, he was about to ask him if he wanted to talk about it, pushing his own insecurities to the back of his head, but Aaron answered before he could, ‘Phil, he worked for Jackson…, kept the business going, kept the name the same’, he didn’t need to say anything else. They sat quietly for a while, then decided to go home, Robert claiming to be up early for an appointment.

 

 

The second week Robert had cooped himself up in the flat again, constantly on his laptop with Sam when Aaron got home, by the fourth day he plucked up the courage to ask, the response he got was to be told the three of them were going for a drive. It was a short journey to their destination, getting out the car Aaron was still puzzled to why they were here, allowing himself to be dragged along, Sam ushered him inside and through to the office. A slim man sat at one of the desks, he smiled when he looked at them, curiously only Aaron getting an odd look, ‘what you two doing here?’, he asked, ‘and who’s this?’, concentrating his stare at him. ‘Travis this is Aaron, Aaron I’d like you to meet Travis, the manager here’, he let out a sigh of relief as he stood holding his hand out, ‘oh, it’s good to meet you at last’, Travis said shacking his hand, Aaron still had no idea why they were here, he glanced between three of them puzzlingly. They were offered coffee, Sam answering for all of them, saying she’d get Aaron a tea, Travis said he’d do it, it looked like they needed to talk, ‘I guess we have some explaining to do’, Robert began when the three of them were alone, ‘you think’, Aaron coughed out. ‘I work here’, Sam started, ‘and Jacob’s been offered a position too’, Aaron still puzzled shook his head trying to make head or tail of it all, what was this place going to be, Robert saw his confusion and opening a draw in a nearby desk taking out an envelope. ‘The truth is’, Robert sounded nervous, he sat on the large sofa opposite the desk asking Aaron to join him, ‘before I met Chris…, her, I had really good job, after she manipulated me to leaving it and move to that place’, he hated how weak he felt about how she’d been able to control him, ‘well.., she hid all my documents, bank cards…, everything so I couldn’t get away’, he looked down and gulped, ‘she could never access them, I’d always been careful, using passwords and that, not that she didn’t try to get them, but in the end she gave up’, Aaron saw his hands starting to shack just from talking about her, ‘so when I died the first time and the investigation started they put a hold on them so no one could gain access’. Sam interrupted saying she’d leave them be, picking up a handful of files before she left the same way as Travis, ‘anyway, after the trial they moved it to a secure, untraceable account and I got it back…., but only recently’. Aaron listened carefully not fully understanding, ‘how much?, sorry I don’t mean it like it sounds’, it out as a whisper, Robert thought before saying, ‘I know you don’t, there’s enough to be comfortable, plus….’, this was the bit he didn’t like to think about, ‘because they admitted to forcing me into it…, well…, they were ordered to pay compensation to those that are still alive and the families of those who…, are not’. At first he hadn’t wanted the money, it felt like dirty money, ‘but they could find…’, ‘Aaron, it was done confidentially, they will never know’, he fell silent for a moment, ‘I don’t want the money myself, so I put it into this place’, he said looking around the office, Aaron stared in shock, ‘you own…’, ‘no Aaron, we own’, he said pulling out the deed and showing it to him, both their names on it. Aaron covered his mouth with his hand not knowing what to say, ‘we won’t be living here, I’ve given the use of the whole place to the organisation Travis works for, they…, they helped me a lot before the trial and I’d rather use the money on something like this’, shaking his head Aaron asked what it would be used for. ‘You understand I put a lot of thought into this’, Aaron nodded, ‘it will be another base for survivors UK, after I gave my statement they first offered me, the police that is, some leaflet, organisations they thought would be able to help and support me, I rejected them. It sounds stupid because I’d just told them everything, but I still felt ashamed, still do sometimes’, Robert sighed thinking if he’d only gotten the help then then maybe things may not have escalated the way they had. ‘So, when I was away, for use of a better term’, he tilted his head, ‘I found it hard to cope, not just with that…, but with what happened to you and Sam…, even Katie. I felt so guilty about it all’, Aaron went to speak, stopping when Robert raised his hand, ‘Aaron, I felt it was all my fault’, all the what if’s came to the forefront of his mind, what if he never married her, never asked to leave, would he still be alive, be in jail for prostitution or have ended it once and for all the way he’d thought about more than a few times during that time. He fell silent for a while, only starting again when Aaron squeezed his hand, encouraging him to continue, ‘so when I “died”, so to speak, I was so alone, moving from place to place, I had Mike and you here and suddenly I had no one, you understand’, Aaron nodded wiping a tear away from his eye, of course he understood, it had been the same for him. Robert took a deep breath, ‘it was the fifth or sixth move, oh I can’t remember which, my depression was really, really bad then, I’d managed to hid it until then, they suggested I talk to someone, but with all the constant moving I didn’t see how that was possible’, he looked from the floor to Aaron, ‘I did though, I asked for help after saying no, it surprised me that they gave counselling over the phone, so…, once a week, same day, same time they rang and it helped, it helped a lot’, he smiled to say to Aaron he was ok. ‘When it was coming up to the trial they helped me prepare for it, talked me through the process, attended any further interviews and were there at court with me’, Robert looked around the office again not sure wither to continue, seeing his fiancé so upset. ‘I would have been there if I could, you know that’, Aaron said fighting back more tears, ‘I know’, Robert says wiping away Aaron’s tears that broke free, ‘part of me wanted you to be, but I wasn’t ready to tell those closest to me everything, I’m still not, but one day I will be’, he smiled sadly hoping Aaron would understand, ‘survivors listened to me, supported me emotionally, they were my life line, I wasn’t alone anymore, this is my way of paying it forward’, he waited for Aaron to speak, unsure what he’d say, this made him even more nervous. Embracing Robert Aaron whispered, ‘I think you are the most wonderful man I’ve ever met’, he sniffed through the tears, ‘we own home farm and it will be used for good’, it wasn’t a question, more of a statement, ‘yes it will, come on I’ll show you round and explain it all properly’.

 

 

Composing himself Aaron stood up, he too had been given information when he’d gone to the police about Gordon, but like Robert had refused it, he’d started seeing Jill when he’d realised how worried his family was, only then recognising he’d needed help for himself as well as them. ‘Let’s go’, he followed Robert out of the office, stopping at the lounge, on the way Robert explain how the kitchen and dining room would remain the same, pointing into the lounge he was told how it would be used for just that, apart from when it would be closed off for group sessions. They never ventured upstairs but Robert went on saying how three of the bedrooms would remain for emergency stays, home farm would be open 24/7, a safe haven for those who needed it on his request, the rest converted to offices for individual counselling. When they walked around the house they stepped outside, Robert taking him to the stables and out buildings, the construction work still in progress, ‘I requested this too, the stables are to be converted into a physio unit, I’ll be using it myself…, I didn’t know who’d gotten contracted to do the work, I’m sorry’, Aaron said it was ok, he was happy the firm was still going. ‘And those?’, Aaron asked pointing to the two other buildings nearby, ‘those will be used for art therapy’, Aaron smiled, proud of what Robert was doing, out of the corner of his eye he saw another section under construction and asked about them, ‘oh, they will be staff accommodation, when needed, ones already taken’. Aaron looked questioningly at him, a query running through his head, ‘what about security?’, Robert opened his mouth to answer, a voice behind them doing it instead, ‘that’s where I come in’, turning they saw Sam smiling, more files in hand, she asked Robert if she could have a word, making their way back inside, Aaron said he’d let them get on with whatever it was going to the kitchen to get the tea he never got. Back in the office Sam handed Robert the top file, opening it he looked at her after reading the contains, ‘right’, he tapped his finger on his lips thinking, ‘and?’, he asked, Sam shook her head, Robert not sure if he should ask why.


	36. Unwanted Gift

Chapter 36 - Unwanted Gift

 

 

Home farm was due to open in two days, the past two months had been hard work but it had been worth it, Sam had moved into her accommodation last week, all staff positions had been filled bar the ground keeper. Many had applied with no one suitable among them, given the nature of the work going to be done there rigorous police checks where done on all that applied, Sam, Robert and Travis sat with the last five CV’s to go through, Robert blow a breath out, he felt like banging his head on the desk. ‘Did any of them clear the checks?’, Travis asked Sam rubbing his neck, they’d spent the last few days working long hours to ensure everything else was ready, ‘should get them back tomorrow, I think we should call it a night, got a party to go to haven’t we’, she said nudging Robert who groaned at the thought. Socially he had gotten a lot better, but the thought of tonight, being placed centre stage filled him with dread, he and Aaron had sat their families down last week and announced their engagement, his family were overjoyed, well they already knew so acted along, the Dingles however had been very unsure when hearing the news, Aaron having to spent the next two days reassuring his mum that this was a good thing, that he was happy. Finally they came round to the idea, though Cain did tell Robert that if he ever hurt Aaron there would be hell to pay, so in true Dingle fashion Chas organised a party for them both, well insisted, both men saying no at first, succumbing to it when all the Dingles and Vic kept going on about it. ‘An evening with family and future in-laws, can’t be that bad surely’, Travis said to him, but there was the problem, it wouldn’t be all the family, Robert wished his brother could be there as well, Diane and Vic had tried in vain to contact him but it looked like he had changed his number, it killed him that he couldn’t give them his new one, that he had seen it but that would break confidentiality.

 

 

A couple of hours later Aaron and Robert were getting near the entrance to the pub, ‘ready?’, Aaron asked looking at a nervous Robert who was playing with his engagement ring, ‘Robert’, he said bring him out of his thoughts, ‘you ready, we can be late’. Taking Aaron’s hand he shook his head, ‘no, but let’s go anyway’, taking a deep breath they went in, Congratulations’, they all chimed on seeing them, they didn’t let go of each other’s hands as they walked deeper into the sea of people, all there for them. Aaron shuddered when he realised the layout of the bar seemed familiar, it was the same as his dream that cold night, the banner, Vic running in and out with food, everyone with happy smiles for them, all except Cain, he stood at the bar with a stern look on his face warning Robert again. Later when they both started to relax they finally separated, each talking to different groups, Aaron staying within sight of Robert, glancing over every now and then to make sure he was alright, Charity came through from the back room, a long wrapped up box in her hands and called them both to the bar with an amused grin, others followed to see what it was. ‘This is for the two of you, well manly Aaron but you might like it too Jacob’, they looked at each other puzzled, neither sure what she meant, tearing the paper to find a black box with a silver trim, Aaron opened the gift slowly, closing it quickly when they both saw what was inside. He turned to Robert whos eyes were filled with panic, his breathing laboured as he stepped back with a wobble from the bar, ‘look at me’, Aaron said to him, arms out but not touching, ‘breath with me, in and out’, Robert tried but had become dizzy, unable to concentrate on what he was being told, Aaron’s voice muffled when he spoke to someone else. The next thing he knew Diane and Vic were on either side of him, their touch making him jump as he still struggled to breath, he saw Aaron give Diane something through fuzzy eyes as the two women guided him into the backroom. Aaron glared at Charity now, waited until Robert was gone before speaking, ‘what the fuck Charity’, he said throwing the box at her, it fell to the floor, the unwanted gift falling out for all to see, his anger over flowing, it was a good job she was on the other side of the bar. ‘What’, she said in shock, ‘thought it would be a laugh, ye’ know, you whipping him into shape’, Cain held him back dragging him towards the exit, Charity picked up the whip and held it in the air, ‘come on, it was a joke’. 

 

 

Outside Cain reluctantly realised Aaron, watched him pace back and forth his hands balled into fists as he blew out his breaths trying to calm down, ‘Aaron’. Cain said carefully, Aaron stared at him for a second then stormed off down the side of the pub, Cain running after him, afraid what he might do, he was right to be afraid, when he caught up with him he grabbed his arm before his fist made contact with the hard stoned wall of the pub. He knew Aaron, the more stressed or angry he was the more likely he was going to self-harm, swinging him around he drew him into him, wrapping his arms around him like a protective sheath. ‘This won’t help him, you need to be strong for him, by hurting yourself you’ll hurt him’, Cain said in a soothing tone, Aaron’s body went limp melting into his uncle’s hug, his mind went back to last month when Robert asked him to go to one of his sessions, there he’d said he was ready to tell him what May had done to him. He’d listened on silence as Robert told him every deplorable act he’d had to injure at the hands of that man and the one they hadn’t found, his tears hadn’t stopped that day, even when they’d gotten home his eyes would well up again. They’d sat in silence for a long time before Robert broke it asking Aaron if he was okay, Aaron replied saying, ‘shouldn’t I be asking you that’, he was brought back the present by Cain’s voice repeating, he’ll be okay, just be there for him, Aaron disconnected from his uncle, it was only then he realised he was crying as he stared at Cain through watery eyes wondering if he knew. ‘That’s how he got the scars isn’t it?’, I saw both your reactions to the whip’, Cain said concerned about both his nephew and Robert, true he was wary of Robert but after what he’d just seen the mental realisation that both men had ghosts in their past. Aaron blinked and wiped his eyes before saying he had to go check on him and walking away, the fact that Aaron couldn’t look at him told him the answer to his question, ‘I’ll take that as a yes’, he said to himself sadly.

 

 

Aaron opened the back door as not to spook Robert, his medication must have kicked in, he was curled up on the sofa asleep, Diane and Vic keeping a close watch over him, clearly upset themselves, if not confused. Ignoring Vic’s worried call to him he knelt by Robert stroking his hair, reassuring his sleeping partner that he was okay, stopping when he felt a hand on his shoulder, he’d been so focused on him that the world around had disappeared, so he hadn’t noticed his mum enter the room, when he did he wondered how long she had been there. ‘I’ll grab some blankets, stay here tonight’ he nodded, there was no way of waking him up now and wouldn’t even if he could, ‘what about Charity?’, he asked his mum, if Robert woke and saw her he might panic again. ‘What about Charity’, Charity said standing in the doorway, ‘I live here’, ‘not tonight you don’t’, Cain said appearing behind her dragging her away, all her protests being ignored by the head of the family. Tugging Vic’s sleeve Diane said they should leave them be, but Vic held fast, ‘what triggered it?’, she asked her tone insisting on an answer, Diane again telling her to leave it, she wanted to know herself but she felt now wasn’t the time, ‘no’, Vic cried, ‘Aaron, answer me. Aaron sighed, looked at the floor then to her, ‘I don’t know’, he lied, ‘it happens sometimes, he…’, ‘don’t lie to me Aaron Dingle, I know you too well’, she was still het up but calmer than before, it was his mum that saved him bring in the blankets, passing on to Aaron guessing he’d probably sleep on the floor, if he slept at all, covering Robert with the other one careful not to make physical contact as she did, then asked Vic quietly if she would help clear the food away in the bar. Leaving Diane with Aaron, leaving Robert’s side reluctantly he joined her at the table, his hands shook nervously knowing there was nothing he could do to help until he woke up. He zoned out again, the sound of the cup being placed on the table pulling him back to reality, ‘I know you have questions’, he said to her picking up the cup, eyes on Robert as he did, ‘your right I do, but right now I need to know if you’re alright’, she said softly resting her hand on his arm, putting the cup down he looked at her. He sighed, ‘he spent nearly a year hiding, being moved in the shadows, he…’, ‘Aaron I asked are you alright, I now he’s been through a lot, but so have you, you can’t be strong for him all the time’, her heart felt words brought tears back to his eyes, ‘hey, come here’, she said pulling him into her as he began to weep, ‘I hate seeing him like this’.

 

 

Groaning Robert held his head as he woke up, it felt like he had been hit by a bus, panicking when he suddenly remembered the box and the whip, the dark room he was in surrounding him, suffocating him, he sucked the air with all his might but his windpipe wouldn’t allow him to take in what he needed. His head became fuzzy, unfocused again, he reached out with both hands furiously trying to grab onto something, anything solid to help regain the focus he needed, when strong arms braced him he tried to concentrate on the muffled voice speaking softly in his ear, it’s words not making sense to begin with as hands rubbed circles on his back. He wanted to pull away unsure of who held him, the words started to become clearer slowly, it was Aaron, his soothing tone telling him he was all right, that he had him, that no one was going to hurt him. ‘A…, Aaron’, he managed to strangle out from his tight dry throat, ‘Aaron’, this time a little louder, ‘shhh…, I got you’, Aaron soothed stroking the back of his head with one hand, the other continuing to rub circles on his back feeling Robert’s breathing ease against his chest until he drifted back off to sleep. 

 

 

It was the aroma of coffee filling the room that awoke him, rubbing his eyes to see Chas reading the paper, ‘Chas’, he said startling her, ‘oh god, you made me jump’, she said looking at him her hand to her chest, ‘how are you feeling? Would you like a drink?’, the first question he wasn’t sure of the answer, for the second one he just said, water please. Sitting up to drink it he felt the cold air hit his legs, ‘where are my jeans?’, he asked covering his legs with the blanket, ‘and where’s Aaron?’, his voice a little panicked now, it was uncomfortable to be alone with her especially after last night. She simply pointed to the chair near the sofa where they where folded, ‘Aaron had to pop to work, didn’t want to wake you’, hearing the word work he quickly grabbed them hurrying to pull them on, ‘I’ve got to go, there’s too much to be done’, he said trying to stand, becoming dizzy he fell back onto the sofa, ‘no, no’, Chas started, going over to him, ‘Aaron’s sorted it, whatever it is, your fine’, she rubbed his back once she’d passed him the water from the table, ‘plus it’s nearly one o’clock’. ‘Hey your up’, Aaron observed from behind the two, ‘feel like heading home or do what to wait for a bit?’, all Robert wanted to do was go home but wasn’t sure if his head and legs would allow him, ‘in a bit’, he replied wobbly, Chas moved out of the way and watched as her son sat next to him, hand stroking his arm and decided to give them some room saying she’ll get Marlon to rustle something up for them, Robert asking for nothing to heavy and thanked her, not just for the food but for understanding of the entire attack, letting him stay, looking out for him when she didn’t have too, all conveyed in two words. Marlon had brought in soup for them both, which at the moment was all Robert could handle, he’d been given a couple of pints last night, that mixed with the meds turning his stomach, they heard Chas’s voice boom through the bar, it sounded like something about an apology, when Charity entered, hands up in surrender. ‘Ok, I’, sorry, I forgot how uncomfortable you are with large crowds, I didn’t mean for you to have an attack. I am really, really sorry’, there was no twist in her voice, if anything she was being completely genuine, Robert stopped Aaron from speaking with a look, ‘it’s fine, he said looking at his food relieved that that was what she thought it was about, ‘none of us knew it would happen’. She smiled asking if he was alright now, he nodded yes still not looking at her, raised voices from the bar caught all their attention, whoever it was angry, confused, Charity opened the door to go see making the voice clearer, they all stared at each other in shock, ‘where’s Robert, where’s my brother’, they heard.


	37. Other’s Past Can Hurt Too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been awhile, life, work and other stuff getting in the way

Chapter 37 – Other’s Past Can Hurt Too

 

 

Diane felt relief flow through her after reading Chas’s text, instantly grabbing her stuff to head over to the pub, meeting Vic an equally relieved Vic on the way, yet Vic was still determined to get some answers from both men not really believing Aaron. ‘Go easy when you see them, I know you want answers but we’ll get them when he’s ready’, Diane told her hoping she would listen to her, ‘yeah, but Aaron knows more than he’s letting on, I just know it’, Vic said her posture becoming stiff. Diane stopped and turned to her halting her mid-step, ‘you know Aaron, I know Aaron, you push him too far and what does he do?’, Vic sighed in the knowledge her step-mum was right, her friend bottles things up so tight that when it becomes too much he never takes it out on anyone, never just screams out into the air in frustration, he’d do much worse and she never wanted him to do that to himself ever again, ‘alright, I’ll leave it’. When they got to the pub they saw Chas shouting at Charity as she went through to the back, breathing in and smiling when she noticed them, ‘how is he?’, Vic asked, ‘and what was that about?’, Chas motioned them to the quiet end of the bar, only because the local gossips where on the other side, all morning they’d constantly been enquiring in their own way about the events of the previous night. ‘He’s okay, but tired, got some soup for him so he’s eating which is a good thing, and Charity, well she’s saying sorry, she’d better be anyway’, glancing over her shoulder when she said the last bit, ‘and so she should’, Diane remarked, she softened her tone when she changed the subject from Charity to the boys, ‘we’ll give them some time to eat then go through if that’s alright’, Chas nodded her answer while she stepped away to serve Rodney. ‘What the hell is going on’, the raised voice came from the front door causing everyone to stare, they were all god smacked, especially Diane and Vic, Andy stormed over to them shaking with, was it anger, was he upset they couldn’t tell between the two, ‘I went to…, to the graveyard, went to see my wife and…’, his chest raising and falling so fast he looked like he could faint at any moment, ‘WHERE’S ROBERT?’, he yelled at them, ‘WHERE’S MY BROTHER?’, he was panting hard now, Diane held him by both arms telling him to calm down, trying to figure out how to explain the whole thing. Chas had already made her way to the backroom to warn them only to bump into Aaron, ‘he’s gone up to my old room, I’m gonna talk to Andy, but no one says anything yet’, he whispered instructively then started walking again until he reached the Sugden’s. Andy yanked him by his shirt hissing, what the hell is going on, holding his stare with him for a long time, letting go forcing Aaron to stumble backwards trying to get his balance when Diane and Vic repeatedly told him to, Chas readied herself in the hatch to jump in when Aaron held his hands up to stop her, they may have broken physical contact but their stare was another thing.

 

Suggesting quietly that they all sit down and not cause a scene, not that that hadn’t happened already, Aaron pointed to the booth beside them, smoothing his top down he sat next to Vic, the silenced room eager to hear his response, ‘there was some vandalism at the graveyard, the headstone away being repaired’, hiding the shake in his voice very well, ‘where have you been Andy?, People have been worried about you’, he asked in the hope of changing the subject. Around them the others started mumbling amongst themselves, which didn’t go unnoticed, Aron broke their stare glancing to Diane and Vic to back him up, they did but Vic couldn’t look at her brother, ‘don’t lie to me and don’t try to change the subject’, this hiss aimed at the three of them. ‘Well if we could have gotten in contact with you then we would have told you, but no you had to go and change your number on us’, Vic retaliated, ‘too many people have left me, did you not think I’d…, we’d be worried’, yet again changing the subject back to Andy who seemed hollow, shrinking back in the seat seeing the hurt in his sister’s eyes, ‘I’m sorry’, he whispered realising what he had done to her. ‘Sorry, don’t you dare say you’re sorry, for all we knew you were…’, Aaron placed his hand on her arm calming her, his engagement ring catching the light and Andy’s attention, ‘I see it didn’t take you long to get over him’, his gaze going from the ring to Aaron, a bitterness in his tone, ‘so where is he, this…, this piece of fluff your marrying, so much for loving my…’, ‘Andy leave him alone’, Diane interrupted him, ‘come on, come to mine and cool off’, her matriarchical tone somehow altering her step-son’s stance, so-much-so he stood and walked out the bar closely followed by her, ‘what are we going to do?’, Vic asked sighing. 

 

 

The smell of coffee filled the living room, seeing Robert drinking the last of it and folded his arms around his shoulders, ‘we need to sort this out’, he said carefully, Robert shook his head, ‘not right now, I have to get to work Travis is picking me up’, his voice a mix of uncertainty and fear. Aaron sighed, ‘okay’, he kissed him on the cheek, ‘but we have to tell him before someone in the village does’, Robert looked around his uneasy smile saying I know, ‘I’ll talk to Vic, see how she thinks we should handle him’, he was given a look, ‘we need to know if he’s calmed down or not and take it from there, you know I’m right’. Robert’s phone bleeped, ‘Travis is outside, do what you have to do’, with that he stood, grabbed his coat and left leaving Aaron alone and worried.

 

 

Vic was due to arrive any minute, Aaron busied himself making a pot of tea for them both, he’d just put it on the coffee table when she knocked on the door, ‘how was he this morning?’, she asked, Aaron shrugged his shoulders, ‘distant’, it was the best word he could use to describe it, ‘and Andy?’. ‘Well…’, she began nervously before getting detracted by her phone, she showed him it was Andy and told him to be quiet and she would put it on speaker, ‘Andy you left early are you okay?’, she was concerned, he’d gone when she’d called in to Diane’s finding a note saying he was going to clear his head and he needed to see about something, ‘yeah sorry about that just needed to think, I mean how could he get over him so easily if he claimed he loved him so much’. Vic gave Aaron apologetic eyes, he held his hand over his mouth before he could say something, scream how much he does love him, that he plans on spending the rest of his life with him, ‘are you on your way back or sorting that thing out?’, whatever this thing was, she was going to ask him last night but he never seemed to calm down, ‘I applied for a job a while ago, never got past the first hurdle, I mean it’s the perfect job and it would’ve meant I’d have job to come home to’, he sighed, ‘since when do you need a security escort to get into home farm, must be some weird owners’. Aaron had been staring at the table listening, but hearing that he jumped up and grabbed his keys off the kitchen table then frantically sent a text, Vic wondered what was wrong with him, he beckoned for her to go with him and not to hang up, ‘hang on I think someone’s coming…, no sorry thought I heard footsteps , yeah so now I’m locked in home farm office waiting, come on I now the area like the back of my hand, I can do the job in my sleep, are you in a car?’, Andy asked hearing the engine start. ‘Ad…, Adam forgot his lunch, I’ve got you on speaker’, she replied copying what Aaron mouthed to her as he started speeding along the road, Andy laughed on the other end of the line, ‘Idiot, tell me why you married him again? Joking sis’, she laughed back, be it nervous one. ‘You alright?’, Andy asked, ‘yeah, yeah I’m fine’, she tried to keep her tone controlled, especially since it seemed Aaron could gain access to home farm with ease, having simply waved a card and security allowed him through the gates. ‘Listen I’d best go, promise me you won’t go mental if you don’t like what you hear from them’, Andy said he promised and hung up. Jumping out of the car Aaron hastened his steps towards the backdoor Vic calling after him as she tried to catch up, grabbing the door before it closed behind her, once inside she tried to get his attention again but saw that he had his mobile clutched to his ear cursing when it went to voice mail again. ‘Hey, what are you doing here?’, the familiar voice asked from the dining area, to her surprise Vic looked around to see Sam stood there, ‘Vic why are you here?’, Sam asked, before she could answer they heard shocked shouting from the office all three ran straight in. ‘Andy, please just calm down’, they heard Robert gasp, when the two men came into view Sam instantly pulled Andy off his brother who was pinned to the wall. Aaron went to Robert asking if he was okay, Vic on the other hand was torn, on one side there was Robert hurt holding his throat and the other was Andy who must have reacted to seeing his not so dead brother. ‘Is this why…, is this why I didn’t get the job? Because of him’, he yelled at Sam then turned his attention to Robert, ‘you hate me that much do you’, he said, ‘I didn’t know you applied here, no one told me’, sipping the water Aaron had gave him afterwards, play dumb, he thought. He’d known he’d not gotten past the police checks but not why, ‘Sam?’, Robert asked trying for confused although some of his pleas for help may have slipped through also. She turned to Andy, keeping her tone professional when she suggested they speak about the matter in private, for some reason he just laughed surprising everyone until he became serious again, ‘no, they can stay, it’s probably my dead brothers fault anyway’, giving Robert an evil glare as he said it who stayed perfectly in control even though he just wanted to shrink into his fiancés arms. ‘Are you sure, because I can assure you he had nothing to do with it, I never given told him you applied for the position, I would have if you had gotten to the interview stages’, Sam softened her tone now, ‘so I’ll ask you again, do you want to do this in private?’ Andy looked at her questioningly, if what she said was true and it didn’t have anything to do with Robert then what, he racked his brains for any other possible reason a light bulb shone bright in his mind before fading to sadness. ‘Was it because of Jo?’, Sam nodded, Vic and Aaron looked shocked and Robert utterly confused, who was Jo he thought, ‘yes’, Sam confirmed finally, ‘we can’t employ anyone with that type of conviction, I’m sorry’. Robert’s head was in a spin trying to put together the snippets of information he had just heard, ‘conviction? Jo? What…’, ‘I don’t get why that stopped me from getting the ground keepers job, I’ve changed, gotten help, I don’t understand’, Andy’s voice was full of regret and sadness, it made no sense to him. ‘What conviction? Who’s Jo?’, Robert spoke up having found his voice, all faces where on him now, Sam was surprised he didn’t know about it, Vic was worried about how he would react, Aaron held his hand worried the same as Vic, he’d only ever heard rumours and thought the Andy he knew was never capable of such a thing but some said the same thing about Gordon when it had all come out, but the Andy stood in front of him now, his eyes were filled with regret a single tear falling down his face. There was silence for some time, the air thick and full of emotions mixing and swirling together, ‘well is anyone going to tell me?’, Robert spit out hating the silence, Andy did his voice quivering as he did, ‘she erm…, Jo was my wife’, he gulped thinking about how he had hurt her, ‘I was in a bad place and I…, I hurt her, I hurt her badly’, Vic stepped closer to him stroking his arm telling him that that was the past, how he wasn’t that person anymore and he’d never hit anyone like that again.

 

Robert stood quickly forcing his hand out of Aaron’s, a million and one thoughts, questions buzzing around his head, ‘did you hit her? beat her? To what, to an inch of her life? Manipulate her into thinking it was all her fault?’, His sole glare on his brother who starred at the floor guiltily, Robert’s face dropped, ‘was it more than that, did you ra…’, the word choked him, surely Andy couldn’t be capable, he gulped, ‘did you force her to do things she didn’t want to do’. He waited for a response fists clenched at his side he could hear Vic imploring him to stop, he ignored her, ‘did you force her?’, he yelled at Andy, ‘she was my wife I would nev…’, Robert interrupted him, ‘was there ever a time that she said no but you carried on anywhere? That she pleaded with you to stop’, images flashed in his mind, of Chrissie, of the many men that had used him without any consideration of his pleas for them to stop, the tears and regret on Andy’s face gave him all the answers he needed, ‘get out, get off the property and out of my life’, he wasn’t shouting anymore, there was sorrow in his voice, sorrow that his brother was the one thing he hated most in the world, a rapist.


	38. Flood Gates

Chapter 38 – Flood Gates

 

Andy just stood there shaking not able to physically move, the words his brother streamed at him zooming around his thoughts, he’d changed he wasn’t that person anymore, did he beat her, force her? The guilt ate him up. He noticed that Vic had backed away from him tears threatening to spill from her eyes, ‘he got help Robert, look at him…, he regrets what he did to Jo, he was ill’, she held Robert’s arm to make him listen, he shrugged it away, ‘he’s not May’, Robert shivered at the name, ‘he won’t hurt you or anyone else like that again’. Andy watched their exchange, Vic was defending him yet she couldn’t look at him, nor Aaron for that matter who stayed close to Robert but know better that to touch him, what she’d said had someone hurt his brother like that? He gulped trying to find the right words but could find none. ‘No he’s not like him, that thing was sadistic out to hurt people for the fun of it, he’s…, he’s…, he’s just like her’, the flood gates opened releasing all of Robert’s pent up emotions, gushing them out all at once, he knew he’d said too much even with that little bit of information, it was too late it all came flooding out, ‘she?’, Vic whispered the question, again Robert ignored her, ‘she said it was my fault, how I disappointed her when I said no, so-much-so she beat me, punched me, kicked me, dug her…’, he closed his eyes tight fighting to rid himself of the memories, ‘dug her heels into my skin telling me over and over how I brought it on myself’, his own tears ran free, ‘and I believed it at the time, believed that I had to do what she wanted when she wanted it, but now I know I did it out of fear, of her, her father and what would happen if I didn’t’. Aaron was calling his name begging him to stop, he couldn’t he had to let it all out, ‘the beatings got worse every time I said no, after two years she’d had enough, said she’d let me leave but not before setting me up with May, I was meant to die there and some days I wished I had’, throughout he stared at his brother, ‘your just like her, a manipulate piece of shit’. Andy fell to his knees still crying, Robert was right no matter how much help he’d got he’d still done those unforgivable things to Jo, but who was Robert talking about, ‘who was she?’, he whimpered out seeing the pain clear on Robert’s face, ‘Robert, no’, Aaron said holding his face in his hands, eyes pleading him not to answer knowing the relationship between the brothers would be unfixable if their lie was exposed. He looked into the gentle pleading blue eyes, touching forehead against his tasting the salt water on his lips, ‘I can’t lie anymore’, he whispered, ‘there’s too many secrets, too many lies, I can’t live with it anymore’, Aaron smiled wearily mouthing okay if you’re sure letting go of him sliding his hands away understanding. ‘What secrets, what lies? Who…’, Vic inquired quietly not knowing what to think, Robert looked at her sadly, ‘my wife’, it was less than a whisper but loud enough for them to hear. He regretted it from the second the words slipped from his mouth, he should have listened to Aaron and not said any of it, the looks he gained from his brother and sister told him that for a start, the twisted feeling in his stomach only added to it, hr felt like retching, felt the colour fading from his face, his bravery lost in that very moment.

 

 

He wished he had Harry Potter’s cloak of invisibility, be able to disappear, hide from the world around him, runaway from the pain he felt deep in his soul, soul what soul, that had been ripped away from him years ago kicking and screaming, but deep down he knew running wasn’t the answer, that it would still be there burning into every molecule of his being no matter where he was. He fought to push past the despair that was starting to surround him, suffocating him away from reality, tried to focus on the voices calling his name, there was too many, taking a deep breath he clawed his way through the murky cloud, pushing aside all but one voice, clinging to it for dear life until the cloud dispersed making his vision clearer, faces unscrambled in front of him. Then he felt it, the thick wod of card and paper in his hands, curling it paper cuts be damned, he gripped it tight, the physical bridge between the real world and the recesses of his mind, focus, he thought, listen to it, the sweet deep voice that could always now bring him back from the brink. Blinking he saw the book strangled in his hands, the pages worn and battered, it’s spin creased from it numerous use, he remembered Aaron picking it up once saying he’d get him a new copy, the pages having started to fall out of this one, he’d flat out refused explaining it was this that first let him detach from the lock box in his mind, allowing him to break free from it in a way. He’d found it hard at first ti find the words when he’d asked why this particular book, the only explanation was that it was about someone who had been neglected, abused and found a new path once he left that environment, yes he’d still had new problems, challenges ahead of him but with support from his , wsnew friends, new family really they saw it through together no matter what was being thrown at them and that was what he himself had now, his dark past still loomed over him but with his support network he was getting there. In a sense home farm had become his Hogwarts, his new start in life a way of helping others through their own demons, his trail of thought broken by a sole soothing voice asking if he was back with him, looking to see Aaron knelt before him, he nodded, only then realising he was sitting down, he didn’t remember sitting down, how did he get there, ‘they’ve all gone, it’s just you and me’, Aaron’s voice soothed again, again he nodded finding it hard to speak, Aaron made no attempt to touch him only his calming tone reassuring him he was okay, was going to be okay so he reached out carefully placing one hand on Aaron’s leaning forward so their foreheads touched he breathed out a long slow breath.

 

 

Walking into the pub Aaron headed straight to his mum, it had been two days since home farm, two days without a run in with any Sugden’s other than Vic who knew better now, so she only asked how Robert was doing, not that he was actively avoiding them he just hadn’t seen them. ‘Hey mum’, he said nodding his head when she showed him the pint glass, ‘spoke to Liv today, she’s flying over next week’, she smiled thankful that Aaron was going to spend time with his sister. ‘So’, she said, ‘are we going to have a family get together then?’, her hope was to redo the failed engagement party on a smaller scale with no surprises that would hurt either her son or son-in-law to be. Aaron mulled it over saying possibly if it was at Lisa’s away from prying eyes, ‘I was wondering if she could stay here the first few nights, let them meet first, yeah know, I don’t want it to be too full on for them at the start’, Chas understood what he was saying. Liv could be full on and she knew how Robert could react to that so she said she would love to have her, from what she’d heard she’s grown up a lot since she’d seen her last. She remembered how much Liv had worried when Aaron disappeared, ringing every day to see if there had been any news of him, ‘in coming’, she warned gesturing towards the door. Glancing around he rolled his eyes when Andy and Diane approached the bar, he’d seen Diane having stern words with Andy before they neared, heard Andy simply say he wasn’t going to cause trouble, ‘on your own today?’, Diane asked him, he told them Jacob was in meetings today, be it the meeting he was to supposed to have two days ago, he thought to himself. Andy snorted when he said Jacob, all three shooting a hardened look his way, finishing his pint Aaron told his mum he’d bring Liv’s stuff straight here from the airport, ‘that’s fine love, I’ll sort out with Lisa about the other thing’, pulling his coat on to leave Andy grabbed his arm, he couldn’t help but flinch when he did, ‘can we have a word, in private’, so much for not wanting to cause trouble, Aaron thought.

 

Asking if they could use the backroom Aaron lead the way feeling dubious about how this chat would go, making sure to keep a large space between them he sat at the kitchen table while Andy paced in front of the sofa playing with his hands not avoiding but not really making eye contact with the other man. The silence was stifling, the air thick, Aaron grew frustrated with this rolling his eyes he spoke first, ‘you wanted a word so talk already, I have things to do’, Andy searched the carpet like he was waiting for some sort of inspiration to flow into him, he really wasn’t sure how to start now he was here, there was so much he wanted, no needed to know. ‘What he said before…’, ‘before Rob shut down, he has a name you know’, Aaron’s tone was that of someone chastising a child, Andy was shaken by it, ‘s…, sorry, Rob, Jacob whatever he’s going by now, what he said about being married he’d always said he’d never been married?’. Robert and Aaron had disused this, coming up with a cover story to separate him from the whites, he looked at him sternly, ‘yeah because the first thing you tell everyone is oh did I tell you about my wife who mentally and physically abused me while her father watched and did nothing to help, and when I got away she arranged for someone to kill me, is that what he was meant to say. From what I know Roxy was an evil piece of shit who’s only aim in life was to hurt and manipulate the person she was supposed to love, does Jo say stuff like that when she first meets people, oh that’s right you wouldn’t know’, Andy looked on the verge of tears hearing Jo’s name, Aaron gave him a huffed laugh and continued, ‘hit a nerve have I, well I don’t care about you, I care about Rob, he was taking the man who tried to kill him to court and Katie nearly put an end to that with her lies, and all to get back at him because she decided to sleep with him years ago, she should have of…, no you both should have put that behind you years age’, Aaron took a deep breath to try and expel his anger. I f Andy made any sudden movements right now he wouldn’t be able to hold himself back, Andy just stood there for a second dumbfounded before lowering himself onto the sofa afraid his legs wouldn’t hold him up much longer, Aaron saw the determination he held earlier had deflated and the stark realisation of his brothers past kick in. Sitting on the coffee table opposite him he gentled his tone, ‘he doesn’t like to talk about it, I only told you…, it wasn’t meant to come out like that I’m sorry, I told you because he gave permission too, Rob, you can call him that in private, he’s working through stuff, home farm is helping him he doesn’t just work there’. Andy gulped, he wanted to say he never knew the pain and suffering his brother had gone through, thought his shaken demeaner was due to their past history, thinking back he realised how Katie had manipulated him, twisting not just Robert’s but his own words to her vengeful agenda, he had almost bent to her way of thinking until the way she’d reacted to Aaron and Robert being together sending him to the point of no return. Her total disregard of everyone’s right to be happy, she’d never been against Aaron’s sexuality before so why then, why just because he’d found something special with Robert she’d torn them to shreds, at that point he’d made a snap judgement and told her to leave, was it his fault she ended up with the White’s, was Aaron right, was it his fault she’d turned into a vindictive bitch hell bent on ruining Robert’s life with her now clear lies. He couldn’t put all the blame on her though, he had almost been sucked in by Katie, now knowing that they had added to Robert’s sensitive insecurities, he himself had had mental health problems so why had he not seen the signs in Robert before his breakdown and stay in hospital, even then Katie had made him half believe his brother, saying he was lying about his health problems in the first place to get attention. ‘Why…, why did I ever listen to her’, his voice a hoarse whisper, Aaron seemed surprised by it, not that Andy could see his expression the carpet below the only thing he could focus on right now it was the sharp intake of his breath that showed his surprise, his hands shaking clutching them into fists in an attempt to still them. But what of home farm, he still didn’t understand the type of business was being run there, but Aaron had said they were helping Robert, if it was what he thought it was then he could see why he never cleared their checks, there was so much he realised now that he had to apologise to his brother for. For believing Katie, for not standing by him when he should have, for blaming him for not getting the job, but most of all physically attacking him the way he did, that he should never had done even though he had no clue of his past he couldn’t blame Robert for keeping the darker parts of his past to himself. After that day at home farm he’d asked Vic about May, she’d been hesitant to answer but Diane told her maybe it was for the best so he understood the situation, he had been physically sick after hearing about the torture, rape and scars that Robert had been left with, too both Vic and his surprise Diane told them that she know about Robert’s marriage and how he’d been treated but didn’t know her name, this was part of the reason he’d come to see Aaron after what Vic and Diane had said had sunk in, his step-mum suggesting that he speak to Aaron first to see Robert would talk to him. ‘I owe Robert an apology, do you think he will talk to me?’, he was afraid of the answer either way, if yes then would he be able to get the right words out without hurting his brother further and if no, a thought that filled him with dread because he knew after speaking to Diane that there was a possibility of losing his brother forever, he wanted to break the distance and start a fresh with all his family. ‘Right now isn’t the best time, he’s got a lot of work on and doesn’t need anything on top of that’, Aaron lied, true Robert did have work but they’d eased up on the amount so he could work through everything that had happened that other day with his counsellor not wanting him to go backwards in his recovery he was going to see him every day this week, Aaron hoped it would help him see that his siblings would be good to have in his support network. ‘Right, well let him know that when he’s ready and not so busy that I’ll be here, I’ll always be here from now on’, Andy left soon after leaving Aaron to figure out how to approach Robert with this.


	39. Liv

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liv comes to visit, to find that thing are being kept from her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it been awhile, got back into the flow following Christmas, hope you all had a good one.
> 
> I wanted to focus on Liv in the chapter, her life, hope you like it

Chapter 39 - Liv

 

 

Tapping his foot nervously Aaron waited at the departure gate, his head bobbing to see through the crowd, half raised his hand dropping it when he realised it wasn’t for him, but behind them a humped tired dragged a large suitcase behind them he couldn’t help but laugh. He watched them perk up when they saw him, quickening their pace almost knocking the man next to them over, ‘travelling light I see’, he commented at the suitcase, he was given a sarcastic look before the case dropped to the ground and Liv through her arms around her. ‘Missed you too’, she said squeezing him tightly, breaking it when he squeezed twice as hard, Aaron took the case and lead the way to the car. ‘Thought you would of gotten a better car by now’, Liv smirked as they approached the vehicle for Aaron to only side glance her before unlocking it and they got in, case put in the boot, ‘it’s not about how the car looks but how she performs’, he said turning his attention to the road ahead, she sniggered to herself hearing her brothers comment, ‘your fella must be butt ugly but good in bed then, can’t wait to meet him’. Turning her head to the scenery rather see the reaction on his face, ‘about that’, Aaron bit his lip then continued, ‘you’ll be staying with my mum…’, ‘what, I came to see you not her’, if he hadn’t wanted her there then he should have said she thought, ‘just for a few days so you and Jacob can meet properly, I don’t want it to be too overwhelming for either of you, after that the spare rooms already made up for you and for your information he’s very good looking’. Pulling up at a red light Liv punched him in the arm playfully saying he must bad in the sack then, laughing out a no Aaron couldn’t help but see just how much she was like him, he’d wouldn’t say it out loud but he had been a sarcastic goby teenager, his was a defence mechanism, Liv was just Liv. The rest of the way they spoke about the scrapyard, family briefly, how she was doing at school, she rolled her eyes at that one saying she’d had to bring an assignment with her that needed finishing, he offered to help but she refused telling him she needed to pass this one, when she saw his face drop she turned it saying she was only joking of course he could, Aaron only half believing her.

 

Their arrival at the pub was met with hugs from all the family, Chas pushing her way through first to squeeze the air out of her, Lisa and Marlon following after, it wasn’t the reception she had expected from them given the volatile nature of her and Aaron’s relationship in the past. Their protectiveness of Aaron clear then just as it was now with Cain not hugging her but giving her a weary look of I’ll be keeping an eye on you, she caught snippets of the conversation between Lisa and Aaron, something about next Saturday and Charity working that night so nothing should go wrong this time. So Liv being Liv decided to interrupt them, ‘what’s happening Saturday and why is it good that Charity won’t be there?’, they both looked uncertain on what to reply for a second, ‘family get together at mine, that’s all;, Lisa told her finally, that was fine for an answer for now but it didn’t tell her what it meant by going wrong because Charity was working she thought they were a close nit family, especially after Aaron disappeared, what had happened now. She’d press Aaron for answers later but for now she wanted to meet this fiancé of his, ‘so where is he then, the mysterious Jacob’, she said in such a way to embarrass him and it worked sort of, a couple of heads popped up from a nearby booth seemingly interested in her enquiry, ‘he’s at work, you’ll meet him tomorrow’, the heads slouched back down and started to talk to each other, she wasn’t interested in listening in but Aaron seemed to be, ‘Aaron’, she shook his arm to get his attention again. The man in the booth stood only to sit back down from a stern warning look from Cain, ‘let’s get your things in the back shall we’, Picking up her things Aaron vanished before she could say anything, closing her mouth and shaking her head she followed not missing the curious stare from the man. 

 

Aaron was stalling now she could tell, moving her bags from place to place in the living room, an uneasy look in his eyes every time she went to say something, in the end she stayed quiet and waited for him to start, whatever was going on with the two in the bar must be what was making him nervous, maybe he was an ex or something. ‘Noah’s in Aaron’s old room so you’ll be in the small room I think, I’ll ask mum in a bit’, Aaron told her, she nodded then he asked if she wanted a tea, coffee or soft drink, the quiver in his thought told her he wanted to say so much more, replying she was fine they fell back into an uncomfortable silence once more Chas putting a stop to it when she came in and directed her to where she would be sleeping, glad to escape she grabbed her stuff and headed up stairs. Sitting on the bed she wondered it was just her being tired from travelling making her see things that weren’t there or there was defiantly something amiss, both Aaron and Chas had been cagey in the backroom. Well if they didn’t tell her she’d find out from other sources, letting out a sigh she stood she thought about the right questions to ask if the opportunity arose, without bringing the biological into it as much as possible she didn’t want to bring that up if she didn’t have too. Taking the stairs quietly having heard the voices beyond the door she stopped outside it, knowing it was rude but the information she could gather the better, so she listened in, ‘she’s not stupid’, she heard Chas say then a moment of silence like she was waiting for Aaron to respond but he didn’t, ‘look son, you haven’t told us what happened and were not going to push you to tell us…, you know we’ll look out for you all, but she’ll think it’s something to do with her being here, it’s not is it..’, ‘no’, Aaron said abruptly. ‘I can’t tell you mum, what I can say it’s nothing to do with Liv, I’ve been looking forward to seeing her and as long as all parties involved leave it alone while she’s here she doesn’t need to know there’s anything wrong, they promised me they wouldn’t ruin her time here, so it will be fine’, he sounded like he was trying to convince himself as well as Chas, so there was something and Chas was in the dark as much as her. Deciding to not just walk in she carefully made her way to the centre of the stairs then noisily went back down loud enough to be heard, entering the room that was filled with fake smiles, well maybe half fake, ‘sorry Aaron a brew would be good after all, all that travelling has taken it out of me’, slumping onto the sofa as she said it with a smile, Chas took over the drink making so Aaron could sit next to her. ‘So how did you meet him? What does he do for a living and is he completely insane or blind for wanting to wake up next to you every morning?’, she asked amusingly, Chas laughed at the last bit, Aaron too seeing her amusement he pulled her into his side, ‘well if he is insane or blind to be with me then I feel for whoever you find’, his laugh was genuine and relaxed and they soon fell into a conversation.

 

 

The air was crisp the next morning, when she’d woken up early, pottered around for a bit before getting bored she decided to go for a walk, making sure to leave a note as not to worry anyone in the household. She wanted to see what the village was like before it came to life, she’d only ever been here once before after her mum had given evidence, only for an hour and the next day her mum has made the decision for them both to move to Ireland, she hoped to get to know Aaron more back then but the chance had been ripped away from her, they’d spoken on the phone a lot, never about the trial or the biological as she referred to him, about their interests and stuff. At the time she’d wanted to be there at the verdict, wanted to see if the biological even had a shred of remorse or guilt over what he had done but her mum had said no and that her word was final, she couldn’t remember what he looked like properly anymore, wondered if it was possible to hate someone, no something so much that she barely remembered. She remembered the arguments and Aaron leaving, how scared her mum had been as she packed up their stuff when it was at work and dragged her bewilderingly out the door stating that they would never see that man again. The next thing after moving twice after that, each time her mum saying he’s found us, a new place, a new school and now a new last name too boot, she’d watched her mum become a scared empty shell only filling with fear and protectiveness, well that’s what it looked like at the time, now after years of different medication she knew have been paranoia as well and she still hadn’t understood why, shot down every time she asked why she had to leave the friends she had only just made, she stopped making them soon after. Stopped her after school activities when her mum became worse, so then it was get up, make breakfast, go to school, go straight home after getting food from the shop, make tea, do housework, do homework, go to bed and repeat the next day. It was exhausting, especially for such a young girl to take on such a responsibility but she had to take care of her mum and if anyone found out she’d of been taken off her, she sighed remembering the day all that changed. It was a Saturday or was it Sunday, Sunday defiantly she remembered watching a new episode of Top Gear that night, it’s amazing what useless information jogs your memory, but anyway it was a Sunday. Her mum had managed to drag herself out of her pit, get washed, dressed and had declared that today was the start of their new life, she’d been dubious because she’d seen her mum like that before and it hadn’t lasted long so she played along making the most of her time with the happy mum she remembered. Their day had been great, laughing as they walked down the street, bags of new clothes for each of them in each hand on their way for a pub lunch when it had happened, tripping on a loose paving stone and falling into a complete stranger, her mum saying sorry over and over as she repacked her wears off the ground, the next thing he was joining them for lunch.

 

Maybe it had been wrong the way it had made her feel, pushed into the corner of the table, ignored while they talked, this was meant to be her day with her mum not this Tim fella, whenever she’d gone to say anything, tried to join in the conversation she’d been shushed by her mum and told to finish her food, neither of them had noticed she already had. She’d pushed the plate away and played with her hands, a new habit she’d found when she felt lost, was that the right word, no now she thought about it she’d felt insecure and alone. They started seeing each other not long after, Tim was nice, always patient and calm in a crisis such the spider in the bathroom which terrified both her and her mum and he made her mum happy. She’d wanted to get to know him better but her mum had always managed to keep a distance between them somehow, if they were in the same room together she’d never leave them alone or send her to her room claiming they’d wanted alone time, which happened more and more. If Tim wasn’t there then it had been business as usual, cook, clean, when he was her mum played the perfect parent apart from sending her away, things had seemed to be going well for them, it was not without the odd fight either between them or her and her mum. She didn’t know what they fought about but whenever she asked why she wasn’t able to get to know him her mum had tried to change the subject or start shouting at her, telling her that she didn’t understand, slowly she noticed her mums mood swing from this way to that, go from sheer bliss to twitchy nervousness, it wasn’t until two mouth’s after she found the medication mum was on not taken, about a mouths worth from the looks of it. Tim too had sensed a change, how guarded, possessive of her she had become ending in another fight, this one ending their relationship, all she had heard was him saying how her mum didn’t trust him and he couldn’t deal with that. Nervousness gave way for depression and the cycle started again, get up, make breakfast, make sure mum took her tablets, go to school, make tea, housework, homework, bed and repeat, her mum hiding away not speaking for days on end and no one seemed to see what was going on, until they did and yet again they moved on to somewhere new. It was always the same, after Tim it was Phil, then Simon, then Chris, Phil and Simon had been oblivious to see it happening, they didn’t leave, they did, up and left without a warning, not a word to either man. Phil had, he tried and tried to get her help, said if she needed to go and get her head sorted he would look after her, this only made her mum worse and low and behold the next day they moved yet again. It wasn’t until that fateful day, that knock on the door that she had answered to the awaiting police asking to speak to her mum that she found out, only by listening through the door, the questions they asked about her dad and half-brother shredding new light on why her mum was the way she was. 

 

‘Are you alright?’, she jumped, startled by the stranger’s presence, she hadn’t heard him come towards her, she nodded, ‘you’re crying you sure?’, she hadn’t realised, hadn’t felt the tears run down her cheeks, wiping them away she nodded again with a fake smile. He smiled back noticing how old her eyes seemed to the rest of her, could tell she wasn’t one to talk too much, ‘I couldn’t sleep, thought I’d come out for a walk, you?’, he asked to see if she would answer back this time, she did only to say same. He nodded telling her he’d only be over at the bench if wished to have some company, he didn’t know why he said it, he wanted to be alone to think but something inside him told him that the young girl needed someone to talk to maybe. Maybe just to sit with in silence, to feel like she wasn’t alone, he felt that way to at times, he looked back at her as he walked away, ‘you don’t have to talk, we could just sit’, he watched her look down, shuffle her feet as she thought about it.


	40. Difficult To Better

Chapter 40 – Difficult To Better

 

 

Liv searched her pockets for the spare key they’d given her last night, dropping her head when she last remembered seeing it on the bedside draws, ‘I’m in so much shit now’, she said to herself reluctantly knocking on the door. It rushed open seconds later, a frantic Chas holding it wide, ‘where have you been?’, she practically screamed at Liv. ‘we’ve been ringing you none stop for the last hour’, grunting she’d only gone for a walk Liv pushed passed her and flopped on the sofa. ‘I left you a note what’s the problem’, Chas was about to reply when Aaron ran in and went straight to his sister, his panicked face easing when he saw she was okay but still mad as hell, ‘did you get any of our calls? Messages? Are you alright?’. Her look said what do you care but her thoughts trailed back to the bench, to what the man said, families important, defiantly something to work on, sighing she pulled out her handset showing them both the screen, ‘phone died, sorry I forgot to charge it last night’, that wasn’t technically true she’d ignored the first few times then switched it off completely as she listened to what the stranger had to say,, never got his name so she called him Mr. Complicated. What he’d said made sense now she saw how worried they had both been about her, god imagine telling them that she’d spent the however long talking to a complete stranger, Mr. Complicated guts would be for garters. Even if family was something to work on right now wasn’t the time, the looks she was getting fuelled her need to run, hide, try again later when it had all calmed down, she’d seen those looks before, ‘I’m going upstairs, find me when either of you calm down, you’re just like her’, she sped out the room and up the stairs leaving both Aaron and his mum equally baffled. For a moment neither found they had been able to speak, the last thing she’d said stumping them both, Chas opened her mouth then closed it again, instead she stared at her concerned son, ‘I thought everything was alright between her and Sandra, what did she mean by that?’, Chas forced the words out somehow, Aaron looked just like she felt, when she’d spoken to Sandra before Liv came over and they’d seemed solid. She remembered Aaron groaning on at her at first saying he had it all in hand, not that she’d believed the way he’d said it so she made the call anyway, Aaron sat down blowing out a breath shaking his head, he didn’t know what to say he hadn’t meant to snap at her like that but he was worried when his mum rang him to tell him she wasn’t there when she got up, okay she’d left a note, all her stuff was still there but mum had still been panicked. He’d worried straight away, she didn’t know her way around and what if something had happened, she could have been injured and alone in a ditch for he knew, he’d searched all over the place even tried to ring Robert who’d left early for work, but knowing him he’d gotten stuck into a pile of paperwork as he does and blanks out the world around him. Even though he knew Robert wasn’t good meeting new people, that and what all that had happened lately he didn’t know how he’d react yet his first thought was to ring him for help, Robert didn’t need his troubles when he had his own. ‘I don’t know mum, Sandra was happy to let her come and stay, get to know me, us, the family better, nothing seemed off with them’, thinking about it Sandra had been happy with their plans, had she been too happy for Liv to leave her, ‘I know Sandra’s got a new fella and that but she wouldn’t want to just dump Liv for awhile would she?’, it wasn’t really a question for his mum more to himself, Sandra couldn’t be that selfish to do that, could she.

 

 

Pushing the door open with his foot he watched Liv sitting on the bed ear buds on loud with her head in a book oblivious of his presence, ‘peace offering’, he said startling her, pulling out the left bud she cursed him. He sat carefully, brew and plate still in each hand, she took the plate happily, her stomach growling from lack of breakfast, ate the sandwich quickly then took the cup from him placing it on the bedside cabinet, ‘sorry I scared you…, and Chas’, Aaron smiled reaching out his hand to hold hers saying, ‘it’s fine, well it’s not but please don’t do it again’, she couldn’t look at him her head low staring at the bed spread, ‘could say the same thing to you’, she whispered still not looking up not wanting to see his reaction. Lifting her chin with two fingers he looked straight into her eyes, ‘I’m not going anywhere, so her about we start anew, you’ve just got here, you haven’t earwigged any conversations you shouldn’t’, how did he know she thought, ‘I’m not stupid Liv, stomping down the stairs is the oldest trick in the book, anyway, and you haven’t gone off on your own and panicked the hell out of all of us, sound like a plan’, she nodded and waited for one of them to begin. The next couple of minutes consisted with them smiling and nodding, both trying to think of something to say, Aaron scanned the room in search of a subject finally resting his eyes on the book, ‘what you reading then?’, she hefted it up like it weighted a ton and showed him, ‘Charlie and the chocolate factory, seen the films, not read the book though, any good?’, Liv shrugged her shoulders. ‘English course work, got to find a topic for an assignment from it, thought I’d do it on the meaning of the sweets, been making a list of them to look up’, Aaron gestured with his hand, she passed him what she had so far, there was the obvious one chocolate then the more intriguing ones, snozzberry, dingleberry and snozzwanger, he asked why the last one wasn’t that an animal from umperlumperland she said the two must be related so why not. Unlocking his phone and pressing internet Aaron typed in definition of a snozzberry, the results widening his eyes, Liv asked what it meant but got no reply, he changed it to snozzwanger only for his eyes to nearly bulge out of his head, ‘you might want to go in a different direction on this Liv, seriously’, she grabbed the phone and looked at the screen, ‘yeah you might be right’, gingerly giving it back to him. How about we watch it and come up with something together, not the Johnny Depp version though it gives me the creeps’, Aaron laughed at the face she pulled, ‘Gene Wilder it is then, come on let’s go down stairs and be sociable’, Liv agreed recoiling back into herself slightly at the thought.

 

It had just been the two of them for the last hour, they’d drank tea by the bucket load, talked about nothing and watched crap on telly until Aaron felt there was a calm between them, ‘what did you mean earlier?’, Liv looked confused by the question lots had been said earlier but she didn’t want to get into any of that right now, just wanted to enjoy the peace she felt. ‘Is this your idea of being social, you and me alone in a room, we could have stayed upstairs or is Chas keeping others out’, her brother sat, the guilt written all over his face, ‘look I was angry earlier, can we just forget it and go meet some of your friends or maybe more of your family’, she’d hoped her body language matched the way she’d said it, it seemed to of had when Aaron stood up saying come on then. The pub was full with the busy lunch time rush, Chas looked run off her feet while Charity happily laughed and joked with one of the customers who didn’t look like they needed serving, Liv chuckled to herself observing as the scene played out in front of her, ‘watch it miss or I’ll get you helping if you’re not careful’, Chas looked stern then melted into a wide smile asking her if she wanted a drink, Liv shook her head after all that tea she felt fit to burst. She did ask for a packet of crisps though, picking up the prawn cocktail flavour when told to help herself, finding Aaron by the bar with a dark haired bloke, his beard scruffier than Aaron’s, both playfully nudging each other, ‘this must be the other half then, I’m Liv’, both men burst out laughing, ‘no, no I’m not, I’m…’, the scruffy on started to say only to be interrupted by Aaron, ‘this is Adam, best friend and business partner, defiantly not my other half, his wife might not like that much’. Adam blow Aaron a kiss with a wink, Liv felt her face turn crimson as he squeezed his arm around Aaron, ‘you wish anyway’, he said laughing, slapping Aaron on the back when he told him to get off, smiling then as he sipped his pint. ‘Nice to make your acquaintance Liv, I’ve heard a lot about you’, Adam held his hand out, Liv shook it, ‘well I’ve heard nothing about you, so do tell’. Everything in Aaron’s body language screamed no, which only allowed the wicked playful glint in Adam’s eyes brighten, ‘alright, you get the drinks in lad and me and this lovely young lady will take a pew over here, take your time eh’, Adam said ushering Liv to a free table at the back, Aaron wanted the earth to swallow him up, this was going to be so embarresing. It must have been ten minutes before he was served, his mum looked flushed and tired, Charity still talking to the same customer as before, it’s not that he minded waiting, he didn’t, it was that every time he glanced around he saw Adam and Liv laughing, she seemed happy and relaxed, it was more what Adam might be telling her about him. ‘What you having love?’, Chas asked leaning on the bar, when she started pulling the first pint she commented on how Liv looked a lot better now, he gave her an uneasy smile picking up the first pint and taking it over and putting down in front of his best mate, the two of them stopped speaking giving him a cheeky smile waiting for him to head back for the other drinks before resuming their conversation. They watched as Aaron tried to pay for their drink but Chas waved her hand refusing the money saying something to him they couldn’t her over the noise of the pub, sitting Aaron put his own pint down along with a lemonade for Liv, ‘so…’, he said looking between the two of them, they were in burst out laughing, ‘do I need to hurt you Adam’, Adam just smirked. ‘Is it true you used to walk around with your trousers tucked in your socks, fashion victim or what’, Liv tried not to laugh again as Aaron rubbed his hand over his face trying to hide for red he was going, picking up a beer mat he throw it at his best friend, ‘you just had to didn’t you’, he said shaking his head. The conversation carried on that way until Adam finished his drink and gave Liv a hug, ‘well not all of us can skive today like soft lad here, unless you’d like to come and break stuff up, it would be good to have an extra pair of hands, that big order came in this morning by the way’, Liv’s eyes lite up, ‘and what do I get out of it?’, Adam hummed thinking, ‘I’ll spring you your tea and more stories about soft lad’, Liv jumped up saying hell yes, Adam followed as Aaron whispered in his ear that he was a dead man, Adam laughed stating he was only getting started. ‘Right I’m going to do some paperwork’, Aaron grumbled a few hours after they’d gotten to the scrapyard, Liv was in her element, breaking things apart, she definitely wasn’t a girlie girl he remembered growing up with, it seemed she and Adam got on like a house on fire, Adam constantly telling her stories about him and Aaron, about what they used to get up to, when they first met, the time Aaron took his bike helmet and put it on a random sheep. Aaron interrupted, well tried to intersept only to by shushed by Liv telling him it was just getting interesting, ‘try not to hurt yourself or this ones in for an extra punishment’, he said to Liv as he pointed to Adam who put his arm around her, ‘she’s fine, I think we’re going to get along don’t you’, Adam looked ay Liv when he said it who nodded, that was the thing about his best mate that he liked the best, the way people felt at ease with him, only right now Aaron felt slightly pushed out. ‘So tell me about the time you two…’, that was the last he heard as he shut the cabin door and watched them through the window for a bit then looked at the stack of paperwork that awaited him.

 

Adam pushed Aaron through the pub door telling him and Liv to find a table while he went to the bar, he came back, drinks in hand and menus under his arm, ‘order whatever you like you’ve earnt it, unlike this slacker here’, he said to Liv, ‘Vic finish’s soon, thought she could join us…, that is if it’s okay with you?’, Liv noticed Aaron tense up and Adam bit his lip nervously, relaxing slightly when he was told it was fine, he texted Vic. The siblings ordered the exact same thing, a cheeseburger and chips, Adam going for a curry, they chatted while they waited, Adam commenting on how much alike they were, both denying it, ‘come on, you order the same food, bite your lip the same way…’, they both glared at him, ‘and yeah, both got that glare’, the next moment of silence was broken by Chas placing the burgers down saying she guessed they were for them, they groaned whilst Adam laughed telling them he told them so. They tucked in before two more plates appeared on the table with a huff, Liv looked from her food to see one of the meercats from the other day, she gave Adam a kiss on the cheek then asked how their day had been, Adam’s eyes lighting up when he told her all about how brilliant Liv had been helping out and the fact he managed to make Aaron go red so many times was a bonus, ‘I apologise for my husband, he can be mischievous at times’, she directed at Liv, ‘I’m Vic by the way, it’s nice when people introduce you but hey it’s these two’, she held her hand out but Liv carried on eating instead of taking the gesture, she had noticed a kind of stale mate between her and her brother. The rest of the meal went with a relative quietness, spars conversation popping up once in a while, Adam looked around their glasses, jumping up saying next round then enlisting Liv to help him, ‘Liv’s nice’, Vic said knowing the entire meal had been awkward for both of them, wanting them to talk. ‘Yeah, she’s great actually’, Aaron gave her a half smile then became serious again, ‘so I don’t want any trouble’, Vic held her hands up saying there wouldn’t be any from her, when he went to ask about Andy she stopped him half way through, ‘he went away this morning, wanted to give Ro…, sorry Jacob some space, time to sort stuff out, plus I think he needs to as well, he won’t be back for a few weeks…’, she sighed, her eyes turning sad, ‘can you tell him that I love him and I’m always here for him no matter what’, Aaron’s hesitation deflated a bit seeing she was close to crying, simply nodded that he would.

 

Adam watched his best friend and wife from the bar after ordering their round really slowly, Chas taking the hint when she followed where he was glancing every other second. He didn’t know what was up between them but he would sit on the fence whatever it was. Liv grumbled about how slow Chas was being, ‘she’s tired that’s all’, Adam lied giving Chas a small smile, Liv did not look convinced, ‘so it’s nothing to do with the atmosphere between those two then, come on I’m not five, although even a five year old could pick up on it too’. Adam sighed putting his arm around her, ‘ye know your far to grown up for someone your age, I’m sure whatever it is it won’t last long, never could stay mad at each other for long those two’, Chas put the last drink down watching them both in silence until one of them noticed she was there, Liv poked Adam in the ribs and pointed Chas’s way, saying sorry he handed her a tenner and she went to the till. ‘They seemed to have calmed a little, I think it’s safe to go back’, Chas whispered as she gave him the change, she too had been keeping an eye on them since Vic joined them, on edge over things she didn’t know about. When they returned to the table the conversation fell silent, fake smiles forming on both their faces, ‘Adam’, Liv said sitting down, ‘don’t you just hate it when to rejoin your group only for a dead silence to start where there was talking’, Adam closed his eyes shaking his head, if he had learned something about the girl today it was her way with words. Aaron ignored the comment saying they were leaving after these and if she wanted to stay at his tonight she’d better get some stuff together, ‘I get to meet him then?’, she saw Adam give Aaron a concerned look while he sipped his pint and Vic stare at the table, ‘yeah you do, can you believe she thought he was Adam’, he said trying to bring the others back from their thoughts. Vic looked back up with a smirk saying he was welcome to him sometimes, her husband gaped in shock while Liv went red again quickly leaving to go upstairs. She practically bounced through when she came back, a smile from ear to ear announcing she was ready to go downing her lemonade, Aaron huffed a laugh, downed his own, telling Vic he would try as he left.

 

Aaron’s place was nice, even though she thought the décor wasn’t really to his taste, he showed her her room, dumping the bag on the bed she kicked off her trainers, only now realising how much her feet hurt from an afternoons hard graft. ‘Right’, Aaron said when she came back in the living room, ‘do you want the first shower or shall I?’, he stood with a towel in each hand, ‘you go first’, she answered throwing herself on the sofa remote already in hand, ‘hey’, she shouted when one of the towels hit her in the head then went back to stare at the screen, deciding on an old episode of red dwarf she relaxed into the cushions hearing the sound of the shower start. Today had been difficult to start with but had gotten better as it went along, she liked Adam, still not too sure about Vic though, ‘you’ll never believe the day I’ve had, it was…’, the voice made her jump staring at the front door, ‘complicated’, she finished off when she saw who stood there.


	41. Take Your Own Advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert hears wise words from a surprising source

Chapter 41 - Take Your Own Advice

 

 

He found himself humming the theme tune as the shower flowed over him, he’d watched the show often enough to know it, who knew she liked the same programmes as Robert, there was hope there he supposed that they may get along at least. Normally he’d call it washing the day away but all he could think about was what he could have done differently, for one he wouldn’t have been so hard on Liv this morning, should have listened to her instead calmly. Then there was their time spent at the scrap yard, he never should have left her outside with Adam, should have stayed and enjoyed seeing her with her beaming smile as she pulled the scrap apart happily, got into the conversations more, well forced away into it more regaling stories of his own about Adam. He loved Adam, he did but apart of him felt jealous, jealous that his best mate could make his little sister smile like that and couldn’t help feeling pushed out of the time he had to spend with her, he shook his head droplets hitting the walls, no he thought that all changes tomorrow. Stepping out he switched the water off, grabbing the towel he heard muffled voices coming from the living room, he checked his phone seeing no messages from Robert figured it must be the telly so he didn’t think much of it, dried off and got dressed. 

 

The voices became clearer when he began to open the door, hearing how Liv had taste unlike her brother, heard the two laughing for it to become serious a second later, ‘did you think about it?’, he heard Robert ask, after a moments silence Liv replied, ‘yeah I did and it is, did you?’, what where they talking about. Opening the door a bit more he saw the two people he cared for most in the world sat comfortably in each other’s company, both still oblivious he was there, Robert turning to face her, ‘don’t bring this back to me, I told you it’s…’, ‘complicated. Just like my life, everybody’s life is, so if you can dish out the advice you can take it too’. He couldn’t see Robert’s expression but he wished he could, ‘your far too old for your age you know’, she smiled saying so she’d been told, it was then he decided to widen the door and announce his presence, both of them looking round saying hi, ‘see you two met, not talking about me again were you’, he looked at Liv who giggled, Robert looked puzzled. ‘No, we were having an intellectual conversation about decent tv shows, not that you would know anything about them’, her watch went from Aaron to Jacob who giggled himself then, Liv joining in with him, Aaron sat on the chair choosing not to ask about what he’d overheard, instead commented on how it looked like he wouldn’t have to introduce them then, both giving him gormless looks. ‘So how was your day?’, Robert asked waiting for an answer from either of them, neither did, ‘that good hey, well I’m starving you two want anything?’, he said standing up heading for the kitchen, ‘okay, I’ll take that as a no then’, he remarked after more silence, what was up with them. ‘We ate at the pub, payment from Adam for helping out at the yard, cash would have been better mind you’, Liv grumbled the last bit. ‘she’s not even here one day and you’ve got her working already Aaron’, who gave him an I’m innocent look. Liv jumped up following Robert’s trail, ‘no it was fun and Adam’s sound so all good’, Aaron joined them now putting his arms around his fiancés waist, ‘plus I think she enjoyed them both taking the piss out of me’, he gave him a chased kiss then whispered in his ear, Liv pulled a face seeing them give each other goo goo eyes, telling them she was going for a shower she left them alone.

 

 

Robert waited for her to shut the door before pulling Aaron closer, one arm around his waist, the other cupping his face, ‘missed you too’, leaning in with a slow gentle kiss, deepening it when Aaron’s hand started stroking his back. The grumbling of Robert’s stomach separated them, Aaron telling him to sit down and he would fix him something, ‘oh, I see, you get pub grub and I get a microwave meal, thanks’, he commented as Aaron pieced the film before putting it in, ‘so you, Liv and Adam at tea, Chas not join you’, Aaron tried to hide his guilty expression but failed, ‘Aaron?’, he questioned. He sat next to him thinking about how to put it, in the end figuring coming straight out with it was the best option, ‘Vic as well’, Robert sighed and cast his eyes down, ‘she asked me to pass a message on, ‘Robert gulped and said go on then, he told him about Andy going away and relayed what Vic had said telling him that maybe he should think about seeing her. ‘Did you speak to Liv about her disappearing act this morning’, Aaron gave him a how do you know look, ‘overheard Chas telling Paddy outside the pub, well did you?’, he had overheard it, that was true, he just kept other truths to himself, the ping of the microwave broke his trail of thought, quickly emptying the food into a bowl he handed it to Robert. ‘Sort of, I don’t know…’, ‘complicated’, Robert said, that was becoming the word of the day it seemed, Aaron huffed, ‘yeah, she said something I didn’t, still don’t understand…, I didn’t push it though, like you told me people talk in their own time’. Robert nodded taking another bite of the meal, the bowl emptying fast than it had been filled, his stomach still not feeling fulfilled he raided the fridge for his next lot, ‘you two seemed to be getting along when I came in’, he called through to the kitchen, Robert shrugged his shoulders, ‘what can I say any fan of red dwarf is a friend of mine’, coming back with cereal he pointed out that they seriously needed to go shopping, asking if Liv liked anything in particular, ‘I’m surrounded by mad people’, Aaron grumbled , Robert kissing him on the check stating he loved it really.

 

 

She tugged at the knots in her hair with the brush when she re-joined the boys, Jacob groaning when Aaron asked if this was the one with the shifty thing, ‘that would be a polymorph’, she told him, Jacob raising his arms as to praise her, ‘thank you Liv, I don’t know how many times I’ve told him that’, she curtsied a your welcome as she came into view. She continued to struggle with the brush, Jacob said to sit in front of him, taking the brush started to run it through her hair, once all the knots where out he apologised for the lack of dryer, ‘it’s all right, I usually plait it back, looks awful though’, to her surprise he started separating sections and began to plait them together. She yelped when he pulled slightly to hard, ‘your worse than my sister was you are’, he remembers Vic at a young age, she hated her hair being done always trying to wriggle away, Aaron watched them contently as Robert carefully French plaited his sister’s hair while he happily spoke about his sister and how he used to do this for her before school, loosing himself in the memory every-so-often. ‘She’d always wriggle and blame me when it hurt, I can still hear her, rob why’d you do that, I was always in trouble because she couldn’t sit still’, Liv looked at Aaron confused, he knew why thinking quickly he said it was a family thing, feeling it when Jacob finished, it wasn’t bad thought. Aaron gave him an awkward glance, realising what he’d said he attempted to cover his tracks, ‘my sister always wanted me to be called Rob, so she did’, he hoped it sounded convincing.

 

Awhile later Liv put the DVD into the player, ‘now before we start…,’, she handed the two men a piece of paper and a pen, keeping one set for herself, ‘make notes and ideas as we watch’, she instructed, Robert looked between them lost, Aaron explaining it was for her course work, Robert just said okay. Half way through Robert was actually enjoying himself bopping along to the songs, he noted a couple of ideas for Liv that he thought would be interesting subjects, when the credits rolled Liv switch it off and turned to them asking what they got, ‘meaning of foo…’, ‘no’, the siblings said at the same time, ‘okay, what about Willy Wonka, it looks like he have everything he could possibly want, but somethings missing, all the way through you see no friends, no family, only the umperlumpers, do you not think he’s lonely even through the mask he wears’. Liv smiled saying she liked it and he would help her with it, he told her he would a little because at the end of it, it was her words that mattered not his, she wrapped her arms around him, squeezing the breath out if him saying thank you. Releasing him she held back a yawn stating it was time for bed passing one comment to her brother before she left, ‘I like him, he’s a keeper’, Robert couldn’t help but blush.

 

 

Aaron pulled the T-shirt over his head, climbing into bed he arranged the pillows so he could sit up, he wondered how Robert and Liv had gotten on so well, it usually took time for Robert to feel comfortable around new people, the same could be said for L iv from what he had seen. She’d been putting on a front with Adam at first, that he could tell, but Adam being Adam that front soon slipped to getting along, he also wondered about what Liv had said this morning, in truth it had been niggling at him all day, should he ring Sandra and ask if there was a problem, no that felt like he was going behind her back. He wanted Liv to trust him enough to come to him if there was difficulties there, but thinking back on how he had been with her since she got here she may not be able to yet, why had he been so distant about stuff, alright he was trying to protect her from the goings on surrounding him at the moment, half-truths could have been used but then he would be going against Robert’s trust in him, he would have to ask him what he could and could not tell her. He gripped the duvet tight, hands balled into fists frustrated by the muggle of things in his mind, why couldn’t life just be simple. The bed dipping broke his thought momentarily, Robert gave him a small meaningful smile leaning over pecking him on the cheek then slid under the covers, ‘what to talk about it?’, ‘what?’, Aaron replied with another question, Robert reached up tapping Aaron’s temple, ‘whatever’s roaming around in here’. He watched his fiancé thoughtfully, watched him bite his liplike he was trying to put words together in his mind, Aaron lay down turning to face Robert, tucking his arm under his pillow, ‘erm…, you and Liv seem to get on and…’, Robert nodded not wanting to interrupt him, ‘I don’t want to lie to her, not about everything anyway…, so I thought we could possibly outline things for her, I erm…, I want her to be able to trust me and she knows I’ve been hiding things from her, even if it’s just the stuff about your family and if it’s alright with you the court case…’, Robert looked away worried for a second, ‘no details, just that you needed to change your name because of it, I don’t want her to get confused, I mean you did slip up earlier what if someone else does as well’. Robert curled around Aaron, his head on his shoulder, arm across his chest, it wasn’t an attempt to hide his face he just wanted to feel close to him, he took a few deep breaths synchronising his own with the rise and fall of the chest beneath him, ‘okay’, he said in a whisper, ‘I might sort out to talk to Vic as well, I miss her’, seeing Aaron and Liv together had made him realise just how much and maybe Liv was right, he should take his own advice.

 

He kissed Aaron’s chest feeling his arm curve around his shoulder and looked up at him, Aaron lent down and kissed his forehead squeezing his arm slightly as he did, no words needed to be said about how pleased he was that he wanted to see his sister, they lay like that a while before he asked about one of his wonders. ‘How is it that you and Liv seem comfortable around each other, from what I know with you and see from her you both need time to get to that?’, Robert smiled and chuckled to himself remembering their early morning conversation, ‘she’s nice, plus she’s apart of you so what’s not to like’, he poked Aaron’s chest when he said it then became serious, ‘but…, this is from what I’ve observed, maybe she just needs someone to listen to her, you know what kids are like, at her age all full of angsts and closed up, I was at that age, maybe if she felt she could open up to you you’d find out what you want to know…’, Aaron looked at him questioningly, ‘Aaron, I know you have concerns about her, I can see whenever you look at her, even if you try to hide it’. Robert went to move his face elsewhere again, Aaron stopped him lifting his head back to where it had been previously, ‘how are you so insightful today?’, he’d seen him like this before, but this time was different, this was knowledgeable, confident and he liked it. ‘Well…’, Robert paused in thought stroking his hand down Aaron’s chest, feeling a shiver run through him as he grazed Aaron’s nipple, sending shivers through himself as well, ‘I had a really good section today, made me think about what I want in life ye know’. Aaron sucked in a breath, the hand continuing over his stomach and back up, ‘and what was that?’, it came out jiggered when he tried to control it, ‘you, me, us, our families’, he whispered feeling himself hardening against Aaron’s thigh reacting to the response from the other body, ‘time to do what I want to do, hmm’, he became breathless, Aaron’s leg rubbing slowly over his crotch. He murmured a broken moan, the sensation flowing through him, clasped his mouth attaching it to the sensitive nub of Aaron’s nipple through the material, the sweet sounds of his partner made driving him on to suck harder, tracing his tongue, circling it around it. Unconsciously he moved his hand to stop Aaron’s, looking up through his lashes at him biting his lip blissfully, Aaron’s eyes asked if he was sure, to answer he lowered his hand, squeezed and played with the strong thigh muscle beneath until he reached the very willing erection hidden within the underwear. Aaron arched at the contact, trying not to make too much noise allowing Robert to take the lead. Robert kissed across and down the chest, first finding the other nub, sucking, nipping it gaining a pleasurable gasp from his lover while nimble fingers concentrated on the T-shirt revealing the flesh beneath, the other working the hardness with gentle strokes, getting louder moans from above. He made a shushing sound causing Aaron to bite his lip harder this time, whimpering at the loss of contact from his cock, rocking his hips needing to feel it again, raising them when his boxers where tugged slightly, easily sliding down freeing the hard on trapped within them. ‘Oh. My. God. Rob’, he cried, his cock jolting as smooth fingers caressed his balls, his own hands clamped the pillow each side of his head, resisting the urge to reach down to Robert’s hair knowing he didn’t like it, wet sensitive kisses trailed over his stomach, hovering over each scar with tentative kisses on each with love. He didn’t know how long he would last, it had been so long and felt so fucking good, all he knew was that this was heaven, his hips canted, Robert’s tongue circling the head and slit of his rigid needy cock, lips wrapping around it sucking tenderly, ‘fucking he…’, clamping his hand over his mouth to muffle, quieten the sounds. Little by little, inch by inch Robert’s hot mouth took him in, sucking, licking at an unhurried pace, fingers continuing to brush across and over his balls. Aaron’s breathing became ragged, body arching as with relief and surrender as he came hard, Robert drinking every drop. He kissed the tip before levering himself up Aaron’s still structure, who’s body felt boneless from the orgasmic rush continuing to flow through him, cupping his face he placed his lips on Aaron’s, swiping his tongue over them to gain access, reciprocating Aaron loved the taste of Robert and himself, pressing deeper to savour the moment. Robert broke away searching the face below, he could see all the emotions in their eyes, love, trust and happiness, ‘best snozzberry ever’, he whispered causing Aaron to laugh, god he loved that carefree laugh.


	42. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Dingle clan celebrate and Aaron realises just how close they are to them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a while, work, life and everything getting in the way

Chapter 42 – Family

 

 

The days passed quickly and soon enough it was Friday, Aaron sat waiting for both Liv and Robert, Liv having befriending Gabby hadn’t been seen really for two days saying it was better than spending time with old folk, evenings was when they worked together on her school work between them helping her and he couldn’t be prouder when he read the finished piece. He thought back to earlier that week, how well she took it when they explained the situation to her, all she’d said was that explained a lot looking at Robert when she’d said it, then went on saying she’d heard him cry out the name Rob and thank god for MP3 players on loud making them both blush, they’d told her if she had any questions to ask either of them and they would answer to the best of their abilities. He knew that she and Robert had after that, neither telling him what about but he respected their privacy, Robert on the other and had had a harder week, it had taken him until the next evening to summon up the courage to text Vic not trusting his ability to speak if he rang, to ask about meeting up, he remembered how he was shaking when he had typed out the message scared of rejection, the relief filling him when the response was positive. He’d told him Vic asked to meet up at hers, to this he’d said no opting for neutral ground in the form of home farm, so it what they’d done yesterday, Aaron could of lied to himself telling himself he wasn’t nervous about it, but really he’d been terrified Vic wouldn’t like what she’d heard pushing Robert further away from his family, relieved when Robert said it’d gone well, not everything was okay but that they’d work together to fix it, she’d even agreed to go to a counselling session with him as he felt safer saying somethings in there. 

 

The sound of his name brought his attention to the body sat opposite, Lisa waved her hand in front of his face saying his name again, how long had she been there, ‘oh, hi Lisa’. She smiled clasping her hands together on the table. ‘Right’, she said now his focus was on her, ‘everything’s sorted for tomorrow, come by about seven…, no surprises this time I promise’, his last thoughts faded as he soaked up the information, he worried that one of the family would do something stupid like Charity did, he knew Robert was as well and that Liv had her suspicions but never spoke up about them, ‘you sure? Just family’, a nod confirmed his question. ‘Cain’s already read them the riot act, if anything does they answer to him, not a nice thought if you ask me, saying that he seems to of become very protective of your young man’, Lisa commented, he could still remember the reaction to his not answer of his question outside the pub that night, how Cain had connections and wondered if his uncle had used them, had he found out more than he should know and if so how would he take it, Cain had many sides, the caring one he loved and the angry, revengeful one, not that that didn’t come in handy sometimes. ‘How is Cain? I’ve not seen him lately’, he pulled a face tasting his now flat pint, Lisa said he was fine, busy at work although Moira had told her he’d been distracted of late, ‘distracted how?’, ‘just distracted ye know, maybe keeping the family in check is getting to him’, that was not Cain, Cain could juggle four things in the air and not let it get to him, no this was something more. Liv bounded over excitedly, ‘hi, found this one loitering outside’, she pointed to Robert who was cautiously watching all the others in the bar, ‘can’t wait ‘til tomorrow, party time’, her little jig making Lisa laugh, Robert slipped into the chair next to Aaron. ‘I was thinking about that actually, I…, I was thinking maybe I could invite Vic, I mean no doubt Adam will be there anyway’, all of a sudden he’d become shy, Liv sat down by Lisa glancing between them all, ‘why Vic?’, the three adults stared at each other insure what to say, they hadn’t told her Robert’s and Vic’s relationship yet, they were waiting to see how things went first. ‘Vic’s my sister’, Robert whispered, ‘what!’, Liv said, ‘god you could take this whole place on the Jeremy Kyle show’.

 

 

The celebration was in full swing, as promised family only, Robert at first not sure about being in a room full of Dingle’s, usually they ended in a fight between two or more of them, but they had come together for this one, well except Charity who’d been left to run the pub, he wondered if there would be one left after. For the past half an hour he’d watched them mingle, chatting and drinking, pulling him into their conversations asking his thoughts on their lasted hair brained ideas, some made him chuckle, others cringe, though out he was unknowingly clock watching, a little, no a lot nervous as Vic was due soon from her shift at work. ‘not boring you are we?’, Zakk asked, ‘only you’ve been checking the time a lot lad’. Robert shook his head hoping his nerves didn’t show, glanced ‘round to see Aaron yet again taking a can of beer from Liv who frowned saying why not, ‘no, not at all Zakk, it’s just Vic’s due soon and…’, ‘ah, I see, well don’t worry if she says or does anything you don’t like just let us know and we’ll show her the door’, he looked at the three Dingle’s in front of him, the other two, Sam and Debbie nodding in agreement to the elders words. ‘No honestly it’ll be fine, I’m just nervous is all’, he said hurriedly not wanting any of them to scare her off when they’d worked so hard the past couple of days to get this far. Cain appeared from behind Zakk, he’d been keeping an eye on him all night, Aaron too had noticed and kept a safe distance from his fiancé so he could get to him quickly if needed, ‘you’re one of us know, legal or not and we protect our own’, Robert didn’t know wither to feel safe or scared by Cain, what lengths would they go too to protect their own he wondered. The click of the door had everyone turning, Vic looked like she could shrink to the ground with their stares, she smiled saying hi and seeing them continue amongst themselves helped her relax a bit, too her surprise Robert wasn’t the first to come to her, it was Aaron giving her a hug whispering it was good to see her, she hugged back telling him Adam had Lilly tonight as Diane was unwell. ‘I think she needs to breath Aaron’, Robert said approaching the pair, ‘hey sis, I was afraid you’d changed your mind’, after releasing her Aaron left them to talk, joining his family yet not too far away, from his stand point he could see both Robert and Cain clearly, Cain’s cool, calm exterior never giving anything away, but every-so-often his eyes would and that worried Aaron, what had he done now, Cain caught his stare and just smiled raising his drink with a nod, now he know he was up to or had done something, but tonight wasn’t the night to bring it up. His gaze wondered to Liv who looked quizzingly at her phone before putting it back in her pocket, she seemed lost in thought for a moment, a sad expression on her face when she observed the room around her, Lisa tugged her arm, Aaron loved the way she had time for the younger ones, almost like she had a sixth sense that told her something was bothering them, Chas linked her other side, both guiding her back into the hustle and bustle of the family taking the piss out of Marlon and Paddy’s larking about. ‘Not joining in?’, Cain asked making Aaron jump, his coke spilling over his hand, putting the can down he wiped his hand on his jeans, ‘thinking that’s all’, keeping his voice low even though no one would hear them anyway, ‘look how far he’s come since he came back, I know he’s not completely there yet but still…, and Liv, she was so uptight and nervous when she got here, you and the family have really opened to them, I was scared you’d all push them away’, he gulped, stopping himself from saying anything else hoping it was enough for Cain to tell him if there was anything he needed to know. Taking a drink Cain watched Aaron as he waited for a reaction from him, ‘you can be a right idiot sometimes ye know that’, he finally said a minute later, ‘your family, their your family, so that makes them our family, but that’s not all that’s going on up here’, he points to Aaron’s head, ‘so when you’re ready I’ll always be free to talk, or listen’, he sighed, ‘come on this is your party’, he pulled Aaron’s sleeve, a hand stopping him. Aaron knew he should leave it but push comes to shove he had to know, ‘what have you done Cain?, I know that look’, Cain domineer didn’t falter but his said not here, not now, ‘Cain!’, Cain let out a breath before holding both his nephew’s arms, ‘got my fingers in some pies, now get over there and help Robert out before they eat him alive’, looking over he was right, his mum a lot tipsy was trying to get him to dance to Taylor Swift, he walked over stepping between the two, but not before warning Cain he’d better not get in trouble over his pies.

 

 

He watched across the room, watched Robert and Liv in conversation, Robert laughing as he pushed her and she held her head still addiment that she didn’t have a hangover from the constant minesweeping she’d done when she thought no one was looking last night, did she think the whole Dingle clan were blind, they all let her get away with it to a point calling it a Dingle initiation. Zakk told him to let her, allow her to let her hair down and relax, that they wouldn’t let her take it too far and if she hadn’t been sixteen it wouldn’t happen, but she was so in the Dingle way they let her believe she’d gotten away with it, Zakk’s words fresh in his mind, ‘she’s family, we do this the Dingle way, outside of this house it’s not allowed, here she’s safe and we’ll keep an eye on her, plus she’ll probably regret it on the morning and learn from it’. He respected Zakk, respected the family, well maybe not Charity but even she wouldn’t see any harm come to Liv and true to their word they stopped her when she was feeling buzzed and not too pissed out of her head. Robert like himself hadn’t touched a drop. Both agreeing to keep a clear head just in case trouble came a calling, they’d gained suspicious looks at the start, after a while a couple of them saying they would do the drinking for them and oh my god did they, when they left his mum was passed out on the sofa and Marlon equally so hugging the kitchen table leg, everyone carefully stepping over him as they couldn’t wake him so Lisa simply throw a blanket over him and a pillow under his head, then Chas telling them to leave her to sleep it off. Making his way over he could hear Robert continue to tease Liv who groaned into her hands, ‘self-inflicted if you ask me’, he commented as he passed them, a grumble of never again coming from the teen, ‘heard that one before’, truth be told it had been the first time he’d seen her fully relax since she’d come and that was before the drink, perhaps the closeness of the family and the way they’d accepted her into the fold had been a factor, that or the thought that she was getting away with trouble, with Liv you never knew but hoped it was the former. Robert’s arm curling around his waist when he finally came to a stop by his chair made him smile, they felt like a family, the three of them in such a short time, he didn’t want it to end, only he knew in a week it would and that hurt, looking down their eyes met and he knew Robert felt the same. He recalled how Robert’s nerves had kicked in when they’d gotten to wishing well, each step getting harder to take as they reached the front door, stilling when they had, he’d held his hand, Liv taking the other into her own squeezing slightly allowing him time to compose himself, his breathing eased, he gave a small nod letting him know he was ready. No one had shouted or cheered when the three of them entered, not wanting to spook Robert, simply greeted them with hello’s or nods, Robert not leaving his side to start with, Marlon approached from behind touching his shoulder before he spoke making Robert edge closer to his side, Lisa having noticed this had a quiet word with the others, after they approached from the front. All embraced him into the family saying if he ever needed anything all he need do is ask, all but Cain who watched from the side lines with a curious look, turning his attention to elsewhere when seen, h told him pies when asked about his mood, Aaron still wondered what pies he meant hoping they had nothing to do with them, yet convinced they were. It’d taken a while for Robert to feel comfortable enough to break away from his side, by this time mum had had way too much and turned up the music, dancing around the room like a lunatic pulling everyone she could to join in with her in the process, so by the time he’d saved Robert from her she’d passed out on the sofa, Lisa called it a night hugging them as they left insisting on a text message when they got home. He’d texted straight away on returning, Liv heading to her room aided by Robert then they had fallen into bed completely exhausted, Robert telling him he had a good time before both men drifted off to sleep in each other’s arms.


	43. What Can I Offer

Chapter 43 – What Can I Offer

 

The rest of the day turned into a pj day, Liv curled upon the the chair, duvet wrapped firmly around her and the two men on the sofa with theirs draped over them as they watch the start of a marvel marathon, Aaron being out voted. They noticed Liv check her phone once again, was she waiting for a call or just bored, she looked up to see which one throw the sweet that hit her in the head, both looking innocently at her like butter wouldn't melt. 'Was there any need', she groaned, they simply smiled cheekily, Aaron becoming distracted by the screen asking if he did more of that, seeing what he meant she rolled her eyes as Thor walked around topless, she heard him yelp from whatever Robert did to him in response. 'What!', Aaron came back with from their stares, 'at least there's one good thing in this film, or are you more of a Loki fan?', he asked them both. Liv just chuckled, Robert thought about it humming before saying both would be good, 'god, I live with such geeks', he commented. 'I wish', Liv whispered under her breath gaining curious looks from the loved up couple, their arms entangled together, she hadn't intended to say it out loud now shrinking into the duvet. 'Liv...', Aaron started, stopped by a hand on his arm silently saying not now, she glanced at him her eyes only on show with a saddened pleading look, 'so are you a Thor or Loki kind of girl?', the question calmed her a little, whispering Loki for the answer thankful for the change of subject from Robert. To his surprise Aaron was getting into the films, still didn't get why they were going from one incarnation to another though being told it was better to watch them in order otherwise it would get confusing when he asked, no he defiantly didn't get it. The best one so far for him was guardians of the galaxy, half way through dancing along to the awesome soundtrack the door bell buzzed, pausing it Liv revealed it was Vic, Robert nodded and she opened the door, moments later Vic appeared with a squirming Lily in her arms babbling away. Liv instantly went goo goo over the little girl asking if she could hold her, nearly squilling when she did before losing herself into a private conversation of baby talk as she sat back down, Lily bouncing excitedly on her knee. 'I was going to ask if you needed anything from the shop but it seems your all good', she said pointing at the array of sweet and crisp wrappers on the coffee table, 'just having a chill day sis, do you remember when we did this as kids?', Vic giggled thinking back, 'yeah Ido', her tone thoughtful, 'but it was more board games than films as I recall, or rather you sat in the corner with a book and me dragging you to play'. Robert lifted the duvet up and she happily joined them enquiring on what they were watching, becoming giddy as a school girl saying she loved this one and couldn't wait to see the next one. By the time the credits ran Vic said she really did need to go to the shop, yet didn't want to disturb her sleeping daughter cradled comfortably in the young girls arms, 'leave her here, do you what you need to do, we'll ring you when she wakes up, we don't mind', Liv answered for all of them stroking a finger over Lily's soft hair, 'okay, it'll be bonding time for uncle Robert', she said gratefully then pulled tongues at her brother. 'How is that possible, I mean...', Liv said a while later seeing Aaron come out of the bedroom, the giggly little girl pulling at his beard now cleanly dressed, 'how can someone so sweet create something so smelly', she grimly commented, turning red when Aaron recalled what she was like at that age. Aaron to was dressed ready to take her home, the other two kissed and hugged her goodbye and watched them leave, as they got comfy again Robert turned to her, 'Liv, can I ask you something?'.

 

 

Adam met him half way, plucking his little girl from his arms and giving her a big squeeze with kiss after kiss, Aaron smiled seeing how gentle and affectionate he was with her, 'sorry did I leave you out', leaning over as Aaron backed off at the same time laughing, 'was she good for you?', he asked eyes locked on his daughter, 'A little angel', he missed what Adam said next his focus on the garage, the smaller door ajar which was strange, since when did Cain work on a Sunday, 'hello, earth to Aaron, is your head fragile today as well', it took a second to register what was said to him, 'what, no, no, I didn't touch a drop, mum had my share', Adam let out a hearty laugh saying Vic had told him about Chas and had he heard from her today gaining a grunt from him, 'she's probably nursing one hell of a hangover or still comatose d were she fell, I'll talk to her tomorrow it might be safer', the whole time glancing from his best mate to the garage watching for signs of movement. Adam bid him farewell waving Lily's arm for her and turned in the opposite direction, about to do the same something stopped him, what if it wasn't Cain, what if someone had broken in and was still there, he would never forgive himself if that was the case and he hadn't checked, so staying as quietly as possible he crept up to one of the side windows and peered inside. Cain's whole reality was locked in the file in his hand, stomach twisted in knots so when the banging of the door opening made him jump, papers sent flying, scattering across the floor, Aaron stood before him, brick held up ready to throw, 'god Cain it's you, I thought someone was breaking in or something', panicked Cain bent down picking up the papers as quickly as possible, 'well as you can see it's not so be on your way', Cain's tone straight and to the point as he could as he reached out to retrieve the last one only for Aaron to scoop it up. The picture of a smashed up car stares back at him, it's front and side totalled beyond belief, it's not a new type maybe over ten years old, the cut where it looks like somebodies been cut out of it with the jaws of life. Cain rips it out of his hand before he can inspect the image further, hurriedly he puts it with the rest and even faster places the file in the safe under the counter, 'don't think there's much chance of getting that back on the road somehow', Aaron points out, Cain only grunts in return, 'sorry I startled you', he wants to sound apologetic but it doesn't come out that way, defiantly more curious. 'Yeah well don't do it again and that's what I told the guy but he seems to be attached to the car', Cain usually an excellent lyre says unconvincingly, that's not what Aaron over heard and his uncle's damp eyes tell a different story, but he leaves it, nods and says goodbye. Later he thinks giving he has the spare keys, later he will come back and find out for himself.

 

'Sorry I took so long', he says then regales a tale of how he got talking to Adam, after choosing to check on his mum but deciding not half way there and seeing the garage door ajar. Liv is in hysterics over the thought of him bursting in on Cain ready to throw a brick, Robert's trying not to join in partly because he knows how protective they all are of each other in their family, their family, he likes the thought of that. It's not even been an hour since they started to watch the next film when Liv asked if she could go see Gabby, Aaron was not sure if he should have said yes, the idea of today was a lazy day together, but she had started to fidget and huff constantly so he folded telling her to be back for tea at six. 'Is it me?...', he asks when she's gone, not sure if he's asking Robert or the universe for answers, 'I mean she's always here, there and everywhere, is it too much to ask to be in one place for a long period of time with me..., is it me Robert? … did I...', do something wrong he thinks swallowing, what if he had said no, would she dislike his company even more. Robert sighed, he felt bad for Aaron, doesn't want him to feel the way he does, but what can he do, 'of course it's not', he puts his arm around him pulling him into him, 'she's young, with unlimited energy, maybe she just doesn't like being cooped up for too long. Plus she's just made friends and wants to spend equal time with her as well before she has to go home on Thursday', what he's saying does make sense, even if it didn't stop it from hurting, he spent most of his teenage years cooped up in fear of Gordon's reprisal for whatever he'd thought he'd done wrong. But Liv, Liv was bright and has a good life from what she'd told him, 'yeah, typical teenager I guess', he muffled into his fiancées shoulder feeling the circles being gently rubbed into his arm. Turning slightly he lifts Aaron's saddened face to look at him, 'how about this', he watches Aaron thoughtfully, 'a day out, just the three of us..., or just the two of you', he fall silent for a second, 'I've got this week off so...,', he waits for what feels like an eternity. 'Are you sure? I'd love for the three of us to go somewhere, but..., are you ready for that?', he picked his words carefully, thought about asking if he would be scared to go further than the village, Robert hadn't left since returning but they where the wrong words. Ripples of concern waved through his core waiting for Robert's response, chuckling to himself Robert shook his head remembering his last counselling session, how'd they'd talked about this, yes it did make him nervous, he'd been given homework as he called it, to go further a field if he could and knowing Aaron and Liv would be with him made him think he could. 'I'll be fine and if not I'll let you know, I promise. I think it's something we all need right now', plus Liv wanted somewhere neutral to talk to her brother, he thought, he could do this, not just for himself but for them too, 'and if it goes well..., maybe we could go away..., overnight or a weekend', his nerves did show now, if they did what if someone recognised him for the wrong reasons, there where countless people out there that would know his face and he could be none the wiser. Cupping the face above him Aaron lent up placing a gentle kiss on Robert's soft lips, 'I'd love to go away with you, be it a day or a weekend, but only if you're sure', Robert gave him a shy smile, 'yes..., no..., maybe..., we don't know unless we try'.

 

'Liverpool, er no..., the Trafford centre, yeah defo there', Liv beamed excitedly, she'd thought of various places she'd like to go, but the thought of so many shops in one place she could defiantly find the perfect present for Aaron and Robert there. 'Shopping, of all the things you want to go shopping', Robert laughed at Aaron's reaction, walking aimlessly from shop to shop was his idea of hell, 'well..., if that's what you want to do then that's what we'll do, but I blame you if I..., no when I get board and cranky'. Liv just smiled to herself and started googling what stores where there, looking for one in-particular, she couldn't wait to see their faces hiding her phone to her chest when Robert peered over her shoulder she told them she was tired and headed to bed, she couldn't wait until Tuesday. An unexpected delivery called Aaron into work early the next morning, giving him time to come up with a reasonable explanation to where he'd disappeared to last night and hopefully help him take out his anger for Cain out on something. Adam apologising as Ross was unavailable until later, it was coming up to four o'clock when they were nearly finished, Ross having pulled Pete into help meant they'd gotten it almost sorted, Adam saying he and Ross would do the last of it tomorrow, sweat running down all their faces as they collapsed into chairs, cans in their hands, 'sorry again man', Adam said rolling the cold can across his head, it was the tenth one today, it hadn't gone unnoticed to him that Aaron seemed distracted all day, all Aaron does is nod with a grunt. 'You're gonna miss her when she's gone?', Pete asked in a friendly tone as always, Ross on the other hand was sharp sarcastic self, 'yeah, it'll be weird not having her here', Adam and Pete smiled thoughtfully, Ross snorted commenting on how lover boy wasn't enough for him, Pete's sharp jab in the arm shutting him up, 'sorry 'bout him, got to have one idiot in the family'. Aaron waved it off saying he thought that was Adam gaining him a jab in the shoulder from his best friend causing the other three to laugh, Aaron remained quiet, about to speak again Ross was cut of by Aaron, 'careful Barton, she said she'd love to work here which means you'd be out on ye ear', Adam watched his face, it might have been said in humour, the look sad something entirely. Bidding their farewells and thanks Adam waited until they were alone before becoming serious, 'would you, yr know let Liv live here full time with you?', Aaron glanced down then to him, his thought for all to read on his expression, 'I'd love it Ad, I really would but she has her life over there..., I mean what can I offer her'.


	44. Chapter 44

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it been awhile, in the middle of some heavy course work so don't know when next update will be, but will be a quick as I can

Chapter 44 – If You Truly Want

 

Liv’s laughter as she retold the story had her almost breathless, they sat in the pub having tea after their day out to the Trafford centre, Vic and Chas listening to the young girl as spoke enchantedly about their day, from the stores they went to, where they eat, finally ending with how this old man dropped his bags spilling their contents all over the floor. ‘He had this huge dog collar and I mean who has a dog that big’, this started her laughing again, I told her to breath but she ignored me, ‘said he had a rare breed in need of training, recon the bloke’s just lost it really’, I feel the bench beside me sink further, Robert had been doing this while Liv told the others, he’s been quiet since meeting for a while before we left for home, but it being the first time away from the village I half expected he would be. ‘The strangest bit was when I said I’d love to see a dog that big, I mean the bloke just laughed and said maybe I already had’, the listening women seemed unsure this story was funny at all, Vic simply nodding along and Chas giving the three of us a curious look, Rob stood excusing himself to go to the toilet, head low as he did. ‘He alright?’, Vic asked watching her brother disappear through the door, ‘long day’, Liv answered, ‘guess he hates shopping’, Vic tilted her head in agreement, I’m not so sure though but don’t voice my opinion out loud. I had said we could go straight home, seeing Robert’s obvious uncomfortable mood, but he insisted we came for Liv’s sake as it was her choice where we ate, and she seemed a little off today as well, approaching me as to start a conversation, backing off each time, I’ll get her alone later and ask what it was she was so nervous to say. Mum brought over another round when Robert returned, face wet and red like he’d scrubbed it raw, ‘we can go home if you want?’, I say quietly, he squeezers my hand and shakes his head, still not a word coming from him, now I am getting worried.

 

Later that night I curl up to Robert on the sofa watching whatever stupid documentaries on, I shy away from asking him about what was up with him, he has that look in his eyes saying don’t bother asking, I can she he’s trying to cover it up but it’s not working. I instead I ask him if he thought Liv was okay, he leans in and kisses my head telling me to talk to her, let her talk and me listen, god he knows me so well, I break our embrace and head to her bedroom, I know it’s the spare room but in my heart it’s hers. ‘Liv, can I come in’, I ask knocking on the door, a muffled yes calls out and I enter to see her laying on the bed with a book in her hand, Harry Potter, Robert’s would love it if he knew, ‘is there something you want to talk to me about?’, I ask carefully. She shy’s away in too herself for a second before taking a deep breath, I can see her thinking what to say as she bits her lip, she’s more like me than I realised. ‘Well…’, she starts, ‘I was thinking, don’t worry about it, it’s a stupid idea, I mean…’, ‘don’t know if it’s stupid unless I know what it is’, I interrupt her, she nods as she gulps, ‘okay I was thinking that maybe…, I could come and live with you’, the last bit said quickly, she avoids looking me in the eyes. ‘Liv’, I reach out taking her hand, ‘I would love that more than you think, but…, you have school, your mum and friends, would you want to leave them and have to start from scratch all over again?’, I ask softly, she still not looking at me, her face full of rejection until my words sink in, she raises her head nervous eyes observing mine. ‘Truthfully…, I don’t really have friends and mum…,’, she stops for a second, ‘it’s like she would care, she’s got him hasn’t she, I don’t know how to reply, what was I missing here, ‘what do you mean Liv, she’s got him, you’re the most important thing in the world to Sandra, she…’, her huff stops me, ‘important, really, all she does is send me to my room to get rid of me, she…, she hasn’t even rang me while I’ve been here’, it all comes flooding out then, how she looks after her mum, has no social life because Sandra controls everything she does, she can’t go out so what’s the point in having friend. The tears streaming now, I pull to me, holding her as tight as I can as she sobs on my shoulder, I stroke her back to reassure her, in the back of my mind I blame myself for her life, if I hadn’t gone to the police they would have never gotten involved and hadn’t had to see Gordon again, I cringe inwardly at the thought of its name. ‘You’re truly that unhappy there’, it’s not a question or a statement as I finally comprehend just how miserable by baby sister is, I pull out and look at her, ‘I’ll have to talk to Sandra, it’s a lot for her, you and me to consider, but I promise I will talk to her and try for you to have a home here…, me, you, Rob and the rest of the family, I promise’. Once her tears have dried out we go out to a waiting Rob, he smiles at us as he makes three hot chocolates with whipped cream and marsh mellows, did he know about this before I did. Silently placing them on the coffee table as we sit down and Liv curls into me, Robert the other side of her, hand on her shoulder, we say nothing for some time, comfortable in our silence that says more than we think. ‘Liv would like to come to live her, it’s not just up to me and her mum, what do you think about it?’, I ask Rob, Liv sits up to look at him as well, ‘what I think…, what I think is that it would be great to have you here’, Robs eyes so gentle on her, then looks at me and smiles, ‘I love you, both of you and I couldn’t see my life without either of you in it’. 

 

The next day I ring and ring, yet there is no answer from Sandra, so I send her a text telling her it’s important and wait, half way through lugging scrape in the afternoon my phone goes off, I answer it hearing a panicked Sandra on the other end, walking to the port-a-cabin I leave Adam staring at me then at the heap of scrap on the ground. Ten short minutes later I’m enraged, storming out I start throwing the metal pipes across the yard channelling all my anger into it, stopping when I nearly hit Adam with one, I feel like screaming, like getting hold of someone and throttling them, falling to my knees Adam is instantly by my side. He takes me inside, for nearly an hour we stay there until I calm down, thoughts of work clearly for behind use, Adam lets me scream, shout and cry to let it all out before he speaks, ‘you sure?’, he asks concerned, ‘sure…, you’re kidding me aren’t you, I know what I heard, what do I, how do I tell her that…’, arms pull around me tightly, how do I do this.

 

I find Liv and Robert sat outside the café, joking about the hiker they’d just seen with his socks over his trousers, I can’t do this right now, can’t ruin their good moods, they look care free and I don’t want to spoil that. By-passing them I head to the pub, mum’s behind the bar serving, when she sees me she calls Charity out to cover the bar gesturing me through to the back, Charity’s grumbling that it’s her day off, mum rebuffs saying everyday seems to be her day off as I walk past them. Putting my head in my hands as I sit down mum asks what’s wrong, I look up and tell everything, her mouths agape by the time I’m finished and I ask her what I should do, it feels like she’s thinking for a long time, hasn’t moved from the table, face clearly still in shock. ‘What do you think you should do love?’, is all she comes back with, then after more silence between us, ‘is it best for her? Just think about that’, I am, I am thinking about what’s best for her, and now I know, I take out my phone and send a text.

 

We haven’t spoken about it, the mute subject making all of us nervous, it’s been twenty-four hours since I’d texted with no reply, when the buzzer on the door goes, opening it the bored delivery man claims it’s a special delivery and needs signing for. Seeing who it’s from I shout that I’m just popping out and go to mum’s, we sit at the table, the letter in my hands, I don’t know how long I stare at it but it feels like an eternity, I can do this I tell myself. Both of us read it over twice, I know I’ll have to discuss this with the other two, I stand up straight and start to go home telling mum I’ll let her know what happens. Taking deep breaths before I go in, Robert’s concern shines bright, Liv looks confused, I sit on the coffee table in front of them, ‘this came today’, I say holding the envelope up, ‘I spoke to your mum Liv’, I have to stop for a second to gather my thoughts, ‘she sent me these’, I pass it to her and watch her read them, after she looks up at me. ‘Does this mean?’, she asks, ‘yes, this means if you truly want to stay all I have to do is sign and I become your legal guardian, if that’s really what you want’, Liv jumps up and runs to her room, Robert stays silent, just smiles as to say you’re doing the right thing. Liv returns with a pen and quickly hands it to me with the paperwork urging me to sign it now, there’s hope in her eyes that I haven’t seen since she’d gotten here, I cup her face softly then return to the form and sign my name. She asks if there’s still time to put them in today, luckily there is and by the end of the day I have full custody of my little sister, my heart feels full for the first time in a long time, I have Rob, my family and now Liv, all my life before HE came back I thought I’d be alone forever. We have a small celebration of take-out pizza and a film, just the three of us, it was good, no better than good, later in bed Robert asks, ‘how did you convince Sandra?’, I feel my anger build at the sound of her name, ‘didn’t have to, as soon as I’d said it she said she’s have the paperwork ready’, I say angrily, ‘she couldn’t get rid of her fast enough, how could she…, but at least where here for her instead of that selfish bitch’.


	45. No Pets

Chapter 45 – No Pets

Still days later I’m feeling angry, putting on a brave face not to let the others know, mum and Robert who know me to well were not convinced, pulling aside quizzing me about what was bothering me. I exploded, the pressure and hatred for Sandra boiling over, I told them exactly what she had said, that after the one phone call she’d had with Liv she’d organised the papers after hearing how happy she sounded in the hope that it would happen. Mum had thought it was funny how quickly she’d got them to me, but from what Liv had told me about her life with her mum I’m wondering if it hadn’t been her plan all along because she’d slipped up when I’d talked to her about Liv living here saying now she could have her life back, god how much I hate her, hadn’t Liv been through enough with learning what a scum bag her father was and the scariness of the trial. I’d been busy the last few days, sorting out a new school, social workers meetings, if they had gone bad what would have happened to Live then, Robert had been a god send, looking up the different schools, scrutinising them to make sure they were right for her. Liv though hadn’t stopped smiling, I saw her down the street the other day hugging Gabby as they jumped up and down, Gabby shouting you’re staying at the top of her lungs, now that did make me honestly smile, seeing how happy she was, how relaxed, not once had she asked how Sandra had said yes, maybe she knew she wouldn’t hesitate to let her go and what of Sandra, she’d not even called Liv since, Liv had tried but always got the answerphone.

‘Robert, you coming with?’, I called to the bedroom, shopping not being my number one past time, but Liv needed more clothes and school supplies for next week and I could do with someone sensible so when I say no I have back up. He’d done so well last time I hoped we could repeat it and build up more of his confidence to go out of the village, well until we were about to head to the car and that crazy, creepy old man started rambling on about his rare breed dog and how they just needed to be trained right, I’d noticed how uncomfortable he’d become and rushed us along saying we really needed to go. ‘No, got some work I need to finish up for tomorrow, sorry’, he called back, trying to hide his nervousness, it bled through though, ‘have fun tough’, he added, I shouted to Liv to say we were leaving soon, she practically skipped grabbing her jacket and stood by the front door.

‘Never again’, I say putting my head on the bar, mum and Charity just start laughing, mum telling me, we’ll see about that love, I raise my head just enough to see the grin on her face as she puts the pint down next to me, ‘yeah, thanks mum’, not sure wither I’m thanking her for the drink or the comment. Liv comes bouncing up to me like the energiser bunny she’d been all day. A groan escaped my lips wondering what she chatter would be about next, ‘can I get a dog?’, now that I didn’t expect, ‘I was thinking a rare bread, like that old man said he had, what type was it again?’, huh, I have to think back, ‘he never said and no you can’t have a dog’. She’s giving me puppy dog eyes, mum’s laughing as she serves Jimmy, ‘fine then I’ll just ask Jacob, he’ll let me’, she pouts at me innocently, sipping my drink I groan again.

‘Whatever she asks say no’, I say as I clear the plates from tea seeing Liv look at me coyly, then looking like butter wouldn’t melt, Robert watching the two of us bemused, ‘okay’, he stumbles out, he’d been quiet the whole meal, distracted. ‘Oh, come on, a dog would be fun…, and so cute, just imagine that pretty little face’, Robert became defensive, ‘no…, no chance, not even…,’, he staggered back from his chair, steps fumbling to keep their balance. His panic stricken face flustered and short of breath, the chair laying on its side as he gripped the counter behind him for dear life, I approached him slowly, hands up in surrender to show I wasn’t going to attack like he was looking at me like I was going too, Liv sat there stunned, not saying a word, ‘hey, no dogs…, no pets what-so-ever if that’s what you want’, I watch his reaction, watch his breathing slow down, it’s only then I reach out and touch his arm gently. Robert fell forward, grip slackening its hold, I gestor to Liv to get me a chair and sit him down when she does, still not saying a word, her face shocked and scared having not seen this before. Once his breaths equalled out I helped Robert to bed, he barely spoke two words just curled into a ball and stared into space until sleep took over, Liv sat stock still when I got back, her expression asking me questions, ‘he’ll be fine…, had a panic attack, he’ll be okay after some sleep’, she relaxed physically but mentally she still questioned. ‘I did this…, I caused this…, but I only asked….’, I can tell she’s feeling guilty, blaming herself, ‘It’s not your fault alright, you didn’t know, hell I didn’t know he’d react like this…, just let’s not bring it up again, he’ll talk when he’s ready, alright’, she nodded but was still confused.

By the time morning came I’m still awake, worried about what set the panic attack off, Robert had tossed and turned most of the night, at one point waking up from a nightmare, sweat pouring off him, grabbing at his neck like he was trying to pull something from it. I’d held him telling him he was safe and I would always look after him until he fell asleep again. The alarm on my phone was due to go off so I climb out of bed carefully so not to wake him and head to the living room, dismissing the tone when it sounds, seven am and I need coffee, lots of it. Sitting down, settling into my second cup I ring Travis telling him Robert won’t be in work, when he asked why I asked myself if I should tell him the truth knowing there are people there who can help better than me, so I tell him what I can, he says he will call over later under another pretence when he’s awake to speak to him, try and get him to talk to his counsellor, he too knows how pig headedly stubborn my beloved fiancé can be. I told Adam I’d be working from home, things are quiet so he bought it, so now an hour later I’m staring blankly at my computer, files on it not read, I snap my head up hearing footsteps approaching. Robert rubs his eyes as he nears me asking the time, nearly having a heart attack when I tell him, I tell him Travis rang and said he didn’t need to be in so I didn’t wake him, then something twists, Robert makes a coffee asking me if I wanted one as well like last night never happened. I lift my already full cup up showing I have one already, excusing myself I go to the bathroom and text Travis, saying what I’d told Robert so he can play along.

Making an excuse to go the shop I leave the two of them when Travis gets here saying he has some plans to show Robert and that he was heading this way so he thought he’d just pop by with them. For the last hour before this Robert chatted about us going on a possible trip away, I could tell he was trying to cover up his feeling, almost a silent I don’t what to talk about it Aaron. By the time I get back, having bumped into Paddy and Leo and ended up at the park with them, there’s a note on the table from Robert, simply saying he had to go to work for a bit, checking my phone I see three texts, I forgot I put it on silent. One from Robert telling me the same as the note and two from Travis saying he got him to talk, the next on just saying I got him, don’t worry. Blowing out a breath I stare at the ceiling thankful that at least he’s where he should be right now, Mum chose that point to knock, she’d not used her key in a while, letting her in I put the kettle on and make a brew. ‘Liv popped round earlier, right little live wire that one’, I look at her raising one eye brew and tell her to get to the point, she expression letting me know she has something to say, ‘she was upset, said she upset Robert, didn’t say how but she feels bad about whatever it was’, she says with concern. ‘Mum, it’s not her fault’, I think for a second, ‘is that why she went out so early?’, Mum nods her answer, I see my phone light up and answer it, Robert saying there’s a new admission coming in and he will probably be there all day, may have to stay over, telling him okay and I love him he ends the call. Then I get a text telling me Robert just needs time to sort his thoughts out and will staying the night, obviously they are not in the same room at home farm. 

 

A week later I’m cooking tea when arms wrap around me and a kiss is placed on my head, Robert seemed a lot better for staying that night, must have done him some good, Liv had been careful about what she was saying at first, but now she’s back to her normal self, only now she’s moaning about her new school and teachers. ‘How about you, me, a weekend away?’, he asks me, ‘I’d love to, you sure you what to, I mean you’ve never been out of the village that long’, I know the village is his security net. ‘Wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t sure?’, he says kissing my neck, I’ve missed this I have to admit, ‘yeah, why not, where should we go?’, I ask, Robert chuckles, I shiver feeling his hot breath on my skin, ‘leave that to me, I want it to be a surprise’. 

Two weeks later we’re sat in the car, Robert insisted on driving, only because he hasn’t told me our destination, I watch the scenery while I listen to him humming along to the radio. ‘Are we there yet?’, I say childishly as a joke, he rolls his eyes and shakes his head, ‘about another hour, don’t worry’, I hate surprises all week I tried and begged him to tell me where we were going, ‘alright I’ll give’, he points to the road sign, my eyes widen, you’ve got to be kidding me.


	46. Getting to know Joseph

Chapter 46 – Getting to know Joseph

Robert:  
Aaron’s face turned to shock when he saw their destination, silence there before, but trust me it’ll be fine’, Aaron’s staring at me now stating that he’d never told me that, ‘there’s a reason where going, but…,’, ‘but?’, he asks me shakily?’, ‘yeah, well you see you’ll have go by Joseph, that’s the name you want by isn’t it, right’, Aaron just nods at me, he looks intrigued to how I know all this, ‘and will be Jacob’, again he just nods, then finally speaks asking why. Telling him I’ll show him when we get their he insists on me telling him now. ‘Fine, we’re not staying at a hotel, we’re staying at a friends, and yes we are invited’, Aaron asks who we know there, I smile and tell him he’ll have to wait and see.

Aaron:  
We pull up in the buildings carpark, a very familiar building from my past, my own private prison cell, my thoughts and feelings are running in a loop as we make our way to the apartment, muscle memory moving my feet until we get to the front door and stop. ‘This is the right one, isn’t it?’, I ask Robert who’s looking at the address on the card in his hand and then the number on the door. ‘yeah, how did you…’ before he gets to finish the door swings open revealing an excited Grace behind it, stepping forwards she surrounds me in an embrace so tight I feel like my lungs may explode, I take a huge breath in when she lets go and does the same to Robert, then gestures for us to enter. ‘I put you in the bedroom on the left with the en-suite’, I sigh in relief while Robert looks between us not understanding, tugging at his coat I show him the way ignoring the main bathroom door, he can tell there’s something about that door I don’t like but he never asks why. Returning to the living room, Grace has a cup of steaming tea ready just the way I like it, then starts another asking Robert how he takes his, ‘strange you remembered, I usually made them’, I say smirking, ‘funny ha-ha’, she says then pulls tongues at me while she puts the cup down.

‘Right, so the reason you’re here’, Grace all serious now, ‘I can see why’, I nod at her ring finger sporting a simple band with a small stone embedded in it, ‘congrats, who’s the unlucky soul’, Robert smacks my shoulder apologising to her for my joke. ‘Don’t worry about it love, I’m used to him’, I snigger for the first time since I got here, feeling myself relax, ‘and to answer your question, I met him through work, she watches me closely, ‘you’ll meet him tonight, zombie bolt hold here we come’, there’s humour in her voice, what is she keeping from me.

Robert:

They took me through the large wooden doors off the cobbled street, instead of being on a level there were stairs descending to the left next to the entrance, I find myself wondering what was awaiting me beyond the door at the bottom, I’m surprised by what I see, I was thinking it would be some dark and dingy bar, but instead it’s massive. Directly ahead are groups of leather sofas and chairs cozied around a table in the middle, on cloister a group are playing a board game, laughing at the answers being called out, mirrors hang on the walls lit up by fake candelabra’s. The bar has a kitchen connected to it, the staff work steadily as more people come to it, there’s booths with curtains tied between them along one side, a couple lent into each other in one leaning against the high leather back rest enjoying the food that had just been served. I’m dragged past the tall tables in the middle, one side separated by divides, behind the furthest divide hides two pool tables, I hear the clattering of balls and a cheer as someone obviously has just won, the place feels homely but I still find myself looking for exit routes, looking around again I can see why it’s nick named the zombie bolt hold, it would be a perfect base to survive the zombie apocalypse. We sit in the last booth, Grace has gone to the bar to get drinks, I’m still taking in this place when a name being called out pulls me back to reality, I hear the name again and Aaron groans, ‘I can’t believe it, you’re alive Joseph, and here was us thinking the worst for a while, why didn’t you tell us about your new job?’, the small Scotsman says in our direction. Aaron gives him a small smile and waves, ‘it just happened, what can I say’, un-invited he sits opposite us, ‘tell me everything’, before Aaron could open his mouth the lively lad continues, ‘you’re not with her still are you? Seemed a bit controlling if you ask me’. It’s then Grace comes back, the Scot gives an apologetic look like he has said something wrong, especially when he sees their both wearing engagement rings, ‘I’m not with Grace anymore, we are still friends though’, he smiles at me then Grace, ‘Dean, you know Grace’, he motions to her, Dean stands up and lets her sit by the wall then sit next to her, ‘and this is Jacob, my fiancé’ , Dean mouth goes agape in surprise, I hold out to him and he shakes it. ‘It’s nice to meet you Dean’, ‘wow’, is all he says, ‘are you here for Simon’s bash, not met his fiancé yet’, we both stare at Grace who’s gone bright red, ‘not that he works for us now, but you know yourself, bigger and better things and all that…, anyway better be getting back, can’t wait to tell them you’re here, but might I say you look a lot better natural than blonde’. Dean leaves us, we hear him in the distance saying you won’t believe who’s here. ‘so, Simon?’, Aaron asks breaking the silence, I’m seriously confused now, who’s Simon, ‘did he ever work there?’, Aaron continued, Grace sips her drink thinking, ‘only when you were there, he stayed on a bit longer to keep up appearances’, now I get it, Aaron blinks as it seems to take him longer to figure it out. ‘Hang on, he came on to me all the time, he worked with you the entire time, why didn’t you tell me?’, he whispered across the table then downs his coke, then claims to need something stronger. Much stronger and his prayers are answered when a spirit is set in front of him. Downing it in one he looks up to see a ginger haired man smile, not just to him, but me as well before sitting next to Grace kissing her on the cheek, ‘Simon, nice to meet you Jacob’, I shake his hand, holding Aaron’s with the other giving him time for the shock to settle, ‘so’, I say, ‘where you two, you know…, when the two of you…’, I point between my man and Grace. ‘No, we met during, didn’t get together until after’, Grace said happily, ‘would have told you but you had your own stuff going on’, it was to Aaron the last bit. We sat in pure silence for a while before Aaron found his voice again, ‘I’m happy for you both, truly I am, but you should have said, you totally freaked me out some days’, he said to Simon, who said he was sorry and that he had to play the part.

The rest of the evening went well, we all started to relax, both Aaron and myself cracked a couple of genuine smiles instead of the I’m comfortable really ones, there had been a few times when some of the others tried to talk me onto having a drink-drink, the first couple of times I told them I was fine, after that I told them I don’t drink alcohol, from the looks I got they must have thought I was some sort of alcoholic, but Aaron, sorry Joseph said not tonight and that I was carrying him back tonight as he lifted up his coke pretending it had vodka in it. Thankfully they settled with that, not that the questions hadn’t already started, how did you two meet?, I didn’t know you battered for the other team as well, since when?, and the most interesting one from a newcomer from the group, well this isn’t awkward is it?, as she pointed between Grace, Aaron and Simon, she hadn’t seen mine and Aaron’s rings yet. ‘Not really, we split on good terms, remained friends’, Grace answered, the woman, Claire, laughed and suggested it wasn’t anything to do with Joe here playing for the other team, Aaron rolled his eyes and said that Grace had known from the beginning and he’d never felt the need to tell them. He got a look from Simon as to say good come back. Their attention turned to me then, what did I do for a living?, where did I come from, and so on, it was only when Grace and Simon went to the bar and Aaron to the toilet that an older lady approached me and introduced herself as Sharron, Aaron had pointed her out earlier saying how much he’d liked her, how she’d always looked out for him in her own way for some reason. ‘I like seeing him like this’, I look at her curiously, ‘open, carefree, you know what I mean…, he was always closed off when he worked with us, like he wasn’t fully himself, you know’, I’m not sure how to or if I should respond so I let her continue, ‘it’s not easy growing up in the system, lonely having no family, can’t trust people too much’, she paused thoughtfully, I’ve no clue what she’s on about, I just nod, ‘I know what it’s like myself, that was until I meet my Bill and from what I see, you’re his Bill, so look after him’. I gulp down the giant lump that’s formed in my throat, ‘I will, I promise, he means the world to me’, I may not know what she’s on about, but he had spoken in our joint counselling sessions about how alone he’d felt growing up and how holding on to such a dark secret and what happened to him had made him not trust properly, I myself felt like that, still do sometimes and I’m sure it was the same for him.

I’m still a bag of nerves, even if I don’t show it on the outside or a least I hope not, Sharron id lovely, she’s so gentle and motherly when she speaks about Aaron, we’ve been talking for a while now, one of the others having pulled him away to play pool, he’d looked worried to leave me on my own with her, I reassure him that I will be fine, ‘he’s just cares, that’s all’, she says, then looked on see Grace watching us, ‘she wasn’t right for him, it was like he had no freedom except at work’, I could counter that by saying she was just doing her job but I stop myself, ‘that’s just her way of showing she cares’, I tell her instead, ‘she’s protective of him even now, me too, I like that about her’. Aaron comes back after winning two games in a row, the bar is much busier now and I’m starting to get jittery , the only times I’ve been in crowds has been at wishing well and the wool pack and then it had been with Dingle’s and villages, this was much bigger for me to deal with, ‘hey, you okay?’, he asks me, I take hold of his arm like I’m holding on for dear life and that’s how he knows, ‘how about we head back to Grace’s early, it’s been along day’, he suggests, I nod as my words get stuck in my throat.

After saying a quick goodbye to everyone, Grace and Simon say they’ll see us later and hand us the keys to theirs, the fresh air that gulfs us when we get outside is welcomed, blowing away the cloud of claustrophobia that had wrapped around me towards the end, I’m getting better with crowds but not when they get that big. On the way back, I stop and stare at one of the building that’s lit up, it’s beautiful, there’s vines of iron that work their way around the top, interlinking like a circle of life that will never die. We stand there admiring it for a minute or two, ‘I’ve never noticed it before, not properly, it’s stunning’, Aaron says finally, still looking at it, wrapping my arms around his shoulders I kiss his temple, ‘I suppose you never really do when it’s always there’, I turn his head to look at me, ‘but with you I see it, everyday, do you know how much I missed you when we weren’t together’. He leans up and kisses me as he tightens my arms to him, everything unsaid understood, there’s love and sadness saying at least I knew he was alive, we’ve never spoken about it after he’d found out I was still breathing, they also say now’s not the time for this conversation. We start walking again, I ask him what Sharron meant by him growing up in the system and he tells me the cover story he had when he was here, it makes sense now, passing the St. Enoch’s shopping centre I can’t help but laugh, ‘what’s so funny’, he asks stopping us. ‘Nothing, just something Vic told me about, a story about Andy when he worked up here’, I can say his name without contempt now thanks to therapy, I see Aaron blush under the street light, ‘so it’d true then, he did see you?’, he looks shyly at me, ‘yeah, he saw me, had to cover it so he thought he hadn’t’, I laugh harder now saying I’ll have to compare notes with Grace. If one things for sure I got to know his Joseph persona tonight, a glimpse into what he had to survive away from all of us that love him, the stories from those he worked with breaks my heart that he couldn’t be himself. ‘When we get home can we do something?’, I ask, ‘what?’, he counters, ‘plan our wedding, make me a Dingle’, I never want him to feel alone again.


	47. Worst-case Scenarios Are Not Always What You Think

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so go, life, work and other stuff getting in the way, anyway enjoy.

Chapter 47 – Worst-case Scenarios Are Not Always What You Think

Arriving back in the village, we park behind the pub, it’s good to be home but the time away did Robert and myself the world of good. In a way it had helped both of us confront our fears of new surroundings, I’d not been like that until I’d had to wait for the trail, my time away as I put it, this time in Glasgow I wasn’t hiding, alright I still had to lie about my name, yet it was freeing and nice to see everyone from the call centre. Especially Sharron and Grace, who was less stressed, then again she was working then, it’s Simon who’d surprised me the most, not once had I even thought he was an undercover police officer, goes to show how good he is at his job. We’d relaxed the day after the party, given Grace sat at breakfast with a raging hangover, Simon having stopped when he’d had enough, she groaned about the jack hammer attacking her head the only sympathy she got was two pain killers with her coffee. At one point someone thought it would be funny to be extra loud, man for a moment I thought she was going to kill her beloved then and there but she vowed she’d get revenge, how did she put it, oh yeah, revenge is a dish best served cold, can’t wait to hear how that pans out. The rest of the morning was spent chilling out in front of the telly watching old game shows, laughing over the prizes that were top of the range back then, or the ridiculous fashion sense and hair do’s, they just missed out in winning a speed boat, shame really since they lived in Birmingham, I mean were would they keep it if they had won. Warm smiles shared between us, I could tell we were thinking about the same thing, yet neither of us voiced it, didn’t stop me from googling stuff on my phone though. I know he want to change his last name to mine but if he changed his mind it wouldn’t matter, to the family he was already a Dingle, just had to work on Cain though, I’m still suspicious about the file I found, what else was he hiding.

 

Grace saying her head felt a thousand times better suggested we should go out that evening and had I ever tried sushi, grimacing I told her I don’t like raw fish. Robert smirked explain it wasn’t raw and I should give it a try before I dismiss the idea, giving up after another ten minutes of persuasion we headed out to a place called Yo Sushi. ‘This looks weird, how does it work again?’, I asked looking at the different coloured plates going round on a conveyor belt in front of us, sighing Simon told me for the third time that the colours indicated the prices or we could order hot food, I just nodded in agreement. The three of them selected things they thought I would like, they were okay but not something I’d have again, until Robert placed what looked like a small Victoria sponge in front of me with a sauce, now that I liked, so-much-so I got two more to take away. We passed on the offer of a drink after as we were driving first thing, the four of us settled watching telly again, this time watching a film, Robert missing the end of it having fallen asleep with his head on my shoulder, light snores drifting from him peacefully.

 

The loud scream of my name brought me back to reality, Liv practically leaping to the car to greet us, ‘never again, how do you put up with Charity? Seriously she did my head in’, she said giving me a bear hug the doing the same to Robert. ‘You learn to ignore it is how’, I answered as we go inside, mum busing herself making us all a brew when I saw her gestured to us to sit down and tell us about our weekend, then pointed to the letters on the table telling us she’d picked up our post. Robert began to relate stories of the party to them as I flickered though the mail, most of them junk or bills, until one court my eye, opening it I glanced between Liv and Robert, sighing as I put it down drew their attention to me, Robert becoming silent half way through a sentence. ‘What is it?’, Robert asked, he knows me to well, looking at me with a concerned look on his face, ‘child services wants to see me on Wednesday, it doesn’t say why though’,, Liv’s becoming upset hearing this so Robert puts his arm around her speaking reassuringly, ‘it’ll be alright Liv, trust me’, I added. 

 

No-one in our household has slept well the past few nights I don’t think judging by the wary sets of eyes quietly asking questions on the Wednesday morning, I know I haven’t, a million thoughts running through my brain about what might be said at the meeting today. The one that worries me the most I hope won’t come up and I know it’s worrying Robert as well, yesterday I succumbed and spoke to mum about it, she said not to worry about it but how could I not. Taking my cup to the sink I give Robert’s hand a gentle squeeze as I tell Liv she needs to leave or she’ll miss the bus for school, ‘I’m not going, I’m coming with you’, she states as I turn to look at her leaning against the work top, we’ve had this conversation a few times now, ‘yeah, and how would that look to them, I promise if it’s that serious I’ll come straight to the school after’. I’m trying to keep my voice calm because inside I’m the total opposite, she stares at me stubbornly, my focus is so on her I haven’t even noticed Robert getting up, ‘come on Liv, I’ll walk you to the bus stop, feel like walking to work anyway’, Robert says standing behind her grabbing his coat, I know why, walking id his way of clearing his mind, but I can’t help but notice that he’s limping slightly this morning and when I ask him if he’s okay he tells me he’s just a little and the walk will do him good. Before they leave he gives me a kiss on the cheek and tells me to text me no matter what, then I hug Liv and watch them go, albeit begrudgingly by Liv, now I’m alone my thoughts go the worst-case scenarios, I swear some days I wish I could switch the damn thing off. 

 

A few agonising hours later I’m sat, or rather pacing the waiting room of dare I say it, a really ugly building, constantly watching the door, jumping each time it opens expecting a grim looking case worker to call me in, Mrs. What her name is, think positively I keep telling myself over and over in my head, yet my brain can’t seem to override my hands every time they clench into fists, my nails digging into the flesh of my palms, driving deeper each time the squeak of the door comes to my attention. My head shoots up, I stare in surprise and confusion, ‘what are you doing here?’, I ask as he sits down patting the chair next to him for me to join him, ‘couldn’t concentrate at work, doing Tristen’s head in apparently ‘, Robert sighs as I sit, he takes my hand, the tips of his fingers feeling the indents in it, ‘and I don’t think you really want to do this alone, so I explained to him and he dropped me off…, didn’t miss anything did I?’. I shake my head no, telling him that they are running late, I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing, and he’s right, I thought I could do this alone, but from the time I entered the building the nerves set in completely and I realised I needed someone with me, god I’m so happy he’s here right now. We sit quietly, I’m leaning into him with my head on his shoulder when the slender, dark haired woman enters to tell us their ready and apologises for the wait.

 

I’m numb, my body must have been on auto-pilot when I pulled Liv from school early, she’s been asking and asking while we drove home, but this not a conversation to have while I’m driving. Robert places the last of the four teas on the coffee table, he did the last thing I expected, I would have thought he’d of texted mum to come over when I asked him to reach out for family support, god we’re going to need it, but instead sitting next to Liv is Lisa, he’d given her a brief idea of what’s happened, he must of really listened to our late night talks to know Lisa was the best person to be here. ‘Liv…’, I start then pause thinking how to say it, ‘it’s your mum’, I see her face change to panic, ‘it’s just that…, well she’s not been too well and that’s why we haven’t been able to get hold of her’, she’s staring at us all now demanding to know what is wrong with her, I can’t say it, the words choke up in my throat. Lisa puts her arm around her protectively, ‘she’s not been copping love, and asked for help, which is a huge step, so…, a few weeks ago she voluntarily admitted her self to a clinic’, Liv’s crying now, holding on to Lisa for dear life, ‘she’s getting the help she need, and until then Aaron will be your full legal guardian instead of a shared one’. We sit in silence for a while, Liv breaking it when she asks how long has she been like this for, ‘from what they told us, it’s been…, along time Liv, they said it could have been years and everything just hit her all at once’, blowing out a long breath Liv nods her head, ‘that explains a lot’, she says shakily. What she means by that I’m not sure, but before I can ask she continues, ‘can I talk to her?’, she sounds like she’s feeling guilty for something now, ‘erm…, not just yet, she gave them permission to tell us what they have but they also said we will have to wait ‘til the doctors say she’s ready…, we can phone the unit for updates though and possibly pass messages on’, I say to her. Standing she leans on the arm of the sofa to support herself, once balanced she just says she’s going to her room and disappears, I go to get up to go after her but Robert stops me saying he will go, sitting back down, Lisa kneels in front of me, rubbing my arms reassuringly, ‘we’ve been through this with our Belle and look how she is now, we’ll get through this as well, together.


	48. Can’t Be Prouder Of Robert

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been awhile, life took over and I haven't had chance to write, hopefully the next chapter you won't have to wait as long

Chapter 48 – Can’t Be Prouder Of Robert

 

To say the past four months have been easy would be a lie, following the conversation with Liv about Sandra we had to physically stop her from packing her stuff and going to Ireland, reassuring her that once her mum was well enough to retrieve visitors I’d go with her. Child services had been good to their word and kept us informed on her progress weekly, it had become one of the things we all, well I wouldn’t say looked forward too, but any news was news, and the bad news we dealt with together. Lisa has become our rock some what through this, I don’t know how many times Liv has talked to her, me it’s been a good few, allowing us to vent as she calls it when we feel it’s not something we don’t want worry each other about. Once given the go ahead, I tried to get over with Liv two weekends a month, it hurt to see Sandra like that, so I left Liv to it, I know it’s not my fault, but can’t help but feel guilty that it was what happened to me that caused all this, no it’s not my fault, it’s that monsters, I keep having to tell myself. If I couldn’t go then mum went instead, not wanting Liv and Sandra to miss out on their time, she’s been a life saver by doing it, every time she comes home she’s seemed better than before, knowing her mum’s getting treatment and care she needs. The doctor said given the length of time Sandra had kept it hidden then we’d be looking at a slow recovery, and to that end Robert and myself have decided to wait to get married once again so she can be there also, something I know she’s looking forward to, as she puts it, I have two things to fight to get better for, the first and most important one being Liv and then the wedding. Distracting Liv with planning the wedding has been a god send , firstly we asked her to be a flower girl, she said yes, but as long as she didn’t have to wear a dress, so that’s Liv, Lily and Sarah as flower girls and Jack as page boy. Since telling mum we were starting to plan it our small ceremony has become much larger, tomorrow me, her and Liv are going to look at suits, I don’t know what’s worse, wearing one or shopping for one with mum, I can feel my head ache starting now.

 

On the work front we couldn’t be busier, we’ve even taken on more staff, Adam wasn’t sure about one of them as he had a record, to which I slapped him around the head and reminded him of ours, Gerry’s a good lad though, works hard and now rents my old room in the pub, mums had nothing bad to say about him, he even helps there when she’s short. With the scrape yard doing so well we had to look for bigger premises, all the ones we did see nearby were out of our price range though, until Robert suggested a section of home farm, he said there was no need for payment, in private reminding me that I did own it as well, but I stood my ground and a fair rent was agreed on. He grumbled, I put it another way, the rent money could go straight into the business and help more people, so now we’re all set up and ready to go on the out skirts of the grounds, hidden away from the house, triple the area we had before so there’s room for a crusher which is coming next week and instead of a fence, a wall has been built to separate us from the work there, for security as well, or as we told others to keep home farm from looking tatty. I feel good to be putting back into the services there, as I have used them when I need too, it also means I can give Robert a lift to work and back without him relying on Tristan all the time.

 

Whilst I’m thinking about home farm, can’t be prouder of Robert, there’s still a lot…, a lot of money there for their work, but he’s been thinking about the long run, contacting different firms and business’s, all but one have chosen to fund some of the basic needs, one who said yes it turns out his brother is a survivor and donated a large sum in his name and will continue to do annually, to go towards the art therapy as it’s helped his sibling so much, all confidentially of cause, even the one who said no had to sign a clause so he can’t talk about it. I met him one day, the brother, just over a month ago when I was waiting for Robert as his meeting was running late, I’d been in the kitchen having a coffee and he’d just come from a session, we’d nodded hello while he poured himself one before I introduced myself, joining me we’d gotten to chatting, Bill, that’s his name was waiting for his brother who’d got stuck in traffic. When I asked that he did for a living he’d gone quiet for a minute before saying he didn’t have a job, that he didn’t fell comfortable in large groups, that before he was a mechanic and wished he could find something, but fear held him back. I was surprised that he opened- up to me the way he did, and when I said he didn’t have to he just said he felt like he could, something about the same look in my eyes that he got at times, we carried on from there, no ins-or-outs of his or my situation, we talked about cars and stuff, I told him about the scrape yard, his eyes lit up when I said it wasn’t far from there and he asked me if he could visit, firstly asking how many people I employed, I work on a rota of four on, two at the yard and two on runs, when I said it was hard work as when Ross left after Finn died there is only four of us and people need days of so it can be tough some days. After a couple of visits, on which he insisted on making the teas, in the same week I might add, he asked if he could help as I was on my own, always glad of it I said yes and now he’s become a part-time member of staff, site only. His brother Glen thanked me for giving him a chance as he suffers panic attacks when overwhelmed, we took it slow to start with to allow him to get used to me, Adam, Pete and Gerry, talking to Glen it was the first time I’ve ever told a complete stranger that know I were Bill was coming from, he understood instantly. As well as donating to home farm he also invested in my business, according to him it was Bill who suggested it, hence the crusher coming next week.

 

It’s coming up to noon, I’ll having words with Adam for not taking Gerry on the run with him, as he said it was only a look about, Bill and I have had to listen on and on about the new racing game he wants to play, pleading eyes setting on as I already have it. Checking my watch, I tell Bill he can shoot off early, knowing he has an appointment but don’t want to say that aloud, ‘that’s not fair, why does he et to go early?’, Gerry asks, I sigh, ‘did I not let you leave early last week’, I say pointingly, he grumbles an oh yeah and goes quiet. Bill says thanks and giggle at Gerry, it’s good to see him coping with the mouthy teenager, there has been times I’ve sat with Bill as he had a mild panic attack, but we’re getting there, ‘good luck tomorrow’, he says as he leaves, I just say thank you and that I’ll need it. Watching through the window I Vic walk past him waving hello as he gets in Glen’s car, a huge smile on her face, and it looks like she’s skipping as she pushers the pram, I head out to meet her, suddenly, their arms wrapped tightly around me, squeezing the life out of me. ‘You know what Jacob asked?’, I nod then ask if I can breathe again, she laughs as she lets go of me, ‘yeah, go on’, I say, we’re interrupted by an energetic Gerry cooing at Lily asking if he can hold her. Vic roles her eyes, she can’t help but laugh at the playful eyes of Gerry, she asks him if he can keep an eye on her while we talk inside, he practically bouncing with happiness, he loves kids and they love him. ‘Well I talked to him last night and he said he’d come back and work through stuff’, now I’m smiling, this will mean so much to Robert, he so wants his brother at the wedding, ‘that’s amazing Vic, have you told him yet?’, she looks down biting her lip tells me she’s tried but he must be in a meeting, but she just had to tell one of us.

 

This must be at least the twentieth suit held up in front of me, I was excited and nervous about picking the right one but now I’m bored and hungry, Liv looks just the same, mum like an energiser bunny choosing ones she thinks will suit me. ‘a suit ‘s a suit mum’, I say, she gasps telling me it’s not and it has to be perfect for he baby boy’s day, I’ve gone red instantly, the assistant is trying to hide his smile. The next does grab my attention, it’s blue, not to dark, not to light, and I can’t hold my smile back, the assistant picked this one, man he’s good at his job, ‘I love it’, I say, mum punching the air in triumph, a silent tear falling as she hugs me. ‘Can we eat now’, Liv grumbles as a rumble comes from here belly, after I try it on it’s Liv that comments on how it brings out my eyes, is she getting emotional on me now as well, we go eat. Mum’s grumbling about wasting food, her steely look focused on me whilst I push my food around the plate, Liv’s already helping herself to the chips having finished hers. Looking at suits managed to distract me from my thoughts for a time, but now they go back to this morning, Robert telling me that Andy was coming back next week and how they were going to go to a group session, them and Vic, about how he was scared to lose his brother completely if they didn’t start talking properly. ‘Come on love, what’s up?’, mum asks, I can’t say about Andy as I promised I wouldn’t, but there is one thing I can say, ‘Robert’s asked me to go to a meeting with him in couple of days, something to do with the new investors, just not sure I should’, they think I don’t know anything that goes on at home farm and I see there eyes light up thinking I will tell them if, no when I go as I have already said yes. ‘Does that mean you’ll get to know what happens there?’, Liv asks before mum can, I sigh, ‘yes, but I will have to sign to say I won’t talk about what ever it is, so if I do I couldn’t tell you nosy parkers anyway’, mum squeezes my arm telling me I should go and support him, no questions will come from her after.

 

Robert holds my arm to my side to stop me fiddling with my tie, reminding me I didn’t have to wear it, but I want to be smart for him, seeing Sam approach us I take a deep breath, I don’t know why I’m so nervous, it’s not me taking the meeting. Sam goes through who will be attending, which a confused Robert asks if there was not four companies coming, ‘one had to decline at the last minute, due to work load’, she answers, he doesn’t look convinced and simply says her name questioningly, ‘okay’, she sighs, ‘they didn’t pass the checks’, Robert doesn’t ask why and nods trusting his head of security. Bill came and whisked Robert away to go over stuff I don’t understand, leaving me with Sam, ‘Sam, why didn’t they pass?’, I ask quietly, I can tell she’s not sure weather she should tell me, promising her I will not say a word she pulls me into the board room in the hotel were it’s being held, ‘the company was found to have used white enterprises for business meetings, I don’t think I should tell him that, do you’, god she’s right, he’s come so far and I don’t want him to recoil back. The door opens and two men and one woman enter followed by Robert, Bill and Tristen, once seated Robert sips his water and re-stands, giving me a small smile before he starts, ‘welcome and thank you for coming, I am Jacob Harris, co-owner of home farm and to my right is the other owner, my fiancé Aaron’, he gestures to me as they she hello, ‘before we start, did you all sign the confidentiality agreement’, he watches as they nod, one asking why it is needed, it’s Tristen that responds saying all will become clear soon. ‘In front of you are all the services we provide at home farm, read as we go if you wish and feel free to ask questions at any time, but please allow me some time to answer each one before asking the next’. After going through the presentation, were lots of questions were asked, answered by Robert, Sam, or Tristen, Fred the older man looked up from the papers in front of him, ’my I ask why you start home farm? Sorry, if it’s personal, you don’t have to answer that’, he stumbles his words, like he now regrets I, Robert looks down at me, I reach up and hold his hand, giving it a squeeze, Robert turns to the room,’ the answer to that is simple, the work we provide, well…, it is the help I received, you see…, I’m a survivor’.


	49. Are you as concerned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andy returns, but how will that go

Chapter 49 – Are you as concerned 

 

‘You see…, I’m a survivor’, the room went silent, I could see those that did not know trying to find the right words but could also see that Robert was taking this as a bad thing. He started shaking now unsure he had done the right thing, his legs looked like they where about to buckle beneath him, I got up before Tristin could, held his hand and addressed the room myself. ‘As you are aware my name is Aaron, and I too am a survivor’, I’ve never said that outside of a group session and surprised myself when I managed to get the word out so steadily, ‘the work we do is very important to a lot of those in need and with your help we can only make that grow, giving us’, I squeezed Robert’s hand as he started to calm himself, he looked at me with a small side smile letting me know he was feeling better, ‘giving us the ability to aid a hell of a lot more who may need it now or in the future. All abuse is bad and home farm estates does not only look after survivors of one type, but is looking to reach out to all, not just the ones we help now’. Robert is holding my hand so tightly, he glances at me again to give me a delicate, grateful smile, after a moment the woman in her forty speaks, ‘that was very brave of both of you to tell us that, and I for one feel that I don’t need to think any of this over, of coarse I will be helping you and hopefully a lot more people with this’, she thinks for a second, ‘I may have some ideas, if you have time later to discus them’, asking for the paperwork to be sent to her as this was just an informative meeting the two men nodded and asked the same. Jenny sat in front of us now the others had left outlining her ideas, the woman has a brain for business and her thoughts where for the long run, expanding what we did and so on, we left for home feeling good. She’d repeated what she’d said about us being brave and how we should be proud of home farm, never asking personal questions, she told us a story about a business colleague she had once showing her a video of what another company could offer as entertainment thinking it would be something she would be interested in, and how what she saw made he feel sick, she’d dissolved all connections to them after that.

 

It’s been a week since Andy came back, at first it was edgy, no one, not even mum not knowing if their reunion would blow up in our faces, but luckily it hadn’t, Andy stayed calm saying he wanted nothing but to sort their problems out. ‘No Liv or Jacob tonight?’, mum asked as she sat next to me, the pint glass circling in my hand like it had been for the past half hour, still barely touched, ‘Liv’s at a mate’s for the night and Jacob spending time with Vic and Andy’, she smiles knowing that is a good thing. Robert was planning to tell them everything, well not everything but what he was comfortable with and what he was allowed to anyway. Mum returned to work saying she hoped it goes well, when Adam takes her place, ‘since our better half’s are with each other we may as well enjoy our free time, don’t you think’, giving him a look, I don’t have to speak to ask, ‘mum has Lily tonight, we had a date planned, but them all getting together seemed more important don’t you think, darts?’, he asks pointing to the board. Two pints later and totally humiliating Adam at darts, he sits down at the bar defeated, I’m laughing as I have just beat him three times in a row, mum replaces our empties with new ones, ‘you alight love’, I think she’s talking to me, and when I go to say something is when I notice she’s looking behind us. We both turn to see Vic, Adam stands opening his arms for a hug, we can tell she’s been crying, she by-passes him and folds he arms around me so tightly and whispers in my ear, ‘thank you for looking after him’. It takes my breath away, the sentiment, the true feeling of gratitude in her whisper, the warm sensation then turns to something else, where was Robert? Was he okay? Voicing my questions in the same low whisper she pulls away from me, both of us ignoring the baffled faces of our family members, ‘stayed there, said not to worry, he’s fine and will see you at home later…, but, could we?’, she pointed to the back room, looking to mum who’s been watching the whole encounter, she nods. I don’t know exactly what he told them, so I’ll wait to hear it from Vic before I say anything, just as we get behind the bar an angry, upset Andy enters, clearly wanting to shout and scream the thoughts plaguing him. It’s Vic that stops him before he can begin, ordering him into the back, the last thing I heard was Adam saying he guested that things hadn’t gone well then, and mum humming with concern.

Choosing to stay standing behind the sofa, an easy access route if either Andy or my anger flares, I see Vic telling Andy to calm down and think before he speaks in an almost scolding tone. ‘She was right, the whole time, he was there…, with them…, doing that…’, Andy spits out, I understand why he’s angry, did he even listen to realise he wasn’t there doing that by choice like his precious wife was. I don’t respond, let him continue, get it all out, I think, let him vent, but Vic doesn’t let him, what she does next shocks me, there’s tears in her eyes as she slaps him so hard across the face I can feel it from here. ‘Don’t you dare Andy, they forced him, threatened him, made him feel so worthless, he didn’t have a choice’, she wipes her eyes, ‘you…, you said when he finished telling us that you would support him, and then what do you do once we left…, you called him a no good whore, did you not hear a word he said or did your mind stop when your darling Katie’s name was brought up’, she turns to me now, ‘that’s what I wanted to talk to you about, my selfish two-faced brother who doesn’t care about the other, only his bitch of a dead whore’. She’s honestly floored me now, I know how protective she is of her family, but this is a whole new level, I daren’t speak, I see the violence building quickly behind Andy’s eyes, that at any moment could blow. Moving quickly around to stand near the two siblings in case he explodes at Vic, ‘you heard me right Andy, I feel so bad…, so bad for not seeing what she was up to when she came back’, she choked the words out, ‘she was gunning for him even before that…, before any of us knew anything, even Aaron, how vindictive can someone be’. Andy’s stands there stunned, rubbing the deep red mark his sister gave him, she looks like she’s about to break, fall from everything, and she does, I catch her before she can hit the floor and pull her into myself, Andy gone form angry to worried in a nano-second, tries to reach out to her only to be shrugged away. ‘Andy are you as concerned about your brother as you are your sister?’, I ask afraid of the answer, when none comes I continue, ‘I don’t know how much he told you and I’m not going to ask, but he needs your support, both of yours. It may have been a long time ago, but it still hurt, I should know, but for him it’s both physical and phycological, you can’t just turn that off like a switch, what K…Katie did’, I can’t even say her name without hatred, ‘it was deplorable, the things she said that night right before she shot him’, I gulp at the memory, ‘for months that was the only thing I saw every time I closed my eyes, all I knew was that…’, tears well up now, ‘was that he was dead and that she did it…, and that I felt that I couldn’t go on without him’. ‘But he wasn’t was he’, is all Andy says, I can tell all he wants is to console his sister who’s weeping in my arms, ‘no he wasn’t, but I didn’t know that, I wouldn’t have had to feel that if we hadn’t been t=in that situation in the first place, so excuse me if I hate her, that will never stop, you nearly lost your brother because of it and still nothing seems to her fault’, I take in a breath before I get to my point, ‘my point is Robert was hurt well before that, he’s still here for you to rebuild those bridges, he really want’s his family back, for all that hurt between you to heal…, so tell me can you do that, not just for him, but for your sister and yourself’. Andy looked to the floor, the seconds feel like hours, ‘I…,I…,’, he looks at us now, ‘I don’t know, it’s a lot to take in’, he whispers, ‘well, why don’t you go and take it all in then’, I say as I watch him leave through the back door. I move us to the sofa, carefully lowering us down, Vic opens the gap between us, wipes her eyes and looks at me, ‘he told us everything, the white’s. May, all of it’, I doubt it was all of it, there was still things I didn’t know about, things that from the glimpses of his reactions to some things turned my imagination sick. ‘Hey, it wasn’t his fault, or yours for that matter’, I can see she feels guilty, we stayed there for a while, talking about how to help him until a knock on the door sounded, Adam popped his head around the and Vic left me to give her husband a hug, ‘why don’t you get her home, she’s had a long day’, I suggest, he nods and Vic thanks me for the chat saying that it would stay between us, Adam frowns but at the same time gives her an understanding squeeze before bidding the farewells.

 

The invoice in front of me must be laughing as I try to make head or tail of it, the past week seemed longer than it was, Robert told me what he’d told them, the hopeful smile that he was getting his family back killed me inside knowing what I knew. Adam putting the brew down breaks my thoughts, he’s been quiet all week about what may have happened in the pub that day, telling me that Vic’s not said anything, ‘how’s Vic doing?’, I ask as I’ve not seen her properly. After taking a drink he looks at me thoughtfully, ‘yeah, fine…, Andy was there when I came home last night’, I sit up straighter at that, ‘and?’, I ask, ‘don’t know, all I heard was him saying he was sorry and from now on that they where going to be there for each other, all three of them, so that should be a good thing, shouldn’t it?’, he asks curiously. I’m not sure the answer to that, it all depends on if Andy was being honest, I’ll believe it when I see it, ‘let’s hope so hey’, I say.


	50. Turn Out Like Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some of Aaron's insecurity's show

Chapter 50 – Turn Out Like Him

 

Andy was true to his word, in the last few weeks he’s been there, going to family sessions, supporting both sibling through this, he still gets defensive when the wife’s brought up but that’s to be expected I suppose. He at next to me in the pub the other day, apologised for how he was before, for everything, Cain watched on quietly drinking his pint slower than usual. Tracy and Kerry sat at the bar, one looking at there phone, the other reading the paper, ‘Christ, have you seen this’, Kerry shouted to everyone, Tracy glanced over to see what she was on about, reading the full page spread, ‘I don’t believe it’, she said with a gasp, ‘hey Chas, the White’s are dead, both of them’. Both Andy and myself shoot up and go over, the report says that Christie was attacked and a day later her father had hung himself, ‘oh god Andy, I didn’t see you there, are you okay?’, Tracy asks, ‘yeah fine, got what they deserved in the end’, he huffs out and walks away back to our table. Returning to my drink my phone bleeps, opening the text, ‘for the family’, seeing who sent it I gaze up, Cain raising his glass to me, then downs it before he leaves, excusing myself I follow him out. ‘Cain’, I call out, he turns and waits for me, ‘how?’, I ask, he shakes his head, ‘you don’t need to know, but I can tell you this’, he leans in and whispers, ‘that’s all of them’, then walked away from me leaving me dumb struck. I called Robert straight away, he was shaken and didn’t know how to take the news, it was then he told me that May was dead as well, well they say it comes in three’s. 

 

We’d had to be careful since the news of the deaths came out, Jason had called around to speak to us, saying to be on guard in case any of their lackies came looking for me having that I had given evidence against them, but luckily nothing had. We’d just hurried Vic out the door to go on her belated date night with Adam, Lily staying with us over night, it didn’t scare Robert, but it was the longest he had spent with her or any child to look after, so the nerves kicked in as soon as we were alone with the little girl. Two hours later he’d relaxed, sat playing on the floor with her whilst I made tea, ‘ready in five’, I called out only to get ignored, they were both engrossed in the book Robert was reading, Lily sat on his knee pointing at the pictures and him saying what all the animals where. I hate to disturb them, both have the biggest smiles on their faces, in their own little world, repeating myself he looks up at me pulling a frowny face saying to his niece that they would finish it after, putting the book down Lily starts to grab at it, ‘no little miss, food then we’ll finish it’, Robert says standing then they join me at the table. Robert can’t help but smile every so often, when I ask him, he tells how cute my mannerisms are when I’m feed her, grumbling a shut up, Lily giggles along with him, ‘great, now the two of you are ganging up on me’, I say passing her over so I can finish my own food. It’s later when she’s tired and cranky Robert struggles, he’s tried rocking her, rubbing her back, even singing to her poor child, ‘come here’, I suggest taking her from him, instantly she quietens, closes her eyes as I stroke her forehead, ‘wow’, Robert whispers, ‘I’ve been trying for ages, how’d you do that?’, he asks. I put in the travel cot before answering, climbing into bed I give him a kiss, ‘don’t know, had practise with Leo and the rest of the kids in the family I suppose’, he lays his arm across my belly and his head on my shoulder, ‘no, your just a natural, can’t wait to see you with ours’, he whispers as he falls asleep. The Little sleep I got was filled with dreams, some nice, mum and the family celebrating as we bring home the baby, was it a boy or girl, I can’t remember, everyone cheering and taking turn to hold them, both Robert and myself beaming from ear to ear with pride as we watch them. To the most horrible nightmares, everyone from the first dream screaming at me, Robert included, calling the worst father in the world, why did they ever think he could ever look after a child properly when he was just like him, they say pointing behind him, with tears streaming I turn to see Gordon smirking at me as he leans against the wall, ‘no good for anything, see, I was right about you all along’, he sing songs at me. Jolting up right, I look to see Robert no where to be seen, the cot is empty too, panicking I ran out the bedroom to see them both asleep on the sofa, it feels like he doesn’t even trust me in the same room as her while she’s sleeping, shut up, I think to myself, it’s just the nightmare talking, it’s not true, I try to convince myself, picking up a throw, I drape it over them, Lily snuggles into the warmth, while Robert groggily opens his eyes, ‘sorry, didn’t mean to fall asleep’, he explains rubbing his eyes with his free hand, ‘you looked so peaceful when she woke up, thought I’d settle her here then go back’, must have been the good dream then, I think. ‘Aaron are you alright? You look pale’, I tell him I’m fine and suggest we all go back to bed which makes him laugh as he tells me he would if his arm wasn’t dead, carefully taking Lily we return to the bedroom, Lily stays asleep, Robert not far behind her, but I can’t, every time I try I see that smirk and hear his words. Sleep did not come the rest of the night for me, even before Lily awoke, I was there ready having heard her murmurs, I Changed her and sat her in her pram, afraid that if I did anything more I may hurt her somehow. Both Liv and Robert came in at the same time, half seven was early for Liv, didn’t really see her before double digits on the weekend, ‘your up early’, I commented towards her as I let Robert sort Lily’s breakfast and a coffee for himself. Slipping out the chair, I distance myself from the little girl holding her arms up at me, ‘oh, is uncle Aaron being a meanie, don’t worry I’ll tell him off later’, she says jokingly, but I can’t seem to see it like that, mumbling that I’m going for a shower, I hastily retreat from the room, not before seeing the confused looks on their faces.

 

What felt like minutes was actually over an hour, the flow of the water masking the voices beyond the door, closing my eyes I let the spray hit my face, it was just a dream, I repeat over and over in my head hoping it would sink in. The continuous knocking brought me back to reality with a snap, that and the now freezing water, shivering I turn it off, calling out that I would be out in second, checking my phone as I dried myself, I’m shocked to see it was nine o’clock, crap mum would be here soon to talk wedding plans, crunching my head in my hands I grumble out a moan as a wave of exhaustion flows through me. Unfortunately for me mum had decided to come with Vic, who was picking Lily up, she too had decided to talk plans also, both eager to help. When I entered after getting changed I found Vic hugging her daughter, telling her how much she’d missed her, ‘it was one night sis’, Robert says rolling his eyes, ‘and she was fine, loved spending time with her uncle’s and auntie, didn’t you’, the last part spoken sweetly at his niece. Vic smiled glancing between the three of us, wavering when she got to me, ‘god, you look knackered, she didn’t keep you up did she? She usually sleeps really well’, shaking my head I just say I didn’t sleep very well. Mum comes up to me concerned, cups my face in her hands and looks into my tired eyes, ‘are you sure love?’, she knows me far too well, even though I’m trying to hide it see can see right through me, ‘we can leave this ‘til tomorrow if you want’, shaking my head I tell her I have too much work on then and all I need is a good cup of coffee too keep me going. It takes three cups to get me there, slips of paper scattered across the table, all of them eager to put their opinions in the mix, which venue for the reception, where we would like the ceremony, neither of us are church goers so we both voided that idea. Robert squeezed my hand as I once again held up the different venues, all of them where so far from home, all we wanted was a simple ceremony and a small family gathering, not the grand hall the girls brought us to look at, who’s day was it anyway. ‘How about this’, Robert then whispers in my ear, unable to stop from smiling I turn to him, ‘perfect’, I say softly, the others say they don’t understand way it is perfect but if that’s what we want then we’ll have it, their getting giddy now at the thought of decorating, I groan when their attention goes to every tiny detail, down to the colour of the napkins. Lily gurgles chewing on a toy, giggles when the others coo over her, I can’t bring myself to join in, his words once again in my head, excusing myself I say I need the bathroom, after that much coffee I do need to go, I’m stopped by Robert when I come out who leads me to our room, ‘Aaron, what’s wrong?’, he asks holding my hands, ‘you’ve been off with Lily all morning’, not knowing what to say I don’t say anything at all, ‘you can tell me anything you know that’. He walks us over to our bed and pats it as he sits down, sitting next to him I fiddle with my hands, ‘I just don’t want to hurt her’, I don’t why I said it, it just came out, avoiding his eyes as I did, ‘hurt her’, he says softly, ‘why do you think you’ll do that?’, the concern in his voice making me more nervous. He asks me to wait there, leaves then returns soon after, ‘I told them we’ll finish it all another day, that your really tired, which you are’, I can’t argue with that my eyes have slowly been shutting for ages, pulling me down to the mattress he lays behind me, his arms secure around me, mum calls from the other room saying for me to get some shut eye and she’ll see me later, then we hear the front door close, ‘talk to me’, he whispers, gently rubbing circles on my arm, sighing I say it’s nothing, that I just need some sleep, he kisses the back of my head, holds me until I drift off. I awoke in a shot, it was there again, that grin, those words, Robert’s right there by my side this time, his words trying to calm me, ‘do you remember what you said last night?’, I ask in a whisper, he not sure what I’m on about, ‘when you were falling asleep, you said something about when we have our own’, I see he remembers now. ‘Is that what’s scared you, Aaron I would love to have children with you, but only if you want them too’, he lifts my head to look at him, ‘if it’s not then as long as I have you I’ll be happy’, I don’t want him to put aside what he wants to be with me, hell I’d love kids but I’m so afraid I’d be like that thing, ‘it’s not that’, I say, ‘I would love kids one day, but…, the thing is…, what if I turn out like him, what if I hurt them on one way or another’. He doesn’t respond straight away, instead he pulls me into a hug, ‘your nothing like him, you never will be’, he parts as I stiffen up, ‘your Aaron Dingle, a loving caring person, your not a monster like him, do you hear me’, I’m crying now, ‘I just…’, he stops me, wipes away my tears, ‘we’ll get through this together, no matter what your afraid of’, he holds me again and lets me cry.

 

The last week has been hard, mum’s been curious about what was wrong with me that day, I stuck to Robert’s story saying I was tired, we had managed to sit again and hash out details, Sandra’s doctors had rung the other day saying she would be able to visit, Liv was so happy she jumped around the living room. So we’ve been sorting out the second flat, so much has been going on we’ve never gotten ‘round to it, she can stay there while she’s here, giving her and Liv time together on their own, sitting down with a brew we look at our handy work, the place looks good and I have had a thought for it, but will have to talk to Robert about it later. Mum and Liv had flown over yesterday to come back with Sandra later today, there’s not much of a kitchen but she can eat at ours or the pub, whichever I don’t mind, the bedroom all set, the bed having been delivered early, so now it’s all done the nerves are kicking in, knowing what the courses of Sandra’s problems were, and one of them being me, or rather what he did to me, the guilt that ate her up for years, I don’t now how she will react to me outside of the clinic. ‘She’ll love it’, Robert says finishing his brew, ‘I had a thought…, you can say no…,’ he fumbles out, ‘go on’, I say, he suggests the very same thing I was going to say to him, agreeing with him I say that I had had the same idea, now all we can do is wait.


	51. Want To Be Close

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is not how I planned it, somehow it changed half way through, just hope it works out right

Chapter 51 – Want To Be Close

 

Octopus arms swam around me as I woke, pulling me closer into their warm body, into a loving cocoon, lacing my fingers with his I lightly kissed his knuckles getting a gentle squeeze back as I did. Getting disturbed by the buzz of our alarm I groaned, the flight from Ireland had been cancelled yesterday, meaning we had more time to do stuff in the other flat, finally falling into bed around three in the morning. He nudged me sleepily saying we should eat before heading to the airport, I commented on how it was too early for this and the need for a whole lot of coffee before anything, loosening his hold Robert rolled me so I was facing him, kissed me, ghosting really on my lips, smiling I kissed him back enjoying the peace and quiet before the place would become full again. Flopping onto my back when he left our bed saying we should defiantly be getting up now, I closed my eyes, was I ready to see her, was she ready to see me for that matter, well I guess we’ll find out soon enough, I don’t know why I’m so afraid all of a sudden. I mean it wasn’t her fault, she never knew the truth of it back then, I know she suspected something, but that bastard was so good at covering his own back, by making me scared to tell anyone and the strength of his lies that seemed so solid at the time, looking back they were laughable. After a half-rushed breakfast Robert dragged me towards to door, giggling when I said we still had loads of time, it was a good job we did as the traffic was terrible, cues and cues of cars stretched at for miles ahead of us. Further up the road the cause of our delay became clear, a broken-down lorry with its end drifted between two lanes, two mechanics rushed to try and fix the problem, ‘you alright?’, he asked me, I glanced to him then back to the road, ‘yeah, why wouldn’t I be’, I sped up now the lanes cleared ahead, he didn’t seem convinced of my answer though. 

 

We drove in silence the rest of the way, speaking when we parked the car, ‘what you worried about, how Liv will be, or Sandra?’, he asked when we got to their gate, I sighed because I knew he’d want an answer, ‘I don’t know, both really. I’ve only seen Sandra at the clinic, what if she can’t handle being around me out of there’, Robert put his arm around me and kissed the top of my head, not needing to say anything, I could feel his support and reassurance flow from him. We heard Liv before we saw her, she squealed, bounding to us, dragging into her arms at the same time, simultaneously we ruffled her hair, she pulled away pouting at us as she fixed it, ‘tell you what Liv, I’ll just carry your stuff as well as my own shall I’ mum called from behind her, turning she shrugged her shoulders as she took them off her. It was mum’s turn to stop and hug us then, patting my shoulder at the end she glanced to Sandra who stood nervously with Liv, Robert held his hand out to her, he’d gone over with us, but not actually met her in person. ‘Nice to meet you Sandra, I’m Jacob’, their was a pause before the name, me, mum and Liv held our breath for a second hoping he wouldn’t slip up, we’d agreed to tell her something, ‘lovely to meet you to, I’ve heard a lot about you, got a friend for life here, with my little rabbit’, she said pointing to Liv, who’d gone red, it was either from the comment about Robert or the little rabbit part. Stepping closer, neither me or Sandra knew what to do, in the end a small quick hug, she whispered to me how thankful she was to me for looking out for Liv, smiling back I told her I would always be there for her. My faded a bit from this, taking her bags for her we started for the car, Robert offered to get mums, she refused seeing he was limping slightly, his leg had been playing after doing the flat up, I’d told him to take it easy but he’s as head strong as me on somethings. Sandra asked if he was okay, he just said it happened sometimes. All three refused his offer of the front seat so he could stretch his leg, he grumbled but didn’t argue back all the same, the four adults in the car didn’t have talk on the way back home, as Liv chatted away, pointing out things to her mum on the drive, as well as babbling on about all the stuff we could all do together while she was here.

 

‘Wow, this place is great, you’ve it done up well’, Sandra said as she looked around the open plan living area, ‘where should I put my bags?’, I placed them next to the front door saying let’s have a brew first, Robert went to start them, only for Liv to shoo him away ordering him to sit. Mum stayed for one then said she needed to get back to see what damage Charity had done in her absence, giving us all a kiss and hug she bid us farewell telling Sandra to come over tomorrow and the meal will be on her. Liv asked about sleeping arrangements, saying her mum could have her room and she’d take the sofa, ‘you could, or if the two of you want we sorted the other flat, kitchens not workable but everything else ism it’ll give you some time together without us getting in the way, the offers there if you want it, otherwise we’ll go with Liv’s idea’, Robert said hoping he hadn’t made it sound like we didn’t want her here. They said they would like to stay here tonight and look at the flat tomorrow, when Sandra and I were alone doing the dishes after tea she admitted that she felt good to be around company and not stuck in one room all night, that just being able to wonder felt freeing, I understand that from when Robert came home from the unit, everyone smothered him, when at times he needed to roam without being followed about. The others hadn’t got it, but I did, they had done the same to me when it all came out about Gordon and the suicide attempt, Adam helped me like I helped Robert, now it was our turn to help another. She then asked if she and I could talk alone, not now but soon, she was nervous now concentrating on drying the plate instead of looking at me, pausing whilst I held the last one, I let it slide back into the water, dried my hands and took the now well dry plate from her hands and put it on the counter. Turning to her I told when she was ready I’d be here ready to listen, she gulped in relief, ‘now it’s time for me to admit something, I’ve been so nervous about seeing you, here I mean, after last time where here, why you where here, I was worried it would bring back memories neither of us would want’, it’s my turn to gulp and wait for a response. Sandra smiled and held my hand, ‘I was scared about that as well, but now I see what you’ve made of your life here, the home you’ve built for yourself and Jacob, your business, I’m so proud of you and your accomplishments’, she took my other hand in hers, ‘your strong and your brave, remember that’. My eyes were wet with unshed tears when we heard it, Liv’s booming voice, ‘Robert!!!, give me the remote control, where not watching that film again’, shit, I think to myself, we haven’t gotten to that subject yet, ‘erm, to the outside world he’s Jacob, but at home he prefers his middle name, it’s what his mum used to call him when he was younger’, she nodded an okay, didn’t ask anything else, quietly was resumed doing the dishes. 

 

In the end Sandra said that she would sleep on the sofa, not wanting Liv to lose her bed, my sleep was restless, my mind unable to close off, I quietly crept through to the kitchen for a glass of water when I jumped out of my skin from hearing my name called. ‘Sorry’, she whispered, ‘didn’t mean to startle you’, after getting my drink I sat in the closest chair to her, ‘don’t worry about it, thought you were asleep’, I watched her as I took a sip, she in turn watched me. ‘Couldn’t sleep?’, she asked, I nodded asking her the same, she sighed, picked up the papers in front of her that she had been reading, ‘they gave me these before we left, information on help groups, counselling services here if I need them, along with the one they set me up with, I have to meet them tomorrow evening’, she shook her head, ‘all I want to do is be a mum to Liv again, and I know I have to go back, but I don’t want to leave her again’, she looked like she was waiting for me to interrupt, I nodded for her to continue. ‘They say I’m doing really well…’, she gulp, her eyes filled with fear as she went on, ‘so well that I can leave there, with out-patient appointment of cause, I…, I asked about the possibility of moving back over, to be close to Liv, but…’, she was struggling to get her words out, gulping again she came out with it, ‘I’d understand if you don’t want me nearby, I don’t want to open old wounds…’. I stopped her there, ‘you want to be near Liv, be in her life, believe me I want that to, and as for me those wounds will always be there, but I’ve ways of dealing with them, and if you think it would be you opening them your wrong’, she looked away from me, so I turned her head to face me, ‘I would never hold that against you, do you think I would have been able to come see at the centre if I did, or even have you stay here’, I shake my head, ‘you’re here now, so why don’t we see about keeping it that way’, moving over I hugged her, tears of relief hitting my shoulder as she held on tight. Once calmed I released her, wiped her tears, suggested we both get some sleep and talk more tomorrow, that I would drive her into town, just us, that I’d be there for her every step of the way I could.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments always welcomed
> 
> I gained permission to use the organisation in this, there are others out there also :-
> 
>  
> 
> \- thesurvivorstrust.org (this site has information on the ones below and more)
> 
> We are funding face-to-face support in 12 centres across England and Wales.  
> 1\. Sunderland Counselling Service  
>  2\. Barnsley Sexual Abuse & Rape Crisis Service   
> 3\. Survivors, Manchester   
> 4\. Rotherham Women’s Counsel and Pitstop for Men   
> 5\. Rape and Sexual Abuse Centre, Wirral 6. Axis Counselling, Shrewsbury  
> 7\. Safeline, Warwickshire  
> 8\. New Pathways, Merthyr Tydfil   
> 9\. The Green House, Bristol 10. Southampton Rape Crisis  
> 11\. Survivors UK, London  
> 12\. Mankind, East Sussex


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